Hi all. Thinking tomorrow may be a new day 1 for weed. I have been sober from alcohol for a year and a half but held on to weed after quitting for the first 90 days of my sobriety. I just wanted to write out some things to remind me of what I'm doing to myself.
I just dug one of my carts out of the trash to try and hit it again after throwing it away last night, telling myself it was empty. Telling myself, if you dig this out of the trash tomorrow, you know you have a problem.
I still struggle with being on call and saying no. I loathe being on call just as much as I did when I was drinking.
I worry about getting stuck with a sharp at work and being drug tested or being drug tested randomly. I consider having a trusted coworker I could go to in an emergency for clean urine.
I cannot go one day without it, without being uncomfortable. My dealers are out til tomorrow and I was annoyed all day about it and still looking for the cart I'm fairly sure I accidentally threw out last week (yep see I see the irony).
I can't consider new job opportunities. I tell myself I don't want them but who doesn't want to be ready if an amazing opportunity comes along? Opportunity waits 30+ days for no man (or woman).
I never dream. I hear THC can cause this. I would like to have dreams. Maybe since alcohol is a little further back in the rearview mirror, they won't be nightmares anymore.
This isn't meshing with my new anxiety plan. I'm not confronting this fear head on. I'm letting it dictate my choices and I'm justifying and explaining it away with every thought. By continuing to live each weekday from 3pm to 10pm and all weekends high af, I'm not actually confronting all of my anxiety. I'm trying to distract myself from it. I know I won't try a yoga class high. I know I won't hike with new people high. I know I will become more isolated and resent humans even more. And it would be my choice.
I know they'll both be messaging me as soon as they're good. Appreciate this thread as rereading it helped greatly for motivation. Seeing some of you are still not smoking 2 years from page 1 is pretty awesome.