The Quit Team
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Washington state
Posts: 571
Congrats on both milestones, Paco! You should feel proud.
I'm doing okay, thanks for asking. Not in the best mental place, but have no interest in starting up with booze or pot.
I know where it would take me and that's not where I want to be.
I'm doing okay, thanks for asking. Not in the best mental place, but have no interest in starting up with booze or pot.
I know where it would take me and that's not where I want to be.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: GA
Posts: 700
Hi all. Thinking tomorrow may be a new day 1 for weed. I have been sober from alcohol for a year and a half but held on to weed after quitting for the first 90 days of my sobriety. I just wanted to write out some things to remind me of what I'm doing to myself.
I just dug one of my carts out of the trash to try and hit it again after throwing it away last night, telling myself it was empty. Telling myself, if you dig this out of the trash tomorrow, you know you have a problem.
I still struggle with being on call and saying no. I loathe being on call just as much as I did when I was drinking.
I worry about getting stuck with a sharp at work and being drug tested or being drug tested randomly. I consider having a trusted coworker I could go to in an emergency for clean urine.
I cannot go one day without it, without being uncomfortable. My dealers are out til tomorrow and I was annoyed all day about it and still looking for the cart I'm fairly sure I accidentally threw out last week (yep see I see the irony).
I can't consider new job opportunities. I tell myself I don't want them but who doesn't want to be ready if an amazing opportunity comes along? Opportunity waits 30+ days for no man (or woman).
I never dream. I hear THC can cause this. I would like to have dreams. Maybe since alcohol is a little further back in the rearview mirror, they won't be nightmares anymore.
This isn't meshing with my new anxiety plan. I'm not confronting this fear head on. I'm letting it dictate my choices and I'm justifying and explaining it away with every thought. By continuing to live each weekday from 3pm to 10pm and all weekends high af, I'm not actually confronting all of my anxiety. I'm trying to distract myself from it. I know I won't try a yoga class high. I know I won't hike with new people high. I know I will become more isolated and resent humans even more. And it would be my choice.
I know they'll both be messaging me as soon as they're good. Appreciate this thread as rereading it helped greatly for motivation. Seeing some of you are still not smoking 2 years from page 1 is pretty awesome.
I just dug one of my carts out of the trash to try and hit it again after throwing it away last night, telling myself it was empty. Telling myself, if you dig this out of the trash tomorrow, you know you have a problem.
I still struggle with being on call and saying no. I loathe being on call just as much as I did when I was drinking.
I worry about getting stuck with a sharp at work and being drug tested or being drug tested randomly. I consider having a trusted coworker I could go to in an emergency for clean urine.
I cannot go one day without it, without being uncomfortable. My dealers are out til tomorrow and I was annoyed all day about it and still looking for the cart I'm fairly sure I accidentally threw out last week (yep see I see the irony).
I can't consider new job opportunities. I tell myself I don't want them but who doesn't want to be ready if an amazing opportunity comes along? Opportunity waits 30+ days for no man (or woman).
I never dream. I hear THC can cause this. I would like to have dreams. Maybe since alcohol is a little further back in the rearview mirror, they won't be nightmares anymore.
This isn't meshing with my new anxiety plan. I'm not confronting this fear head on. I'm letting it dictate my choices and I'm justifying and explaining it away with every thought. By continuing to live each weekday from 3pm to 10pm and all weekends high af, I'm not actually confronting all of my anxiety. I'm trying to distract myself from it. I know I won't try a yoga class high. I know I won't hike with new people high. I know I will become more isolated and resent humans even more. And it would be my choice.
I know they'll both be messaging me as soon as they're good. Appreciate this thread as rereading it helped greatly for motivation. Seeing some of you are still not smoking 2 years from page 1 is pretty awesome.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 754
Welcome goodbyeevan! I suggest you try it out, at least for a while. It won't be easy in the beginning, but you may gain a lot by not smoking. If fact, maybe so much you don't even want to start again. It happened to me when I first quit for a designated period of 6 months. I didn't feel like smoking at all after 6 months, but I got curious and I thought I could control it. Well, that turned out to be an illusion. I went on a 11 year streak after that. Don't make the same mistake as I did. If you don't feel like smoking then don't 
Best of luck to you!
Best of luck to you!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 466
Awesome to hear Paco.
I've been sober for over four years now, and it was around the point you're at when I transitioned from not needing to use to not wanting to use. While all of us will always be addicts who are capable of screwing everything up in a millisecond, there's something quite luminous about the realization that addiction to mind-altering substances is in the rearview mirror. Hope you're able to live in tranquility going forward. Great job man.
I've been sober for over four years now, and it was around the point you're at when I transitioned from not needing to use to not wanting to use. While all of us will always be addicts who are capable of screwing everything up in a millisecond, there's something quite luminous about the realization that addiction to mind-altering substances is in the rearview mirror. Hope you're able to live in tranquility going forward. Great job man.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 754
Thanks for checking in RT, it's always nice to hear from you. I read your topics front to back when I just joined this place. And congratulations on the 4 years sober time, wow!
I'm really looking forward to that moment where I don't want to smoke anymore. Maybe it's around the corner for me too, lagging just two months behind Paco on sober-time.
Hope everyone is doing fine!
I'm really looking forward to that moment where I don't want to smoke anymore. Maybe it's around the corner for me too, lagging just two months behind Paco on sober-time.
Hope everyone is doing fine!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 754
Well, you could start by posting a lot here. It helped me and I am sure it will help you. Could you elaborate a bit more on the chaos? What happened and what lead you to paying us a visit? We're always happy to have you here
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