hypochondriac

I have to apologise Huxley, I sort of assumed you'd relapsed on something. That is my default theory if anyone is having a bad day, probably cos it is my worse nightmare.

One thing I have learnt which has helped me is that all thoughts and feelings are transient. I have had out and out stomp ons where I was either gonna get drunk or kill myself or something, moments where it was literally the end of the world and I didn't know what to do (yeah I'm a drama queen), and I was surprised when moments later it wasn't there. No matter how bad it seems there is always some hope on the horizon. And like your friend says, it's okay to feel bad sometimes. I think that's just something we find hard to tolerate because we are so used to altering our mood. I totally get the entitlement thing. I am embarrassed how relevant that way of thinking was to me before I quit, and how much those thoughts were used by AV to try and convince me to drink again. This was something that really helped me identify them if you're interested:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-thinking.html

I hope you are feeling okay or if not that at least you're willing to tolerate the sh;t for a bit til things start looking up. *Hugs* xxx

Jeni26

Good to hear from you Hux...I was worried that we'd just got you back and that you would disappear again!!

I think we've all been through those times when for one reason or other we seem to go backwards as regards resolve, and it's at those times our AV jumps right in and our cravings kick off. It can be frustrating I know. Hypo is right though...they DO pass. I've been there many a time over the past year or so...but thanks to some very special people on SR, I've pulled through. How we feel today isn't necessarily how we will feel tomorrow.

Stay close to us xxx

InsertNameHere

Hey Ladies, hows it going?

Nice to hear from you Huxley, and I am glad you have an old friend that can talk to you without a filter. I love having one of those when I do.

Man, it boggles my mind how well you two (yeah I am talking to you jen and hypo) have done and how much you have worked your way through. If you haven't gotten one lately, give yourselves a well deserved pat on the back on me.

I am in the process of flying to New York for my friends wedding, currently awaiting boarding for my second flight to Philadelphia. Flying without drinking has been interesting. There was a very tense "oh ****" moment when I walked in the airport and saw the bar right away. Normally traveling was always done blasted from start to end. So I had a second of physically tensing up followed by the briefest of thoughts to go grab a stool. I didn't but that was the beginning of me not dealing with this well. For the record I am doing better now but I think being around all these people and not drunk is bothering me a lot. Mainly because I am judging constantly, and I don't win either way because of it. If someone is judged as "less than" I end up feeling disdainful, if I am "less than" then I feel shameful. So like I said I lose either way.

I wrote a little about it though as I find that helps me whenever I am disturbed in some way. And am working on just being present and trying not to be ticked off and down at the same time.

In short, I really don't like being around a lot of people lol.

But the plane is taking off now so I have to shut my phone down.

Have a good one all

hypochondriac

Thanks INH

The more you hang around people sober and fly sober the easier it'll get. Consider these as practice runs, just get through sober and don't worry about anything else x

Huxley

Jesus, girl, this is so right. I never thought of that before. Since I was a teenager I've never had to put up with feeling crappy. I literally have no experience of that.

Man, I can't tell you what a change in perspective that's given me. I love you!

And Jen, no hon, I'm not going anywhere I've got some serious connectivity problems (internet, I mean) but I'm sticking around. How was your day in the end by the way? It was lovely to speak to you this morning

INH, my love, massive well done - you're stuck in a small space surrounded by people doing something you've only just managed to turn your back on. I'd be in a full-on panic attack in your shoes. Or at least, picking a stupid fight with someone bigger than me Drop us a line when you touch down, okay?

I have wanted to drink today, but I didn't. And I laughed a lot, for the first time in weeks.

Love you guys xxx

hypochondriac

I think that's why sobriety is a mixed bag for a while. Yeah it's nice not to feel hung over and all that but the crazy mood swings... I found things really levelled out for me though after the first few months of seething anger. I used to be prone to long periods of depression, usually lasting months to a year. Since getting sober all my down patches have lasted days, a few weeks at most. I've had other problems, low energy being a massive one but in the bigger scheme of things not purposefully changing our mood with chemicals and booze tends to make life a much less bumpy ride, in a good way

I have actually been feeling a lot better energy wise in the last few days. I have massively changed my diet and I think it is doing me the world of good. I am not making a massive effort but my diet before was pretty atrocious so it is not hard to make improvements and the last few weeks I have basically been following a vegan diet which has effectively cut out all the foods I binge on, like cheese, chocolate, mints... I haven't even had any desire to eat them or missed them at all, way easier than giving up booze! Anyway yesterday I forgot to take my thyroid stuff and I still felt fine whereas I normally would feel really drowsy in the afternoon so I am thinking that maybe it has been my post booze high sugar diet that has been making me feel groggy all along. Hey ho. It takes me time to decide to do anything about that sort of thing. I hope I manage to stick with this. I am feeling pretty positive anyway x

Caledonia1

Hi Everyone

Sorry to worry you all but I really didn't realize it had been quite as long since I last checked in.

Really touched at all the messages and now feeling kinda guilty for not making more of an effort to log in.

I'm still going strong on the sobriety journey but have been suffering from bouts of low moods. Thankfully all sorted out now and nothing more than.............wait for it.......you ladies are gonna love this..........early menopause.........lol 42 and that's me turning into an oldie........lol
At least it explains all the strange moods and sleepless nights.

Enjoying life to the max these days and hubby has stopped, yet again and doing really well.
.
Off on our hols next week and looking forward to it.

How's life treating everyone else. Please bare with me 'til I catch up a bit

Missed SR and really should have made some time to check in sooner.

Hugs

Catch you all later
Nicky
x

Jeni26

Guys, I feel really teary tonight. I had a busy but quite productive day until the last hour when a huge staffing issue has blown up. I really have divided loyalties about this one. The teachers are angry against the Head about her treatment of a colleague. I can see both sides and am going to have to do my best to mediate between them to avoid this escalating. I hate this sort of thing. It isn't why I took this job. I feel anxious and torn and want to phone in sick tomorrow.

Sorry, this isn't a sobriety issue. I'm not going to drink or smoke over it. It is just an upset and worry I don't need, but posting about it at least gets it out of my head a little x

Jeni26

Oh Nicky...how lovely to have you back with us xxx

Caledonia1

Jeni big deep breathes toots.

I loathe confrontation so understand that the thought of having to mediate is putting you under pressure.

Get yourself and nice bubbly bath and relax and probably by tomorrow the other staff will have calmed down and hopefully it won't be such a big issue anymore.

No point worrying until tomorrow comes.

Big HUGE hugs for you tonight
xxx

hypochondriac

So lovely to see you Nicky!!! Don't worry about not checking in sooner, just glad you're okay. I am sorry to hear about the early menopause thing. My friend is going through that too and it has really thrown her a lot. I hope it's not too rocky for you.

Sorry about your situation Jeni. I am not a big fan of confrontation either and when I have work issues like that I usually talk to my friend who is a HR director. He always thinks of something rational to say. To be honest though, provided that there are no legal issues going on and it is a personal thing, he tends to just smile and sympathise with both parties and then does nothing. There are always personality clashes at work and you can't manage them so everyone gets along. I hope it isn't a serious issue anyway... Remember you can't fix everything x

Dee74

Hope your day works out better than you expect Jeni

have a good weekend gang

D

InsertNameHere

Hey all, I have arrived. Still sober, drinking coffee, and we are going to attempt a bachelor party. I am not worried about drinking but I am trying not to be a kill joy. Just a little harder to get excited. But I am doing alright.

Just figured I would check in.

Jeni26

Keep checking in when you need to INH. I'm confident you will manage this. You have come too far to let this throw you off course x


Your new diet sounds like its really having a good effect Hypo. It is something I need to look at too, I'm not planning on becoming a vegan, just eating properly and regularly would be a start! Let us know how it goes x

Hux-every day that you don't drink is a victory. Every time you manage a difficult situation without resorting to drink/drugs you learn it is possible to do so, and your confidence will grow. It is ok to feel happy/sad/worried/angry from time to time. Those feelings are part of life, and they pass. You are doing great x

Nicky-I hope your docs can help with the symptoms of the menopause. At least you have a reason for your low mood now. Great to have you back with us x

Well I'm dreading today. Uncomfortable conversations need to happen. I have no idea how they will turn out and I feel like crying. How did I ever end up in this job...I HATE confrontation, anger, bad feeling. I'm feeling about as far away from a responsible mature professional as its possible to get. Still it's Friday I suppose, a couple of weeks to go then I'm off for the summer hols. Deep breaths...

hypochondriac

Thinking of you today Jeni *hugs* xxx

InsertNameHere

Hey Jen, as they say "this too shall pass". Hopefully you can grit your teeth and pull through whatever it is you are dealing with, without to much damage actual or imagined. I am rooting for you from a few thousand miles away as well.

Its 0330 here and the bachelor part is officially over. I cane through unscathed unless you count the four non-alcoholic beers I had. Technically they still have a minute amount of alcohol in them I think but I know I wasn't drinking them for that. Mostly I was just tired of coffee and soda, also a little of trying not to look out of place at a bar. There were a few tempting moments I won't lie, like when I saw they had carlsberg on tap, but I stuck to my guns with remembering that sure I could drink and be fine that night, but what happens the next, and a week from now. I guess its just playing the tape out as they say, and remembering that in my case it is never just one night.

Welcome back Cale!

Caledonia1

Good on you INH. It's not an easy thing at times but you've managed it.

Big hugs for today Jeni

Huxley

God Jen, that sounds like a nightmare. You poor thing. Do you think this job is working out okay for you? I know how much you were missing the kids - do you ever think about dropping back from management and getting into the classroom? What you're doing is amazing, but it seems to make you miserable more often than it makes you happy.

And INH, that's amazing - there should be a medal for Sober Bachelor Party. I think it's a smart move with the alcohol-free beer, if it doesn't make you crave and helps you to fit in. I've found that people have been okay with me not drinking booze, but really find it hard to accept that I don't have SOME sort of drink in my hand. You can only say, "thanks, but I just drank 2 pints of diet coke and may explode soon" so many times before you just start thinking about going home

Hypo, you're so right about the diet. My massage lady recommended vitamin B (after I spent most of my massage weeping gently through her O-shaped pillow) and I feel so much better today. I mean, pretty much back to normal. After a month of wanting to curl up in a ball and drink myself into oblivion.

Okay, I don't know if you can do both of those at the same time. But you get the idea. I feel great today, really up for all the moving-house, fighting-with-agencies crap that I've got to do this morning, and supper with a drinking friend tonight.

Hey Nicky, nice to meet you

xx

Caledonia1

Hi Huxley.Lovely to see you here too.

hypochondriac

INH, that is ace! You should be well proud for making it through a bachelor party. I have managed a wedding but I gave the hen party a miss. Even though I have been to quite a few parties and been okay it is still something I avoid these days because I just find them dull now. I never thought I'd ever say that because I was a real party girl, but really it was just the sanctioned drinking I liked. Take that away and I quite frankly can't be arsed.

How are you doing today Jeni?

Huxley, I couldn't have survived all this time without my vitamins! Embarrassingly I was really good about stuff like that while I was still drinking too, extra vitamin B and all that. It goes to show how deluded I was that I thought that would make a difference while I continued to drink. Hope your evening goes well and the house moving! x

How's those hot flushes Nicky? x