Class of March 2013 Part 12
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Yorkshire, UK
Posts: 348
I dont envy your situation snaggle, i hope things work out, personally just living with family would drive me to drink.
Things are okay I suppose, I was going to post later when I have a bit more time to clearly lay out my thoughts (at work at the moment).
Everything is well drink wise, I have been taking my meds, not sure if the Campral is working or wether I just don't have the "need" to drink. I see the thoughts/feelings coming and I think about drinking but it won't help or make those thoughts invalid so I don't drink. Getting by like that at the minute.
I am struggling with home life really, I feel.... I can't quite put a word to it, disappointed, unfulfilled, indifferent, broken..
It's tough to explain and difficult for me to think about without becoming totally consumed by a sense of emptiness.
Ill try explain when i can clearly define what it is I have to say, it's safe to say however that there is nothin i can do about it, or rather that there is nothing I am willing to do about it.
AoS
Things are okay I suppose, I was going to post later when I have a bit more time to clearly lay out my thoughts (at work at the moment).
Everything is well drink wise, I have been taking my meds, not sure if the Campral is working or wether I just don't have the "need" to drink. I see the thoughts/feelings coming and I think about drinking but it won't help or make those thoughts invalid so I don't drink. Getting by like that at the minute.
I am struggling with home life really, I feel.... I can't quite put a word to it, disappointed, unfulfilled, indifferent, broken..
It's tough to explain and difficult for me to think about without becoming totally consumed by a sense of emptiness.
Ill try explain when i can clearly define what it is I have to say, it's safe to say however that there is nothin i can do about it, or rather that there is nothing I am willing to do about it.
AoS
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Snags, we are always going to be around people who drink, that's a given.
I've found myself in the bottle shop twice in the last fortnight, once to pick up a gift for someone else and the second time to pick up the sherry for dear old mum's evening tipple. I kind of goaded myself to see if I was going to be tempted but the love affair is over. Finally Dee's advice worked itself into my brain, drinking is not an option for me, I don't drink and I will never drink again. That's it. I'm not going backwards and forwards with it, I'm not debating whether I can just have one or two (I know I can't) and I'm just not having the hassle anymore. The health and energy I have now are not worth giving up for a drink. If I drink I will have a headache, feel thirsty, maybe throw up, not want to get up, feel sleepy in the afternoon etc etc. It's one OR the other, I can't have both.
For me it wasn't just about taking away the booze but also about putting other nice things up. The famous chinotto, herbal tea, great ice-cream, superb chocolate -- all at a fraction of the cost of the wine before.
I think the place you need to get to is the one where you ask yourself perfectly honestly what you want. Nobody makes us drink except ourselves. Unless we put our hands out, fill the glass, pick it up and pour its contents down our throats we don't drink. Look down at your hands and think about what you want them to do.
Hugs
I've found myself in the bottle shop twice in the last fortnight, once to pick up a gift for someone else and the second time to pick up the sherry for dear old mum's evening tipple. I kind of goaded myself to see if I was going to be tempted but the love affair is over. Finally Dee's advice worked itself into my brain, drinking is not an option for me, I don't drink and I will never drink again. That's it. I'm not going backwards and forwards with it, I'm not debating whether I can just have one or two (I know I can't) and I'm just not having the hassle anymore. The health and energy I have now are not worth giving up for a drink. If I drink I will have a headache, feel thirsty, maybe throw up, not want to get up, feel sleepy in the afternoon etc etc. It's one OR the other, I can't have both.
For me it wasn't just about taking away the booze but also about putting other nice things up. The famous chinotto, herbal tea, great ice-cream, superb chocolate -- all at a fraction of the cost of the wine before.
I think the place you need to get to is the one where you ask yourself perfectly honestly what you want. Nobody makes us drink except ourselves. Unless we put our hands out, fill the glass, pick it up and pour its contents down our throats we don't drink. Look down at your hands and think about what you want them to do.
Hugs
sober date 4th march 2013
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: kent england
Posts: 971
Snags
Superb advice from Marcher13, only you can take control of your drinking, you and you alone, take ownership of your addiction, decide never to drink again....thats it.
AoS is also right when he says its YOUR house.....if they want to drink send them to the pub!!
Take care sweetie.
Mick x
Superb advice from Marcher13, only you can take control of your drinking, you and you alone, take ownership of your addiction, decide never to drink again....thats it.
AoS is also right when he says its YOUR house.....if they want to drink send them to the pub!!
Take care sweetie.
Mick x
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,175
Snags, I have been in family situations like yours, and totally get the lack of comprehension with your relatives. Here is something I just want to throw out there. A few weeks back you posted Donals story. How about you look at getting fit to do a half marathon/ fun run some such thing to raise funds for his hospital? It would give you a focus, it would get you out of the house, it would give you a valid reason to not drink and get healthy, and it would keep at the front of your mind, that others have bigger battles than us, and way higher mountains to climb.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,175
AofS sometimes when we drink ( or sometimes we drink especially) we can ignore things that are not right in our relationships. With my first husband, I believed I had made my bed so had to lie in it, and the only way I could cope with his lack of responsibility and alcoholism was ironically, to drink! I could accept that life because alcohol took away the ability to think too deeply about what was wrong and to set about putting things right.
I so hear you when you say 'there is nothing I can do, or nothing I am willing to do' but from my personal experience, that was a sign that it was the beginning of the end. I hope it is not the case for you, but to change your feelings from, disappointed broken indifferent, I feel you definitely need to draw up the strength and courage to confront the problems head on. Otherwise the status quo will continue, as will you unhappiness and depression. Nothing needs done immediately, but as you say, you need to start figuring out where you are, and what you want. Big loves honey.
I so hear you when you say 'there is nothing I can do, or nothing I am willing to do' but from my personal experience, that was a sign that it was the beginning of the end. I hope it is not the case for you, but to change your feelings from, disappointed broken indifferent, I feel you definitely need to draw up the strength and courage to confront the problems head on. Otherwise the status quo will continue, as will you unhappiness and depression. Nothing needs done immediately, but as you say, you need to start figuring out where you are, and what you want. Big loves honey.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,175
I so want to say g'day Bruce! But that is so so wrong! Welcome sweetheart, you will find a well of support here for when times get hard, and when it's easy we will all be happy for you! 40 days is great, how are you keeping sober, what tools/ methods are you using? We are totally nosey here and want to know all about you! ( in a friendly way of course! Only share what you feel you want to!!)
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,175
Originally Posted by chuff1 
AoS
I find its getting really tedious agreeing with the Toots lady all the time!!!
But I agree with the Toots lady!!!
Take care
Mick
I find its getting really tedious agreeing with the Toots lady all the time!!!
But I agree with the Toots lady!!!
Take care
Mick
What's your favourite hobby sport? (Snort! )
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,175
I just had my second counselling session and it threw up a few things for me, which I will be needing to deal with, but talking through one thing brought It into focus
I had mentioned that I was 50 days sober yesterday and she gave a big smile and little clap, but then I went on to explain that it was not a great anniversary. I feel I need to share this, because others may feel the same thing.
I was feeling rather blue last night, and was emailing a good friend that I was missing alcohol. I miss getting blootered, at home alone, I miss wine with meals, I miss a warming brandy on a cold night. Unlike Shoes, I don't see alcohol as an abusive adulterous ex. I feel my relationship was more complicated, and not always so negative. I had a lot of happy times, I had fun. I know I won't, I know I can't ever drink again, and really I am ok with that, but yesterday was like ' so flipping what? 50 days, I have 30+ years to go. And I felt like I need still to complete my grieving. I mourn the loss of a friend, may not have been the best friend to have, might have been a really bad friend to have, but it was my friend and now it's gone. Never to be part of my life again. Now most days, I see the upside of that, see only the benefits of sobriety, of which there are many. But as with anniversaries after a death, these big dates remind me of what is no more. I explained this to my counsellor and she said, ' I'm sorry, I won't make anything of them again' and I said, no, it's fine, these dates are good and positive and an achievement, but they are also poignant to me. And I'm ok with that.
I had mentioned that I was 50 days sober yesterday and she gave a big smile and little clap, but then I went on to explain that it was not a great anniversary. I feel I need to share this, because others may feel the same thing.
I was feeling rather blue last night, and was emailing a good friend that I was missing alcohol. I miss getting blootered, at home alone, I miss wine with meals, I miss a warming brandy on a cold night. Unlike Shoes, I don't see alcohol as an abusive adulterous ex. I feel my relationship was more complicated, and not always so negative. I had a lot of happy times, I had fun. I know I won't, I know I can't ever drink again, and really I am ok with that, but yesterday was like ' so flipping what? 50 days, I have 30+ years to go. And I felt like I need still to complete my grieving. I mourn the loss of a friend, may not have been the best friend to have, might have been a really bad friend to have, but it was my friend and now it's gone. Never to be part of my life again. Now most days, I see the upside of that, see only the benefits of sobriety, of which there are many. But as with anniversaries after a death, these big dates remind me of what is no more. I explained this to my counsellor and she said, ' I'm sorry, I won't make anything of them again' and I said, no, it's fine, these dates are good and positive and an achievement, but they are also poignant to me. And I'm ok with that.
sober date 4th march 2013
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: kent england
Posts: 971
Toots
I guess most of us miss those glasses of wine with a meal, the warming brandies etc.
But they never stopped there did they hun, thats the point.
Every day sober rocks and alcohol, however you jazz it up is not your long lost friend.
Take care Toots lady.
Mick x
P.S. Think your councellor was right 50 days rock
I guess most of us miss those glasses of wine with a meal, the warming brandies etc.
But they never stopped there did they hun, thats the point.
Every day sober rocks and alcohol, however you jazz it up is not your long lost friend.
Take care Toots lady.
Mick x
P.S. Think your councellor was right 50 days rock
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,289
Welcome, Bruce! 
Snaggle, it sounds like you are getting your thinking wrapped around wanting to be sober and that's a huge step. I know how just exactly how hard it can be to keep that resolve even without direct temptation. One thing that helped me was when I learned not to beat myself up when I slipped. I don't recommend slipping at all!!! However, for me, it became much easier to make substantial progress after I stopped beating up myself. And I finally made it. For some of us it's a one time thing and we are able to quit and that's it. For others like me it is a longer process. But we can end up in the same place if we never give up in our quest to be sober. I walk around with an image of a bottle of wine with a big skull-and- crossbones on it. That helps for me. You'll find your own images and thinking that help you.
Toots, yes it is hard if we think of it as "30 years to go". When you think that way, try to remember that if you has kept on drinking, you would have been unlikely to have the possibility of 30 more years! So it might help to think of it as "Because I am sober I could actually have 30 more years! Wow! Small price to pay for that extra time.
AFM: surgery on Wednesday; am glad it will be over soon! Will be home same day if they don't have to convert from laparoscopic to open.
AoS, Marcher, Mick, great to see you all! I'm so happy to be sober!
Lots of love and hugs,
Sass
Snaggle, it sounds like you are getting your thinking wrapped around wanting to be sober and that's a huge step. I know how just exactly how hard it can be to keep that resolve even without direct temptation. One thing that helped me was when I learned not to beat myself up when I slipped. I don't recommend slipping at all!!! However, for me, it became much easier to make substantial progress after I stopped beating up myself. And I finally made it. For some of us it's a one time thing and we are able to quit and that's it. For others like me it is a longer process. But we can end up in the same place if we never give up in our quest to be sober. I walk around with an image of a bottle of wine with a big skull-and- crossbones on it. That helps for me. You'll find your own images and thinking that help you.
Toots, yes it is hard if we think of it as "30 years to go". When you think that way, try to remember that if you has kept on drinking, you would have been unlikely to have the possibility of 30 more years! So it might help to think of it as "Because I am sober I could actually have 30 more years! Wow! Small price to pay for that extra time.
AFM: surgery on Wednesday; am glad it will be over soon! Will be home same day if they don't have to convert from laparoscopic to open.
AoS, Marcher, Mick, great to see you all! I'm so happy to be sober!
Lots of love and hugs,
Sass
Marcher
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,235
Good morning class!
Today's lesson: When cynical, cocky, obnoxious person (say, like a 15 yr old) is in the car with you being himself, be glad you are sober enough to just TURN UP THE RADIO!
I forgot how much I enjoy music and how it really is a nice distraction from too much thinking sometimes. I plan to listen to more today.
So, I made it through yesterday! I really did wake up feeling good today. Still have laundry, cleaning, carpool, groceries, but today it's not overwhelming. I really have to get groceries before my boys starve. Tired of take out!
Thank you to everyone for your support. I may have been low, but I knew I wasn't alone.
Today's lesson: When cynical, cocky, obnoxious person (say, like a 15 yr old) is in the car with you being himself, be glad you are sober enough to just TURN UP THE RADIO!
I forgot how much I enjoy music and how it really is a nice distraction from too much thinking sometimes. I plan to listen to more today.
So, I made it through yesterday! I really did wake up feeling good today. Still have laundry, cleaning, carpool, groceries, but today it's not overwhelming. I really have to get groceries before my boys starve. Tired of take out!
Thank you to everyone for your support. I may have been low, but I knew I wasn't alone.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,289
Originally Posted by chuff1
Afternoon Sassy
What time on Wednesday hun (not being nosey....honest!)
Just would like to know!!
Mick x
What time on Wednesday hun (not being nosey....honest!)
Just would like to know!!
Mick x
I don't know the time yet. I will find out late Tuesday afternoon. That's the way they schedule the main ORs here. I gather it's because things happen (traumas and such) that can disrupt the schedule. Tentatively I'm first thing inthe morning but that can change also by the surgeon's preference.
JoyGirl, I'm so happy to hear you are feeling better :-)
Hugs,
Sass
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,175
Joygirl, what you need to do is have a cd of really annoying music and play that next time!l lol
Chuff, Sass, I think what I was trying to say is that it wasn't always all bad, and that is the part I miss. I don't have a problem accepting that the rest of my life will be alcohol free, I just need to emotionally adjust to that fact. I'm not remotely tempted to drink, and have been through a few situations recently where if I was going to I would have, I just occasionally miss it as a part of my life is all. Doesn't change anything about my sobriety to admit that, I'm still focussed and on course and as strong as ever,but I would be lying to myself not to acknowledge that and move forward.
Chuff, Sass, I think what I was trying to say is that it wasn't always all bad, and that is the part I miss. I don't have a problem accepting that the rest of my life will be alcohol free, I just need to emotionally adjust to that fact. I'm not remotely tempted to drink, and have been through a few situations recently where if I was going to I would have, I just occasionally miss it as a part of my life is all. Doesn't change anything about my sobriety to admit that, I'm still focussed and on course and as strong as ever,but I would be lying to myself not to acknowledge that and move forward.
sober date 4th march 2013
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: kent england
Posts: 971
Hi Toots
I know that you havent been tempted to drink hun, Guess we can all look back and think that things were better than they really were, I too had some good times......but they got progressively fewer and fewer.
Mick x
I know that you havent been tempted to drink hun,
Guess we can all look back and think that things were better than they really were, I too had some good times......but they got progressively fewer and fewer.Mick x
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