Dee74

They're just other people with other problems and issues of their own I think HealthyFood

The more I go on, the less my struggle with alcohol defines me. I hope you'll find the same

D

rypen

I do not use my tools properly at this point, I can honestly say the only thing that got me through this afternoon was being able to think of the consequences, my whole day would have been a chase. my addiction trys to seduce me into compulsively doing what i think.

Dee74

are you using any other support apart from SR rypen?

D

rypen

Not really, I have been through a 2month treatment center twice. Did AA and NA went back out both times just before day 90. So im using what i learned there, but its been 3+ months since i have went to a meeting last 2 of the 3 months were hardcore messing up. I do want to start going to a few meetings though again and reconnecting with some guys i met in treatment

Dee74

Cool
I think the more support we have the less difficult it can be rypen

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rypen

thanks Dee. Anything eles you can suggest for me? Did u just do Meetings?

Dee74

I didn't do a 12 step programme rypen

I was so beaten down and so scared of dying that I changed my life completely - I made myself a promise I would do anything but drink - I stopped hanging around the old crowd and the old scene and spent a lot of time here.

this explains what I did then better than I could now
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2531003

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rypen

cool bud, thanks for that =)

logicalparadox

Hey everyone!!

Well today was rough. First my test was horrible, and I would be amazed if I got a C. (it's just a CC or whatever, but I do have a 4.0 and I did study for this). I know I'm not alone, everyone was mindblown at the difficulty level, SO many short answer (that were really practically essay's) and it's anatomy and physiology--that's rather sadistic of my instructor. What's done is done, I'll work harder (and I can't imagine there won't be a curve). It's a small class, and the girl I'm the most friendly with mentioned grabbing a drink, and others were...and i wanted to SOOO badly. I did the whole, oh I'm broke till payday, and then someone offered to pay but I just said I had to get to the gym.

And to the gym I went. I killed it, I'm already sore...I just hope it's not too bad tomorrow, working out is absolutely crucial to not drinking. My parents were drinking bloody marys too when I walked in. Ugghh. Such is life, I can so no here, I can't out with others. Let alone even not want to crawl out of my skin out and about yet at all. My mom was all, oh don't cave-etc. And then she hit me with this gem, "well you've starved yourself down to nothing time and time again, so why don't you use that willpower to not drink?" Gee thanks mom. I had no real response to that, though I almost pointed out the fact considering I um, don't digest a lot of what i eat, and um my drinking is so tied into when I restrict my intake it's ridiculous--that's not exactly amazing willpower. :/ The littlest food comments almost always have me running to the bottle. I mean I'm lucky to be able to live here so the last thing I want to do is really react. It's a big incentive to get well and get sober and get out of here. (i was on my own at 16 for a bit, so having moved home at 27 and am still here...not such a good time)
Wow, for as quiet as I am irl, I sure go on a lot online!

rypen
"my addiction trys to seduce me into compulsively doing what i think."
^
Well put. I wish I had better words of advice, but all I know is what I'm trying. I live in a small town, and the only meeting I can make, my insane ex goes too...so AA around here is out. Maybe once I work less I can make another but I don't know. For now I'm just trying to read what I can here and concentrate on today. There are so many members that have such great advice and for that I'm very grateful.

Ahab- Definitely keep reminding yourself of that. I think of it, I have serious issues w/anxiety (i have ptsd) but as much as I wanted to believe alcohol masked it--and maybe for awhile to others it did--it created so many more problems and with that came so much more anxiety.

LindseyMarie- Gotta love the waking up totally drenched with chills. Mmmhmm. I am sending you good dream vibes! I told myself I would get a pedicure if I made it a week. That's one thing I was SO meticulous about my appearance at all times, but the last couple months of my drinking...just sad sad sad. I'm trying to appeal to my vanity in part, hey whatever works (speaking of eyebrows can you send me some, i kid you not i have the most bizarre issue when my anxiety is bad, esp as of late, where i pick my own out. yeah. sexy. good think for makeup)

everyone else--hang in there and I'm hoping for a great rest of the day for you. I'll be wasting time online for awhile, so I'll check back in.

LindseyMarie

I would write more i'm usually pretty chatty, but this day kicked me in the teeth. I once again had that drunkin devil on my shoulder telling me i can handle just one or two, and i've learned my lesson, blah blah blah. The angel on the other hand was like 'shut your beerhole, no you cant' I'm telling you, arguing with yourself all day is exausting. *yawn* i see a meeting in my near future...like tomorrow.

Hi Logicalparadox! I know right, a sweaty mess in bed is what all the guys dream of...eh eh eh... maybe not because we're detoxing tho...lol! I went and got my nails done & brows waxed today. Know whats cool? My hands wern't shaking like a leaf while she painted them. She must have thought something was wrong with me since I was grinning like a goofball staring at my hands. hee hee hee. Good luck w/ the results of test, i'm sure you did awesome! What are you going to school for?

Good night my friends, and keep flicking those devils off your shoulders

Ahab

Thanks logicalparadox. Wow, PTSD is a hell of burden to deal with. My heart goes out to you. I was out on my own by the age of 16 too. Had a very violent drunken father. Not a fun upbringing. Unfortunately I picked up the drunken part, but I'm happy to say not the violent part. I've never laid a hand on my wife and two kids and never will. Being a father has been the best thing I've done. Even though being a drunk has made me a very poor example I love them to death. There my main reason for doing this now.

Ahab

And logicalparadox, your quote by Oscar Wilde is one of my all time favorites. It's very fitting here too.

cracked

Hi everyone! At the end of day 3 now. I had a rough night last night. My sick kitty was having coughing spells (she has a lung tumor) and so I didn't sleep that well. This is the first time I've seen real symptoms of her illness, so it's really scary and sad . For the past few weeks since I found out about the tumor, I've been drinking away the anxiety each night - the only thing that made me forget about it for awhile - so it feels weird to just sit with her and worry. But I know I'm in a better position to take care of her sober, and that is what's important to me.

I can't believe how much I feel like we all have in common here. So glad to have found this place! I hope everyone has a good, sober night.

loudog430

Sorry to hear about your kitty. I think our bodies are set up to properly go through the steps of sorrow and mourning, but when we drench ourselves in alcohol, that routine never finishes, and we never fully accept what has happened. Just some food for thought.

cracked

I absolutely agree, and I'm hoping that removing the alcohol will help me get through it instead of wallowing in it, even though it seems like drinking would make the whole thing less painful. I have zero coping skills as a result of so many years of drinking.

Dee74

Drinking actually prolongs the pain, at least in my experience Cracked...drinking kept me in a holding pattern - and everytime I sobered up the pain return so I needed more alcohol.

It's a really vicious cycle.

D

rypen

ya logic, i have done the old move back in with the parents before its a shot to the ego for sure. But lets face it none of us had healthy egos anyways. That is the most simple yet hardest thing focusing on today. I was also from a small town where i caused most of my pain and regrets. I have moved from there, and away from my parents which is nice. Living with my bro i have my independence back and my recovery is "mine". My mom became quite co-dependent and would almost harass me with recovery questions and i should be doing this in that. God bless her and my dad though they have done alot to get me to where I am today. I agree though, one of the biggest things for me is surrounding myself with healthy people. Im really liking the kindness and support here, wish everyone another GOOD 24hrs of sobriety

BoozeFree

This weekend was bad. I was a mean drunk and hurt some people's feelings. That's a side of me I don't want to see again and I know as long as I stay sober I don't have to live it again. Day 1 coming to an end.

bounced

Hi everyone

I am just starting day 1.

I am snowed in here and will be for at least another week or maybe 2 so I have been rather bounced into this. It's not that I am reluctant or anything. This has come as a welcome opportunity. Somehow not having any choice in the matter takes a bit of a load off. There is no booze here and so I am sober.

Grateful to be joining the Feb 2012 club.

bounced

Dee74

Welcome to SR bounced

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