PrairieSpirit

That's really awesome, Ronantian. Good for you. I hope that I can say that in about six months time!

Lpg

Congrats on 6 months Ronantian that’s awesome

Dee74

Congrats Ronantian

D

FlyingDutchMan

Wow, is it six months already?! Congratulations on that, I appreciate you sharing this with us. Lpg, thanks for your post as well. Is it baby time already?

I’m doing pretty well but I haven’t kept that sober streak going. I hit two months and then I let it all slide. It was this romantic depiction of smoking a joint that got me, but of course the romance was a long way off when I finally lit up. It’s becoming ever more clearly to me that my addiction keeps fooling me every time.

Yes, being sober really has its downsides for me, but on the other hand the benefits of using never outweigh the negatives.

All the best to you my friends, feel free to let us know how you are doing!

Dee74

Sorry to hear you’re smoking again FDM.
I know you’ll get there - just don’t put off trying again for too long, man.

D

FlyingDutchMan

I did, but I am back at it now. With new determination. Every time I start using again I vow not to make the same mistakes as before and every time I do. Starting up always leads to the same behaviour, problematic behaviour which in turn leads to a strong desire to call it quits.

I must never doubt my decision to quit, ever again. I know I will, but I must not act on it.

Hopefully all of you are doing fine. Let’s stay in touch.

Dee74

Great to hear you are trying again FDM

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Ronantian

Well done FDM. I found myself stuck in that cycle for a long time. It’s so easy to convince yourself that you will manage it differently this time, so don’t be hard on yourself.

FlyingDutchMan

Thanks for the support guys, I appreciate that. I’ve come to a point where I want to quit when I smoke and I want to smoke when I have some sober time under my belt. I seem unable to project a realistic image when I am on either side of the line. I romanticise being sober while using and I do the same thing the other way around. So both choices seem to lead to a form of disappointment.

How did you all manage those tough moments when the cravings hit? How do you deal with that romantic yet unrealistic image of using marijuana. I’d be interested to hear.

Dee74

I just got to a point where I knew if I wanted change I needed to change, FDM.

I know that sounds vague and wish washy but it’s true.

Every time I rationalised another smoke in my head, I fought back with a recovery counter argument.

I knew I could be the man I wanted to be…or I could smoke, but not both.

I was ready to be that man…no training wheels.

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Ronantian

Hey FDM how are you doing?

How I manage the romantic notions is to try to be honest with myself. First, I accept that I really enjoy being stoned, as it wouldn’t have become a problem if I didn’t. But, the important thing, I remind myself that the romanticised image in my head never lasts - I’ll have a few days really enjoying it and then I’ll be back to it dictating my entire life and being afraid to be without it.

FlyingDutchMan

Thanks for chiming in. I think it’s a good strategy to be realistic. It has certainly brought you a lot of sober time, which I really appreciate.

I am doing well but I did cut some corners this weekend. I know everybody on SR says there’s no shame in relapses but I feel kinda stupid for sounding very vigilant one day and doing something I said I wouldn’t on the next. I’ll be a good boy again this week and get a lot of stuff done and catch up on sleep.

Take care everybody.

froscow

Don't feel stupid and ashamed Dutchman. I've had times where I'm extremely vigilant and then the very next day my mind completely convinces me of another narrative.

FlyingDutchMan

Thanks froscow. Yeah that’s weird, isn’t it? Sounds very familiar to me. Sometimes I make the decision in the blink of an eye, just like that.

FlyingDutchMan

It’s gone awfully quiet in this section. How’s everybody doing? Please feel free to share, even if you aren’t keeping your back straight (I am in that boat).

Dee74

Hi FDM
sorry you're still struggling - are you actively trying to stop right now or more trying to limit?

D

lynnmarie123

I'm doing very well, FDM. Sorry to hear you are still anchored.
I just celebrated a 5-year milestone. Feels pretty great not to be tethered to pot.
What I've discovered after 5 years...the longer I'm sober, the less I desire it.
The thought of starting up again is quite revolting. The romance is gone. Pot is in the same category as my ex-husband. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
Freedom is a wonderful thing. I wish that for everybody.

Dee74

thats great lynnmarie - congratulations
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FlyingDutchMan

Wow, that’s an awesome milestone Lynnmarie. Five years already! I can’t imagine myself reaching that point, but I also feel change is imminent in my life. It has to come, something’s got to give. At this moment I am not really actively trying to quit, but I am limiting damage by trying to stick to the weekends. Some weeks are better than others. From Monday on we’ll be heading to France for the annual family holiday so I’ll be sober for at least two weeks. It will give me some time to think things through.

Have a good one everyone!

Ronantian

I’m closing in on 10 months now. Had first big test last weekend. Friend who smokes fairly heavily stayed over with us. I would have liked to join him, but didn’t.