June 2010 Sobriety Group Pt 5
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,262
Got my a$$ kicked again by some Chardonnay.
I want to be like you all and build up lots of sober time. I'm ready. I admit defeat (once again). Sadly, I think I fall into the category of alcoholic. It totally sucks. I don't ever drink during the day and I don't drink every day, but I guess that doesn't make me immune from being an alcoholic.
I hope I can start going to my SMART meetings again. It's so hard when my kids need me. But I need to go.
I'm going to try to post here everyday and count the days like Beth does. It seems to be working for her.
sooooooo..... Day one. May I never have another.
I want to be like you all and build up lots of sober time. I'm ready. I admit defeat (once again). Sadly, I think I fall into the category of alcoholic. It totally sucks. I don't ever drink during the day and I don't drink every day, but I guess that doesn't make me immune from being an alcoholic.
I hope I can start going to my SMART meetings again. It's so hard when my kids need me. But I need to go.
I'm going to try to post here everyday and count the days like Beth does. It seems to be working for her.
sooooooo..... Day one. May I never have another.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sunny South
Posts: 1,666
Hey TJ...
I just happened to click on this thread, and saw your post.
I know you don't like the term/label alcoholic. Truthfully, it is not very endearing to me either
Leave it out of the equation.
Acceptance, for me is the key.
I had to accept that not matter how often I drank, or how much, alcohol and I don't mix. Once I fully accepted in my head and my heart that I couldn't drink, I began to embrace all the things I could do. I could be a sober parent, I could wake up in the morning without a hangover, I can sleep at night...I can do so much by simply removing the poison from the equation.
I also had to get down to the causes and conditions of why I drank. What are my triggers, why do I, or did I go back and do something I had sworn off time and again?
Simple, but, not easy. It is work, but, well worth it.
Take the time for your Smart meetings. I know you are torn about not being with your children,but, what you will gain from those meetings and sobriety is the single biggest gift you could ever give them.
Wishing you the best...
I just happened to click on this thread, and saw your post.
I know you don't like the term/label alcoholic. Truthfully, it is not very endearing to me either
Leave it out of the equation.
Acceptance, for me is the key.
I had to accept that not matter how often I drank, or how much, alcohol and I don't mix. Once I fully accepted in my head and my heart that I couldn't drink, I began to embrace all the things I could do. I could be a sober parent, I could wake up in the morning without a hangover, I can sleep at night...I can do so much by simply removing the poison from the equation.
I also had to get down to the causes and conditions of why I drank. What are my triggers, why do I, or did I go back and do something I had sworn off time and again?
Simple, but, not easy. It is work, but, well worth it.
Take the time for your Smart meetings. I know you are torn about not being with your children,but, what you will gain from those meetings and sobriety is the single biggest gift you could ever give them.
Wishing you the best...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: los angeles, ca
Posts: 1,223
Hey Tj sorry you are having such a rough time. I can tell you for sure that if I didn't count days I would of already drank by now. Thats why this site for me is so important. It is the only place I can hold myself accountable. It is sad in a way (no offense Dee) but Dee is sometimes the only reason I am able to fight the urge. I also feel like I would be letting Lyddie,HFA, and Shoei down. Not that they would be mad or judge but would feel bad for me.
That is one of the reasons the group mentally works. This is my only source of help and honestly sometimes my mom even says 1 drink won't hurt. My X has never even congratulated me on 1 day of sobriety let alone 100. I even mention it to him and he says nothing. I always get a congratulations from the people who barely know me.
Our little group maybe small but it is powerful and plays a big part in my sobriety.
Even if you only say hi and post your day for that day it helps a lot.
I hope this is your time Laura. Nobody should live in self induced pain.
Take Care-B
That is one of the reasons the group mentally works. This is my only source of help and honestly sometimes my mom even says 1 drink won't hurt. My X has never even congratulated me on 1 day of sobriety let alone 100. I even mention it to him and he says nothing. I always get a congratulations from the people who barely know me.
Our little group maybe small but it is powerful and plays a big part in my sobriety.
Even if you only say hi and post your day for that day it helps a lot.
I hope this is your time Laura. Nobody should live in self induced pain.
Take Care-B
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,262
Thank you so much, Anew and Beth. I really liked both of your posts and very much agree with you both!!!
I like the concept of forgetting about the label -- because when I start thinking that way I compare myself to others who drink and say, "Well I don't really drink more than ____ .... so I can't really be an alcoholic, right?" And of course that type of thinking just leads me back to thinking it's okay for me to drink. Well, the concept of "alcohol and I just don't mix together" is a good one because it's very true. I will try to start thinking that way.
I'm also going to try to get to more SMART meetings. I feel like I don't want to let them down and it's a very positive motivator. I stopped going to them when the weather was bad, got complacent, figured I didn't need them anymore.... and of course the rest is predictable.
I am going to try to post here just like you do, Beth and see if that works for me this time.
This is a form of self-abuse, and you're right, Beth. No one should have to live like this - not even once a week.
I so badly want to be a "non-drinker" and embrace my new life. I have a chance to do this again. I have to. The alternative is not good, not good at all.
As far as binges go, last night was not even my worst in terms of amounts of drinking, but it was emotionally devestating to me. I'm drained.
Day 1
I like the concept of forgetting about the label -- because when I start thinking that way I compare myself to others who drink and say, "Well I don't really drink more than ____ .... so I can't really be an alcoholic, right?" And of course that type of thinking just leads me back to thinking it's okay for me to drink. Well, the concept of "alcohol and I just don't mix together" is a good one because it's very true. I will try to start thinking that way.
I'm also going to try to get to more SMART meetings. I feel like I don't want to let them down and it's a very positive motivator. I stopped going to them when the weather was bad, got complacent, figured I didn't need them anymore.... and of course the rest is predictable.
I am going to try to post here just like you do, Beth and see if that works for me this time.
This is a form of self-abuse, and you're right, Beth. No one should have to live like this - not even once a week.
I so badly want to be a "non-drinker" and embrace my new life. I have a chance to do this again. I have to. The alternative is not good, not good at all.
As far as binges go, last night was not even my worst in terms of amounts of drinking, but it was emotionally devestating to me. I'm drained.
Day 1
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sunny South
Posts: 1,666
TJ-I run into the same situation with my AA meetings. Too much to do, bad weather, complacency, you know the drill.
I need the meetings, I need this forum. I need something to remind me that I don't have to drink, that I don't need to drink. Because somehow, someway, that thought will pop into my head at my most vunerable moment.
Hoping your Friday is a good one.
I need the meetings, I need this forum. I need something to remind me that I don't have to drink, that I don't need to drink. Because somehow, someway, that thought will pop into my head at my most vunerable moment.
Hoping your Friday is a good one.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: los angeles, ca
Posts: 1,223
I have been so freaking insane this week. I haven't even posted my day yet I have to give my speech tomorrow morning. I finally finished it today and now I have to memorize it. I have been running around after her and trying organize my thoughts all week. UGH!
I have a long night ahead of me. Oh and thoughts of wine have invaded my mind! That's all they are to me right now just fleeting thoughts...
I am safe
DAY 109
I have to give my speech tomorrow morning. I finally finished it today and now I have to memorize it. I have been running around after her and trying organize my thoughts all week. UGH!I have a long night ahead of me. Oh and thoughts of wine have invaded my mind! That's all they are to me right now just fleeting thoughts...
I am safe
DAY 109
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,262
Thanks again everyone. Your responses were more helpful than you can imagine. I was almost ashamed to come back and and say I'm trying again, then I realized I had to swallow my pride and start again. I'm glad I posted that post "Help, I'm scared." when I did. I was completely hungover and in that sick, anxious state that follows a night of heavy drinking. I don't want to forget that that is what a "nice glass of wine" ends up doing to me. As you know, it is never one glass.
I'm doing much better tonight. Enjoying my kids while sober. Very nice. I'm about to go watch the movie "Bolt" with them. It's on the Disney channel.
We had a really good time this afternoon. It's my Mom's birthday, so we had my Mom and Dad over for a little party. My daughter and sons made two different cakes and really got into it. The au pair was in charge of the cooking, and they came out great! She set up this nice party with cake, veggies and dip, grapes, chips and pitchers of water and grape juice. I have to say it was really wonderful and fun. My Mom was thrilled. She said she didn't want any presents, but I got her a really nice set of note cards (because I know she likes to write to people) and she was very happy (and said she needed them!) So it made me happy to make her happy today.
I'm thrilled I'm going to bed sober tonight. My memory of last night is really foggy. That's not the life I want to lead. I think I was headed into a downward spiral if I wasn't careful and am so glad I reached out here. You guys rock!!!
I promise to check in tomorrow.
I'm doing much better tonight. Enjoying my kids while sober. Very nice. I'm about to go watch the movie "Bolt" with them. It's on the Disney channel.
We had a really good time this afternoon. It's my Mom's birthday, so we had my Mom and Dad over for a little party. My daughter and sons made two different cakes and really got into it. The au pair was in charge of the cooking, and they came out great! She set up this nice party with cake, veggies and dip, grapes, chips and pitchers of water and grape juice. I have to say it was really wonderful and fun. My Mom was thrilled. She said she didn't want any presents, but I got her a really nice set of note cards (because I know she likes to write to people) and she was very happy (and said she needed them!) So it made me happy to make her happy today.
I'm thrilled I'm going to bed sober tonight. My memory of last night is really foggy. That's not the life I want to lead. I think I was headed into a downward spiral if I wasn't careful and am so glad I reached out here. You guys rock!!!
I promise to check in tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: los angeles, ca
Posts: 1,223
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Lots of good stuff here Laura - for once I have nothing to add 
Forget the label - noone needs abuse - even self administered
and thanks Beth - I think LOL
D
Forget the label - noone needs abuse - even self administered
and thanks Beth - I think LOL
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SoCal
Posts: 4,492
Laura - Checking in daily with SR has helped me and continues to help me. Next week will be 8 months for me.
HFA - good luck with the loser's club!
Beth - Good luck with your speech tomorrow.
Hey Dee - glad you make time to check in with us.
My massage last night was wonderful. Almost drifted off to sleep a couple of times. My plan for tomorrow is to just not think about work at all because next week just could be the work week from h*ll for me.
HFA - good luck with the loser's club!
Beth - Good luck with your speech tomorrow.
Hey Dee - glad you make time to check in with us.
My massage last night was wonderful. Almost drifted off to sleep a couple of times. My plan for tomorrow is to just not think about work at all because next week just could be the work week from h*ll for me.
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,262
Good morning!!! Good Lord, it's nice to wake up without a hangover. Luckily I don't suffer from any extended withdrawals from alcohol, just the normal hangovers (which are no picnic, btw.) I really like thinking it's possible to feel this good and "normal" (which is after all, good!) all the time.
I have a small bottle of white wine (one glass serving) left over from my last binge. I'm going to dump it today and write a little message on it and say goodbye again. I don't keep alcohol in the house, so that will be the end of it here.
It's supposed to be a nice weekend. Not really hot, just kind of spring like. This is a great time to let go of past demons and move forward.
I plan to do a yoga class this morning (have to drop my kids off with their Dad first, it's his weekend to take them). Then I have to interview another au pair candidate for next year. We will do that by Skype video phone. Hard to believe that I already have to look for a new one. They only stay a year, so just when you get into the groove (6 months or so) it's time to start thinking about finding a new one. I hope the process isn't too bad for me this year. I'm having my current au pair be involved as a second opinion in the process. I briefly considered not getting an au pair for next year, but if I am going to step up my hours at work (which I have to by financial necessity) I cannot do it without child care. My kids are still to young and require too much supervision.
I'm off to make coffee. Yesterday morning the thought of coffee made me ill to the core. I hear birds chirping outside. This is progress.
Day 2
I have a small bottle of white wine (one glass serving) left over from my last binge. I'm going to dump it today and write a little message on it and say goodbye again. I don't keep alcohol in the house, so that will be the end of it here.
It's supposed to be a nice weekend. Not really hot, just kind of spring like. This is a great time to let go of past demons and move forward.
I plan to do a yoga class this morning (have to drop my kids off with their Dad first, it's his weekend to take them). Then I have to interview another au pair candidate for next year. We will do that by Skype video phone. Hard to believe that I already have to look for a new one. They only stay a year, so just when you get into the groove (6 months or so) it's time to start thinking about finding a new one. I hope the process isn't too bad for me this year. I'm having my current au pair be involved as a second opinion in the process. I briefly considered not getting an au pair for next year, but if I am going to step up my hours at work (which I have to by financial necessity) I cannot do it without child care. My kids are still to young and require too much supervision.
I'm off to make coffee. Yesterday morning the thought of coffee made me ill to the core. I hear birds chirping outside. This is progress.
Day 2
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: South Dakota, USA
Posts: 1,429
I am sorry about your recent struggles Laura. But I too am glad you posted. I can relate to your internal conversations you have with yourself. We can always find someone worse to compare ourselves to and trick ourselves into thinking we don't have a problem. I did the same thing. But we know that alcoholism is progressive and we don't have to get as low as others to want a better life for ourselves and our kids. Even if you stay right where you are with this disease, having hangovers, anxiety, etc. is no way to live. There is so much more out there. Life is short.... far too short to waste any of it hungover and sick.
Glad you are back. I urge you to "play the tape all the way to the end" whenever you think a "nice" glass of wine sounds like a good idea. You know how it will end.
Glad you are back. I urge you to "play the tape all the way to the end" whenever you think a "nice" glass of wine sounds like a good idea. You know how it will end.
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,262
Bdiddy -- yes, thanks! I agree!!!
At best, if I was drinking I would have a mild buzz, a slightly disrupted sleep, and feel sluggish in the morning. At worst, I would get sh*tfaced, do stupid things, not be able to sleep at all (keep waking up all night long to puke), and feel like I was run over by a truck in the morning. You are right -- life is too short to live like that!!!
I'm taking it one day at a time, even though that is a cliche, I think it's the easiest way to look at this. Tonight I am staying in and just getting the grocery shopping and laundry done. It's better than going out to a bar and feeling like crap on Sunday morning!
I hope everyone else is having a good weekend.
At best, if I was drinking I would have a mild buzz, a slightly disrupted sleep, and feel sluggish in the morning. At worst, I would get sh*tfaced, do stupid things, not be able to sleep at all (keep waking up all night long to puke), and feel like I was run over by a truck in the morning. You are right -- life is too short to live like that!!!
I'm taking it one day at a time, even though that is a cliche, I think it's the easiest way to look at this. Tonight I am staying in and just getting the grocery shopping and laundry done. It's better than going out to a bar and feeling like crap on Sunday morning!
I hope everyone else is having a good weekend.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: los angeles, ca
Posts: 1,223
I did awesome on my speech. I can't believe it! I even had a couple of classmates tell me that they thought mine was the best. I won't know my grade till next week. So I am a very happy girl.
I am so exhausted though i only got 3 hours of sleep and all of the stress this speech as put on me all week has drained me of absolutely everything.
Tomorrow I will be rested and can really enjoy my accomplishment.
Lyddie I am glad you got a well deserved massage.
TJ- Exactly-one day at a time.
I am zoning out.
Night
DAY 110
I am so exhausted though i only got 3 hours of sleep and all of the stress this speech as put on me all week has drained me of absolutely everything.
Tomorrow I will be rested and can really enjoy my accomplishment.
Lyddie I am glad you got a well deserved massage.
TJ- Exactly-one day at a time.
I am zoning out.
Night
DAY 110
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,262
Congrats on your speech, Beth! You must feel really great!!!
I am terrified of public speaking. I'm fine speaking in small group situations, but in front of a large group.... AHHHHH!!!!
I just wanted to thank everyone here for helping me. I was in a really dark place the other day and I didn't know where to turn. I am glad I turned here. Thanks again I feel like I'm coming out of a deep hole I had put myself into.
Good night!
I am terrified of public speaking. I'm fine speaking in small group situations, but in front of a large group.... AHHHHH!!!!
I just wanted to thank everyone here for helping me. I was in a really dark place the other day and I didn't know where to turn. I am glad I turned here. Thanks again
I feel like I'm coming out of a deep hole I had put myself into.Good night!
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,262
Good morning. Another nice day here. Looks to be warmer than yesterday
I have been taking care of my dog all weekend. He had a traumatic experience at the groomer last Thursday and he has needed a lot of love and attention. There is nothing good about it, but it did give me a good excuse not to go out with my friends last night who were meeting at a bar. I just didn't feel like even tempting myself so early in the game. So I went grocery shopping and took care of my dog. A much better night IMO.
I'm sick of the drunkenness and the craziness and am excited about my new life and the new possibilities. Plain and simple, drinking sucks.
I'm going to make my coffee and start my day...
Day 3
I have been taking care of my dog all weekend. He had a traumatic experience at the groomer last Thursday and he has needed a lot of love and attention. There is nothing good about it, but it did give me a good excuse not to go out with my friends last night who were meeting at a bar. I just didn't feel like even tempting myself so early in the game. So I went grocery shopping and took care of my dog. A much better night IMO.
I'm sick of the drunkenness and the craziness and am excited about my new life and the new possibilities. Plain and simple, drinking sucks.
I'm going to make my coffee and start my day...
Day 3
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
