Ananda

stephen...i was stuck where you are from August to December....I'm currently on day 20 and haven't had an urge to drink for all that time. So there is always hope...whatever it takes for you to get sober...you just hven't found it yet...

I too did the drunk email thing...and worse drunk phone messages to a guy in which i totally humiliated myself....didn't stop me from drinking.

I quit my job in December (was probably gonna loose it anyway) no unemployment..life generally sucking.

Went to treatment 3 times...could never put together a full day at my own house without drinking...

I wanted sobriety desperatly, but it wasn't happening and I have attended AA for 25 years and have tons of support.

Since your doing the AA thing...I will tell you that worked for me was that I found myself a sponsor (even though i was still drinking) who was like me...who couldn't stop drinking regardless of concequences...

We have been doing intensive step work ever since.

Maybe look for a sponsor who like you couldn't stop no matter what they tried or how bad they wanted it....and get into the steps with him or her...

My heart is with you...this disease sucks.

Anna

Steppen,

For me it was convincing myself that I deserved a good life.

You do deserve a good life. Allow yourself to succeed.

CarolD

Steppen51.....

I hope you will stay connected with us here on our
Daily Support thread. Many of us had false starts
before we actually quit drinking....

All my best to you and your family

Dean62

Hi Steppen51.

I have sort of known or at least been reading the postings of Carol, Dee, Ananda and Anna for a while now. You have some truly amazing people right here right now to support you and I would love to as well.

Thanks to you all that come here.....I eaked out one of the most miserable 24 hours without a drink in my life. I know it will get better then this. I will be going home in a couple hours from work and hopefully sleeping until work starts again tonight and then be feeling just that much better however much or little it is.....it will be better.

Dee74

Hope you have a restless sleep, mate.
Take Care

D

looking4sanity

i have 2 days i think but im deciding to use yesterday as my sober date, well i dont wanna put any ideas in anyones head but im not sure im an alcoholic, at meetings i say "hi im david and im an alcoholic and a drug addict" or ill just say addict, im 100% certain about the addict part no doubt in my mind, my drug of choice was crack and i lost alot to it but i dont know how much ive lost to alcohol because the majority of my problems were caused by cocaine and i dropped the coke on august 25th and havent used it since, i have had some major cravings though, i know alot of people say if your addicted to one your addicted to them all because you like getting messed up and thats what your addicted to, and dont get me wrong i love to drink but i can mainly compartmentalize to the weekend and at parties, the only thing is always when i drink i drink to get drunk and i drink so much i black out sometimes but not all the time by anymeans mainly just occasions such as my birthday, new years, christmas parties etc., am i an alcoholic even if i dont crave it as hard as i did crack ..or really at all?this is a major thing for me cuz im young and about to go back to college to get an education and to also play baseball again (i lost my scholarship when i decided to go to rehab for crack) and i dont know if i can be sucessful at staying 100% away from alcohol if im on a baseball team cuz ball players love to party so im considering not even playing baseball again, the sport i love because i dont want it to cost me the progress ive made in my personal life, any ideas? its really eating me up inside because im afraid if i try really hard to stay sober i will alienate myself from the team cuz they party and i will end up being a loner and will eventually decide to quit the team because baseball wouldnt be fun at that point and if i **** up like that again im afraid the disappointment i would feel in myself and from my family would be enough to drive me back to crack, should i take the lesser of two evils till i graduate school and just do a good job compartmentalizing my drinking? god this is such a mind **** any help would be appreciated

looking4sanity

just realized yall probably have rules and i apologize about not starting my own thread

Ananda

hey looking! its fine you posted here we have rules, but you haven't broken any

I just woke up so I want to do my morning meditation and get to my job interview (yippeee) but will respond later today ...just wanted to touch base with you.

I'm on day 21...a recent graduate of this thresd....please keep posting this is definately a place you belong

Dean62

Hi sanity, welcome to the sanity forum.....I have absolutely no credntials at all. I drink and take pills until I am out of my mind so I get this crazy notion maybe I can share some of my life experience with you and it would somehow help. First of all I do have to say I have know clue what you are talking about when you ask about rules here....if you are an addict or alcoholic don't worry about rules until you hit your fourties....remember I have no credentials at all. Don't get the wrong idea about whether you are an alcoholic or not?...ok...done deal. I have no idea here. My suggestion and it is perfectly fine with me if you ignore it...never drink again. Of course nobody knows if you are an alcoholic so you could go ahead and roll the dice. Remember rules and what I say don't count for much....shouldn't say that about rules...sorry.

I would like you to know the stuff you say about baseball not being as fun....man there is something seriously wrong with that picture.....and the lesser of two evils....more bad....compartmentalizing? Disappointment would drive you back to crack? Disappointment of drinking too much or not enough? Please look at the beginning of my response to you. The part about me sharing my experience. I am quoting your post as I talk about me.

I hope you are not an alcoholic and I am telling you, just don't drink anymore. There are better things and if I need booze to make them funner? Put yourself and your family first. It is so worth it.

Carol please don't delete this post. I hope I can give love with out being hard in this thread so I gave looking my best shot.

Dee....I know.... I could sleep better today with some rum....but you know the rest. Thanks for acknowledging and understanding.

Take care everyone.

mirage

looking4sanity...what I've learned from reading here is that the labels ("alcoholic"), don't matter. The only thing that matters is the role it plays in your life. The fact that you're concerned whether or not to drink, and the ramifications either way, would make me think that not drinking would be the best option. Dean is right..it's just not worth it. And let's not forget about the progressive part. You may "only" be blacking out occasionally now..but try to look down the road and know it only gets worse. I know that's hard to do, but it's worth thinking about.

Try not to sabotage your abstinence...you've already painted the picture of it sucking and you've played it out in your head all the way to quitting the team. (By the way...the coach will LOVE that you don't drink!) You'll feel better and in all likelihood, play better. Try concentrating on your studies and playing ball..anything else is just a distraction..you don't need to drink to enjoy baseball. I don't need to tell you that.

Just my 2 cents...I wish the best for you! College is an awesome time in our lives...enjoy it sober..you'll be so happy you did!

CarolD

looking4sanity......
Welcome to our Daily Support thread.

Since crack is your choice of drugs ...I wonder
why you are not doing NA instead of AA?

Of course both are based on abstinence...but you
might feel a bit more at ease in NA.

Enjoy your day...

Anna

Hi Looking4sanity and Welcome,

If alcohol is causing problems in your life, then it's a problem. We are here to offer support and I hope that you take a look around and keep reading and posting.

Steppen51

Hey everyone, especially Dee, Ananda, Anna, Dean and Carol who have given me so much support today. It's really appreciated and heart felt. Didn't get a meeting in today with having to get my old car put in the shop for some much needed repairs. I'll go tomorrow promptly to the 12:30 Sobriety meeting just a couple miles from my house. Got some disturbing paperwork from unemployment today to the effect that I may lose my compensation because I did some independant contractor work last year. Well I'm blessed to have a few bucks put away from my Mothers estate and have just kissed it up to God as to asking for acceptance regardless of the outcome. I have to wait the outcome of thier investigation.l Mind you I made less than $4000.00 last year part time!!I'm a 58 year old man with a wonderful wife (my fourth). Really lucky I have her. She has stage four breast cancer but we have been really blessed with her being in remission for some time now. Thank God for another sober day. Hey looking4 I wish you the best!!

CarolD

Hi Everyone......

2 of my adult children are fussing with each other
via e mails.....I stepped away with prayers for both.

My plan A to attend a meeting....did not work out
as always.....SR was here to fill the gap.

It's raining too hard for me to get to my mail box....
I'll go when it quits.

I left the cornbread too long in the oven....made another.

What in the heck do these things have to do with sobriety?

Without recovery....my answers to lifes glitches would have
been a resentment and a bottle.

Let's all continue to win over alcohol!

looking4sanity

thanks alot for your post man and im glad it didnt get deleted before i got to read it, i didnt go into enough depth in my post man and i realize it was probably a confusing mess cuz i was really down at the time i wrote it, i just have come to realize that i have to do what works for me, and by that i mean that noone is exactly like me, noone has the same problems or the same blessings, i have chronic depression and possibly bi polar disorder but i havent gone back to the doctor to get the test done so that complicates my problems, i have to look at whats best for my mental health and thats what i was talking about with the disappointment, when i got my scholarship it was like every bad thing i had ever done was forgotten by my family and i went from black sheep to golden child ( using cliches) so when i lost it, i went back to black sheep status and even worse so this ****** with my head and caused me to partially relapse (i made the decisions and i know that)( i didnt go back to crack but i went back to pills which was my 2nd doc) and i stayed in this rut of depression and not getting out of bed or leaving the house even after i finished relapsing, i couldnt even go out in public without having a panic attack or at the least feeling like i was gonna throw up, i dont wanna go back to that place, ive been there multiple times in my life without the help of drugs and when im in that place theres a VERY real chance i could commit suicide or do the next best thing and go back to crack, and i dont drink when i play baseball that would be stupid, what i meant by what i said about that was that 85% (and thats being safe) of the kids i know that play baseball like to party and so they usually party on weekends if theres no games or the night after a game if its on the weekend and theres no game the next day and its almost like a team bonding thing, like theres usually a "baseball" house that some of the kids on the team live in that all the team parties are at ( this is how it is at most of the colleges in the south that ive been to) but this is getting way to long and complicated so im gonna stop but as i said i have to do what works for me and i dont know why i posted here because im not a newcomer to recovery its been 150 days since i used crack or any type of cocaine it had just been 2 days since i had drank, and the reason i was at an aa meeting and not na was because i got recruited while i was doing community service and i had some people tell me that i was just like them when they were younger and thats scary when they are still struggling and were telling me about long jail sentences and about how bad that is , like guys trying to rape you and honestly it scared the **** out of me so i thank all of you for your responses and stay strong and ill try to do the same

Dee74

Hi looking4sanity

I agree with everyone else here - the labels not as important as whether drinking is causing you problems.

Why not start a thread and get even more responses David?
D

Dee74

How are you doing today Deano?

D

Ananda

Stephen and looking...how are you doin????

:ghug3

CarolD

Hi Everyone.....

I hope y'all are moving forward with your healthy future.
I'm making today one of productive positive energy.


I know we have a lot of new SR members ...if any are
reading ....please do check in and join us here.

Dean62

4 days today and I actually woke up and felt good this morning. Well technically I guess it's 5 days now. Thanks for asking man.

I'm really not liking how drinking feels anymore, I mean not the drunk part but every single second in between and now the benzo's I used to use to detox with disappear (I take them) and then I find myself in a really scary place.

I seriously don't know how many more times I can do that.

So it's five days now.....um.....this is hard......3 days without a benzo so there it is, I said it. I can't take those anymore either.

It is good to be back to 5-3 days. The experience is very fresh in my mind and the thought of drinking again both makes me sick and scares me because I have no clue if I will or won't.

I only know what I have to do right now. Just not feeling real sane at the moment.