Hi Ro and Least!
Least, I was going to say basically the same thing. Set YOUR boundaries and then let THEM make the choice...if they stay tonight, it's the other parents turn, or they take a taxi. Or, they do it a different night, IF THAT FITS WITH YOUR SCHEDULE and you are willing. Don't let her guilt you into doing this. For many years, I went overboard for my youngest because, in all honesty, I felt guilty for what I put her through with my drinking. Did she take advantage? Sure, but the point is that I offered her the opportunity and then let her do it. And I wasn't doing her any favors by by being overly generous or permissive. What I was teaching her was manipulation. I don't know whether it's the same for you with your kids, but this has been my experience. The thing about turning it over is that it's a two part process. YOU do the BEST YOU CAN, and THEN turn it over. Or, put another way, you are responsible for the effort, not the outcome.