Class of September 2013 part 4
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
Hi All, sorry I've been unable to post. It will be extra spotty for a week or so too till I have settlement and move. I'm relocating to a nearby town. A direct result of sobriety and a total miracle. They told me miracles were waiting if I stayed sober. I was skeptical but not anymore! So stay strong and keep your eyes on the sober prize. Even if you don't know what that is yet.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 126
Hi all! Day 18 here. I feel OK in regards to not drinking. Wish my energy levels were higher. I'm feeling very distraught over what feel like a lack of progress in healing my relationship with my fiancé. I understand I've hurt her deep. It has also been 18 days since the last incident we had. I'm not sure why I have invested so much of my happiness and who I am in her. I really need to learn to let go and do other things without thinking of her all the time.
So much easier said than done. I feel distracted and irritated all the time, wondering where our relationship is going to go. It does make me want to drink. But I know that wouldn't help, and it would prove to my fiancé that I'm weak. When I think about what I want, a big part of it is to be in a relationship with her. But if I were to know for sure it wouldn't work out, I'm not sure how I would act differently. Does anyone have any stories of surviving a break up or broken heart to share. It's always nice to see that people survive, move on, and often thrive after the end of a messy relationship.
On the positive side - congrats to everyone that is notching another day of sobriety on their belt. This is a great group. So much to keep up with. I will be checking throughout the day and hope to post a few more. FYI I am going to a concert with F tonight and I know she will be drinking. That won't affect my desire to drink. I will check in before leaving to the concert.
Lorelei my thoughts are with you. Hope all goes well.
So much easier said than done. I feel distracted and irritated all the time, wondering where our relationship is going to go. It does make me want to drink. But I know that wouldn't help, and it would prove to my fiancé that I'm weak. When I think about what I want, a big part of it is to be in a relationship with her. But if I were to know for sure it wouldn't work out, I'm not sure how I would act differently. Does anyone have any stories of surviving a break up or broken heart to share. It's always nice to see that people survive, move on, and often thrive after the end of a messy relationship.
On the positive side - congrats to everyone that is notching another day of sobriety on their belt. This is a great group. So much to keep up with. I will be checking throughout the day and hope to post a few more. FYI I am going to a concert with F tonight and I know she will be drinking. That won't affect my desire to drink. I will check in before leaving to the concert.
Lorelei my thoughts are with you. Hope all goes well.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 315
Hang in there
Yoctopus I can't say my situation is the same, but one of my fears with sobriety (just on day 7) is what a clear view of the relationships in my life will look like. Even before I quit I had recognized some toxic relationships I needed to cut out, unfortunately I'm related to them. I have really had to distance myself from my sister who I was very close to. I know it isn't easy, but hang in there and enjoy the concert!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,397
Originally Posted by abwvu1 
Gotta stay on point. I didn't choose to quit. My 2nd DUI chose it for me.
Just gotta get enough assistance that when the rehab and antabuse are gone and done the real fight to stay sober forever begins.
The doc said it best tonight "nobody likes to collect DUIs"
Just gotta get enough assistance that when the rehab and antabuse are gone and done the real fight to stay sober forever begins.
The doc said it best tonight "nobody likes to collect DUIs"
I stand by what I said: You're still on the right path, regardless of your reasons for doing this. And... you're using/trying lots of tools. Most importantly, this is your second (or third) chance to find true happiness...to be content without relying on any other "substance" other than life itself. It's not all roses, but there's sure enough good in it. Believe in yourself, abwvu1, and focus on your gifts and your potential rather than on what might feel like an imposed sentence.
I think most of the work we need to do most is in our heads. No one wants to give up his/her liquid "reward," "comfort," or admit that it's harmful to us or anyone else. I still see a therapist even though I've identified and dealt with a good many issues, because I'll always have more.
This is a journey, and I'm so glad you're on it too.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 126
ChrisBen - thanks for the kind words. The more I think about how I live out my life and relationships, the more I think I am codependent. I grew up in a very troubled house and I think the impact of my parents relationship has directly influenced my course. I need to think about it more. I have a counseling appointment on Thursday that I am really looking forward to exploring these issues more. Why would someone put their happiness in the hands of others? I can't think of a good reason, but I have. Hmmm.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Yoctopus, I may be off here, but I think your fiance is sounding a bit manipulative. If she wanted you to be sober, she could skip the drinking for a short time to support you, no? If she has no drinking problem of her own, it seems like no big deal.
I say that as the wife of a drinking husband, but he has never demanded or even asked that I quit and we have never had an argument about my drinking. Only his, when he has driven after drinking too much, IMO.
I think she is trying to exert some control, by letting you come over, but not letting you get close, etc... I would think that is hard and confusing to you. But, I do think you have said you go together to the therapy as well? It is good you two work out your personal issues before moving on to marriage.
And well done on your sobriety!
I say that as the wife of a drinking husband, but he has never demanded or even asked that I quit and we have never had an argument about my drinking. Only his, when he has driven after drinking too much, IMO.
I think she is trying to exert some control, by letting you come over, but not letting you get close, etc... I would think that is hard and confusing to you. But, I do think you have said you go together to the therapy as well? It is good you two work out your personal issues before moving on to marriage.
And well done on your sobriety!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 126
Rochele - well said and much appreciated. I agree with your analysis on the drinking. I'm sure she would say that she isn't the one with the problem so why should she suffer. She stopped drinking the first 2 or 3 days and then went right back. The truth is, she might drink too much, but she doesn't behave the same way I do.
The other piece of advice I see everywhere that I am trying hard to follow is that I need to focus on myself and not her. So if she has a drinking problem that is her issue - I am telling myself. I know I need to make a list of things I do and don't like about our relationship. I have made her into some perfect being that I couldn't live without, but we all know that isn't true. Our relationship is far from perfect.
As a one time divorcee already, I definetely don't plan to move forward with marriage until our issues are straight. It isn't looking good, that's why I'm trying to wrap my mind around weather 18 days is long or short in terms of forgivenss? For full disclosure, I was violent when we had our last drunken fight. I know this is wrong. I am sad and sorry that I did this. I ask everyone for forgiveness that I have done this. It is inexcusable. I have always been the person who says men who are violent are weak and ignorant. Argh, so much to work on for myself, I shouldn't even begin to think about how I can be in a healthy relationship with others. OK, that's my rant for the morning. Thanks all!
The other piece of advice I see everywhere that I am trying hard to follow is that I need to focus on myself and not her. So if she has a drinking problem that is her issue - I am telling myself. I know I need to make a list of things I do and don't like about our relationship. I have made her into some perfect being that I couldn't live without, but we all know that isn't true. Our relationship is far from perfect.
As a one time divorcee already, I definetely don't plan to move forward with marriage until our issues are straight. It isn't looking good, that's why I'm trying to wrap my mind around weather 18 days is long or short in terms of forgivenss? For full disclosure, I was violent when we had our last drunken fight. I know this is wrong. I am sad and sorry that I did this. I ask everyone for forgiveness that I have done this. It is inexcusable. I have always been the person who says men who are violent are weak and ignorant. Argh, so much to work on for myself, I shouldn't even begin to think about how I can be in a healthy relationship with others. OK, that's my rant for the morning. Thanks all!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Morgantown, WV
Posts: 48
Originally Posted by NewLeaf
Well then ... imho... you're lucky. Lucky you (and others) are still alive today.
I stand by what I said: You're still on the right path, regardless of your reasons for doing this. And... you're using/trying lots of tools. Most importantly, this is your second (or third) chance to find true happiness...to be content without relying on any other "substance" other than life itself. It's not all roses, but there's sure enough good in it. Believe in yourself, abwvu1, and focus on your gifts and your potential rather than on what might feel like an imposed sentence.
I think most of the work we need to do most is in our heads. No one wants to give up his/her liquid "reward," "comfort," or admit that it's harmful to us or anyone else. I still see a therapist even though I've identified and dealt with a good many issues, because I'll always have more.
This is a journey, and I'm so glad you're on it too.
I stand by what I said: You're still on the right path, regardless of your reasons for doing this. And... you're using/trying lots of tools. Most importantly, this is your second (or third) chance to find true happiness...to be content without relying on any other "substance" other than life itself. It's not all roses, but there's sure enough good in it. Believe in yourself, abwvu1, and focus on your gifts and your potential rather than on what might feel like an imposed sentence.
I think most of the work we need to do most is in our heads. No one wants to give up his/her liquid "reward," "comfort," or admit that it's harmful to us or anyone else. I still see a therapist even though I've identified and dealt with a good many issues, because I'll always have more.
This is a journey, and I'm so glad you're on it too.
But I wouldn't have met the right supportive people during my struggles to stay completely sober and eventually make this process finally work.
I'm sure we all know what heroin and coke could do to us if we tried it (overdose bein the worst result) I just need to make sure and stick with the fact what alcohol will do the same thing but more progressively bad. Have to keep that in mind.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Abw, it is a mixed message society gets on alcohol. It is so addictive and unhealthy yet advertised and a integral part of our economy. it is not going anywhere, even though it kills millions. It kills directly, through cirrhosis and diabetes, and other ailments, and also through violence and accidents. My own father-in-law died of a cerebral hemorrhage from a drunken fall. Left his wife with 6 kids alone to raise them, and no money.
Not really much to like about it when you look at that side of things. Makes me marvel at how my dh drinks. But, my own mother was an alcoholic and I marvel at how I drank.
Not really much to like about it when you look at that side of things. Makes me marvel at how my dh drinks. But, my own mother was an alcoholic and I marvel at how I drank.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 776
~~~Food For Thought ~ Weekday Edition~~~
~~~ Be True 2 Yourself ~ Part 1~~~
1. Appreciate Life
Be thankful that you woke up alive each morning. Develop a childlike sense of wonder towards life. Focus on the beauty of every living thing. Make the most of each day. Don’t take anything for granted. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
2. Choose Friends Wisely
Surround yourself with happy, positive people who share your values and goals. Friends that have the same ethics as you will encourage you to achieve your dreams. They help you to feel good about yourself. They are there to lend a helping hand when needed.
3. Be Considerate
Accept others for who they are as well as where they are in life. Respect them for who they are. Touch them with a kind and generous spirit. Help when you are able, without trying to change the other person. Try to brighten the day of everyone you come into contact with.
4. Learn Continuously
Keep up to date with the latest news regarding your career and hobbies. Try new and daring things that has sparked your interest – such as dancing, skiing, surfing or sky-diving.
5. Creative Problem Solving
Don’t wallow in self-pity. As soon as you face a challenge get busy finding a solution. Don’t let the set backs affect your mood, instead see each new obstacle you face as an opportunity to make a positive change. Learn to trust your gut instincts – it’s almost always right.
6. Do What They Love
Some statistics show that 80% of people dislike their jobs! No wonder there’s so many unhappy people running around. We spend a great deal of our life working. Choose a career that you enjoy – the extra money of a job you detest isn’t worth it. Make time to enjoy your hobbies and pursue special interests.
7. Enjoy Life
Take the time to see the beauty around you. There’s more to life than work. Take time to smell the roses, watch a sunset or sunrise with a loved one, take a walk along the seashore, hike in the woods etc. Learn to live in the present moment and cherish it. Don’t live in the past or the future.
I have a stacked schedule so will check in later. Day 23 Awaits...#IMAFINISHER
~~~ Be True 2 Yourself ~ Part 1~~~
1. Appreciate Life
Be thankful that you woke up alive each morning. Develop a childlike sense of wonder towards life. Focus on the beauty of every living thing. Make the most of each day. Don’t take anything for granted. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
2. Choose Friends Wisely
Surround yourself with happy, positive people who share your values and goals. Friends that have the same ethics as you will encourage you to achieve your dreams. They help you to feel good about yourself. They are there to lend a helping hand when needed.
3. Be Considerate
Accept others for who they are as well as where they are in life. Respect them for who they are. Touch them with a kind and generous spirit. Help when you are able, without trying to change the other person. Try to brighten the day of everyone you come into contact with.
4. Learn Continuously
Keep up to date with the latest news regarding your career and hobbies. Try new and daring things that has sparked your interest – such as dancing, skiing, surfing or sky-diving.
5. Creative Problem Solving
Don’t wallow in self-pity. As soon as you face a challenge get busy finding a solution. Don’t let the set backs affect your mood, instead see each new obstacle you face as an opportunity to make a positive change. Learn to trust your gut instincts – it’s almost always right.
6. Do What They Love
Some statistics show that 80% of people dislike their jobs! No wonder there’s so many unhappy people running around. We spend a great deal of our life working. Choose a career that you enjoy – the extra money of a job you detest isn’t worth it. Make time to enjoy your hobbies and pursue special interests.
7. Enjoy Life
Take the time to see the beauty around you. There’s more to life than work. Take time to smell the roses, watch a sunset or sunrise with a loved one, take a walk along the seashore, hike in the woods etc. Learn to live in the present moment and cherish it. Don’t live in the past or the future.
I have a stacked schedule so will check in later. Day 23 Awaits...#IMAFINISHER
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Newcastle
Posts: 908
Originally Posted by lorelei
well done G you have done brill, what an achievement!
thank you as well, just getting ready to leave, have you decided about the job? x
thank you as well, just getting ready to leave, have you decided about the job? x
Just need to pass the background checks which takes around 2 weeks. Bit worried about one of my references (my past boss was a nightmare), but I've let them know and I know my other former employers will sing my praises, so fingers crossed
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,129
Yoctopus, I'm interested in hearing your experiences as this plays out. There's stuff in your post that hits home for me.
As for me, I'm on day 16 and I'm looking at my bf all of a sudden like, who the heck are you? I've left the room a few times the last few days bc I have heard him chewing his food and I've had visions of throwing the bowl against the wall so I don't have to hear the cow cud lip-smacking grossness. He is getting on every last nerve I have.
In addition, he finishes a bottle of whiskey roughly every three days. He drinks it at night on the rocks. He has drank every night since I quit. He has always drank like this but i always drank more or drank away from him. I know when he drinks there is no point in talking aout anything of worth because he gets a verbal mean streak. I've learned to just be quiet when he drinks and go do something in another room. I learned to do this with my Mom when I was a kid when I figured out how drinkng changed her behavior.
The only thing I've told him about me quitting is when I out for pizza with a friend last week. I told him, 'well, wish me luck.' He says why? I told him because I'm meeting my friend and I can't drink. And he said, 'you can drink. Just have a few, don't get wasted.' And I told him, 'NO. I. CAN'T. DRINK.' We haven't spoken about it since. Every evening he goes for the whiskey and I make a huge pot of chamomile.
I think I have so much anger in general, so I want to make sure I'm not projecting on him and using him as some convenient target. I want to make my recovery fully about myself. I think I walk around mentally itching for a fight and I know that's unfair. So I've been keeping my mouth shut. I'm no prize in the bad temper department.
He was violent with me during a drunken argument a few months back. I wasn't drunk, he was. He was mad at me but he drank a whole bottle of whiskey instead of talking to me about it. He kicked me in the back when he caught me taking pictures of the guest room/my office area that he had completely destroyed because he was mad at me. Cops came. I moved out. Didn't press charges. We've made up since then but it has isolated me from my best friend who helped me get out of there. I have my own place now but I never stay there and I haven't even unpacked in 4 months of renting there. We were engaged until that day.
I think I could use some support/opinions.
I want to be fair to him and not make him the automatic bad guy just because I am getting sober. But I look at our relationship and I see the following negatives: not much physical affection unless I initiate, he often cuts off my ideas or suggestions regarding his health, I never feel comfortable bringing up anything that may be making me feel uncomfortable about us because I am afraid he will scream or worse, and because I drank so long and acted like an idiot, he kind of treats me like a dummy. It's like he's decided he's the boss of us and my opinions/thoughts are obviously going to be second place. I'm sick of his random, rude comments.
I hate knowing I can't go to him and say, 'honey, can we talk about xxxxxx (whatever subject)? He thinks clearing the air or even just checking in verbally about the relationship is weak and stupid.
In my new sobriety, he's not looking that great to me. I'm kind of looking at him like, 'is this all there is?' So I guess I'm wondering if this is a normal part of new sobriety or if I'm just projecting anger and making him a target, or if I need to only focus on myself and give him space to be himself.
Thanks in advance for any thoughts...
As for me, I'm on day 16 and I'm looking at my bf all of a sudden like, who the heck are you? I've left the room a few times the last few days bc I have heard him chewing his food and I've had visions of throwing the bowl against the wall so I don't have to hear the cow cud lip-smacking grossness. He is getting on every last nerve I have.
In addition, he finishes a bottle of whiskey roughly every three days. He drinks it at night on the rocks. He has drank every night since I quit. He has always drank like this but i always drank more or drank away from him. I know when he drinks there is no point in talking aout anything of worth because he gets a verbal mean streak. I've learned to just be quiet when he drinks and go do something in another room. I learned to do this with my Mom when I was a kid when I figured out how drinkng changed her behavior.
The only thing I've told him about me quitting is when I out for pizza with a friend last week. I told him, 'well, wish me luck.' He says why? I told him because I'm meeting my friend and I can't drink. And he said, 'you can drink. Just have a few, don't get wasted.' And I told him, 'NO. I. CAN'T. DRINK.' We haven't spoken about it since. Every evening he goes for the whiskey and I make a huge pot of chamomile.
I think I have so much anger in general, so I want to make sure I'm not projecting on him and using him as some convenient target. I want to make my recovery fully about myself. I think I walk around mentally itching for a fight and I know that's unfair. So I've been keeping my mouth shut. I'm no prize in the bad temper department.
He was violent with me during a drunken argument a few months back. I wasn't drunk, he was. He was mad at me but he drank a whole bottle of whiskey instead of talking to me about it. He kicked me in the back when he caught me taking pictures of the guest room/my office area that he had completely destroyed because he was mad at me. Cops came. I moved out. Didn't press charges. We've made up since then but it has isolated me from my best friend who helped me get out of there. I have my own place now but I never stay there and I haven't even unpacked in 4 months of renting there. We were engaged until that day.
I think I could use some support/opinions.
I want to be fair to him and not make him the automatic bad guy just because I am getting sober. But I look at our relationship and I see the following negatives: not much physical affection unless I initiate, he often cuts off my ideas or suggestions regarding his health, I never feel comfortable bringing up anything that may be making me feel uncomfortable about us because I am afraid he will scream or worse, and because I drank so long and acted like an idiot, he kind of treats me like a dummy. It's like he's decided he's the boss of us and my opinions/thoughts are obviously going to be second place. I'm sick of his random, rude comments.
I hate knowing I can't go to him and say, 'honey, can we talk about xxxxxx (whatever subject)? He thinks clearing the air or even just checking in verbally about the relationship is weak and stupid.
In my new sobriety, he's not looking that great to me. I'm kind of looking at him like, 'is this all there is?' So I guess I'm wondering if this is a normal part of new sobriety or if I'm just projecting anger and making him a target, or if I need to only focus on myself and give him space to be himself.
Thanks in advance for any thoughts...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Honestly, Melina, he is no prize, from your description. He sounds angry and drunk. And just because you were, does not mean you have to settle for someone like that. If I were you, I think I would be looking to spend more peaceful, reflective time in your apartment that you have. How can you work on your anger when you live around all of his?
I know I complain that my hubby drinks around me, but I have no tasked him to stop. I think he has a problem. But he is a great dad, coaches the kids in sports, does tons of stuff for them and at home, and makes a good living supporting us. While we could have more romance and intimacy(emotionally, not just physically), we have a 18+ year marriage and are good parenting partners and I do love him, and he is nice. We are good friends.
Someone you have a relationship has to have something they bring to it. It is not about tolerating one another, but appreciating one another.
I find lists are good. Looking at what is good vs what is bad about a situation. You should see more good things. Many more good things.
I hope I am not overstepping. I just think you deserve better and he may hold you back from your recovery. The way he will not allow any discussions.
I know I complain that my hubby drinks around me, but I have no tasked him to stop. I think he has a problem. But he is a great dad, coaches the kids in sports, does tons of stuff for them and at home, and makes a good living supporting us. While we could have more romance and intimacy(emotionally, not just physically), we have a 18+ year marriage and are good parenting partners and I do love him, and he is nice. We are good friends.
Someone you have a relationship has to have something they bring to it. It is not about tolerating one another, but appreciating one another.
I find lists are good. Looking at what is good vs what is bad about a situation. You should see more good things. Many more good things.
I hope I am not overstepping. I just think you deserve better and he may hold you back from your recovery. The way he will not allow any discussions.
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 567
My hubby used to drink he was not a nice drunk his personality flipped he became a total idiot. Tried to hit me once but missed ha!! I've put him on trains to his brother (total idiot again when drunk which is most of the time ) and once had to drag him off a main road where he passed out.
That was 6 years ago he hasn't or doesn't want to drink at all he's now the nicest most caring person I know my rock. I think though if he hadn't been in the navy and away a lot of the time our relationship wouldn't have survived I couldn't take his drinking any longer and being sober for a six month deployment when peer pressure was huge give me the faith to believe he was serious about not drinking.
More than that he had to do it because he wanted to do it not because of anything or anyone else.
Funny he doesn't see I have a problem because I don't get in the states he or his brother does he likes me to drink wine I moan less at the stuff he puts on TV lol. It also is why it took me so long to realise me and alcohol don't mix.
Hope this helps everyone is different I would say go to your apartment have some breathing space work on you xx
That was 6 years ago he hasn't or doesn't want to drink at all he's now the nicest most caring person I know my rock. I think though if he hadn't been in the navy and away a lot of the time our relationship wouldn't have survived I couldn't take his drinking any longer and being sober for a six month deployment when peer pressure was huge give me the faith to believe he was serious about not drinking.
More than that he had to do it because he wanted to do it not because of anything or anyone else.
Funny he doesn't see I have a problem because I don't get in the states he or his brother does he likes me to drink wine I moan less at the stuff he puts on TV lol. It also is why it took me so long to realise me and alcohol don't mix.
Hope this helps everyone is different I would say go to your apartment have some breathing space work on you xx
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Malta
Posts: 169
Hello everyone, here I am in my mid-day 4...things are getting a bit better after last Saturdays binge festival. When I'm not working I'm trying to spend as much as I can time with my wife and daughter, not that I'll pay them back for what I did in the past but at least I'm not complicating things more.
Hope you are all living your lives sober and happy, I'll catch up later at the end of this day.
Hope you are all living your lives sober and happy, I'll catch up later at the end of this day.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 539
Day 5. It's going good. Except my husband quit chewing 3 days ago and is an ABSOLUTE MONSTER. Like walk on eggshells around him, get the kids out of his hair, and don't say a thing. Worst timing ever when I could really use his help, patience, and support. But there is no way I'm gonna tell him to "reschedule" hiq quit when he's been trying to quit forever. Ugh. At least I can say it on here MY HUSBAND IS BEING A ***K.
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
I personally found it impossible to live with a drinker/alcoholic while I was sober. I know I'm codependent and that I get too wrapped up in what they are doing and lose the focus on my own recovery and well-being. Codependency is it's own hellish kind of addiction; your drug of choice is another person.
I tried for 6 years to make my last relationship work and just couldn't do it. I tried to detach from what he was doing, but it was extremely difficult for me while living with him. His drinking drove me crazy and he had a very mean mouth when drunk. The day I lost control of myself enough to hit him, was the day I knew it was over. I realized that it was going to always hurt to be with him or I could just make the leap and suffer the one big hurt of breaking up and be done with it.
I managed to stay sober through all that by going to lots of AA meetings and hanging out with recovering people. Melody Beattie's books also helped me a lot and so did Al-Anon.
I tried for 6 years to make my last relationship work and just couldn't do it. I tried to detach from what he was doing, but it was extremely difficult for me while living with him. His drinking drove me crazy and he had a very mean mouth when drunk. The day I lost control of myself enough to hit him, was the day I knew it was over. I realized that it was going to always hurt to be with him or I could just make the leap and suffer the one big hurt of breaking up and be done with it.
I managed to stay sober through all that by going to lots of AA meetings and hanging out with recovering people. Melody Beattie's books also helped me a lot and so did Al-Anon.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 126
Madbird - could you tell me a bit more about Melody Beattie's books. Were they good for you as a codependent person to improve yourself? I mean, did they do more than just point out that you are codependent but also give good steps on how to move forward? Do you feel you overcame being codependent?
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