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Hey all

Warren, don't go anywhere.. maybe if it's defeating, don't read 'out there', how many times do we have to tell you? lol.. I'm just kidding. Yeah, 5% of people succeed. 95% of people fail. The super cool thing in this, is you get to CHOOSE which side you live on. It's really that simple.. but not attained easily. I really think it's great you're going to see a therapist. Seriously, my 'therapy' was not even about drinking.. at first yes, I was horrified, traumatized and about to lose everything in my life.. but my drinking wasn't my issue, it was false medication. Please stick around, in many ways you're the soul of our class, and we don't want to live without you, understand? ok.

And yes, maybe I got a "cheat" by being pregnant, but I had a chunk of time before I was pregnant that I claim as sober just for me, too. I'm blessed, and I would like to think that I'd be just as sober as I am now, even if this little guy hadn't come along. I know that if I drank again I'd lose my husband, my job, and my life.. and honestly despite any 'cheat' I have, that is an incredible motivator and I don't think I would have chosen any other path.

Oh, and I also have no idea about you and JD's sleeping/alarm situation.. I'm sure you can get logistical about it and come to some agreement. Jason and I have really mismatched hours, and I'm sure neither of us sleep as well as we would if we went to bed and awoke at the same hours, but hey... that's life. Careful about all the pills for sleep, I used to have a lot of "insomnia" when I was drinking, and for a month or so after I quit. There's an insomnia section on there somewhere.. but I wonder if with the trazadone, and therapy.. if your mind will just rest easier (I bet the counseling will actually really help).

I better run, dog needs her shot and I'm a hungry mama.

xoxo

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Oh I forgot. Here's some pics of my lil son. At this ultrasound he's about 10 inches head to toe and 12 oz in weight.





and... (Im sure one of these days he'd be really pissed off that I'm showing his lil dingdong to everyone LOL)

Gypsy Feet

weenie pics!!! I love your lil cheat already, and I am sure you would have chosen the same path either way dear!! I just remember chemicals being the farthest thing from my mind when I was preggers, the only time in the last 28 years when they were.

I always thought mother nature/my body was really cool for that

Mariposa18

I love baby pics, in every way shape or form! lol Glad to see you are doing so well Jess =)

Gypsy Feet

I may be missing a bit

I got my transfer, but they switched my base as of today (I found out at like 4pm on a friday), so I have to report 3 hours north on Monday, which happens to be my kid's birthday. She and I were going to dinner. . .Now I am not even sure I will see her before I go.


It's a great thing, but I am broken hearted at the moment. Tonight will mark the last night I sleep with my baby dogs for awhile.

If I disappear, I have no net and will check in when I can.

Be good to yourselves

flutter

Hey guys.. Lisa, I hope all's well for you hun..

Just wanted to share something really quick. I haven't 'vented' or anything round here in a while, and just want to get this off my chest, cuz I'm PISSED and I don't know if I should be.

Yesterday we had a big bbq, mostly family.. had a blast. We bought a case or so of beer, and there's about a 12 pack left. First time I've had alcohol in the house since I quit drinking. I was fine with it, fine with the drinking, whatever.. I didn't even think about it. So comes time to clean up and put everything away and Jason (hubby) says something like "I'm going to put this (the beer) in the basement.. is that ok with you? You're not going to get all weird and drink one or anything are you?". I was kinda annoyed that he'd think that after all this time, plus me being pregnant.. but brushed it off as just him checking to make sure I was ok with keeping the beer (which I'm sure will be drank over the next few weeks). So, I go on with my evening, and he goes out with his guy friends to watch some fights.. ends up making it quite the party night, which is ODD for him because 2 beers is usually a max. Calls me at like 1:30 am, he was walking home but wanted to see if I could come get him. He wont drive if he's had more than 2 beers. Of course, pregnant me.. I'm dead asleep and wake up, throw on some shoes and pop a piece of gum in my mouth to kill the sleep taste and drove to get him (can you see where this is heading? lol). I pick him up, and he notices I'm chewing gum, and immediately asks (I say accuses.. he says he was just asking), "did you drink some beer??" Ok. I say no, remind him that he woke me up and that I popped some gum to freshen my mouth. He persists.. "are you sure..hun.. you wouldn't drink would you? The baby... " Then I'm getting really annoyed. I know he's intoxicated.. but I am just this weird combo of insulted/hurt/angry..and wondering why I even feel this way, I deserve the distrust, right? Or no..? Then I'm overexplaining myself to him. Reminding him that I had been sleeping for like 4 hours, had eaten a lot of really rich/garlicy food... and wanted a piece of gum. He wouldn't let it go.. and I just had to shake my head and say 'no..I didn't drink any beer'.

I've lied to him many many times about my drinking.. I don't know if I would be as hurt as I am if I wasn't pregnant. How could he really think I would do that to the baby? Forget me, I don't even care.. but I'm just so hurt that it would even cross his mind.

Then I remember that I taught him not to trust me with alcohol. And that I told him that we could never keep liquor in the house because I didn't want the temptation. I told him that 8 months ago...I wonder when HE is healed from my deceit. I feel bad for being angry at him. I think I'm also angry that he drank a bunch, because it's annoying and irresponsible of him, especially now.. but of course then I remind myself of how annoying and irresponsible I was for 6 of 7 years of our relationship.

I dunno guys. I want so much to brush it off, and not even have to talk about it. I'm pissed he got drunk. I wouldn't have cared if I wasn't pregnant and he accused me (or asked.. whatever).. I just can't believe he'd think it was even a possibility now. I've worked so hard to build a completely new sober life and it just made me feel like I was at square one with him again.

K that's all..

Mariposa18

Jess~ First of all I"m sorry that your Husband's words hurt you so badly. I completely understand why you would feel that way. I think for him to ask that it seems like he has unresolved issues from when you used to drink. I would try to talk to him today and see why he thought you'd do that.

Can I ask why you are pissed he got drunk? You say it's annoying and irresponsible of him, but you also said it's not something he does on a regular basis. You say he never has more than 2 beers and rarely goes out with his friends so this sounds out of character for him from what you've said.Are you pissed that he went out to begin with?

I'd talk to him Sweetie. Let him know how him asking that made you feel and ask him why he thought that you would even do that. Like I said, he could very well have some unresolved issues from when you drank. 8 months is nothing compared to the YEARS we drank, so I can see his point as well.

Hope you guys can talk it out and put it behind you =)

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thanks guys.. I'll type more another time. He feels awful, claims he was just being stupid and drunk. I dunno. I was stupid and drunk a lot of times, but still hurts me.

Suz, I guess I am pissed that he got drunk because I had to get up in the middle of the night to pick him up when he said he was going to go and have a beer or two. Because he was drunk and acting ridiculous and it just made me mad that after I spent all day throwing that bbq for HIS brother and family, he still wakes me in the middle of the night because he can't be responsible. I feel like a total hypocrite because of how badly I've behaved, but wtf, what if I had an emergency with this pregnancy or something. I expect him to be responsible all the time I guess. All those "what ifs" in my head. I think I have seen him drunk like 3 times in the past year.. so it freaks me out kinda when it happens.

We're better than we've ever been, and I know it's when little things like this pop up that I get so bent out of shape about it. We used to do this crap all the time, and now that it never happens, I think it effects me more.. plus hormones cause a lot of emotional craziness for me.

Mariposa18

Jess~ I understand Girl. I honestly don't know how I'd react if my Hubby called me in the middle of the night to get him because he was drunk and I"m not even pregnant! I think that our frame of thinking is so totally different than it was at this time last year, we no longer tolerate things we used to think were fun and okay, kwim?

When I see people now,drunk and acting a fool, I want to get FAR FAR AWAY. And I just want to say that just because we used to do something it doesn't make it okay for it to be held over our heads forever.

Gypsy Feet

you know whats sad Jess, so very many people who come here then leave continue to drink and lie. You and I know in our hearts we aren't those people, I wonder if those people knew they would always stay sober too. Devil's Advocate: Maybe look at it as him loving the baby enough to ask?

It would hurt me, I hate people thinking I am lying when I am not. Talk to him about the trust, then let it go. You guys are strong, and you are gearing up for a really wonderful occasion.

I am really thrilled with the move, although I was miserable til I could see the ocean. I am sad about Annie the dog, but ever so happy my sister and nephew have her to protect them in the new home.

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Warren... I read your post "out there" about returning to drinking at your year mark for a time, which is your business, and makes not a lick of difference to me if that's what you do... however, I think that THAT is the entire reason you crave drinking all the time. You have a carrot in front of you. I used to take 'breaks' too (not quite this long) to prove I could do it, and boy towards the end of that goal I would be literally salivating for that drink. I craved and craved drinking all the way until in December when I finally said no more, never ever again. Took all that insanity and obsession away.. but you've got it all waiting for you, ready to throw you a welcome home party practically, and THAT would consume me at a level I'll never want to expose myself to again.

Just my .02....

Thanks everyone too for your thoughts on the hubby issue. Just a blip on an otherwise joyful adventure. We've worked through it, I know I taught him very well how not to trust me, hell it was probably one of very few times he's asked me if I'd been drinking, and I was being HONEST when I said no! Suz, you're totally right.. 8 months is a drop in the bucket, just a whisper of time compared to all the time I've spent with alcohol. Things are groovy again

Hope you're all doing well, Lisa.. you're so brave, and I'm so proud of you hun.

Mariposa18

Lisa~ I'm so proud of you and care about you so much! I agree with Lisa, you are one brave woman. Love you Girl! :ghug2

Jess~ I'm glad you guys talked it out =) The 8 months, it's funny, that also come up for me yesterday. We were at a Friends house that we hadn't seen since last August. Last time we hung out was at a club and I was completely and utterly trashed. He's known me for years and I've always drank! So yesterday they offer me a few different drinks and I said no thanks, then the last time I said "I don't drink" to which he said "Yeah you do! Since when do you not drink?" and my Hubby said "She decided to quit and doesn't drink anymore" He smiled and said "Cool". And that was it! lol But it made me realize that a lot of people who know me still don't know I don't drink, mainly because I haven't seen them. So basically my point is yes, 8 months is a drop for us because all of us, drank for years. I started at 16! And I care for you tons as well Sweetie :ghug2

Warren~ I haven't read your post out there yet, so I'm simply going by Jess' post. I have to agree and say that when you put something in front of you like that, I'll have it at this time kind of thing, it's simply torture! I was around a group of Friends yesterday, they were all drinking, and I didn't even think twice about it. I simply DIDN'T CARE! When I said no more, I meant never. I honestly think that's why I've been able to be at peace with it, if that makes any sense. I'm going to read your post out there...

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lol.. ok get technical..

Insert, the possibility of/the thought of/the reassessment of/returning to drinking

The fact that it's even a possible maybe worthy of reassessment kinda option might be what's causing you a bit of troubles. But I have no idea. I know for *me* if I thought I would ever reconsider drinking, I'd be counting down the days and looking forward to said 'reassessment' time drooling for that drink.

That part of your post: Does that mean that people without your amazing discipline are the ones who go back and return to their bad drinking behaviors? I know you didn't mean that, but seriously.. And I suppose if you can achieve anything you set your mind to, and the rest of us can't simply do that.. what?

Ok I'm off my snarky soap box. I wish you luck.. but it doesn't sound like IF you go back to drinking that it will be a problem one bit for you! Heck.. why are you waiting for a year?

Ok off my super snarky box now. Can you see how this reads to those of us with obviously weaker mental capabilities?

smacked

amen sista!

gerryP

Amen SistaS!

Gypsy Feet

I have a friend who quit drinking, he said he was going to try 3 months and then have a beer. his 3 months is coming up next week. My "voice" said to me the other day, "hey, I should do this experiment with him" haha. I caught myself and giggled a little. I am going to let him try it for both of us. Unfortunately I suspect I know how it will end, I hope he pulls himself up short when it goes south.

I'm not offended Warren. Watching how other people handle their addiction issues alternately fascinates, inspires and saddens me.

Gypsy Feet

thats not the case for me.

If I am in a better place in my life now (which I am), it is only more reason to NEVER drink again, because when I drink a little I want more, and when I drink more I do atrocious things that could lead to my new found happiness going away *poof*.

I have a bit of a crush on someone. He doesn't drink. I can play the whole evening out in my head if I were to get drunk around him, not pretty. I happy, and free and dealing. Learning to cope with everything sober, and I love it!!

Gypsy Feet

My "crush" is a guy I knew back when. We were very close, and lost contact because I lost contact with most everyone when I left town to do my thing. We reunited over breakfast a few months ago, and he has aged well=)

He and I have lovely chemistry, and immediately fell back into a very special friendship. I would be quite content with that. But. . .hes real yummy and very single and should he decide he wanted to make out, I would totally go there haha.

Mariposa18

I just caught up on the posts and I really don't know if there is anything of value I can add to the conversation. All I know is that if I want to self destruct, I'll pick up that first drink. If I want to start out having fun and end up miserable, I'll pick up that drink. I remember vividly how my mouth would start to water and I'd get anxious around 7:45pm, because I knew my Kids would be in bed soon and I could "relax" with a bottle of wine. Yes, BOTTLE because I don't remember many times when I had only 1 or 2 glasses of wine. Or 1-2 beers, 1-2 shots. Does it really matter what it was? I even used to say "It's wine, It's good for your heart!" Ummm....Yeah....

I was happy and celebrated with a drink. I was sad and numbed myself with a drink. I drank for all reasons and no reason at all. I will NEVER go back there. NEVER! The same way I can say I would never be unfaithful to my Husband, I can say I will never pick up a drink again.

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Lisa... any crush updates? How was your move btw? Are you just loving it? I'm sure your puppy misses you but it looks as though she is in a great new home

Warren, we're all battling.. glad you're still in the fight for now. None of us are so unique in this.. 'you are not a unique snowflake' from Fight Club comes to mind here haha.. You purport not to have as "serious" of a problem as most or ANY of us simple minded drunks on here , but have needed the MOST support.. hope you're still looking into some outside help. Drink, don't drink.. totally your choice, your life, your priorities.

Suz, I agree.. I am so past the drinking thing, for whatever reason or another.. it also makes me sick to even think about. My life is so much better, nothing would get even BETTER if I drank... ever. I love it!

We're finally pretty settled at the new place, getting some painting done etc.. misc things. My lil boy is just over a pound in weight now, I'm 23 weeks pregnant. We're very excited. But I have talked ENOUGH about that, it's my lil obsession at the moment, and no need to spew it at you

Charles is likely here in CO somewhere but course didn't bother to get in touch LOL.. tis ok.. Hope you're enjoying the vacay!!

Dori.. miss you!

Phal, I know you're around somewhere, hope you're doing great!

Back to work for me, ta ta!!