Class of December 2010 pt 7
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 177
I am definetly feeling antisocial, I avoid most social events that involve drinking...even have shied away from drinking friends, feel like I have so little in common with them anymore...maybe its just in my head??
I'd like to be more social again, *sigh* feel sooo boring now
I'd like to be more social again, *sigh* feel sooo boring now
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
Nota I def feel the same about people I thought were friends. I was on Facebook the other day and seeing all their status update things and pics and realized I no longer have anything in common with them bc they are only interested in partying.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,473
I'm a lot less social now.
That worried me for a while but I came to realise it's genuinely who I am - it's part of the reason I started drinking in the first place - I felt this social imperative to be sociable.
I'm nearly 44 years old - I've walked through a helluva storm and made it out bigger and bigger...
I don't feel an imperative to be anything else but who I am now
D
ps where are you VC?
That worried me for a while but I came to realise it's genuinely who I am - it's part of the reason I started drinking in the first place - I felt this social imperative to be sociable.
I'm nearly 44 years old - I've walked through a helluva storm and made it out bigger and bigger...
I don't feel an imperative to be anything else but who I am now
D
ps where are you VC?
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: The "beltway"
Posts: 785
Originally Posted by ReadyAndAble 
Speaking of woods, I bet MGF is hearing the loons again about now. Jealous!
Frogs going crazy too. And kids scaring each other in the dark, what a classic!well, despite how long it took team MGF to hit the water today, we had a great day. Made scratch biscuits and gravy (ok the biscuits not so much), caught lot's of fish, probably 5 bald eagle sightings, no wind, good pizza afterwards, and chilling out now.
At dinner I did endure lot's of "oh wow last night was sooooo crazy" type stories. From everyone, not just my brother and his GF. The whole bar (which is where the food is too). There is a bonfire going on but I guess I just feel odd going down there myself..brother and his GF are still at the bar.
MJ, I will think about your advice for sure and I really think if this is going to be a life changing thing, that person will need to know that and support it.
GirlFromCo, I'm sorry to hear you slipped. Come back on board...I'm excited to hear you are a History major, I love history. Have always loved it. Do you focus on a particular time period or region?
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
LOL, BF, I figured you might notice that about him. He's definitely better looking than the bikers I've seen.
So Nota, BF, Dee... I think all your former drinking buddies are next door. They're loud as hell. Too many people talking too loud to make out much, but I know they just let loose a huge cheer for cheeseburgers. Yes, cheeseburgers. Isn't it crazy how alcohol makes you feel all kinds of emotions—excitement, anger, whatever—about things you don't actually care about? I remember engaging in all these deep, passionate discussions about the most trivial, tedious crap. If that's social, count me anti. But I don't think anti-social people spend as much time chatting as we do.
(Random bumper sticker idea: "Anti-social people of the world, unite!")
Jeessh, it's getting even louder now. They must be having another round of idiot juice...
GFCO, it's not too late for a peaceful weekend, but you won't find it at a scene like the one next door.
Hope your Sunday night is a lot smoother.
MJ, I'll try to get some good gossip when the crowd dwindles to a few diehards!
La la salama, gang!
So Nota, BF, Dee... I think all your former drinking buddies are next door. They're loud as hell. Too many people talking too loud to make out much, but I know they just let loose a huge cheer for cheeseburgers. Yes, cheeseburgers. Isn't it crazy how alcohol makes you feel all kinds of emotions—excitement, anger, whatever—about things you don't actually care about? I remember engaging in all these deep, passionate discussions about the most trivial, tedious crap. If that's social, count me anti. But I don't think anti-social people spend as much time chatting as we do.
(Random bumper sticker idea: "Anti-social people of the world, unite!")
Jeessh, it's getting even louder now. They must be having another round of idiot juice...
GFCO, it's not too late for a peaceful weekend, but you won't find it at a scene like the one next door.
Hope your Sunday night is a lot smoother.MJ, I'll try to get some good gossip when the crowd dwindles to a few diehards!
La la salama, gang!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 581
Happy Memorial Day. I need to get a new flag and hang it outside.
Yesterday was a hectic and somewhat emotional day which ended all right. (Teenager stuff.) In the past, I would have bought myself a bottle of wine. But ice cream was the worst it got for me last night!!
Am SO, SO glad that a hangover is not part of what's on my plate. Oh, man, that would make everything so much worse. I mean the wine might taste good going down, even blur difficult emotions for awhile, but the way I would have felt today would have lasted alllll day and then into tomorrow and my work week.
PHEW! Glad to be sober guys. More than glad. Words can't express the crap I DON'T MISS! :-)
Yesterday was a hectic and somewhat emotional day which ended all right. (Teenager stuff.) In the past, I would have bought myself a bottle of wine. But ice cream was the worst it got for me last night!!
Am SO, SO glad that a hangover is not part of what's on my plate. Oh, man, that would make everything so much worse. I mean the wine might taste good going down, even blur difficult emotions for awhile, but the way I would have felt today would have lasted alllll day and then into tomorrow and my work week.
PHEW! Glad to be sober guys. More than glad. Words can't express the crap I DON'T MISS! :-)
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
R&A cheering over burgers sounds pretty funny but Im sure Ive done the same or something simular a few times back when I was gettin wasted I'm sure..
Soph way to go stickin with the ice cream instead of wine!
I think Im going to watch some more episodes of SOA this morning. Neighbors are already crackin the first beers of the day open couple houses down, maybe I will hear some cheering for burgers as well R&A!
Soph way to go stickin with the ice cream instead of wine!
I think Im going to watch some more episodes of SOA this morning. Neighbors are already crackin the first beers of the day open couple houses down, maybe I will hear some cheering for burgers as well R&A!
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: The "beltway"
Posts: 785
Hi everyone, hope you have a great Memorial Day. 
I don't miss hangovers either, and on this trip I've been treated to watching two grown adults have them almost everyday. What a strange environment. I am in no position to judge but for crying out loud, how many years of talking about "last night" before it gets old???
Probably a week was too long for this trip, I will shorten it down to maybe four days next year. I guess my brother and I live in different worlds. We did before I decided to do all of this, but now it seems even more stark. Is this a real fishing trip or a drinking trip with fishing thrown in? Everybody else gets on the lake early, everyone but us. I dunno, kinda depressing.
When we finally do hit the lake we will be going for Muskies, we'll see.
I don't miss hangovers either, and on this trip I've been treated to watching two grown adults have them almost everyday. What a strange environment. I am in no position to judge but for crying out loud, how many years of talking about "last night" before it gets old???
Probably a week was too long for this trip, I will shorten it down to maybe four days next year. I guess my brother and I live in different worlds. We did before I decided to do all of this, but now it seems even more stark. Is this a real fishing trip or a drinking trip with fishing thrown in? Everybody else gets on the lake early, everyone but us. I dunno, kinda depressing.
When we finally do hit the lake we will be going for Muskies, we'll see.
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,071
Hey everyone! Glad to hear that most of you had a better weekend than I did. I stayed sober yesterday although it was hard with a hangover. What happened was, I went out with fiance and fiance's parents to see the movie, and when we were finished we were having such a good time that they invited us to a bar for some drinks (haven't discussed my problem with them yet, more about this later) so I suggested going to their house instead. In hindsight I probably should have just gone to the bar.
Anyway, we get there and I accepted a beer, drank two over three hours and by the time we left the obsession was in full swing. We stopped for a six pack and some cigs (so gross, a drinking habit) and as usual I bullied him into submission and got my way with the booze. There went the night. I'm certain every time I do this it has got to hurt my fiance a lot. I get into that mode and nothing else matters.
I think I need to tell his family, even though the idea of having "the talk" with them makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. I think spending time with them has become my "out" in the fact that they don't know I have a problem, and my fiance, bless his heart, won't embarrass me in front of them by asking "are you sure" or something similar when I say yes to a drink. I think if I had gone to a bar it would have been harder for me to drink because by looking at all those drunk people I would have been confronted with why I stopped in the first place.
I've been thinking a lot about this weekend, and I am seeing a pattern with drinking and hanging out with his folks. It's my out, and I just have to tell them and make myself accountable. When we're with them, it's like some parallel universe where it's okay to have one or two. Except when we leave, it's a stop by the liquor store for 6 or 12 more.
Something else I realized, to my amusement, is that when I slip up now I never, ever drink wine - just beer. Wine was what I drank when I was binging every night so I think some part of me says it doesn't count as a drink if it's beer. How f****** ridiculous. I hate how booze can take an otherwise somewhat intelligent person and turn them into a complete robot whose most impassioned energies are directed towards self-destruction. I will do ANYTHING for a drink once I've had one. I will say anything I have to, hurt whoever I have to, lie, steal. I've done it ALL. I've sold my body for alcohol, and sometimes I feel like I've sold my soul too. This isn't the life I had ever imagined for myself.
When I was growing up, my first boyfriend's mother was a raging alcoholic. She would drink massive amounts (so I thought) of vodka every day, a liter or so. She was such a rageful, irrational person and thoroughly disgusted me every time I saw her. When I was over, she would make fun of me, and she was genuinely cruel to her children. Then something changed. I started drinking with her and things didn't seem so bad anymore.
She was always the person I compared myself to when I thought about my drinking. "At least I'm not..." I told myself I would never puke from booze, I would never s*** or p*** myself, and that I would never embarrass myself and others the way she did. She just drank so much, and to me it wasn't even possible that I might ever end up like her. In hindsight, I realize how awfully stupid this idea is. I was making sure I was only second worst.
One by one, all the things I never said would happen happened. Puked? You betcha. Crapped myself? Yes. Peed the bed? Yes. Embarrassed myself and others? I honestly don't know what could embarrass me at this point, after throwing up on people, passing out in vomit, falling off toilets, getting in fights, saying crazy things, as well as all the little personal hits I took to the ego that nobody ever knew about. I am beyond embarrassment. And guess what? The last time I slipped, before this weekend, I drank a liter of whiskey, just like Connie used to do.
She died a few years ago when she was in her early fifties. When I look in the mirror today, all I see is Connie. Was she like me once? Did she realize she had a choice, and did she keep going anyway?
Anyway, we get there and I accepted a beer, drank two over three hours and by the time we left the obsession was in full swing. We stopped for a six pack and some cigs (so gross, a drinking habit) and as usual I bullied him into submission and got my way with the booze. There went the night. I'm certain every time I do this it has got to hurt my fiance a lot. I get into that mode and nothing else matters.
I think I need to tell his family, even though the idea of having "the talk" with them makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. I think spending time with them has become my "out" in the fact that they don't know I have a problem, and my fiance, bless his heart, won't embarrass me in front of them by asking "are you sure" or something similar when I say yes to a drink. I think if I had gone to a bar it would have been harder for me to drink because by looking at all those drunk people I would have been confronted with why I stopped in the first place.
I've been thinking a lot about this weekend, and I am seeing a pattern with drinking and hanging out with his folks. It's my out, and I just have to tell them and make myself accountable. When we're with them, it's like some parallel universe where it's okay to have one or two. Except when we leave, it's a stop by the liquor store for 6 or 12 more.
Something else I realized, to my amusement, is that when I slip up now I never, ever drink wine - just beer. Wine was what I drank when I was binging every night so I think some part of me says it doesn't count as a drink if it's beer. How f****** ridiculous. I hate how booze can take an otherwise somewhat intelligent person and turn them into a complete robot whose most impassioned energies are directed towards self-destruction. I will do ANYTHING for a drink once I've had one. I will say anything I have to, hurt whoever I have to, lie, steal. I've done it ALL. I've sold my body for alcohol, and sometimes I feel like I've sold my soul too. This isn't the life I had ever imagined for myself.
When I was growing up, my first boyfriend's mother was a raging alcoholic. She would drink massive amounts (so I thought) of vodka every day, a liter or so. She was such a rageful, irrational person and thoroughly disgusted me every time I saw her. When I was over, she would make fun of me, and she was genuinely cruel to her children. Then something changed. I started drinking with her and things didn't seem so bad anymore.
She was always the person I compared myself to when I thought about my drinking. "At least I'm not..." I told myself I would never puke from booze, I would never s*** or p*** myself, and that I would never embarrass myself and others the way she did. She just drank so much, and to me it wasn't even possible that I might ever end up like her. In hindsight, I realize how awfully stupid this idea is. I was making sure I was only second worst.
One by one, all the things I never said would happen happened. Puked? You betcha. Crapped myself? Yes. Peed the bed? Yes. Embarrassed myself and others? I honestly don't know what could embarrass me at this point, after throwing up on people, passing out in vomit, falling off toilets, getting in fights, saying crazy things, as well as all the little personal hits I took to the ego that nobody ever knew about. I am beyond embarrassment. And guess what? The last time I slipped, before this weekend, I drank a liter of whiskey, just like Connie used to do.
She died a few years ago when she was in her early fifties. When I look in the mirror today, all I see is Connie. Was she like me once? Did she realize she had a choice, and did she keep going anyway?
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 581
GFCO that is very honest. What, then, is the plan going to entail? How do you avoid becoming Connie? She is the anti hero. Who is your hero? Who do you want to be like?
The Avett Brothers sing "There was a dream, and one day I could see it, like a bird in a cage I broke in and demanded that somebody free it." They also sing "decide what to be and go be it."
I do see the dream... it's the future Me I want to be... she smiles at me. She is safe. She's there. Oh the strength I get from daydreaming about the woman I know I can be. It is what keeps me going. It has taken many false starts. But I keep trying. This time feels good and I like it and do not want to stuff it up. This time, I am working it.
Decide what to be, and go be it.
The Avett Brothers sing "There was a dream, and one day I could see it, like a bird in a cage I broke in and demanded that somebody free it." They also sing "decide what to be and go be it."
I do see the dream... it's the future Me I want to be... she smiles at me. She is safe. She's there. Oh the strength I get from daydreaming about the woman I know I can be. It is what keeps me going. It has taken many false starts. But I keep trying. This time feels good and I like it and do not want to stuff it up. This time, I am working it.
Decide what to be, and go be it.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 788
Wow, guys, powerful, moving stuff. Soph, I have tears in my eyes thinking of the me I want to be, safe, smiling at me. I can't quite see her yet. She's blurry. Any advice?
GFCO, you will always have that post to remind you not to gave one beer. Why not just one beer? Now you know. AA really helps with this...remembering where we've been and why wwe don't want to go back.
But it really is the next step...Dee and MG and you all have been talking about this...we don't want to be who we were...or Connie...but then how do we imagine who we truly are and can be now, in sobriety?
Sober me is, probably, kind of antisocial. Kind, calm, smart, posessed with inner peace that doesn't rely on other's opinions...in a dream, maybe I wouldn't even notice other's opinions.
How about the rest of you? We know who we don't want to be...but who do we want to be?
GFCO, you will always have that post to remind you not to gave one beer. Why not just one beer? Now you know. AA really helps with this...remembering where we've been and why wwe don't want to go back.
But it really is the next step...Dee and MG and you all have been talking about this...we don't want to be who we were...or Connie...but then how do we imagine who we truly are and can be now, in sobriety?
Sober me is, probably, kind of antisocial. Kind, calm, smart, posessed with inner peace that doesn't rely on other's opinions...in a dream, maybe I wouldn't even notice other's opinions.
How about the rest of you? We know who we don't want to be...but who do we want to be?
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