Members with less than 2 weeks -Part 10
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,527
TB, your recovery is YOUR journey. No one else can tell you exactly what you need to do. If you look within, you will find your own way.
HideorSeek, Dean and Nands, have a great weekend!
HideorSeek, Dean and Nands, have a great weekend!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I keep thinking of this .er ah.... analogy ? .....
"I kissed a lot of frogs before I found my Prince"
I so hope this will be the time for kicking your way
thru the destructive frogs and into solid sobriety.
Forward....ever forward my friends.....
"I kissed a lot of frogs before I found my Prince"
I so hope this will be the time for kicking your way
thru the destructive frogs and into solid sobriety.
Forward....ever forward my friends.....
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 2,216
You know, in rereading my post (it was pre-coffee 
, I wanted to clarify that the answer is not in front of us, it is always within us (although I know we all understand that...it's one of those "easier said than done" things though) and I absolutely believe that we can find solid sobriety (not always chasing something and never "getting" it). My intention was to say that the point is to keep striving, even if you feel like that plastic rabbit (or whatever they are) is just beyond your grasp. Each effort towards sobriety is forward momentum and I believe in my heart of hearts that each of us can and will do this.
Dean, you are just a sweetheart....you know that right? Well, you all are sweethearts, truth be told!
Anna, I am almost through "The seat of the soul". It's very interesting. It brings to mind a quote by C S Lewis (have I said this b4???) ...paraphrasing...we are not a body with a soul but rather a soul with a body. That just changes everything, don't you think? I've gotten a lot out of it...thank you for the suggestion!
to all!
, I wanted to clarify that the answer is not in front of us, it is always within us (although I know we all understand that...it's one of those "easier said than done" things though) and I absolutely believe that we can find solid sobriety (not always chasing something and never "getting" it). My intention was to say that the point is to keep striving, even if you feel like that plastic rabbit (or whatever they are) is just beyond your grasp. Each effort towards sobriety is forward momentum and I believe in my heart of hearts that each of us can and will do this.Dean, you are just a sweetheart....you know that right? Well, you all are sweethearts, truth be told!
Anna, I am almost through "The seat of the soul". It's very interesting. It brings to mind a quote by C S Lewis (have I said this b4???) ...paraphrasing...we are not a body with a soul but rather a soul with a body. That just changes everything, don't you think? I've gotten a lot out of it...thank you for the suggestion!
to all!
Owner of a strange glitch.
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
Hi.
I'm still finding it's a lot of mixed messages.... I'm confused. That's fine by me, I'm new I suppose that will go away some.
Yesterday I was gonna type about something... internet died. Today I forgot it all. Did the first step with the sponsor, now a horrible outside issue (???) has popped back up and my sponsor thinks I'm being overdramatic. I may occasionally be, this is not one of those times.
Not sure I like being told that everybody's different and then sarcastically, okay fine you can be different if you like. I DIDN"T LIKE to be different that's why I didn't tell her about this. It happened and I can't stop its course, don't know how without alcohol, and grr grr grr grr.
Heck I still don't know what to do. I know this doesn't probably make much sense, but neither do I right now anyways.
Still sober.
Take care y'all.
I'm still finding it's a lot of mixed messages.... I'm confused. That's fine by me, I'm new I suppose that will go away some.
Yesterday I was gonna type about something... internet died. Today I forgot it all. Did the first step with the sponsor, now a horrible outside issue (???) has popped back up and my sponsor thinks I'm being overdramatic. I may occasionally be, this is not one of those times.
Not sure I like being told that everybody's different and then sarcastically, okay fine you can be different if you like. I DIDN"T LIKE to be different that's why I didn't tell her about this. It happened and I can't stop its course, don't know how without alcohol, and grr grr grr grr.
Heck I still don't know what to do. I know this doesn't probably make much sense, but neither do I right now anyways.
Still sober.
Take care y'all.
Adjusting my Sails
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,021
Ok, let's see, this is the start of day 10 without booze and 8 days clean and sober now. I have been reading alot and adusting my diet and picking up vitamins etc. to see what I can do about my health. More reason not to drink. I have been a little down the last few days because of it but it is soooooo much better then drinking. That is the worst. I hope I never indure one of those blank spots as they call them and pick up again.
Hey TB, well you and I are Insane and Christian so we are not completely unalike but yeah we are different. As for the drama thing my emotions are all over the map, I'm not saying that is your case I am just so on edge, I think alot of it is due to lack of sleep for me right now...hope so. Anyhow I have found that peace that allows me to deal with the big stuff. I know you can too.
It's really healthy to have someone who can be honest with you and tell you the truth wheather you like it or not. I hope that is where your sponsor is coming from. I know that is a part of the fellowship phylophy, to care enough to tell the truth. From a purely spiritual point of view alot of life is just drama....did that make sense? BTW AA confused the heck out of me when I first walked through the doors. I still here stuff come out of peoples mouths that...aw nevermind. Enough out of me.
Church, a nap then I start back to work tonight.
Hey TB, well you and I are Insane and Christian so we are not completely unalike but yeah we are different. As for the drama thing my emotions are all over the map, I'm not saying that is your case I am just so on edge, I think alot of it is due to lack of sleep for me right now...hope so. Anyhow I have found that peace that allows me to deal with the big stuff. I know you can too.
It's really healthy to have someone who can be honest with you and tell you the truth wheather you like it or not. I hope that is where your sponsor is coming from. I know that is a part of the fellowship phylophy, to care enough to tell the truth. From a purely spiritual point of view alot of life is just drama....did that make sense? BTW AA confused the heck out of me when I first walked through the doors. I still here stuff come out of peoples mouths that...aw nevermind. Enough out of me.
Church, a nap then I start back to work tonight.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 2,216
TB and Dean, I'm going to chime in here to totally agree that AA (and other aspects of sobriety) can be very confusing, paradoxical and baffling.
For example: Always follow "suggestions" vs "take what you want and leave the rest", "take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth" vs you need to ask for help, speak up at meetings, "let go and let God" vs "Made the DECISION (implying action) to turn our lives and our will over to the God of our understanding".
That being said, I find that the longer I am sober, the less confusing some of this stuff is. I'm going to totally botch this quote, so instead, I'll paraphrase a part of the BB which says "Things that used to baffle us, no longer do so. I have mentioned before that I think there are phases in recovery. Early on, we need to focus on achieving solid sobriety, then we need to examine ourselves for all of our personal demons that got us into that hellhole in the first place, possibly simultaneously reviewing those we have hurt and attempt to make restitution. After that, we need to TRY and live honorably, constantly tweaking ourselves when we lean a little too much from the beam and also give back to others (other alkies) what we have been given. This is where the "first things, first", comes in. I, for one, get totally overwhelmed and if I tried to do all of this at once, I would crumble just at the thought. I think that many are successful using methods other than AA, but I happen to like the spirituality aspect of the program. I've always been drawn to that sort of thing anyway and I find it is an immense help to me in my journey to believe that I am not alone and that there is something way bigger than me driving the ship. Which is a good thing, because were it me, we'd all be going around in circles!
I find that I have changed a lot over the course of my sobriety and things I believed only a few months ago, I no longer do and, using that logic, I assume what I believe today, may not feel right tomorrow. But what I do know for certain is that I am way happier, calmer, my self esteem is better, I'm more "measured" (not bouncing all over the place), I'm more humble (still needs loads of work on that one), confident....Yes, every so often I want to shut off my mind (that's what alcohol did for ME), but whatever it could give me temporarily (and I know that the reality would not match the experience....in fact I would be so remorseful, I shudder at the thought) wouldn't even begin to make me feel as good as I do now, all day, every day.
What I strive for (with various degrees of success) is to try and "keep it simple"...which is totally against my nature, but ....
OK, I have been all over the lot here, so I'll shut up now....
For example: Always follow "suggestions" vs "take what you want and leave the rest", "take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth" vs you need to ask for help, speak up at meetings, "let go and let God" vs "Made the DECISION (implying action) to turn our lives and our will over to the God of our understanding".
That being said, I find that the longer I am sober, the less confusing some of this stuff is. I'm going to totally botch this quote, so instead, I'll paraphrase a part of the BB which says "Things that used to baffle us, no longer do so. I have mentioned before that I think there are phases in recovery. Early on, we need to focus on achieving solid sobriety, then we need to examine ourselves for all of our personal demons that got us into that hellhole in the first place, possibly simultaneously reviewing those we have hurt and attempt to make restitution. After that, we need to TRY and live honorably, constantly tweaking ourselves when we lean a little too much from the beam and also give back to others (other alkies) what we have been given. This is where the "first things, first", comes in. I, for one, get totally overwhelmed and if I tried to do all of this at once, I would crumble just at the thought. I think that many are successful using methods other than AA, but I happen to like the spirituality aspect of the program. I've always been drawn to that sort of thing anyway and I find it is an immense help to me in my journey to believe that I am not alone and that there is something way bigger than me driving the ship. Which is a good thing, because were it me, we'd all be going around in circles!
I find that I have changed a lot over the course of my sobriety and things I believed only a few months ago, I no longer do and, using that logic, I assume what I believe today, may not feel right tomorrow. But what I do know for certain is that I am way happier, calmer, my self esteem is better, I'm more "measured" (not bouncing all over the place), I'm more humble (still needs loads of work on that one), confident....Yes, every so often I want to shut off my mind (that's what alcohol did for ME), but whatever it could give me temporarily (and I know that the reality would not match the experience....in fact I would be so remorseful, I shudder at the thought) wouldn't even begin to make me feel as good as I do now, all day, every day.
What I strive for (with various degrees of success) is to try and "keep it simple"...which is totally against my nature, but ....
OK, I have been all over the lot here, so I'll shut up now....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 151
just thought id drop in and say hi
2 months sober today! and i encourage all of you that it is SO worth putting in the effort, my life is slowly changing into something very a different, but much more manageable creation.
oh and thankyou SR for the part oyu are playing
2 months sober today! and i encourage all of you that it is SO worth putting in the effort, my life is slowly changing into something very a different, but much more manageable creation.
oh and thankyou SR for the part oyu are playing
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,527
Dean, I think it's great that you are working on your diet and physical health. That's an important part of recovery.
HideorSeek, you're right that your beliefs and perspective change as you continue in recovery. It's an ongoing journey and I was often surprised by yet, more layers uncovered.
ND, congratulations on your achievement!
HideorSeek, you're right that your beliefs and perspective change as you continue in recovery. It's an ongoing journey and I was often surprised by yet, more layers uncovered.
ND, congratulations on your achievement!
Owner of a strange glitch.
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
Well, 5 down.
To be honest, I've been having second thoughts all weekend about whether sobriety's even right for me anymore. I'm turning into a quiet person--which is fine--but I'm losing my ability/desire to interact with people altogether. Even though I maintained that over 5 years of social isolation in a new state, it seems to have just vaporized lately.
Maybe I don't mean sobriety there--I don't feel like drinking. But going to the AA meetings and trying to socialize with women who don't seem to want to talk to me--or maybe I've lost my ability to talk to people--has become exasperating (sp?). It's a frantic rush to see if someone will give me a ride, 40 or 50 phone calls... 3 or 4 answers/ call backs and negative answers. Then I have to call my sponsor and tell her that--again. She seems to be doubting my desire, questions it all the time. Then when I get to the meeting, everyone who didn't reply won't look at me. Or maybe I'm imagining that.
I just *wanna* stand off to the side... is this that self-pity thing? What's happening to me? I wanna stay home... and do nothing. But not in a depressed kind of way, I find something to do and I'm quite happy. Kinda like when you don't wanna do something, all of a sudden cleaning the house looks like a fun idea...
I dread making those calls everyday. The ones where I just have to ask how peoples' days are going, those are no problem still. It's the other ones... Never did much like rejection. Guess that's why I stayed working wherever I was for a while each time.
But now this feeling of rejection seems to *matter* and I just *don't* wanna call.
Don't much like the person I'm turning into... is this somewhat normal and if so I know it gets better else nobody'd do it... but nobody seems to think it's normal that I talk to in person. They say it's self pity and I should just do it. So I'm just doing it, but I'm liking the AA meetings less and less...
I'm sleeping fine, strangely but not arguing with it, and eating sort of okay--room for improvement there. But it's not like last month, when I was so depressed I was not eating... don't think I'm depressed this time. Just happy being myself, don't want the world to interfere.
Don't know if the weekdays and the interaction they bring will change this--oh, I hope I get better, it's difficult in seminars to be quiet. Maybe it's only with the AA people.
TB, frustrated and disappointed in herself.
ps. ND, congrats again.
To be honest, I've been having second thoughts all weekend about whether sobriety's even right for me anymore. I'm turning into a quiet person--which is fine--but I'm losing my ability/desire to interact with people altogether. Even though I maintained that over 5 years of social isolation in a new state, it seems to have just vaporized lately.
Maybe I don't mean sobriety there--I don't feel like drinking. But going to the AA meetings and trying to socialize with women who don't seem to want to talk to me--or maybe I've lost my ability to talk to people--has become exasperating (sp?). It's a frantic rush to see if someone will give me a ride, 40 or 50 phone calls... 3 or 4 answers/ call backs and negative answers. Then I have to call my sponsor and tell her that--again. She seems to be doubting my desire, questions it all the time. Then when I get to the meeting, everyone who didn't reply won't look at me. Or maybe I'm imagining that.
I just *wanna* stand off to the side... is this that self-pity thing? What's happening to me? I wanna stay home... and do nothing. But not in a depressed kind of way, I find something to do and I'm quite happy. Kinda like when you don't wanna do something, all of a sudden cleaning the house looks like a fun idea...
I dread making those calls everyday. The ones where I just have to ask how peoples' days are going, those are no problem still. It's the other ones... Never did much like rejection. Guess that's why I stayed working wherever I was for a while each time.
But now this feeling of rejection seems to *matter* and I just *don't* wanna call.
Don't much like the person I'm turning into... is this somewhat normal and if so I know it gets better else nobody'd do it... but nobody seems to think it's normal that I talk to in person. They say it's self pity and I should just do it. So I'm just doing it, but I'm liking the AA meetings less and less...
I'm sleeping fine, strangely but not arguing with it, and eating sort of okay--room for improvement there. But it's not like last month, when I was so depressed I was not eating... don't think I'm depressed this time. Just happy being myself, don't want the world to interfere.
Don't know if the weekdays and the interaction they bring will change this--oh, I hope I get better, it's difficult in seminars to be quiet. Maybe it's only with the AA people.
TB, frustrated and disappointed in herself.
ps. ND, congrats again.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
bubba...I would never be able to take that kind of rejection....
in an abstract way i can see it as a good opportunity for growth, but...jeeez
I know that sponsors sometimes don't want you to rely on just them for rides so i get why they would want you to call others....
maybe go up to someone who regularrly attends a particular meeting and ask if every other week they could give you a ride...try to set up something a little more permenant so you don't have to continually call???
I became a hermit the time i got 7 years sober....i was quite happy for a time, but over the long haul I don't think isolation works out well.
in an abstract way i can see it as a good opportunity for growth, but...jeeez
I know that sponsors sometimes don't want you to rely on just them for rides so i get why they would want you to call others....
maybe go up to someone who regularrly attends a particular meeting and ask if every other week they could give you a ride...try to set up something a little more permenant so you don't have to continually call???
I became a hermit the time i got 7 years sober....i was quite happy for a time, but over the long haul I don't think isolation works out well.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 2,216
TB, I am sorry that you feel "off", for lack of a better term. Try to see this mood as a possible phase....you are 5 days sober?, it may well be related to your body. But in any event, I would accept it for what it is and let the current take you (Hard, I know). But it's bound to change. Nothing lasts forever, even though it may feel that way at the time.
As for rides, I agree with Ananda...perhaps set up something permanent. I think (and correct me here, Ananda) that one of the major plusses to meetings is feeling "at home", that you are surrounded by people that care and who are like you. If you aren't getting any of those, were it me, I would look for other meetings. It took me YEARS to find a set of meetings that I enjoyed and the group that is there, pretty much frequents the others, amazingly enough...even though they are in different towns. My original sponsor was not a good fit. Maybe I wasn't ready, maybe something else, but for whatever reason, I think we both wasted our time. They are not supposed to be soley ride givers or money lenders, but you SHOULD feel like you can tell them how you are feeling. Have you discussed your feelings (the ones you mentioned here) with her/him? Do you feel comfortable enough to do that? You may not like all they have to say, but that's actually good. A good sponsor should be able to call us on our limitations and "suggest" a more healthy response to life's various ups and downs. If not, perhaps someone else would be a better fit.
I know, Ananda and Carol, that you use AA in recovery. If anything I have said is wrong or misleading, please correct me....
As for rides, I agree with Ananda...perhaps set up something permanent. I think (and correct me here, Ananda) that one of the major plusses to meetings is feeling "at home", that you are surrounded by people that care and who are like you. If you aren't getting any of those, were it me, I would look for other meetings. It took me YEARS to find a set of meetings that I enjoyed and the group that is there, pretty much frequents the others, amazingly enough...even though they are in different towns. My original sponsor was not a good fit. Maybe I wasn't ready, maybe something else, but for whatever reason, I think we both wasted our time. They are not supposed to be soley ride givers or money lenders, but you SHOULD feel like you can tell them how you are feeling. Have you discussed your feelings (the ones you mentioned here) with her/him? Do you feel comfortable enough to do that? You may not like all they have to say, but that's actually good. A good sponsor should be able to call us on our limitations and "suggest" a more healthy response to life's various ups and downs. If not, perhaps someone else would be a better fit.
I know, Ananda and Carol, that you use AA in recovery. If anything I have said is wrong or misleading, please correct me....
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hmm TB....
It might be the miles/time it takes to
go from your place to a meeting that makes getting
rides so difficult. Gas is high ...cars are old...
people need to get home quickly for family obligations?
The reason I bring this up is because I have been
relying on AA members for rides for 4 years.
I live 1.4 miles from our meeting hall but because
of my limitations walking is not going to happen.
Today I called 3 people....1 called back saying she could
drop me off but could not come in or come back
She had another committment.
At the meeting....I saw someone else I had called earlier.
She said she had not checked her cell but would
bring me home.....also offered to take me shopping if
I needed to go. She was not busy this afternoon.
However.....I have no idea what is going on in your area.
Let's get back to how you feel about AA.
It's not for everyone.....if it's not for you....so be it.
Heck many people are successfully sober without AA...
As always....whatever you decide to do that benefits
you .....we SR members are here to support your efforts
It might be the miles/time it takes to
go from your place to a meeting that makes getting
rides so difficult. Gas is high ...cars are old...
people need to get home quickly for family obligations?
The reason I bring this up is because I have been
relying on AA members for rides for 4 years.
I live 1.4 miles from our meeting hall but because
of my limitations walking is not going to happen.
Today I called 3 people....1 called back saying she could
drop me off but could not come in or come back
She had another committment.
At the meeting....I saw someone else I had called earlier.
She said she had not checked her cell but would
bring me home.....also offered to take me shopping if
I needed to go. She was not busy this afternoon.
However.....I have no idea what is going on in your area.
Let's get back to how you feel about AA.
It's not for everyone.....if it's not for you....so be it.
Heck many people are successfully sober without AA...
As always....whatever you decide to do that benefits
you .....we SR members are here to support your efforts
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,527
TB,
I became a somewhat quieter person too, in recovery. But, I'm good with that. I was using alcohol to become a different person, and I am very much at peace with being the person that I am. I'm sorry you're having troubles with AA, but the main thing is to stay sober.
I became a somewhat quieter person too, in recovery. But, I'm good with that. I was using alcohol to become a different person, and I am very much at peace with being the person that I am. I'm sorry you're having troubles with AA, but the main thing is to stay sober.
uʍop ǝpısdn
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: California
Posts: 422
Hi Guys a complete day sober for me. I quit last year on the same day(made it 7 months) and thought what a great time to do it again.
The only problem is I see members who started last year celebrating their one year sober and I wish I was too.
I never thought I would be back to day one again, I thought " day is a one time thing only never has to be redone".
I'm scared that I will revisit this day 1 thing over and over, I don't want to do that.
I guess I'm an all or nothing person. Either I do it ALL THE WAY OR NOT AT ALL.
Great to have a Place like SR to be here when I need it. Thanx Guys!
The only problem is I see members who started last year celebrating their one year sober and I wish I was too.
I never thought I would be back to day one again, I thought " day is a one time thing only never has to be redone".
I'm scared that I will revisit this day 1 thing over and over, I don't want to do that.
I guess I'm an all or nothing person. Either I do it ALL THE WAY OR NOT AT ALL.
Great to have a Place like SR to be here when I need it. Thanx Guys!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 2,216
Welcome to the thread, HW! I am hoping that because you know the kind of life you can have, this will fuel your sobriety. It is so scary to me that it is too easy to be lulled back into that hellhole. Congratulations for coming back and having the courage and honesty to post!
Adjusting my Sails
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,021
HardwiredFlaws I'm glad you decided to post here. This thread has some people here with some really good sobriety. It's a good place to be in you first two weeks.
I'm on day...10? Well I'm still clean and sober, I'll do the math when my brain is working.
TB how are you doing today?
Yes I can thread.
I'm on day...10? Well I'm still clean and sober, I'll do the math when my brain is working.
TB how are you doing today?
Yes I can thread.
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