Class of February 2012 Part 4
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
Hi All, so glad you are here..
I have been feeling stuck. I noticed that for awhile there I figured not drinking would force me to deal with life and its responsibilities and realities. And, it was.
Now I am a little afraid that I am finding new ways to avoid, & not deal... (but still not drink).
Not to worry, its not really bad substitutes like drugs or compulsive behavior! Just stuff like reading, hiding in the house, TV, etc. But I need to keep an eye on it. Because I am a genius at avoiding what is key, especially when I'm afraid.
I can't take steps to deal with stuff, if I don't accept and acknowledge how things are. And I DON'T want to do that. I wanna skip that step. I seem to be stomping my feet and throwing a tantrum about it!
I acknowledge and accept that I am stubbornly refusing to acknowledge and accept the current state of things in my life. lol. I think I have to do this tantrum part, and then hopefully will start moving again....?
I have been feeling stuck. I noticed that for awhile there I figured not drinking would force me to deal with life and its responsibilities and realities. And, it was.
Now I am a little afraid that I am finding new ways to avoid, & not deal... (but still not drink).
Not to worry, its not really bad substitutes like drugs or compulsive behavior! Just stuff like reading, hiding in the house, TV, etc. But I need to keep an eye on it. Because I am a genius at avoiding what is key, especially when I'm afraid.
I can't take steps to deal with stuff, if I don't accept and acknowledge how things are. And I DON'T want to do that. I wanna skip that step. I seem to be stomping my feet and throwing a tantrum about it!
I acknowledge and accept that I am stubbornly refusing to acknowledge and accept the current state of things in my life. lol. I think I have to do this tantrum part, and then hopefully will start moving again....?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,609
I think we all need our own personal timeline to really deal with stuff EQ...I think you're doing well...sometimes it's best not to force the pace...as long as you're aware than deal one day you must...
(sorry for the Yoda speak lol)
D
(sorry for the Yoda speak lol)
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: near Burlington, vt
Posts: 102
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I think we all need our own personal timeline to really deal with stuff EQ...I think you're doing well...sometimes it's best not to force the pace...as long as you're aware than deal one day you must...
(sorry for the Yoda speak lol)
D
(sorry for the Yoda speak lol)
D
Another technique that might be useful: maybe task yourself with working a little on stuff you've been avoiding every day. Break it down. Of course, this works better with some jobs than others, but with many jobs, I find it to be a useful way of going about things. And surprisingly effective!
I'm still here, still sober, still in the throes of PMS.
But I'm doing okay, just trying to wait things out. I spent the day babysitting my 21-month-old nephew and his parents' six-month-old husky-lab mix. Child was good, dog was not! Can't wait 'til she's got a fenced in yard to run around in!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Toronto
Posts: 443
EQ - I think we all practice avoidance to a certain extent. After all this is a huge change were going through, mental, emotional etc...Huge. Most of the time I can convience myself that it's enough to have stopped drinking, then I realize it's not. I have my hands full with the small stuff though,and maybe thats enough for now. When the time comes, hopefullly I'll be able to face the bigger, deeper demons.
I say we enjoy and embrace our inner sloth...we deserve it
.
Hey TriGirl...Wow, devastating storms. How's the family making out? My thoughts to you and yours, and to everyone else who's affected.
And to all a Goodnight...
I say we enjoy and embrace our inner sloth...we deserve it
.
Hey TriGirl...Wow, devastating storms. How's the family making out? My thoughts to you and yours, and to everyone else who's affected.
And to all a Goodnight...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Wyandotte, MI
Posts: 71
Good afternoon group.
Trigirl- I am glad that you and your family are safe from the erratic weather this week. I am such a fraidy cat with storms and tornado warnings. Can't wait for the time that we can refer to years instead of days or months, I feel so blessed and connected to everyone in February 2012 class, what a wonderful journey we are on here. I hope that we hear soon from others who stopped posting, no worries or judgment here, just souls who want a healthy and healing way to live.
EQ- Yes, I agree with dee on small steps on the emotional growth, it seems like you have a good grip on what needs to be done, sometimes alone time is needed to bring comfort to your spirit, especially when you are building changes into your life.
JD- Take the meds regularly, so to ward off a relapse, you are doing a great job on staying on track. Keep on Keepin on.
Olympia- I will take the advice you gave to EQ, about breaking down a task a little at a time, I really need to start making the doctors and dentist appointments. I will start with the dentist.
Kam- I try to get my meditation on in the morning when I wake up and in the evening when I get home from work, it really helps for me to feel positive and light hearted through out the day, I am starting to feel like I did years ago.
Today is the start of day 11, Saturday night my friend from work asked me to go to the bar and I said no, I had no desire to drink or be in any bar. Yesterday was a great day, I felt like I used to like 6 years ago or so, its been so long since I felt like my old self, confident, joyful, and strong, I so welcomed and savored the feeling of enjoying the day. I hope to have more days like it. Everyone have a blessed and sober day.
Trigirl- I am glad that you and your family are safe from the erratic weather this week. I am such a fraidy cat with storms and tornado warnings. Can't wait for the time that we can refer to years instead of days or months, I feel so blessed and connected to everyone in February 2012 class, what a wonderful journey we are on here. I hope that we hear soon from others who stopped posting, no worries or judgment here, just souls who want a healthy and healing way to live.
EQ- Yes, I agree with dee on small steps on the emotional growth, it seems like you have a good grip on what needs to be done, sometimes alone time is needed to bring comfort to your spirit, especially when you are building changes into your life.
JD- Take the meds regularly, so to ward off a relapse, you are doing a great job on staying on track. Keep on Keepin on.
Olympia- I will take the advice you gave to EQ, about breaking down a task a little at a time, I really need to start making the doctors and dentist appointments. I will start with the dentist.
Kam- I try to get my meditation on in the morning when I wake up and in the evening when I get home from work, it really helps for me to feel positive and light hearted through out the day, I am starting to feel like I did years ago.
Today is the start of day 11, Saturday night my friend from work asked me to go to the bar and I said no, I had no desire to drink or be in any bar. Yesterday was a great day, I felt like I used to like 6 years ago or so, its been so long since I felt like my old self, confident, joyful, and strong, I so welcomed and savored the feeling of enjoying the day. I hope to have more days like it. Everyone have a blessed and sober day.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: near Burlington, vt
Posts: 102
Hey, all.
Johnny- I've been having the same problem, in which I tell myself staying sober is all that I need to do. And to be sure, before I stopped drinking I was accomplishing about as much as I am now, so no loss there. But there's a lot I could be doing now besides not drinking, and I just keep putting it off.
faustina- Glad you had yourself a fantastic day. You deserve it!
I'm still here, still sober, still fighting ladies' issues.
Started off the day with a stupid fight with my mother, but managed not to blow things up too much. It's downright hot here, which isn't inspiring me to do much. But I'm hanging in.
Johnny- I've been having the same problem, in which I tell myself staying sober is all that I need to do. And to be sure, before I stopped drinking I was accomplishing about as much as I am now, so no loss there. But there's a lot I could be doing now besides not drinking, and I just keep putting it off.
faustina- Glad you had yourself a fantastic day. You deserve it!
I'm still here, still sober, still fighting ladies' issues.
Started off the day with a stupid fight with my mother, but managed not to blow things up too much. It's downright hot here, which isn't inspiring me to do much. But I'm hanging in.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 195
Thanks for being concerned and for keeping me company in the storm shelter the other night. 
We are all ok. Others were not as lucky. 
I agree with what everyone is saying about not getting things done! I seem to be putting things off as badly now as when I was drinking! I just come home from work and turn completely useless. I really need to get on the ball. It makes me feel SO guilty. And guilt makes me want to drink. Of course, I can find something to be guilty about in pretty much any situation.
Otherwise doing fairly well. Training is going great! My coach gave me a rest day today because of some stomach issues and how hard I pushed over the weekend. I'm seeing a specialist tomorrow, so hopefully the medical stuff will clear up. The training kicks up another notch this week, so I need to be healthy!
Sounds like everyone is doing pretty well! I'm proud of us!
We are all ok. Others were not as lucky. 
I agree with what everyone is saying about not getting things done! I seem to be putting things off as badly now as when I was drinking! I just come home from work and turn completely useless. I really need to get on the ball. It makes me feel SO guilty. And guilt makes me want to drink.
Of course, I can find something to be guilty about in pretty much any situation.Otherwise doing fairly well. Training is going great! My coach gave me a rest day today because of some stomach issues and how hard I pushed over the weekend. I'm seeing a specialist tomorrow, so hopefully the medical stuff will clear up. The training kicks up another notch this week, so I need to be healthy!
Sounds like everyone is doing pretty well! I'm proud of us!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: near Burlington, vt
Posts: 102
TriGirl- So you've got kids plus a job plus you're in training? Yowza. I feel tired just reading about your life! And of course, think immediately that you would have to put things off, with that full plate of yours. But of course, it's always possible to put things off just because.
I see my slacking as different, because I really don't have anything on my plate. Most days are pretty much wide open, and I have a lot of trouble putting myself to work. I need projects!
Tri, if you don't mind my asking, do you think your stomach troubles are related to your training, or something else?
I see my slacking as different, because I really don't have anything on my plate. Most days are pretty much wide open, and I have a lot of trouble putting myself to work. I need projects!
Tri, if you don't mind my asking, do you think your stomach troubles are related to your training, or something else?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
Hi Guys, I enjoyed reading all your posts and feedback. Phone is weak, so for.now, thank you. It is so helpful.
Had another weirdo mindful moment today. At work.brought my.lunch tray to my office as I planned on making drs appts,.paying.bills.while I ate on my break. I put down my tray, sat down, and suddenly had a strong compulsion to.pray over my food. (which i dont do, except when someone says Grace at holidays, etc) so.i.bowed my head and thanked the power that be, for my food, my job, friends and family, my house, car, dog, even for the things that have annoyed me lately.. i gave thanks. Then i started to eat and again was compelled to.just chew the food, taste it, swallow it, one thing at a time, feel the chair, feel my feet.on the ground.( No calls or computer etc.). Mind you i had no thought to do these things, just a sudden compulsion to do them. Then for the last ten mins after i ate, i meditated...
Who am I, and what have the aliens done with the forner me, is my question.
So, tonite dealt w crap i needed to do, worked on not automatically being negatively reactive in my mind, waited for the middle way a bit.
But also enjoyed watching the dog run about the azalea bushes, leaping in the air to try and catch bees. Took pics of the azalea blooms in the dark for contrast.
Hoping to remember to pause, and stay aware of the now.
Love you guys. :day6
Had another weirdo mindful moment today. At work.brought my.lunch tray to my office as I planned on making drs appts,.paying.bills.while I ate on my break. I put down my tray, sat down, and suddenly had a strong compulsion to.pray over my food. (which i dont do, except when someone says Grace at holidays, etc) so.i.bowed my head and thanked the power that be, for my food, my job, friends and family, my house, car, dog, even for the things that have annoyed me lately.. i gave thanks. Then i started to eat and again was compelled to.just chew the food, taste it, swallow it, one thing at a time, feel the chair, feel my feet.on the ground.( No calls or computer etc.). Mind you i had no thought to do these things, just a sudden compulsion to do them. Then for the last ten mins after i ate, i meditated...
Who am I, and what have the aliens done with the forner me, is my question.
So, tonite dealt w crap i needed to do, worked on not automatically being negatively reactive in my mind, waited for the middle way a bit.
But also enjoyed watching the dog run about the azalea bushes, leaping in the air to try and catch bees. Took pics of the azalea blooms in the dark for contrast.
Hoping to remember to pause, and stay aware of the now.
Love you guys. :day6
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Toronto
Posts: 443
Nice EQ, very nice.
Morning all...
Back on track with meds. Even though I didn't stop them completely, in hindsight I could feel a differance. Have to pop down to see a NEW Emco this morning and run a few errands. Didn't do my homework but hoping my charm and winning smile will see me through...or just tell her like it is...been crazy busy with little things, no biggie. I figure early next week I'll be able to focus full time on the job hunt...not too concerned. What does concern me is finding the 'right' job. Proper mix of travel time, wage, stress etc...last two haven't been good choices but I am feeling more 'focused' these last few weeks. Self confidence? Less guilt? Don't know and don't really care, just feeling better. Also I know not just to take 'anythng' that comes along as things aren't that bad...yet.
All in all doing good, hope you guys are as well...
Morning all...
Back on track with meds. Even though I didn't stop them completely, in hindsight I could feel a differance. Have to pop down to see a NEW Emco this morning and run a few errands. Didn't do my homework but hoping my charm and winning smile will see me through...or just tell her like it is...been crazy busy with little things, no biggie. I figure early next week I'll be able to focus full time on the job hunt...not too concerned. What does concern me is finding the 'right' job. Proper mix of travel time, wage, stress etc...last two haven't been good choices but I am feeling more 'focused' these last few weeks. Self confidence? Less guilt? Don't know and don't really care, just feeling better. Also I know not just to take 'anythng' that comes along as things aren't that bad...yet.
All in all doing good, hope you guys are as well...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 195
Good morning all!
Just had a great swim and I'm headed home to wake the kids for school. You know, if I could just have a pool beside me all the time, I'd never want to drink! That's the problem with alcohol - it's too accessible.
Olympia, I find that the less I have to do, the harder it is for me to get anything done. Not sure if it's the same for you, but it doesn't surprise me that you would put things off when you feel like you have lots of empty time to fill. Do you think it would help to plan some (non-stressful) things each day just to give you some type of schedule or pattern? To answer your question, I think the stomach stuff is probably my ulcer returning. I've had it off and on since middle school, but never this bad. The only way training may have affected it is that I took naproxen for a muscle strain for awhile, and it's possible that it was aggravated by that. I'll just be glad to get to the specialist today. Honestly, it's starting to scare me a bit. I'm pretty hard to take down and usually have a high tolerance for pain. It's probably not a big deal, but it will be nice to have it resolved.
EQ, I love moments like you described! I've never been able to sit still long enough to really meditate, but at the height of my yoga practice, there were times when I felt connected that way. I'm so glad you savored it instead of pushing through to your tasks. Those moments are too few and far between to waste.
JohnnyD, glad you're back in med compliance. I love your attitude about job hunting! Don't settle!
Hope everyone has a great day!
Just had a great swim and I'm headed home to wake the kids for school. You know, if I could just have a pool beside me all the time, I'd never want to drink!
That's the problem with alcohol - it's too accessible. Olympia, I find that the less I have to do, the harder it is for me to get anything done. Not sure if it's the same for you, but it doesn't surprise me that you would put things off when you feel like you have lots of empty time to fill. Do you think it would help to plan some (non-stressful) things each day just to give you some type of schedule or pattern? To answer your question, I think the stomach stuff is probably my ulcer returning. I've had it off and on since middle school, but never this bad. The only way training may have affected it is that I took naproxen for a muscle strain for awhile, and it's possible that it was aggravated by that. I'll just be glad to get to the specialist today. Honestly, it's starting to scare me a bit. I'm pretty hard to take down and usually have a high tolerance for pain. It's probably not a big deal, but it will be nice to have it resolved.
EQ, I love moments like you described! I've never been able to sit still long enough to really meditate, but at the height of my yoga practice, there were times when I felt connected that way. I'm so glad you savored it instead of pushing through to your tasks.
Those moments are too few and far between to waste. JohnnyD, glad you're back in med compliance.
I love your attitude about job hunting! Don't settle!Hope everyone has a great day!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: bloomington
Posts: 6
Can I join this group? I have been sober since 2/8. Its been going well, but I came to this website bcs we have some stressy family events coming up in the next few days, and everyone drinks at them.
I don't "think" I will drink, but if I had ever been "thinking" I wouldn't have gotten into this trouble. !!! If anything, I have learned a lot of humility the last few months.
I need every bit of outside help I can get - I do go to meetings, but I am in this alone. My husband doesn't discourage me, but he doesn't actively support me either. A half hearted "good for you" is the most I will get. He still drinks and the stuff is still in the house.
I need to get to meetings, but with all the events in the next few days, it will be tough no matter what.
I don't "think" I will drink, but if I had ever been "thinking" I wouldn't have gotten into this trouble. !!! If anything, I have learned a lot of humility the last few months.
I need every bit of outside help I can get - I do go to meetings, but I am in this alone. My husband doesn't discourage me, but he doesn't actively support me either. A half hearted "good for you" is the most I will get. He still drinks and the stuff is still in the house.
I need to get to meetings, but with all the events in the next few days, it will be tough no matter what.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: near Burlington, vt
Posts: 102
TriGirl- Ach, your ulcer sounds terrible. I've had a taste of that myself (in my case, it was alcohol that wore a hole in my stomach), and yeah, the pain is hard to ignore. Good luck at the specialist.
And I think you're definitely on to something with the less to do/harder to get it done conundrum. I've decided that I'm going to have to come up with jobs for myself to do daily, even if they're just make work tasks that don't accomplish much. Because boredom is triggering me, big time. I'm feeling especially triggered in general today- still grumpy due to hormones, and also allergies, and drink urges have been settling in big time. I don't want to drink under these circumstances especially, not when relief could be just around the corner, but it's been hard. Very hard.
Hope everyone else is having a successful day!
And I think you're definitely on to something with the less to do/harder to get it done conundrum. I've decided that I'm going to have to come up with jobs for myself to do daily, even if they're just make work tasks that don't accomplish much. Because boredom is triggering me, big time. I'm feeling especially triggered in general today- still grumpy due to hormones, and also allergies, and drink urges have been settling in big time. I don't want to drink under these circumstances especially, not when relief could be just around the corner, but it's been hard. Very hard.
Hope everyone else is having a successful day!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 236
Evening Febbers hope you're all well tonight?!
Trigirl - I honestly don't know how you manage to juggle everything. Seriously impressive! Hope you get the ulcer sorted out - that sounds like no fun at all.
EQ - your moments of mindfulness sound wonderful. I'm really hoping I get to the stage you're at where I can just be in the moment at the time.
JD - really glad you've got sorted with your meds. With you on the whole finding the right job thing and not just settling.
mndisfam - Welcome to February. Hope you find lots of support here. I know I certainly have.
Olympia - sorry you're having a rough time. Allergies and hormones are a miserable combination - not surprised you're not feeling brilliant.
Dee - just hello (because i never say hello to you!)
I've had a strange sort of day and tomorrow promises to be interesting! After posting on here (and getting lots of great feedback) about retraining to work with animals, a potentially perfect job opportunity has come my way. My neighbour works as an accountant at our local vets and they're looking for an assistant/ receptionist! They don't want to advertise the job but would rather find someone local through word of mouth so my neighbour thought of me. Have got a phone interview tomorrow morning but it sounds pretty good! On top of that I've got a first date tomorrow so it's going to be a big day. I almost feel like fate/ the gods/ whoever are toying with me - the life i hoped to have before drinking seems to be on the cards again. Don't want to get my hopes up but it's nice to have positive things in the pipeline. Niggling worry about the job is that it's local and some of the people who work there may have seen me pretty tanked (in the village pub). Am really hoping my past mistakes and bad decisions don't negatively affect my future. Am also a bit worried about going back to work full time but will see how tomorrow goes!
Night all! xx
Trigirl - I honestly don't know how you manage to juggle everything. Seriously impressive! Hope you get the ulcer sorted out - that sounds like no fun at all.
EQ - your moments of mindfulness sound wonderful. I'm really hoping I get to the stage you're at where I can just be in the moment at the time.
JD - really glad you've got sorted with your meds. With you on the whole finding the right job thing and not just settling.
mndisfam - Welcome to February. Hope you find lots of support here. I know I certainly have.
Olympia - sorry you're having a rough time. Allergies and hormones are a miserable combination - not surprised you're not feeling brilliant.
Dee - just hello (because i never say hello to you!)
I've had a strange sort of day and tomorrow promises to be interesting! After posting on here (and getting lots of great feedback) about retraining to work with animals, a potentially perfect job opportunity has come my way. My neighbour works as an accountant at our local vets and they're looking for an assistant/ receptionist! They don't want to advertise the job but would rather find someone local through word of mouth so my neighbour thought of me. Have got a phone interview tomorrow morning but it sounds pretty good! On top of that I've got a first date tomorrow so it's going to be a big day. I almost feel like fate/ the gods/ whoever are toying with me - the life i hoped to have before drinking seems to be on the cards again. Don't want to get my hopes up but it's nice to have positive things in the pipeline. Niggling worry about the job is that it's local and some of the people who work there may have seen me pretty tanked (in the village pub). Am really hoping my past mistakes and bad decisions don't negatively affect my future. Am also a bit worried about going back to work full time but will see how tomorrow goes!
Night all! xx
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 195
Welcome, Mndisfam!
Olympia, you're right! Relief could be (and probably is) just around the corner, but you know it WON'T be there if you slip. I hate that you're going through all of that. Hormone crap is....well, crappy. There's just not much else to say for it.
Kam, I'm so excited for you with all of your new possibilities! Sounds really promising. I'll bet you're on pins and needles! I hope tomorrow is a wonderful day for you.
I saw the specialist today, and I have to have an endoscopy on Thursday. I'm sure it's probably nothing serious, but I'm scared. I just keep waiting. I just can't quite believe I can really come through this ok. I feel so guilty, because I know I don't deserve to, and right now it seems like I will. Things at home are fine, the kids don't seem to have noticed anything was ever wrong, training is going great, work is great.... It shouldn't be mine! I don't deserve any of this! The doctor goes on and on about my fabulously low pulse and blood pressure and how he can't figure out what could be the problem since I'm the picture of health. I'm just so scared that he'll get in there and find something horrible - a stomach full of cancer or something, and it will be time to pay for my choices. I would completely deserve it. And, of course, I want to drown that fear. And then I want to drown it some more to be sure it doesn't come back. Sounds crazy....I know.
Oh well....shouldn't borrow trouble and worry about things that may never happen. I had a good hill run tonight while my kids were at various lessons. That cleared my head a bit. My stomach isn't as bad tonight as last night, so maybe I can get a good night's sleep. That would probably help more than anything.
Sweet dreams all!
Olympia, you're right! Relief could be (and probably is) just around the corner, but you know it WON'T be there if you slip. I hate that you're going through all of that. Hormone crap is....well, crappy. There's just not much else to say for it.
Kam, I'm so excited for you with all of your new possibilities! Sounds really promising. I'll bet you're on pins and needles! I hope tomorrow is a wonderful day for you.
I saw the specialist today, and I have to have an endoscopy on Thursday. I'm sure it's probably nothing serious, but I'm scared. I just keep waiting. I just can't quite believe I can really come through this ok. I feel so guilty, because I know I don't deserve to, and right now it seems like I will. Things at home are fine, the kids don't seem to have noticed anything was ever wrong, training is going great, work is great.... It shouldn't be mine! I don't deserve any of this! The doctor goes on and on about my fabulously low pulse and blood pressure and how he can't figure out what could be the problem since I'm the picture of health. I'm just so scared that he'll get in there and find something horrible - a stomach full of cancer or something, and it will be time to pay for my choices. I would completely deserve it. And, of course, I want to drown that fear. And then I want to drown it some more to be sure it doesn't come back. Sounds crazy....I know.
Oh well....shouldn't borrow trouble and worry about things that may never happen. I had a good hill run tonight while my kids were at various lessons. That cleared my head a bit. My stomach isn't as bad tonight as last night, so maybe I can get a good night's sleep. That would probably help more than anything.
Sweet dreams all!
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