Members with less than 2 weeks -Part 10
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,481
Thanks for the update mate. Knowing what you have to do right now is OK - moment by moment can still get you places.
Keep plugged in - here, and anywhere else whee you can find support and perspective L.
D
Keep plugged in - here, and anywhere else whee you can find support and perspective L.
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
The experience is very fresh in my mind and the thought of drinking again both makes me sick and scares me because I have no clue if I will or won't.
Been there dean (big hug)!
That fear that I will drink again is in the back of my mind alot I think....I think I just hold it in the back of my mind and try notto look at it and put my faith in that if I continue the process of recovery I am on....I will be enabled to not drink again....but puting faith in something I don't know has always been tough for me.
keep posting Dean..there are alot of us loving you and hoping for you
Been there dean (big hug)!
That fear that I will drink again is in the back of my mind alot I think....I think I just hold it in the back of my mind and try notto look at it and put my faith in that if I continue the process of recovery I am on....I will be enabled to not drink again....but puting faith in something I don't know has always been tough for me.
keep posting Dean..there are alot of us loving you and hoping for you
Owner of a strange glitch.
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
Hi ((Dean)) 
Yeah, I'm back in here too. Wish I wasn't, and it seems to me it's this here thread I don't want to be in. I do know where the door is (although being a virtual bulletin board I could merely avoid the whole thing... the internet's fairly large). I just want to be able to say (honestly) that I no longer am in this thread. So in the meantime, until I stay stuck in sobriety, I'll come back again.
Maybe I just can't fathom the eternity of sobriety--actually I can't at all. But I would have liked to have thought it was more than a thread in something I didn't know existed back when I started drinking.
Maybe this is my beginning, get out of the first couple weeks and the rest will follow.
Take care y'all,
TB, 1 day old
Yeah, I'm back in here too. Wish I wasn't, and it seems to me it's this here thread I don't want to be in. I do know where the door is (although being a virtual bulletin board I could merely avoid the whole thing... the internet's fairly large). I just want to be able to say (honestly) that I no longer am in this thread. So in the meantime, until I stay stuck in sobriety, I'll come back again.
Maybe I just can't fathom the eternity of sobriety--actually I can't at all. But I would have liked to have thought it was more than a thread in something I didn't know existed back when I started drinking.
Maybe this is my beginning, get out of the first couple weeks and the rest will follow.
Take care y'all,
TB, 1 day old
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,527
Good for you Dean, you're getting through the tough part and you know you can do this!
Nands, you're doing great and your approach to the fear is good. You know it's there, and that's okay, but it doesn't have to take over your mind.
TB, try to not let the 'eternity' part of sobriety overwhelm you. I'm glad you posted.
Nands, you're doing great and your approach to the fear is good. You know it's there, and that's okay, but it doesn't have to take over your mind.
TB, try to not let the 'eternity' part of sobriety overwhelm you. I'm glad you posted.
Adjusting my Sails
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,021
TB it is so good to see you back.....we really have to stop meeting like this....ugh It is hard coming back to this thread as a person with less then two weeks but this time reading the posts here. Now I remember why I come here to support people, you guys actually make me feel good. Thank you everyone in this thread for your caring support.
Nan I know we have lost touch since when we first met but I want you to know I really was worried about you. It's getting serious out there. Seems like only the heavies are out there now. I hope neither one of us have to go through that again.
Dee I don't know why I haven't said this before...Love you man.
Same to you Carol and Anna.
6 days now....err wait....I need to redo the score board. I can't believe I have actually gone 4 days without benzo's too. This really is amazing. I seem to have attracted some health issues when I wasn't looking so life is what it is but this is so much better then last week.
I have the next four nights off and I hope to do something productive at some point but will see when I get there.
Thank you for being here.
Nan I know we have lost touch since when we first met but I want you to know I really was worried about you. It's getting serious out there. Seems like only the heavies are out there now. I hope neither one of us have to go through that again.
Dee I don't know why I haven't said this before...Love you man.
Same to you Carol and Anna.
6 days now....err wait....I need to redo the score board. I can't believe I have actually gone 4 days without benzo's too. This really is amazing. I seem to have attracted some health issues when I wasn't looking so life is what it is but this is so much better then last week.
I have the next four nights off and I hope to do something productive at some point but will see when I get there.
Thank you for being here.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
thanks Dean...
Yeah, you know the older you get...the more times you return to drinking...the more serious the concequences seem to get....althoug even at 20 you face VERY serious concequences...like death, prison, stuff like that...
it's the concequences on the inside that no one sees that get to me...
But...today is a new day and a new begining...full of new possibilities and today I am sober and able to see these things
Yeah, you know the older you get...the more times you return to drinking...the more serious the concequences seem to get....althoug even at 20 you face VERY serious concequences...like death, prison, stuff like that...
it's the concequences on the inside that no one sees that get to me...
But...today is a new day and a new begining...full of new possibilities and today I am sober and able to see these things
Owner of a strange glitch.
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
Yeah, Dean, we need a *much* better place to run into each other all the time.
I'm doing good. Two days of no liquor.
Yeah, it's just never good when I go back--can't tell you why I don't remember that all the time, else I'd never go back to the bottle. Never good. Always not good in a different way, maybe that's why I forget.
This time was the shortest relapse ever, and I managed to make a fool of myself. Luckily it's a college dorm and it was Saturday night... but oh boy.
Am back on track. I think. Heck, I'm just never sure anymore, I don't wanna say something and then it turns out to be a lie.
Take care,
TB
I'm doing good. Two days of no liquor.
Yeah, it's just never good when I go back--can't tell you why I don't remember that all the time, else I'd never go back to the bottle. Never good. Always not good in a different way, maybe that's why I forget.
This time was the shortest relapse ever, and I managed to make a fool of myself. Luckily it's a college dorm and it was Saturday night... but oh boy.
Am back on track. I think. Heck, I'm just never sure anymore, I don't wanna say something and then it turns out to be a lie.
Take care,
TB
Adjusting my Sails
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,021
Originally Posted by thirtybubba 
This time was the shortest relapse ever, and I managed to make a fool of myself.
It's good to be able to laugh about it because it sure didn't feel good the next day......ughI don't think your a liar TB. Um, unless I am and just don't know the difference?
Oh well. :ghug3 Hope today is good for you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
I heard honesty defined as "the abscence of the intent to decieve"
As a human being that is all I can strive for....This is a disease of perception and I expect it to take a long time for my perceptions to be very clear...but I can tell it like it is from what i can see
I'm glad to see you both here and posting....beter than other options after a drink (hu)
As a human being that is all I can strive for....This is a disease of perception and I expect it to take a long time for my perceptions to be very clear...but I can tell it like it is from what i can see
I'm glad to see you both here and posting....beter than other options after a drink (hu)
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,527
Dean, thanks for the love! Love you back! Dean, I hope that sobriety helps the health issues that you mentioned.
Nands, the consequences on the inside are SO hard. No one can see that, but we feel it and live it, until we begin to recover. You're doing great!
TB, glad to see you posting.
Nands, the consequences on the inside are SO hard. No one can see that, but we feel it and live it, until we begin to recover. You're doing great!
TB, glad to see you posting.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 2,216
Hi everyone!
Sorry I haven't been posting much. It's not that you aren't in my thoughts though!!!!!!
Meanwhile...my 2 cents....I have always been a better sprinter than a long distance runner and this has sabotaged my sobriety from the beginning. It took me (and is still taking me) a long time to wrap my head around the fact that it's a goal I will never reach but I can never cease to strive for...kind of like the track greyhounds keeping their eyes on the plastic rabbit right in front of them, and not realizing how many times they keep going around the track and the fact that that dang rabbit is always just beyond their reach. (I have never been to a dog track, mind you, so my analogy may be off). I read in an addiction workbook about another analogy....sobriety is like drving in the dark...you can only see as far as the headlights illuminate...but you can make the whole trip that way, if necessary.
I think what is becoming increasingly clear to me is that ALL of the answers are within...seeking comfort, happiness, success, whatever from other people, other things, other places only distracts us temporarily. The answer is right in front of us...why is that so hard to accept????
Anyways, congrats to everyone for facing this demon together. We are all doing the best we can and that is all we CAN do.
Sorry I haven't been posting much. It's not that you aren't in my thoughts though!!!!!!
Meanwhile...my 2 cents....I have always been a better sprinter than a long distance runner and this has sabotaged my sobriety from the beginning. It took me (and is still taking me) a long time to wrap my head around the fact that it's a goal I will never reach but I can never cease to strive for...kind of like the track greyhounds keeping their eyes on the plastic rabbit right in front of them, and not realizing how many times they keep going around the track and the fact that that dang rabbit is always just beyond their reach. (I have never been to a dog track, mind you, so my analogy may be off). I read in an addiction workbook about another analogy....sobriety is like drving in the dark...you can only see as far as the headlights illuminate...but you can make the whole trip that way, if necessary.
I think what is becoming increasingly clear to me is that ALL of the answers are within...seeking comfort, happiness, success, whatever from other people, other things, other places only distracts us temporarily. The answer is right in front of us...why is that so hard to accept????
Anyways, congrats to everyone for facing this demon together. We are all doing the best we can and that is all we CAN do.
Adjusting my Sails
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,021
"the abscence of the intent to decieve"...Exactly, that's why sharing here is ok. Thanks Nan that is a much better definition then "or maybe I'm a liar too and can't tell the difference".....lol
Very nice HideorSeek, you know we are on the same page so I agree with every word you said a love reading it. I'm glad to see you post but no apologies are needed for me, just enjoy hearing what you have to say.
It's the start of a new day for me and once again, as with everyday when I wake up my biggest challenge remains....me. See even that sounds selfish. I'm telling you, it's a challenge. Oh forget it, I'm just going with this famous quote.
Hope everyone here has a really good day. Thank you for caring.
Very nice HideorSeek, you know we are on the same page so I agree with every word you said a love reading it. I'm glad to see you post but no apologies are needed for me, just enjoy hearing what you have to say.
It's the start of a new day for me and once again, as with everyday when I wake up my biggest challenge remains....me. See even that sounds selfish. I'm telling you, it's a challenge. Oh forget it, I'm just going with this famous quote.
Originally Posted by HideorSeek
I think what is becoming increasingly clear to me is that ALL of the answers are within...seeking comfort, happiness, success, whatever from other people, other things, other places only distracts us temporarily. The answer is right in front of us...why is that so hard to accept????
Hope everyone here has a really good day. Thank you for caring.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
a disease of perception we can't see it...
Dean you sound perty darn good today, and not selfsih....remember the goal...that someday you will be posting encouragement here for a person stuck repeatedly in this thread....and you will have hope and strength to share...
heck..you are already doing it dear
we can't see it...Dean you sound perty darn good today, and not selfsih....remember the goal...that someday you will be posting encouragement here for a person stuck repeatedly in this thread....and you will have hope and strength to share...
heck..you are already doing it dear
Owner of a strange glitch.
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
Well, first weekend challenge since... a couple months ago. If I don't do anything all week, the weekends are no different. Now I've done school things all week... some instinct or something in me wants to do something different on the weekend. I have to rein myself in and probably stay on the computer--I hope my internet holds up. There is nothing to do, I have to accept that.
Yeah, I never intend to deceive. I just don't want to say something like "I'm going to sober up" and then have it not be true. I said that a few months back... and look at me now. It just doesn't make me feel too good about myself is all.
On the other hand, they talk to me after the meetings a lot about lying by omission--and tell me to keep quiet cause I'm a newbie. It seems so contradictory, yes/no does not always answer the questions... and so much of it seems contradictory actually. I have been lectured repeatedly about the same things... and I don't think anybody bothered to ask me first if they were even an issue. I've been told about how to get my kids back (don't have any), how the reason I relapsed was because I don't believe in a God (???) and how to deal with/avoid/politic all the people I owe money to (don't owe any person I actually know any money). So... what is it I'm supposed to be listening for? Keep getting told that, and keep getting the same lectures that are not applicable.
Oh, and how many people are telling me "you should move closer"... I did not move to where I am 'cause I wanted to... I've been unemployed for over a year and the local economy has not stopped getting worse... I'm available 2 nonconsecutive days a week... anybody gonna hire that?
But since I won't move closer, I can't hang out with people, just go to the meetings in the evenings.
Yeah, 90 days. I'll give it a shot. By then at this rate I'll be crazy.
TB, frustratedly over-bored right now and sorry to spit all this out, but it's killing her inside.
Yeah, I never intend to deceive. I just don't want to say something like "I'm going to sober up" and then have it not be true. I said that a few months back... and look at me now. It just doesn't make me feel too good about myself is all.
On the other hand, they talk to me after the meetings a lot about lying by omission--and tell me to keep quiet cause I'm a newbie. It seems so contradictory, yes/no does not always answer the questions... and so much of it seems contradictory actually. I have been lectured repeatedly about the same things... and I don't think anybody bothered to ask me first if they were even an issue. I've been told about how to get my kids back (don't have any), how the reason I relapsed was because I don't believe in a God (???) and how to deal with/avoid/politic all the people I owe money to (don't owe any person I actually know any money). So... what is it I'm supposed to be listening for? Keep getting told that, and keep getting the same lectures that are not applicable.
Oh, and how many people are telling me "you should move closer"... I did not move to where I am 'cause I wanted to... I've been unemployed for over a year and the local economy has not stopped getting worse... I'm available 2 nonconsecutive days a week... anybody gonna hire that?
But since I won't move closer, I can't hang out with people, just go to the meetings in the evenings.
Yeah, 90 days. I'll give it a shot. By then at this rate I'll be crazy.
TB, frustratedly over-bored right now and sorry to spit all this out, but it's killing her inside.
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