Welcome, Bruce!
Snaggle, it sounds like you are getting your thinking wrapped around wanting to be sober and that's a huge step. I know how just exactly how hard it can be to keep that resolve even without direct temptation. One thing that helped me was when I learned not to beat myself up when I slipped. I don't recommend slipping at all!!! However, for me, it became much easier to make substantial progress after I stopped beating up myself. And I finally made it. For some of us it's a one time thing and we are able to quit and that's it. For others like me it is a longer process. But we can end up in the same place if we
never give up in our quest to be sober. I walk around with an image of a bottle of wine with a big skull-and- crossbones on it. That helps for me. You'll find your own images and thinking that help you.
Toots, yes it is hard if we think of it as "30 years to go". When you think that way, try to remember that if you has kept on drinking, you would have been unlikely to have the possibility of 30 more years! So it might help to think of it as "Because I am sober I could actually have 30 more years! Wow! Small price to pay for that extra time.
AFM: surgery on Wednesday; am glad it will be over soon! Will be home same day if they don't have to convert from laparoscopic to open.
AoS, Marcher, Mick, great to see you all! I'm so happy to be sober!
Lots of love and hugs,
Sass