Class of February 2012 Part 4
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: near Burlington, vt
Posts: 102
Hey, everyone! Thanks so much for all the support. I'm feeling much better now that I've achieved victory over my hormones. So much of alcoholism is related to things that are largely physical- makes sense, as it's a brain disease.
EQ- Good work tackling the room. Action is so important, being that it's action that changes thoughts. Kind of a tough reality, being that it's so hard to ACT when your feelings are telling you to just sit, but it makes a huge difference.
faustina- I know what you mean about alcohol being everywhere. I've definitely noticed it more since I began Operation Cease Drink. Good work keeping the stuff from winding up in your own body.
TriGirl- How's the pain? Do you find exercise lessens alcohol cravings significantly?
Johnny- Is it a paint-free weekend?
Anyone I've missed, I'll get to you!
I worked out for a long time today- that helped a good bit. Also helping: structure in the form of petsitting for two houses. Going to go for a walk and tend to my friends' dogs in a bit. Hopefully I won't get mauled- those beasts love their food and are always extremely eager to get it. Feeding cats and chickens is a much gentler experience.
faustina- I definitely have some personal upkeep plans. My eyebrows need serious attention! My most immediate plan, though, is something a little different- I want to see about a tattoo. My feeling is, why not? And if anyone could give me a little input- I would love to get my avatar picture (and I know I've confused people elsewhere with this avatar, but to clarify, she's not me, she's Grace Slick, my favorite singer) tattooed to my right forearm, with some words. Not sure if that'll work, as there's limited space on the forearm, but I'd love to be able to look at her as needed. Anyone with tattoo experience care to share?
Hope your Saturday is treating you well, everybody!
EQ- Good work tackling the room. Action is so important, being that it's action that changes thoughts. Kind of a tough reality, being that it's so hard to ACT when your feelings are telling you to just sit, but it makes a huge difference.
faustina- I know what you mean about alcohol being everywhere. I've definitely noticed it more since I began Operation Cease Drink. Good work keeping the stuff from winding up in your own body.
TriGirl- How's the pain? Do you find exercise lessens alcohol cravings significantly?
Johnny- Is it a paint-free weekend?
Anyone I've missed, I'll get to you!
I worked out for a long time today- that helped a good bit. Also helping: structure in the form of petsitting for two houses. Going to go for a walk and tend to my friends' dogs in a bit. Hopefully I won't get mauled
- those beasts love their food and are always extremely eager to get it. Feeding cats and chickens is a much gentler experience.faustina- I definitely have some personal upkeep plans. My eyebrows need serious attention! My most immediate plan, though, is something a little different- I want to see about a tattoo. My feeling is, why not? And if anyone could give me a little input- I would love to get my avatar picture (and I know I've confused people elsewhere with this avatar, but to clarify, she's not me, she's Grace Slick, my favorite singer) tattooed to my right forearm, with some words. Not sure if that'll work, as there's limited space on the forearm, but I'd love to be able to look at her as needed. Anyone with tattoo experience care to share?
Hope your Saturday is treating you well, everybody!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: bloomington
Posts: 6
Good morning my supportive family!! I had a tough time with the guests. I am not complaining or angry about it - I am posting bcs I figure a lot of you can relate, and your experience and I can learn from you.
We came in late from my DHs Confirmation, and there were 3 bottles of ice cold delicious white wine opened, and all of my treasured Waterford wine glasses laid out. THEN, the popped champagne and wine. I will tell you - nothing makes my mouth water more than delicious cold white wine, chanpagne, and my crystal glasses. (Materialistic I know - but I am not. They are one of my few treasures. There they all were, laughing drinkin toasting uncorking bottles - oh that sound...
I stood firm - but very difficult, Now I know I have to be around drinking. Extend that - I don't expect people not to drink in my home or have alcohol - it makes it hard - but a convivial party in my house at the end of a HORRIBLE night was very tough.
It doesn't help my DH is pretty oblivious - holding out a drink and saying "are you sure you can't?" I would call him a very disengaged support - if I have a bad day and am scared to attend an event but I really want to - he is not the type to step up and say - I will stick with you tonight and help you w/the not drinking. and remembering people- (I suffered a severe concussion a few months ago and that jump started my sobriety.) He has been great in driving the kids and stuff - but hasn't gone to meetings etc, or read much. Btwn my concussion recovery and sobriety recovery my poor brain doesn't fire off of all pistons. SO, in social stuff, I feel scared going alone bcs I still get some amnesia and forget who people are. I really want out to enjoy my life and build up a lot of sober good memories, but I am kind of stuck. I am one of those people who love going to stuff, so it makes me sad not to go do stuff if I am not 100%. I really cacn't go without a loving, supportive partner by my side.
You know basically, I think I am married to someone who drinks - he has a problem with it, but not a problem drinker yet. He is also tremendously emotionally disengaged - both physically and mentally. Probably 6 years since we were "married in the biblical sense." He has a LOT of ISSUES poor guy, but he won't really deal with him. No matter how I try to start a converation, it does come back to him. He just can't help it. He told me today that he is sure once I stay sober I will leave him. So many issues in that statement that I refuse to discuss bcs right now IT IS ABOUT ME.
I am really sorry to hijack this cheerful thread. But I am betting almost everyone of you can relate to some aspect of this and give me some advice. I do have counseling tomorrow. Thanks!
I am lucky! I am at 80 days! WOW. But
We came in late from my DHs Confirmation, and there were 3 bottles of ice cold delicious white wine opened, and all of my treasured Waterford wine glasses laid out. THEN, the popped champagne and wine. I will tell you - nothing makes my mouth water more than delicious cold white wine, chanpagne, and my crystal glasses. (Materialistic I know - but I am not. They are one of my few treasures. There they all were, laughing drinkin toasting uncorking bottles - oh that sound...
I stood firm - but very difficult, Now I know I have to be around drinking. Extend that - I don't expect people not to drink in my home or have alcohol - it makes it hard - but a convivial party in my house at the end of a HORRIBLE night was very tough.
It doesn't help my DH is pretty oblivious - holding out a drink and saying "are you sure you can't?" I would call him a very disengaged support - if I have a bad day and am scared to attend an event but I really want to - he is not the type to step up and say - I will stick with you tonight and help you w/the not drinking. and remembering people- (I suffered a severe concussion a few months ago and that jump started my sobriety.) He has been great in driving the kids and stuff - but hasn't gone to meetings etc, or read much. Btwn my concussion recovery and sobriety recovery my poor brain doesn't fire off of all pistons. SO, in social stuff, I feel scared going alone bcs I still get some amnesia and forget who people are. I really want out to enjoy my life and build up a lot of sober good memories, but I am kind of stuck. I am one of those people who love going to stuff, so it makes me sad not to go do stuff if I am not 100%. I really cacn't go without a loving, supportive partner by my side.
You know basically, I think I am married to someone who drinks - he has a problem with it, but not a problem drinker yet. He is also tremendously emotionally disengaged - both physically and mentally. Probably 6 years since we were "married in the biblical sense." He has a LOT of ISSUES poor guy, but he won't really deal with him. No matter how I try to start a converation, it does come back to him. He just can't help it. He told me today that he is sure once I stay sober I will leave him. So many issues in that statement that I refuse to discuss bcs right now IT IS ABOUT ME.
I am really sorry to hijack this cheerful thread. But I am betting almost everyone of you can relate to some aspect of this and give me some advice. I do have counseling tomorrow. Thanks!
I am lucky! I am at 80 days! WOW. But
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
Mndisfam: congratulations for getting through all of that. I greatly admire you making your own sobriety and your self care a priority. While it is the only way for real growth, it is still a road less traveled for sure. We are here for you!
Olympia: glad you are feeling better. Sorry, no tat experience here..
Olympia: glad you are feeling better. Sorry, no tat experience here..
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,465
I think a lot of people have spouses who, for whatever reason, are less than supportive
mndisfam - that's why SR is so great - 24/7 support
Your spouse obv. has issues with you getting sober - I hope he'll come to see it's not actually about him at all
and I actually believe you can do whatever you want in recovery and go wherever you need to be, in time...supportive partner or not
D
mndisfam - that's why SR is so great - 24/7 support
Your spouse obv. has issues with you getting sober - I hope he'll come to see it's not actually about him at all
and I actually believe you can do whatever you want in recovery and go wherever you need to be, in time...supportive partner or not
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
Hi everyone. I got an email from a friend way upstate in NY, and we hadnt caught up since soon after I quit. Anyway, he said in his note, hows the sobriety goin? And I just thought that was really nice... I was careful to confide in key people when I quit, and they have responded. They treat it as any other challenge ive taken on in life, & root for my success.
I remember it was SO hard to tell people I was doing it, especially since almost all of them didnt know I had a problem, so I know they had to get their head around that (and incorporate it into how they saw me,) but, theyve come through. I think they figured if I was quitting then I had my reasons. I know myself well, but I tend to be private, so if I was telling them, then it was because I really needed unconditional support.
It is very hard to tell key people early on, but I know doing that is a big reason why I got through the first month, because I had made a public commitment. Plus it meant I had a support person everywhere, at work, in family, friends, etc. I highly recommend it as another piece of sobriety insurance.
I had trouble about two weeks ago when a relative I deeply care for, and who enjoys being generous, was paying for dinner, and he excitedly said to me: So what kind of wine do you like? I could see in his face and hear in his voice how excited he was to treat me, but I had to demur, and just say: No, I can't have any, (without explanation) and order some club soda. It sounds trivial, but in my mind he was trying to give me a gift, and I was rejecting it, which is never something I would do, and something we used to enjoy together was gone. I hadnt told him I quit, as it hadnt come up. And there were other people out with us, so I still havent told him. Anyway it has been the only moment where I really felt refusing to drink was hurting someone I care for. Dumb, I know. But it made me sad.
But, it didnt make me drink! :-)
By the way, if I havent said so lately, I think you are all really amazing! And, also, full of grace.
I remember it was SO hard to tell people I was doing it, especially since almost all of them didnt know I had a problem, so I know they had to get their head around that (and incorporate it into how they saw me,) but, theyve come through. I think they figured if I was quitting then I had my reasons. I know myself well, but I tend to be private, so if I was telling them, then it was because I really needed unconditional support.
It is very hard to tell key people early on, but I know doing that is a big reason why I got through the first month, because I had made a public commitment. Plus it meant I had a support person everywhere, at work, in family, friends, etc. I highly recommend it as another piece of sobriety insurance.
I had trouble about two weeks ago when a relative I deeply care for, and who enjoys being generous, was paying for dinner, and he excitedly said to me: So what kind of wine do you like? I could see in his face and hear in his voice how excited he was to treat me, but I had to demur, and just say: No, I can't have any, (without explanation) and order some club soda. It sounds trivial, but in my mind he was trying to give me a gift, and I was rejecting it, which is never something I would do, and something we used to enjoy together was gone. I hadnt told him I quit, as it hadnt come up. And there were other people out with us, so I still havent told him. Anyway it has been the only moment where I really felt refusing to drink was hurting someone I care for. Dumb, I know. But it made me sad.
But, it didnt make me drink! :-)
By the way, if I havent said so lately, I think you are all really amazing! And, also, full of grace.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Toronto
Posts: 443
I just read all the recent posts carefully. Wow, just hit me how much I miss you guys.
O...I have to agree with EQ, it is huge, not drinking. And so what if you broke down in front of SO, isnt that what their there for? The good AND the bad? Perhaps it's time to give AA another whirl, just saying. Don't know how much you drank but if on the daily, heavy side, EVERYTHING is gonna seem out of wack and a bit pointless for awhile. Longer for some, not so much for others. Just do yourself a foavor and stick with it O, it will get better and things will even out.
Faustina...I figured you were in the industry, you mentioned working a double which is a dead giveaway. I myself cooked professionally for 17yrs so I know all about it. One of the reasons I changed careers is because of the booze and drugs. I think your doing great...day 19? Congrates!!!
Kam...you wrote something like, 'serves me right for daring to be happy'...WTF. Dare all you want!!! Farmer 'Angus' blew it by chosing the other girl to be his employee...just ask any of us. As for the new beau, if he dosent get you, warts and all, his loss, seriously. We all have our stuff so you're not alone in that regard. From what I know about you, any guy would be luckly to be stepping out with you on his arm. BTW, little know secret about men...were awfully slow when it comes to the heavier stuff but usally come to our senses. Again, that's a secret so don't tell anyone. From where I stand Kam, you've lots to be proud of so chin up Kid.
EQ...I felt yor pain reading your post about yor spare room. All those memories...MUST be hard, no way around it. Loved the visual of the open window and ghosts floating away...loved it! Slow and easy E, slow and easy. I wonder if it would be benifically to have a trusted friend to help with the inital sorting phase...someone close but not too close (?). Btw, once your ready, I happen to know a fabulous painter who, if asked nicely, would'nt mind helping, when the time is right of coarse. Again, I felt the pain in your post. Do take care!
Mndisfam...So sorry to hear about your husband and stuff but happy that to go to councelling. Roughly 4 months ago I gave myself a light concussion, not fun at all. Didn't feeling 'right' for about 2 months after. And it was only then did I realize I hadnt been feeling 'right'. I've no idea if that makes any sense! Anyway, booze and family, holy crap what a combo. I certainly feel for you. 80 days...Wow!
So, Mom got in late last night, I stuck around for a bit but she was so beat, had been up almost 24 hrs that all she wanted was a bath and bed. Don't blame her, after all she's 75. She saw the room and was taken aback but agian, too tired to say much. She'll love it though, not only because it looks great, but because it was done with love (I can't believe I wrote that AND am leaving it in lol). Wound up rushing out yesterday afternoon and getting a new lighting system, the old one just didnt do the room justice. Found some minatures that will go on the walls along with the pics but will wait a feww more days till more dry. I don't know how this will sound but am quite pleased that I didnt drink during the whole process. Not just for the painting/beer reason but I'm coming up on a tradionally danger zone...3 months. For the longest time I had the 3 month block firmly in my mind, now since I know I can break that its not so bad, but its still there.
Thanks guys...
O...I have to agree with EQ, it is huge, not drinking. And so what if you broke down in front of SO, isnt that what their there for? The good AND the bad? Perhaps it's time to give AA another whirl, just saying. Don't know how much you drank but if on the daily, heavy side, EVERYTHING is gonna seem out of wack and a bit pointless for awhile. Longer for some, not so much for others. Just do yourself a foavor and stick with it O, it will get better and things will even out.
Faustina...I figured you were in the industry, you mentioned working a double which is a dead giveaway. I myself cooked professionally for 17yrs so I know all about it. One of the reasons I changed careers is because of the booze and drugs. I think your doing great...day 19? Congrates!!!
Kam...you wrote something like, 'serves me right for daring to be happy'...WTF. Dare all you want!!! Farmer 'Angus' blew it by chosing the other girl to be his employee...just ask any of us. As for the new beau, if he dosent get you, warts and all, his loss, seriously. We all have our stuff so you're not alone in that regard. From what I know about you, any guy would be luckly to be stepping out with you on his arm. BTW, little know secret about men...were awfully slow when it comes to the heavier stuff but usally come to our senses. Again, that's a secret so don't tell anyone. From where I stand Kam, you've lots to be proud of so chin up Kid.
EQ...I felt yor pain reading your post about yor spare room. All those memories...MUST be hard, no way around it. Loved the visual of the open window and ghosts floating away...loved it! Slow and easy E, slow and easy. I wonder if it would be benifically to have a trusted friend to help with the inital sorting phase...someone close but not too close (?). Btw, once your ready, I happen to know a fabulous painter who, if asked nicely, would'nt mind helping, when the time is right of coarse. Again, I felt the pain in your post. Do take care!
Mndisfam...So sorry to hear about your husband and stuff but happy that to go to councelling. Roughly 4 months ago I gave myself a light concussion, not fun at all. Didn't feeling 'right' for about 2 months after. And it was only then did I realize I hadnt been feeling 'right'. I've no idea if that makes any sense! Anyway, booze and family, holy crap what a combo. I certainly feel for you. 80 days...Wow!
So, Mom got in late last night, I stuck around for a bit but she was so beat, had been up almost 24 hrs that all she wanted was a bath and bed. Don't blame her, after all she's 75. She saw the room and was taken aback but agian, too tired to say much. She'll love it though, not only because it looks great, but because it was done with love (I can't believe I wrote that AND am leaving it in lol). Wound up rushing out yesterday afternoon and getting a new lighting system, the old one just didnt do the room justice. Found some minatures that will go on the walls along with the pics but will wait a feww more days till more dry. I don't know how this will sound but am quite pleased that I didnt drink during the whole process. Not just for the painting/beer reason but I'm coming up on a tradionally danger zone...3 months. For the longest time I had the 3 month block firmly in my mind, now since I know I can break that its not so bad, but its still there.
Thanks guys...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 195
Wow, I missed out on so many conversations this weekend! This is a crazy busy time of year for me -- major things go on at work for me and hubby, both kids have end of the year events in all of their activities, we have 3 family birthdays within 2 weeks of each other, it is the height of race season, and my mom is always visiting a lot. I was home with a sick kid on Friday, and finally had less pain (thanks to the med changes), so I cleaned the entire house, caught up on laundry, shopped for meals, etc. Just feeling like I'm on top of my responsibilities will make a huge difference. Still waiting on the rest of the test results...
Mndisfam - I'm so glad you've joined the group! Congrats on your sobriety! I totally relate to so much of what you said and the answer from Dee. My hubby also was completely unaware of the scope of the problem. I tried for a long time to "prove" my alcoholism to him and my best friend. I think I have finally convinced him after revealing every horrible detail I could think of, pulling out all of my hidden bottles, and admitting a lot of things I'd hidden from him. My best friend still does not believe me and has no problem offering me alcohol. Not that he'd push me to drink, but it's still hard not to have complete buy in from everyone. I also relate to your feelings about your glasses and wine. Drinking is so ritualistic for me. I really feel like I've lost something wonderful that I used to enjoy so much and share with so many people. I, too, have been looking longingly at my special wine glasses, feeling deprived when I can't participate in family/social rituals, and basically just not feeling like me without a glass of cabernet in hand. I'm not sure if this is good or bad, but this weekend a friend bought me some cranberry pomegranate juice. It looks just like wine. I walked around all weekend drinking it out of my favorite wine glasses and refilling at will. I immediately felt myself relax. I had the familiar glass to reach for and hold when I talked to friends, when I walked around the kitchen cooking, when I went to a gathering. Like I said, I'm not sure that is an acceptable substitution since it is so much like drinking, but it definitely got me through the weekend! Cranberry is the new cabernet!
Olympia - I'm so glad you're feeling better! Good for you for working out! To answer your question, exercise doesn't lessen my cravings. Obviously, I don't drink while exercising, but I'm very used to drinks as a reward. It feels very foreign not to head to the beer tent after a race or walk in from a 3 hour bike ride and not head right to the fridge.
Faustina - Did you have a good weekend with your grandson? I liked the antifreeze comparison too. I'm so anxious for my Carr book to arrive so I can read what everyone is talking about!
EQ - I agree. Sorting through rooms like that is one of the hardest things to do. I'm still avoiding going through all of my grandma & uncle's things since their deaths. Whenever I try, it does make me feel rubbed raw. I am so glad you're getting in there and getting some of it accomplished. When you air it all out, I'll bet you'll feel really free!
Kam - So sorry you had a rough day. And really, no need to say more, because I COMPLETELY agree with JohnnyD and second everything he said about it!
JohhnyD - Thanks for saying everything for me! I really do feel like you are a long lost friend. So often, you say exactly what I'm thinking (except I usually second guess myself for being blunt & start editing. LOL) I also kept imagining you saying "TriGirl, take it easy! No need to borrow trouble." the whole time I was in the hospital for my procedures. Guess I needed a practical brother voice in my head. Thanks! Glad you got the room done and glad you sound better in your last post. You seemed so tired before. I'm sure your mom is going to love it. And, yes, it will mean a lot to her that it was done with love.
Yesterday was three weeks for me. I guess that isn't that long, but for the first time, I really believe that it is just the start.
Hope everyone had a great Monday!
Mndisfam - I'm so glad you've joined the group! Congrats on your sobriety! I totally relate to so much of what you said and the answer from Dee. My hubby also was completely unaware of the scope of the problem. I tried for a long time to "prove" my alcoholism to him and my best friend. I think I have finally convinced him after revealing every horrible detail I could think of, pulling out all of my hidden bottles, and admitting a lot of things I'd hidden from him. My best friend still does not believe me and has no problem offering me alcohol. Not that he'd push me to drink, but it's still hard not to have complete buy in from everyone. I also relate to your feelings about your glasses and wine. Drinking is so ritualistic for me. I really feel like I've lost something wonderful that I used to enjoy so much and share with so many people. I, too, have been looking longingly at my special wine glasses, feeling deprived when I can't participate in family/social rituals, and basically just not feeling like me without a glass of cabernet in hand. I'm not sure if this is good or bad, but this weekend a friend bought me some cranberry pomegranate juice. It looks just like wine. I walked around all weekend drinking it out of my favorite wine glasses and refilling at will. I immediately felt myself relax. I had the familiar glass to reach for and hold when I talked to friends, when I walked around the kitchen cooking, when I went to a gathering. Like I said, I'm not sure that is an acceptable substitution since it is so much like drinking, but it definitely got me through the weekend! Cranberry is the new cabernet!
Olympia - I'm so glad you're feeling better! Good for you for working out! To answer your question, exercise doesn't lessen my cravings. Obviously, I don't drink while exercising, but I'm very used to drinks as a reward. It feels very foreign not to head to the beer tent after a race or walk in from a 3 hour bike ride and not head right to the fridge.
Faustina - Did you have a good weekend with your grandson? I liked the antifreeze comparison too.
I'm so anxious for my Carr book to arrive so I can read what everyone is talking about!EQ - I agree. Sorting through rooms like that is one of the hardest things to do. I'm still avoiding going through all of my grandma & uncle's things since their deaths. Whenever I try, it does make me feel rubbed raw. I am so glad you're getting in there and getting some of it accomplished. When you air it all out, I'll bet you'll feel really free!
Kam - So sorry you had a rough day. And really, no need to say more, because I COMPLETELY agree with JohnnyD and second everything he said about it!
JohhnyD - Thanks for saying everything for me!
I really do feel like you are a long lost friend. So often, you say exactly what I'm thinking (except I usually second guess myself for being blunt & start editing. LOL) I also kept imagining you saying "TriGirl, take it easy! No need to borrow trouble." the whole time I was in the hospital for my procedures. Guess I needed a practical brother voice in my head. Thanks! Glad you got the room done and glad you sound better in your last post. You seemed so tired before. I'm sure your mom is going to love it. And, yes, it will mean a lot to her that it was done with love. Yesterday was three weeks for me. I guess that isn't that long, but for the first time, I really believe that it is just the start.
Hope everyone had a great Monday!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 236
Evening all!
Firstly just wanted to say thank you for the lovely replies to my 'woe is me' post the other night. They were so appreciated. I managed to buck myself up again pretty quickly which I'm quite proud of as before quitting drinking I would have had a good old wallow in self pity which would have lasted for days. I also decided I would stick to my plans for seeing my sister this coming weekend, despite her having been ill. This doesn't sound like much but is actually quite a big step for me as usually when someone has had a stomach virus I avoid them like the plague in case they're still contagious. I guess I am moving forward with the phobia even if it doesn't always seem like it. Seeing new boy later this week, am giving him and me another chance to just get to know each other and enjoy each other's company before I start worrying about the big stuff. Still waiting for vets to get back to me about the job but am hoping to hear from them tomorrow.
Olympia - sorry you were having such a hard time over the weekend but am really happy to hear you sounding so much more positive now. House/ pet sitting is one of my absolute favourite things - i hope you're enjoying it! As far as the tattoo goes I think if it's personal and meaningful to you then they are a great idea and some of the ones with scripts/ quotes can be really beautiful if they're done well. I have a small tattoo on my ankle which I got done about ten years ago and i still love it.
Mndisfam - sounds like you coped really well with a very tough weekend. Hope you have a better week.
Faustina - I know i wouldn't be strong enough to work in a bar and I think it's fantastic that you have the strength to cope with serving drink all the time. I hope you had a great time with your granson.
EQ - sounds like you took a big step in starting to clear your room. It's so difficult to begin to deal with things like that. I'm still working through boxes on our attic and it provokes an enormous variety of feelings, both happy and sad.
Trigirl - you make me tired thinking about all the things that you do :-) Glad that your pain's been better but please make sure to take care of yourself as well as everyone else.
JD - just thank you! Like Tri I too feel you're sort of like the long lost big brother I never had! If new boy turns out to be half as astute and adept at saying exactly the right thing as you are I'd be a happy girl! Nice going on getting the painting finished, I'm sure your mum is thrilled.
Not much going on with me today. I've got a pinched nerve in my shoulder so I'm a bit restricted as to what i can do. Better sign off now, have got book group tomorrow and I'm still nowhere near finishing the book! xx
Firstly just wanted to say thank you for the lovely replies to my 'woe is me' post the other night. They were so appreciated. I managed to buck myself up again pretty quickly which I'm quite proud of as before quitting drinking I would have had a good old wallow in self pity which would have lasted for days. I also decided I would stick to my plans for seeing my sister this coming weekend, despite her having been ill. This doesn't sound like much but is actually quite a big step for me as usually when someone has had a stomach virus I avoid them like the plague in case they're still contagious. I guess I am moving forward with the phobia even if it doesn't always seem like it. Seeing new boy later this week, am giving him and me another chance to just get to know each other and enjoy each other's company before I start worrying about the big stuff. Still waiting for vets to get back to me about the job but am hoping to hear from them tomorrow.
Olympia - sorry you were having such a hard time over the weekend but am really happy to hear you sounding so much more positive now. House/ pet sitting is one of my absolute favourite things - i hope you're enjoying it! As far as the tattoo goes I think if it's personal and meaningful to you then they are a great idea and some of the ones with scripts/ quotes can be really beautiful if they're done well. I have a small tattoo on my ankle which I got done about ten years ago and i still love it.
Mndisfam - sounds like you coped really well with a very tough weekend. Hope you have a better week.
Faustina - I know i wouldn't be strong enough to work in a bar and I think it's fantastic that you have the strength to cope with serving drink all the time. I hope you had a great time with your granson.
EQ - sounds like you took a big step in starting to clear your room. It's so difficult to begin to deal with things like that. I'm still working through boxes on our attic and it provokes an enormous variety of feelings, both happy and sad.
Trigirl - you make me tired thinking about all the things that you do :-) Glad that your pain's been better but please make sure to take care of yourself as well as everyone else.
JD - just thank you! Like Tri I too feel you're sort of like the long lost big brother I never had! If new boy turns out to be half as astute and adept at saying exactly the right thing as you are I'd be a happy girl! Nice going on getting the painting finished, I'm sure your mum is thrilled.
Not much going on with me today. I've got a pinched nerve in my shoulder so I'm a bit restricted as to what i can do. Better sign off now, have got book group tomorrow and I'm still nowhere near finishing the book! xx
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
Ok, the truth is tonight is the first time in over a month, I want to use alcohol, but conciously, to numb my feelings. For the numbing power.
I dont want a drink, & I am not going to drink. But I am increasingly becoming less tolerant of living alone. It is so tiresome coming home to another night, alone. I feel more and more raw. And when I top it off with thinking of Mother's Day all I can think of is running far, far away.
I really don't want any answers. I know time will pass and that i will have to create my own solutions. I am more writing because I am hoping by venting my feelings I will lose my desire to feel numb. So that's it. Thanks for listening.
I have been compulsively cooking and freezing it. For what? Imaginary guests? To be more like my Mom? What the heck is that about? Lol
I dont want a drink, & I am not going to drink. But I am increasingly becoming less tolerant of living alone. It is so tiresome coming home to another night, alone. I feel more and more raw. And when I top it off with thinking of Mother's Day all I can think of is running far, far away.
I really don't want any answers. I know time will pass and that i will have to create my own solutions. I am more writing because I am hoping by venting my feelings I will lose my desire to feel numb. So that's it. Thanks for listening.
I have been compulsively cooking and freezing it. For what? Imaginary guests? To be more like my Mom? What the heck is that about? Lol
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,465
I was always very lonely EQ...when I sobered up I realised I'd never been comfortable in my own company...my drinking reached epidemic proportions when I did finally live alone.
A lot of my recovery was learning to be comfortable in my own company and my own life....and learning to love myself too...I was never my biggest fan.
It took a while...but it really was worth it.
Keep moving fwd EQ
D
A lot of my recovery was learning to be comfortable in my own company and my own life....and learning to love myself too...I was never my biggest fan.
It took a while...but it really was worth it.
Keep moving fwd EQ
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 195
I hate that you're going through that, EQ. 
I absolutely HATE living alone. (Maybe for some of the reasons you mentioned, Dee, but I'm not sure.) Everyone told me I had to learn to live alone before I could be happy living with someone else. So I lived alone for awhile just because I felt like I had to. I don't think it proved anything to anyone other than proving to me that I don't like living alone. I also miss being able to numb things, and know exactly what you mean about consciously wanting to use it even though you know you don't want to drink. Wish I was closer and could come hang out & share some of that food with you. 
I'll just have to settle for sending big hugs from here...
I absolutely HATE living alone. (Maybe for some of the reasons you mentioned, Dee, but I'm not sure.) Everyone told me I had to learn to live alone before I could be happy living with someone else. So I lived alone for awhile just because I felt like I had to. I don't think it proved anything to anyone other than proving to me that I don't like living alone. I also miss being able to numb things, and know exactly what you mean about consciously wanting to use it even though you know you don't want to drink. Wish I was closer and could come hang out & share some of that food with you. I'll just have to settle for sending big hugs from here...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Toronto
Posts: 443
Sorry you're feeling bummed EQ.
So I screwed up my Avatar. Took the old one off and tried putting up another one and the $#%^^ puter won't let me*%$##^ the new ^%$& picture.GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRR.
I'll try again tomorrow and if it doesn't work, out comes the sledge hammer.
You know, it really is the little things that get to me!
So I screwed up my Avatar. Took the old one off and tried putting up another one and the $#%^^ puter won't let me*%$##^ the new ^%$& picture.GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRR.
I'll try again tomorrow and if it doesn't work, out comes the sledge hammer.
You know, it really is the little things that get to me!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Toronto
Posts: 443
Wow, it's so quite on here. I think this is the first time since joining that the feb class has gone over 24 hrs without a post. Hopefully that means everyone's too busy living life to jump on. Either that or everyone's got a touch of SR burnout...which I get from time to time.
Nothing new going on with me though it looks like I've got some side work coming up for a friend down the street. Nothing big, basicly being paid to putter. Heck, if I could somehow turn that into a busness, I'd be happier than a pig in poo! The company motto...'it anit done till Johnny says it's done!' T-shirts, bumper stickers...the works. Get a few of the old biddies giving testamonials..'oh the Johnny, does he ever know how to puter!" My own theme song, childrens cartoon, clothing line...the possibilities are endless. Breakfast cereal even.
OK, now I'm just getting silly. Have a great, productive and sober day everyone.
Nothing new going on with me though it looks like I've got some side work coming up for a friend down the street. Nothing big, basicly being paid to putter. Heck, if I could somehow turn that into a busness, I'd be happier than a pig in poo! The company motto...'it anit done till Johnny says it's done!' T-shirts, bumper stickers...the works. Get a few of the old biddies giving testamonials..'oh the Johnny, does he ever know how to puter!" My own theme song, childrens cartoon, clothing line...the possibilities are endless. Breakfast cereal even.
OK, now I'm just getting silly. Have a great, productive and sober day everyone.
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