Madbird - I think you are expressing yourself fine. I understand everything is a process. I've heard one therapist say "It's all about the journey, because there is no ending until you die." Something like that. I am just really struggling with my emotions and how volatile they are. I swing from full of hope and knowing that the future is Ok regardless, to emptiness and despair thinking that the only future I have is with my fiance or I will physically fall to pieces. I want to work on this. I know that I need to put to use things like meditation and the activities that self help books provide, along with the advice of my counselor. I appreciate you giving me insight into your experience and it provides me with a lot of comfort to know that it is possible to battle these demons simultaneously.