Living in Sobriety-Part 6
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,819
I'm here and having problems "turning it over" to a HP for resolution. Here's why. I just took dk and a friend to the movie theatre way uptown. I had just dropped them off and got a call from her to come back to get them! The show was sold out so she got tickets to the later show. How she'll get there is anyone's guess cause I try hard not to drive at night - my night vision is horrible.
So the fact that I have no idea how or if she and friend will get to and from the movie drives me nuts, cause she WILL end up calling me for a ride. I'm not taking them to the movie, but if she gets there and has no ride home I'm legally and morally obligated to go get her, even tho it means the risk of driving at night.
So I'm worried about her getting there and back safely, if she gets there at all, and I 'should' turn it over to my HP, whom I call God for lack of a better name. Problem is, God won't get her safely home from the movie cause God doesn't play taxi. So I can bet my life on getting a late night call from her for a ride home in the dark.
Now how do I "turn it over" to God? I cannot stop worrying about the outcome of her lack of planning cause like so many other times, I will be called upon to 'rescue' her from a stupid situation she put herself into. And I'm seriously afraid of driving at night. I am all wound up over this and don't know how to "turn it over" to God.
What do I do in a situation like this? How do I 'turn it over' to God when I'm fairly sure I'll have to go drive at night to get her home.
This is NOT a good night.
So the fact that I have no idea how or if she and friend will get to and from the movie drives me nuts, cause she WILL end up calling me for a ride. I'm not taking them to the movie, but if she gets there and has no ride home I'm legally and morally obligated to go get her, even tho it means the risk of driving at night.
So I'm worried about her getting there and back safely, if she gets there at all, and I 'should' turn it over to my HP, whom I call God for lack of a better name. Problem is, God won't get her safely home from the movie cause God doesn't play taxi. So I can bet my life on getting a late night call from her for a ride home in the dark.
Now how do I "turn it over" to God? I cannot stop worrying about the outcome of her lack of planning cause like so many other times, I will be called upon to 'rescue' her from a stupid situation she put herself into. And I'm seriously afraid of driving at night. I am all wound up over this and don't know how to "turn it over" to God.
What do I do in a situation like this? How do I 'turn it over' to God when I'm fairly sure I'll have to go drive at night to get her home.
This is NOT a good night.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Well, leaving God out of this equation, Least, if she called me back saying the show was sold out, I would have offered her two choices:
1/I come get you now and you see it another day or night
2/You stay there and wait until the later show starts
This doesn't address your night-driving dilemma, but it does establish some clear boundaries IMO.
Let the girls pool their money together for a taxi, or get the other mom or dad to do the pickup since you did the drop off.
And I guess this is where God comes into it for me, because I am able to turn these situations over to my Higher Power. It doesn't mean I expect God to drive them home or anything silly like that, but it just means that I make a conscious healthy choice, and turn how it turns out i.e. how others react over to Him.
1/I come get you now and you see it another day or night
2/You stay there and wait until the later show starts
This doesn't address your night-driving dilemma, but it does establish some clear boundaries IMO.
Let the girls pool their money together for a taxi, or get the other mom or dad to do the pickup since you did the drop off.
And I guess this is where God comes into it for me, because I am able to turn these situations over to my Higher Power. It doesn't mean I expect God to drive them home or anything silly like that, but it just means that I make a conscious healthy choice, and turn how it turns out i.e. how others react over to Him.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,819
Right now I'm just praying that she gets home safely. She had already got the later-show tickets when she called me so I just took them to friend's house and went on home.
It's next to impossible to establish clear boundaries with dk since she runs roughshod over any limitations I set.
I'm just praying right now. Begging God to get me thru tonight without incident.
Sorry for being so 'needy' right now. This has not been a good day.
The 'other dad' doesn't have a drivers license...
It's next to impossible to establish clear boundaries with dk since she runs roughshod over any limitations I set.
I'm just praying right now. Begging God to get me thru tonight without incident.
Sorry for being so 'needy' right now. This has not been a good day.
The 'other dad' doesn't have a drivers license...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 2,216
Hi Ro and Least!
Least, I was going to say basically the same thing. Set YOUR boundaries and then let THEM make the choice...if they stay tonight, it's the other parents turn, or they take a taxi. Or, they do it a different night, IF THAT FITS WITH YOUR SCHEDULE and you are willing. Don't let her guilt you into doing this. For many years, I went overboard for my youngest because, in all honesty, I felt guilty for what I put her through with my drinking. Did she take advantage? Sure, but the point is that I offered her the opportunity and then let her do it. And I wasn't doing her any favors by by being overly generous or permissive. What I was teaching her was manipulation. I don't know whether it's the same for you with your kids, but this has been my experience. The thing about turning it over is that it's a two part process. YOU do the BEST YOU CAN, and THEN turn it over. Or, put another way, you are responsible for the effort, not the outcome.
Least, I was going to say basically the same thing. Set YOUR boundaries and then let THEM make the choice...if they stay tonight, it's the other parents turn, or they take a taxi. Or, they do it a different night, IF THAT FITS WITH YOUR SCHEDULE and you are willing. Don't let her guilt you into doing this. For many years, I went overboard for my youngest because, in all honesty, I felt guilty for what I put her through with my drinking. Did she take advantage? Sure, but the point is that I offered her the opportunity and then let her do it. And I wasn't doing her any favors by by being overly generous or permissive. What I was teaching her was manipulation. I don't know whether it's the same for you with your kids, but this has been my experience. The thing about turning it over is that it's a two part process. YOU do the BEST YOU CAN, and THEN turn it over. Or, put another way, you are responsible for the effort, not the outcome.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,819
Thank you all for your love and support. My relationship with dk is rocky, to put it mildly. I am just praying now that she gets home safely. It's out of my hands now. Please God keep her safe...
Miracles Happen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 9,977
I'm back :ghug2
Had a glorious day sitting on the beach, tanning not burning, ha ha and the best part of my day was it became a whole day of talking recovery WOO HOO. My friend also realized today was for her 6 months sober, what a blessing. I was so glad I went and got to be there with her for her 6 mths.
Nel, thank you for sharing that story with us, sometimes we hear something and it jogs our memory, I completely understand that because its what happened the other morning. I related so well to your son becoming the parent, my daughter had to become my parent at the end of my addiction, sad but true.
Thanks for posting about some gratitude Ro. You are sounding deliciously better YAY, meeting tomorrow is a good thing.
Least, you just plain ole worry to much, give yourself a break!!! Your daughter has her own HP and you are not it. Work on yourself and your recovery. Try to make some Step meetings, it is there that you will begin your recovery and find ALL the answers you are searching for. It's time for another meeting Least, Step, Big Book and Speaker are good for you right now if you really want to get and stay sober. I'm not too keen on discussion meetings, I do go to them but I make more Step & BB ones. Oh and Least, stop worrying about Step 3 and your HP, lets begin with Step 1, Powerless over alcohol, Life is unmanageable. I was told to read Step 1 & 2 over and over and over again. You need to get yourself a sponsor, that way you will have someone in recovery to guide you through the steps and also to be a sounding board when you are not sure what to do in a situation.
Lizabeth, Home alone WOO HOO if you are camping here tonight, then why are you not here right now, I was looking forward to some smores
Stone Hope you had a good day. Step 4 WOO HOO
I am very, very grateful for my HP directing me today.
I am very grateful to be sober another day.
I am grateful for my Sober Recovery Friends.
I am so blessed.
Going to bed now. Good night (Light is being turned off right now)
Had a glorious day sitting on the beach, tanning not burning, ha ha and the best part of my day was it became a whole day of talking recovery WOO HOO. My friend also realized today was for her 6 months sober, what a blessing. I was so glad I went and got to be there with her for her 6 mths.
Nel, thank you for sharing that story with us, sometimes we hear something and it jogs our memory, I completely understand that because its what happened the other morning. I related so well to your son becoming the parent, my daughter had to become my parent at the end of my addiction, sad but true.
Grateful I have the energy and motivation to do these things again.
Least, you just plain ole worry to much, give yourself a break!!! Your daughter has her own HP and you are not it. Work on yourself and your recovery. Try to make some Step meetings, it is there that you will begin your recovery and find ALL the answers you are searching for. It's time for another meeting Least, Step, Big Book and Speaker are good for you right now if you really want to get and stay sober. I'm not too keen on discussion meetings, I do go to them but I make more Step & BB ones. Oh and Least, stop worrying about Step 3 and your HP, lets begin with Step 1, Powerless over alcohol, Life is unmanageable. I was told to read Step 1 & 2 over and over and over again. You need to get yourself a sponsor, that way you will have someone in recovery to guide you through the steps and also to be a sounding board when you are not sure what to do in a situation.
Lizabeth, Home alone WOO HOO if you are camping here tonight, then why are you not here right now, I was looking forward to some smores
Stone Hope you had a good day. Step 4 WOO HOO
I am very, very grateful for my HP directing me today.
I am very grateful to be sober another day.
I am grateful for my Sober Recovery Friends.
I am so blessed.
Going to bed now. Good night (Light is being turned off right now)
Miracles Happen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 9,977
Hi Ro couldn't sleep. Yes I am full of gratitude now. I am often reminded and I know I have posted it here too, if I remain grateful I won't drink.
Hi Newleaf, don't be shy now, we would love to have you post here.
Hi Newleaf, don't be shy now, we would love to have you post here.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 18,299
Did you hear about the woman who had been in AA about 90 days and went to her sponsor and said, how all her sexual encounters were under the influence of alcohol and she was at a loss about sex now she was sober....her sponsor told her to read the part of the BB that is about sex...page 69.
The woman went home to read but got the page mixed up and read 96 instead of 69....this is what she read...how to go about sex now she was sober....
The woman went home to read but got the page mixed up and read 96 instead of 69....this is what she read...how to go about sex now she was sober....
Do not be discouraged if your prospect does not respond
at once. Search out another alcoholic and try again.
You are sure to find someone desperate enough to accept
with eagerness what you offer. We find it a waste of time
to keep chasing a man who cannot or will not work with
you. ... To spend too much time on any one situation is to deny
some other alcoholic an opportunity to live and be happy.
at once. Search out another alcoholic and try again.
You are sure to find someone desperate enough to accept
with eagerness what you offer. We find it a waste of time
to keep chasing a man who cannot or will not work with
you. ... To spend too much time on any one situation is to deny
some other alcoholic an opportunity to live and be happy.
Living in sobriety
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 3,870
Stone you are too much ....thats just brilliant. I have a few women friends in AA that will get such a laugh out of that.
4th.... step good for you. I hope your Hp, whether its a him,it, thing, or her is with you. lol
Hi least, the best thing you can do is get sober and stay sober. First things first. No real point in worrying about changing relationships overnight. We can only change ourselves. We cannot demand respect, we must earn it. The miracle will happen though......stay sober and your family will benifit the ripple effect. Bee said it ......
Hi new leaf I hope you keep coming back here. It is a good thread, we try to keep it real and there is good support here.
HI LIzzy, sorry i missed you again!!
Bee so glad you had a nice day on the beach because you deserve it so much. I am also grateful to be sober. Hope there is news today....:praying
Busy day for me today, ....better get started xx
4th.... step good for you. I hope your Hp, whether its a him,it, thing, or her is with you. lol
Thank you all for your love and support. My relationship with dk is rocky, to put it mildly.
Work on yourself and your recovery. Try to make some Step meetings, it is there that you will begin your recovery and find ALL the answers you are searching for. It's time for another meeting Least, Step, Big Book and Speaker are good for you right now if you really want to get and stay sober. I'm not too keen on discussion meetings, I do go to them but I make more Step & BB ones. Oh and Least, stop worrying about Step 3 and your HP, lets begin with Step 1, Powerless over alcohol, Life is unmanageable. I was told to read Step 1 & 2 over and over and over again. You need to get yourself a sponsor, that way you will have someone in recovery to guide you through the steps and also to be a sounding board when you are not sure what to do in a situation.
HI LIzzy, sorry i missed you again!!
Bee so glad you had a nice day on the beach because you deserve it so much. I am also grateful to be sober. Hope there is news today....:praying
Busy day for me today, ....better get started xx
Miracles Happen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 9,977
Yes it is a Good Morning, I am breathing and I am sober.
1. Start with 1 graham cracker, break in 2 pieces.
2.Place 2 squares of chocolate on each graham cracker half.
3.Place the marshmallow on a stick and slow roast it over the fire, turning frequently without allow the marshmallow to touch the flame.
4.As the marshmallow cooks, it will puff up and soften.
5.When it is golden brown, take it off the fire, and place the marshmallow (still on the stick), between the two prepared graham crackers.
6.Withdraw the stick, leaving the marshmallow between the graham crackers.
1. Start with 1 graham cracker, break in 2 pieces.
2.Place 2 squares of chocolate on each graham cracker half.
3.Place the marshmallow on a stick and slow roast it over the fire, turning frequently without allow the marshmallow to touch the flame.
4.As the marshmallow cooks, it will puff up and soften.
5.When it is golden brown, take it off the fire, and place the marshmallow (still on the stick), between the two prepared graham crackers.
6.Withdraw the stick, leaving the marshmallow between the graham crackers.
Miracles Happen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 9,977
Oh by the way Nel, my girlfriend who I was with yesterday, has a yorkie named NELLIE, ha ha, I had forgotten about that, and she loves Roosters, has them all around her kitchen, all different Rooster knickknacks.
I wonder if all your ears were ringing yesterday, because I spoke of all of you, you had all come to the beach with me yesterday, hope you all had a good time
I'm pretty tired right now, I will be mowing the lawn today, yes the son did not do it again, its not worth the argument, it is suppose to rain today so I will try to get out there early and do it.
I wonder if all your ears were ringing yesterday, because I spoke of all of you, you had all come to the beach with me yesterday, hope you all had a good time
I'm pretty tired right now, I will be mowing the lawn today, yes the son did not do it again, its not worth the argument, it is suppose to rain today so I will try to get out there early and do it.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,819
Dk didn't come home last night. No idea where she is. Bee, yes I worry a lot, but about dk I don't seem to have a choice. Her judgement is so poor it puts her in some risky situations and I am afraid that one of these times it will do her harm.
Step one is a given. I KNOW I am powerless over alcohol and that my life is unmanageable. I also believe that a power greater than myself can help me. Step three is where I have a problem: turning it over to that HP. When it comes to dk, especially, I can turn over my worry about her but it will still be ME who has to drive somewhere at night to bring her home. It will still be ME wondering all night where she is and if she is safe.
I am still going to meetings but haven't yet found anyone I want to be my sponsor. I am still looking.
In the meantime I am just hanging on by my fingernails and hoping I'm doing the right thing. My home life is not happy. I am not happy. I'm sober, but not happy with myself. It is VERY hard living with dk and trying to set boundaries with her, boundaries she constantly ignores.
Part of the problem is that she is very much like I was at that age and that scares me. I took too many risks at that age and did as I pleased. I am blessed that I lived thru it all without serious injury or death. And the world that dk lives in now is so much more dangerous than the world I lived in.
I will try not to worry so much.:sorry I just don't know what to do and it scares me.
Step one is a given. I KNOW I am powerless over alcohol and that my life is unmanageable. I also believe that a power greater than myself can help me. Step three is where I have a problem: turning it over to that HP. When it comes to dk, especially, I can turn over my worry about her but it will still be ME who has to drive somewhere at night to bring her home. It will still be ME wondering all night where she is and if she is safe.
I am still going to meetings but haven't yet found anyone I want to be my sponsor. I am still looking.
In the meantime I am just hanging on by my fingernails and hoping I'm doing the right thing. My home life is not happy. I am not happy. I'm sober, but not happy with myself. It is VERY hard living with dk and trying to set boundaries with her, boundaries she constantly ignores.
Part of the problem is that she is very much like I was at that age and that scares me. I took too many risks at that age and did as I pleased. I am blessed that I lived thru it all without serious injury or death. And the world that dk lives in now is so much more dangerous than the world I lived in.
I will try not to worry so much.:sorry I just don't know what to do and it scares me.
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
Originally Posted by believe808 
1. Start with 1 graham cracker, break in 2 pieces.
2.place 2 squares of chocolate on each graham cracker half.
3.place the marshmallow on a stick and slow roast it over the fire, turning frequently without allow the marshmallow to touch the flame.
4.as the marshmallow cooks, it will puff up and soften.
5.when it is golden brown, take it off the fire, and place the marshmallow (still on the stick), between the two prepared graham crackers.
6.withdraw the stick, leaving the marshmallow between the graham crackers.
Miracles Happen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 9,977
For all my sisters in recovery & the guys too, you are a strong bunch so let's dance......
YouTube - I Will Survive
Least K is right, write that serenity prayer over and over put it all over your house to keep reminding yourself.
YouTube - I Will Survive
Least K is right, write that serenity prayer over and over put it all over your house to keep reminding yourself.
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