Gypsy Feet

I think you will find some friend, and some insight, and some entertainment wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Gypsy Feet

Im so sorry warren sweety. The universe is preparing you and dr.fuddle for something important. I am a meeting junkie now. AA holds some secret, and I am bound a determined to crack it!!

Suz, you been to any more? Are you doing anything special for your first sobriety birthday?

Charles, are you done with therapy? Did she say anything about your tendency to isolate?

Gypsy Feet

Jess had her baby!! Its a boy, and he is pretty darned cute, mother and son are doing well=)

Mariposa18

Lisa~ I went to 2 meetings last week and will be going to 2 as well this week. Not planning anything for the sobriety birthday as of now. Maybe I'll change my mind tomorrow, but right now I'm feeling blah. Hopefully after my meeting I won't be feeling icky like I am now and will be more in the mood to do something nice for myself.

Warren~ Sorry to hear that Sweetie. Remember what you said about JK Rowling being rejected numerous times! Something great is out there for you, I know it.

Charles~ How are you doing?

Jess~ Don't know if you still read this thread, but congratulations Darling! Being a Mom is the most challenging yet rewarding job in the world. Enjoy every bit of it!

ExNavyInHouston

Hey gang. I'm doing well. I can't believe my one-year sober date is around the corner.

When I look back I can see I did a lot of good for myself, but I also see some of my bad decisions as well.

I definitely think I took too long to accept I really didn't know how to live my life fully without alcohol. There were a lot of social circumstances I put myself only because I knew I could drink away my anxiety.

Once I got sober, it seemed more like people, especially groups of people, were to be avoided. I'm sure this is all interconnected to my self worth issues. And although I made great leaps in therapy, it's hard to unravel 40 years of damage in one summer of counseling.

Sometimes I wonder just how many people are really all that comfortable in their own skin (and mind), no matter how much they are faking it.

Lisa, I thinking more and more about going to meetings. I even ask someone I know with 10 years sobriety what they thought about me going to a meeting on my one-year, but the answer was so strict and structured it was like the real answer was I would be disrespectful to all those who put in the hard work in the program. It was her feeling I shouldn't make an issue I got sober by discussing I made it a year without a program - which I guess I can understand.

I understand, I could handle it a certain way and walk the line of respect and truth and make everyone happy. But on this night where my "share" might be a huge verbal dump I don't think I can trust myself to be that self aware in the moment.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I may just let it pass with just a mention on my Facebook or something.

Yes, therapy ended. My therapist (Dr. Ken) and I mostly focused on self-worth issues, mainly the negative memories I had of the sexual abuse I endured as a child and how there was a victim magnet that stayed on my up until my teens years.

So therapy was not so much as a life coach on how to deal with right now things, but more about shoring up that past so that it stopped dribbling into my psyche now. So indirectly it was helping the now. But in all honesty it was more about accepting me for who I am, and not making me push to make social changes because if I got out more I would be a healthier person. In other words, if I was happy alone, then it's ok to be alone. The fact that I think I should be out more is not so much because I want to be, as much as I don't want to be a sick person. If that all makes sense.

I'm so glad you guys are still around and making your way in the world.

Lenina

Class, I hope you don't mind me popping in to say your class is awesome! Over the year I've enjoyed reading about your triumphs and victories! I'm so proud of you all!

You rock!

Love,

Lenina

ExNavyInHouston

I'm in the parking lot right now ... After going to my first AA meeting since getting sober. I'll write more later.

Mariposa18

Charles~ Not sure if you want to hear it but I will tell you how my experience was entering the program with almost 1 year sober. I attended my first meeting the week of Thanksgiving. A lot of people seemed surprised by the fact that I had made it almost a year without a program, but they were all very encouraging and said it was great I had been able to do that. The day I reached my year, December 1st, I did stand up and get a 1 year chip (not medallion, just a chip). That day I also decided to get a sponsor. The next day when I arrived at the meeting we sat privately to talk. She proceeded to ask for my chip back, saying since I wasn't "in the program" during that year she thought I should give it back. It made me feel like my year of sobriety was discounted because I was not in AA. It did hurt and it made me feel pretty cruddy. Not a good day.

A few days after this incident I spoke to my sponsor on the phone. Let her know I had decided to slow down a bit and not do the sponsor thing just yet. I told her I would continue to attend meetings because I enjoyed it but needed more time to adjust. She was wonderful about the whole thing. Then she brought up the chip issue. She said she asked her own sponsor about it and realized that she should have never taken it from me. She said she didn't have to change her sobriety date when she joined AA so why should I? That not having been in the program didn't discount the past year. She did say she had never seen anyone in the group come in with so much sober time and it was a situation she should have consulted her own sponsor about before hand. So I will get my chip back when I go to my next meeting, she will hand it to me in private (she also took it back in private).

I have had some revelations in the few meetings I've attended. I've only had 1 negative experience, but I no longer consider it that way because it allowed me to set my own boundaries and realize what *I* need, something I usually don't do. I like the people and I really do feel a different kind of serenity than I have on my own.

So, for what it's worth, that was my experience =)

ExNavyInHouston

I'm still in my truck waiting to meet a friend for dinner. But I wanted to thank you for your post. I've been worried how I would approach the upcomming big day in the AA frame.

I'll explain more later.

Mariposa18

Oh and also what I did was put December 1 2008 as my sobriety date and December 1 2009 as my AA join date. The card I was given to fill some info out had both of these to fill out, so it worked out =)

Good Luck and let us know how it goes!

polkadot

I am so scared to start the meetings for some reason.... I was just wondering through post and seen urs... hope your dinner went well. Was the meeting awkward? I am so scared everyone will stare and glare and I dont know I am just so funny about going but I need to not enjoying my sobroity....not sure how to. hmmm working on it.

ExNavyInHouston

Polkadot - they may stare, but they won't glare.

I'm just joking about the stare. I would liken walking into an AA meeting the same as walking into any group environment like a new classroom, or a SCUBA class or any other social situation where there is an expectation you might have to give your name and tell a little about yourself.

That's not how AA is exactly because there is no requirement to "share" until you are ready. Most folks would just say their name and tell the room they want to "pass" today.

Also understand this was not my first AA meeting. My first was when I was 15 in 1978/79 when my mother dropped me off at the local hospital. I can't even remember how my mom decided that's what I needed or if I asked her to send me there.

Over the years I tried AA many times. And that's reason now that I am on the doorstep of one year and back in an AA meeting. My therapy stopped and I still feel something is missing.

I'm hoping that a room full of drunks who have learned how to live a full life after alcohol can help teach me how to start living again.

I have ZERO desire, no close calls, no temptations to drink, for that I am truly blessed. What I do have is this sense of not belonging anywhere, but in my home.

I'm not locked in or anything. I get up and go out, but 90% of what I do is alone.

I pass on all sorts of social invites. I'm likable and people seem to want me around them, but in time they stop inviting because it's normal to stop when you keep getting told no or I don't show.

So yesterday, the meeting was just what I expected. When I walked in, there was a small concession area and tables outside the room. There were lots of people talking in small groups. I saw this table with a man in his 50s sitting alone so I asked to sit with him. We started talking and I gave a little background on this past year. He also started getting sober in 78, but it didn't stick until 1986 and he's been sober ever since.

When it came time to go into the meeting, I walked in and sat right down in the front row. In the end I didn't share. I just felt that time I wanted go in and get the vibe of the room, remember the rituals such as the Serenity Prayer, and the finishing with the Lord's Prayer.

As I remembered, there were heart-felt "shares" and some by AA pros. The Pros know all the little phrases and the lingo and sprinkle them about as they speak. I used to be so turned off by those people, but yesterday I seemed to appreciate them.

I think anyone who goes into an AA meeting, especially if there is a lot of sobriety in the room, needs to understand for some of the people in the room - AA saved their lives. They are very protective of the program and it has become a way of life for many. These guys have seen a lot of people come and go, their longevity is now all the proof they need to believe it works if you keep coming back.

So Polkadot, I would say to you that they will welcome you in with huge open arms. No one will ask any more of you than you want to give.

I'm not sad, I don't have depression or anything like that. But I just keep thinking I'm not getting the full benefits out of a sober life.

I may keep going back.

Gypsy Feet

Charles!! I think AA is very exciting coming at it from our perspective. I didn't share much if any for my first few meetings. When I did, I mostly shared about how "sobriety" had changed my life for the better. Now and then I mention that I "didn't come in to the rooms" right away, but I don't ever insist that I was over drinking before I met them.

As you said, many people came into AA on what was to them their very last breath. They clung so tightly, and were in such bad shape, that they bought the package 100%. There is an belief that if you have not done the steps, you are a dry drunk and a moment away from your next drink.

So I have learned that it isn't productive for me to discuss my thoughts on my early sobriety. I will take my year chip, and share what has changed for me in the last year. I will use the language and experiences that go hand and hand with AA, and leave the rest out. I dont want anyone else learning from me that they can do it without AA, having them leave the rooms, never to find sobriety again, and one thing I have learned in AA and here on SR, we in our class are the lucky few, the ones who made it a year.

The newest sticky situation in AA for me is the steps. There is line in AA to be crossed when you have completed your steps, in particular step 4. I have had some "sponsor" issues, so I have done 1-4 pretty much on my own just so I can say they are done. If you go to 12step.com and follow the links for 4th step worksheets, they have some pretty good printable ones. I do AA for all the wrong reasons maybe, but I get something from it all the same

I find myself wishing LOTS of people here in my life would go to meetings. AA has a pretty excellent model for living. ok, off to work I go.

I have more NON AA thoughts, I'll post again when I get home, lucky devils you!

Mariposa18

When I picked up my chip and I was asked how I did it, my reply came out without me even thinking about it because I wasn't expecting the question. I answered "I was able to stay sober for 11 months on my own, when it became too much for me and I felt I needed more, I walked into this room and here I am" I think people were again very surprised by my answer, but it was honest so how can I be faulted for that? Hmmm....maybe that's why the Lady shoved the "How It Works" paper at me the next day! lmao

Mariposa18

Warren~ Yours is coming up my Love! =) Anything planned? It's the 12t right?

Mariposa18

No Darling, I didn't forget =) I just didn't think *not* to congratulate you anyways, kwim? IMO, although you may have taken that drink it didn't throw you into a full on relapse of days, weeks or months of drinking. So even though technically you sobriety date may no longer be December 12th, it's still cause for celebration. Am I making sense?

ETA: I"m sure a lot of people will disagree with me and that is fine, but I feel it's important to still encourage what you did accomplish.

Gypsy Feet

Warren, I think it is cause for great celebration that a year ago today you made an important decision to better your life, which brought you here to us (me). You have said many things that were instrumental in my sobriety and have forever changed me for the better, and I count you among my friends. I love you honey <3 <3 <3 <3

Mariposa18

Warren, my Friend, I'm totally with Lisa on this!

:day6 Congratulations =)

Thank you for being here for me through all my ups and downs. I'm so proud of you and I love you very much.

XOXO

ExNavyInHouston

My friends, I have to tell you this past week has been one of the most amazing weeks of my life.

I happened across two people from my past who I felt I had really wronged, or at the very least, left the relationship in a bad way.

Neither of them were love interests, and both people I last spoke with in the 80s. Both I found on Facebook.

One, I wrote to and explained how I had been tormented by the way we last spoke for 20 years, I wrote a nice apology and sent the message. My friend wrote back to me saying how wonderful it was to hear from me, but apologized that they had no memory of any incident.

I can't tell you how relieved I was by his forgetting. It told me that the event may have seemed incredibly memorable to me, but it was forgettable to him.

This situation gave me the courage to contact another friend I had long since avoided because I believed I was not a good friend to her in the past. I felt that embarrassed about something that occurred and after that last weekend we saw each other back in about 1985, I never contacted her again. We had spent a weekend together, as young adults, but had been good friends in high school. I had moved away and she came to visit me a few years later. The weekend became awkward and after she left I just never spoke to her again.

So when I discovered a way to contact her, I decided to write and take my "beating" for being a horrible friend. Her response was similar to my other friends. She wrote of her delight to hear from me, even called me an old nickname that I had forgotten the reference or meaning. She was sweet and went into detail about her family.

You see these two people are two that I even brought up in therapy this past summer. I had used them as examples of how I beat myself up over the years with regrets for how I handled certain non-love-interest relationships in my past. How these actions were examples of why I was a NOT good friend to have.

They were small parts of my negative self-worth image for myself.

So you can imagine, how stupid, but relieved I felt this week. Stupid because I had been carrying around guilt for 20+ years for no good reason. Relieved, that I was able to realize it and release it.

The best part, no, the magical part, is that I have other examples like this in my past too, and I am going to let these two anecdotes be the example for me to let go of these past transgressions (thanks for that word Tiger).

This was a huge week for me personally. I removed some huge shackles.

ExNavyInHouston

Warren, I admire you for changing your sobriety date. It's the right thing to do.

But, I'm with the girls, on at least allowing yourself to celebrate your commitment a year ago, and your membership among us Class of December's.

I never want to minimize the importance of a "slip," because it does change the rules, but as was mentioned, the way you handled it, and the way you kept the situation under control is very commendable.

Your reaction to that moment is time is just as much a testimony to your growth as is marking an annual sobriety date.

When you look at the failure rates, and the statistics, I think it is amazing there so many of us are still committed to sobriety.

I haven't followed other "Classes" (I really need to take advantage of the website more), but I know I am very proud of all of us.

Heck, you never know, before long there might be an "I Ended My Celibacy Streak" posting soon. Don't get too excited, I have zero prospects lined up and I'm not looking. .