alexvt

Good Morning everyone, it is a yucky day in SoCal! I have been cleaning all morning and finally got DD put down for nap. Nanny coming at 12:00-2pm. I will try to study I haven't even looked at my reading assignment for quiz yet. Not a fun day

Congrats on the 4 pounds HFA!

TJ- Good Luck with your mystery reading for your sons class. Sounds like a great thing to do.

Lyddie- I hope your day is going smoothly.

Dee- Hows it going?

Shoei-Have a good one!

DAY 114

traderjane

Just checking in -- I'm good but exhausted. After all my talk yesterday about what a great sleeper I am, I had a bout of insomnia last night and was up until 1:30 or so -- had to get up at 6:30. Ugh. I don't get insomnia often, but when I do it's related to female time of the month stuff. So I know it's normal (my OB GYN told me this) and it's just once a month. I'll sleep well tonight.

Just a really busy day -- the mystery reader thing was fun. I love reading to kids. My son loved that I was there. I then went into the office and knocked off two big projects and am now getting to an ever bigger third one. I hope to tackle it tomorrow.

When I woke up this morning, I had a nice email from the guy who runs the SMART meeting that I go to. It said, "Hang in there. You looked good last night. Happy and focused." That's about the best compliment anyone could give me considering how unhappy and unfocused I have been since my divorce. I really think I'm starting to heal.

Good night ... I know I'll sleep well.

End of Day 6

Dee74

It's really hot today but I'm doing ok Beth
glad to see everyone else is too

D

traderjane

Good morning! I'm doing great. Off to work again very soon, but just wanted to post here first.

I'm on Day 7 and feel very organized and focused. I didn't think it was possible for me to be this "on top of things." It's a wonderful feeling to finally feel in control of my life.

I have an event to attend tonight at a restaurant. It's a college alumni event as a 25th reunion kickoff party. I'm one of the co-hosts, which just means I have to buy an appetizer for the group. Others will be drinking, but I think I will find it easy to drink something non-alcoholic because the event isn't organized around drinking and I'm not going out with "drinking buddies." The moderator of my SMART meeting told me to plan out ahead of time which non-alcoholic drink I was going to get and to get focused on that ahead of time. I think that's a good plan. I will let you know how it goes, but I'm not anticipating any big problems.

The other big news is that I am planning a little getaway over spring break for just me and my dog. My ex is taking the kids away for a few days so I thought I deserved a getaway, too. I found a nice B&B at the beach that is pet friendly, so my dog and I will travel to the coast for a couple of days and just hang out and relax. I'm really excited. And the most exciting thing about this is that I no longer feel like this is "pathetic me trying to fill my life with something" after my divorce and breakup with ex. I felt that way for a long time and everything I tried to do or fill my life with just seemed lame or pathetic. For some reason, this trip seems like a turning point for me. The trip is not for appearances or anyone else's benefit. It's for me and my dog and that's just fine. I'm starting to feel complete all by myself without a partner, and that is the best feeling I can imagine. I told you guys I was starting to heal.

Okay, off to make some $$$

Day 7

HFA

Well my state seate just passed a bill to cut my pay by 20% its off to the house for a vote. Not looking good. Also removes seniority protection for my xwife and cut her pay. Not a good day...

alexvt

Goo Morning, I have a to do list as long as my arm but am looking forward to it.

I am so sorry HFA. Truly

TJ- You sound great, keep it up and big CONGRATS on day 7! 1 week! Be careful tonight.

Have a good day guys I have to try to stay on task today

Dee this is for you

DAY 115

alexvt

I just got my WHOLE list done! I even took the dogs for a walk and then a ride around the mountain. While I was driving I was thinking about how different my life would be if I was still drinking. It was a Horribly Depressing scenario.

I suggest to anyone if you find yourself thinking about drinking again, imagine how your life use to be, and how your life would be if you had never stopped drinking. If that doesn't stop you dead in your tracks, nothing will. I am so thankful for my sobriety!

Have a good night/day all! Today was a good day indeed

DAY 115

HFA

Lyddie??? Any one hear from her? Wonder how the big upgrade went.

lyddie

I am alive and I survived the upgrade. Sorry for not checking in earlier. The upgrade has gone well so far. Still have some things to fix. By the end of the day Wednesday, I just really wanted to be able to drink. My brain was mush and I was so tired. Of course, I didn't drink nor did I intend to but the feeling wasn't just a wishful thinking moment - it was a oh sh*t cr*p I can't do that anymore - it would have been so nice to let my confused and tired brain unwind with wine.

These upgrade work things are so intense and consuming. I need to get back to my good health habits and definitely need a lot of sleep. I don't do well with 12 hours work night\day hours. I am tired sorry - all I seem to be able to do is whine, whine, whine and complain.

HFA - sorry to hear about the budget cuts that have affected your pay.

Beth - you are so right - my life is so much better without the alcohol. I survived the upgrade as well as I did because I am not drinking.

alexvt

Hey Lyddie glad to hear things are going good

I am good just a little sore and tired. I am waiting on the nanny to get here. I have decided to give myself a 2hr break 3 days a week. 6 hours per week for myself helps a lot. I am going to walk the dog and hope that the fresh air will help to study. I am going to take DD to the park later

Have a good day!

DAY 116

lyddie

My very kind manager let me leave work early. I was just way too cranky to be at work today.

alexvt

I was grumpy today too Lyddie, although I have no idea why.

Glad this day is over. Test and 3 hour class tomorrow....Yay I will find out what my grade was on speech last week. I hope I got an A. Anything less will make me very disappointed in myself.

Have a good night/day all

Peace.

DAY 116

alexvt

Crappy day! I studied the wrong chapters for Quiz. So I got 0 points and I got a B on speech from last week. None of this would matter if I didn't try so hard. I feel hopeless, like my brain just doesn't work properly. The guy who introduced me did a way worse job than me and got a point higher on his speech. WTF. My whole future depends on school and getting a degree so I can take care of my child. If i can't even understand what it is I am learning how am I ever going to get through school.

I have no thoughts of drinking. I think I would be suicidal if I failed sobriety at this point.

I am sorry I know this sound very dramatic but I feel such frustration and disappointment in myself.

I will be ok.

DAY 117

lyddie

Beth - going back to school can be frustrating. When I take classes, I always try to get to know the instructor. Ask for help. Let them know this is your first class back. Whatever you feel comfortable with. And a B is a good grade - it means you did well and the instructor thinks you can do better. ((HUGS)) to you.

alexvt

Thanks Lyddie, I don't think you know how much that meant to me. I just get so scared sometimes. I will take your advice. Thanks again for the encouragement and the much needed ((HUG))

I am going to get a fresh start on my next speech due in 2 weeks, and do all my reading on the next chapter tomorrow. I need to be better prepared.

Take Care

DAY 117 (over and out)

lyddie

Beth - Going back to school and training for a new career is a huge step to make. I know you can do it.

alexvt

It's a NEW day I am going to have a NEW attitude!! I AM! I CAN! I WILL! LOL

I am in the midst of cleaning out my crazy closet and my bathroom. Have a good day all!

Dee I hope you are doing ok haven't heard from you

Lyddie-

DAY 118

lyddie

Beth - Dee is taking time away for personal reasons. He posted a message yesterday - don't know how to make a link for it so you will need to search for his latest post.

alexvt

Thanks Lyddie, I can't seem to find it but posted on the thank you Dee thread. I wish Dee the very best but I am real sad

Have a Good Night-

Day 118

alexvt

This is going to be hard without Dee

I hope everyone is doing good

DAY 119