Originally Posted by
Dean62 
Hi sanity, welcome to the sanity forum.....I have absolutely no credntials at all. I drink and take pills until I am out of my mind so I get this crazy notion maybe I can share some of my life experience with you and it would somehow help. First of all I do have to say I have know clue what you are talking about when you ask about rules here....if you are an addict or alcoholic don't worry about rules until you hit your fourties....remember I have no credentials at all. Don't get the wrong idea about whether you are an alcoholic or not?...ok...done deal. I have no idea here. My suggestion and it is perfectly fine with me if you ignore it...never drink again. Of course nobody knows if you are an alcoholic so you could go ahead and roll the dice. Remember rules and what I say don't count for much....shouldn't say that about rules...sorry.
I would like you to know the stuff you say about baseball not being as fun....man there is something seriously wrong with that picture.....and the lesser of two evils....more bad....compartmentalizing? Disappointment would drive you back to crack? Disappointment of drinking too much or not enough? Please look at the beginning of my response to you. The part about me sharing my experience. I am quoting your post as I talk about me.
I hope you are not an alcoholic and I am telling you, just don't drink anymore. There are better things and if I need booze to make them funner? Put yourself and your family first. It is so worth it.
Carol please don't delete this post. I hope I can give love with out being hard in this thread so I gave looking my best shot.
Dee....I know.... I could sleep better today with some rum....but you know the rest. Thanks for acknowledging and understanding.
Take care everyone.
thanks alot for your post man and im glad it didnt get deleted before i got to read it, i didnt go into enough depth in my post man and i realize it was probably a confusing mess cuz i was really down at the time i wrote it, i just have come to realize that i have to do what works for me, and by that i mean that noone is exactly like me, noone has the same problems or the same blessings, i have chronic depression and possibly bi polar disorder but i havent gone back to the doctor to get the test done so that complicates my problems, i have to look at whats best for my mental health and thats what i was talking about with the disappointment, when i got my scholarship it was like every bad thing i had ever done was forgotten by my family and i went from black sheep to golden child ( using cliches) so when i lost it, i went back to black sheep status and even worse so this ****** with my head and caused me to partially relapse (i made the decisions and i know that)( i didnt go back to crack but i went back to pills which was my 2nd doc) and i stayed in this rut of depression and not getting out of bed or leaving the house even after i finished relapsing, i couldnt even go out in public without having a panic attack or at the least feeling like i was gonna throw up, i dont wanna go back to that place, ive been there multiple times in my life without the help of drugs and when im in that place theres a VERY real chance i could commit suicide or do the next best thing and go back to crack, and i dont drink when i play baseball that would be stupid, what i meant by what i said about that was that 85% (and thats being safe) of the kids i know that play baseball like to party and so they usually party on weekends if theres no games or the night after a game if its on the weekend and theres no game the next day and its almost like a team bonding thing, like theres usually a "baseball" house that some of the kids on the team live in that all the team parties are at ( this is how it is at most of the colleges in the south that ive been to) but this is getting way to long and complicated so im gonna stop but as i said i have to do what works for me and i dont know why i posted here because im not a newcomer to recovery its been 150 days since i used crack or any type of cocaine it had just been 2 days since i had drank, and the reason i was at an aa meeting and not na was because i got recruited while i was doing community service and i had some people tell me that i was just like them when they were younger and thats scary when they are still struggling and were telling me about long jail sentences and about how bad that is , like guys trying to rape you and honestly it scared the **** out of me so i thank all of you for your responses and stay strong and ill try to do the same