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Old 12-02-2009, 10:48 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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the first meeting I went to........was really small just a hand full of women but I sat and listened and then I opened my mouth to speak and all I could do was cry...........noone there judged me they all handed me tissue and sat and waited for me to be done crying...then I merely told them my name and that my husband whos an addict and had about 10 years clean.........had relapsed with his doc Crack
I was devastated and its been a rough road since then almost 4 years ago..........lots of ups and the downs inbetween...........its the rollercoaster ride they talk about here.......

but hes an addict and I cant change that ...........all I can do is try to work on me......

I'm sorry your going thru this but know we are here for you and those at the meetings are too............your not alone
your family and friends may not understand what your going thru right now but there are many people that do................

(((((((((((((HUGS))))))))
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Old 12-02-2009, 11:26 AM
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Originally Posted by cece1960 View Post

I've had to come to the painful realization that he does what he does because he's an addict. I first thought acceptance was admittance, but after time learned that I had to accept addictive behaviors and not let it blind-side me when he did things that addicts do (like relapse, make poor decisions, lie etc) It doesn't paint a prettier picture, but it does allow me to not get my expectations too high, which will often lead to disappointment.

(((Hugs)))
That's what I do...I get my expectations to high and then it is so disappointing. I don't think I expect much really...be self-supporting and not a sloppy drugged up mess...not much at all, but he can never seem to do that for long. When he is clean he is just the best, it is those 'good' times that make this so hard to bear
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Old 12-02-2009, 11:34 AM
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Well, I think his gf got him the clean urine...great, I can hope that this was a wake up call for him, but I won't count on it. I guess it's time for the stay clean or get out, come to Jesus talk, wait...! We have already had that more than once...kinda explains why we are still here I suppose.... I think if by some miracle he does keep his job, and even if he stops the Xanax 'for now', we need to come up with a plan for him to move out and soon, I truly can't take this crap anymore...I just can't and I won't..

Just a question of anyone who would know...Xanax is a prescribed drug right? How can it make a person so out of it? Is it the snorting, the amount? Why is it legal??

Rambling...sorry

Thanks to all for talking me through this, I feel stronger just from your thoughts and prayers...God Bless
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Old 12-02-2009, 11:45 AM
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I heard a speaker once say that the recommended dosage on his prescribed medicine was 1 or 2 every 4 to 6 hours and he took it as 4 or 6 every 1 to 2 hrs.

I know that description fit my ex AH to a TEE when he was in the active stage - so yes a prescribed medicine can make someone totally out of it - for days and weeks at a time.

Please know that you are not rambling - you are just overwhelmed with the realization of so much that is going on - sometimes it feels like the more I know - the better I'll be prepared - then some days it felt like the less I knew the better off I felt.

But the truth was - either way it hurt like my heart had been ripped from my chest.
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Old 12-02-2009, 11:52 AM
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we need to come up with a plan for him to move out and soon, I truly can't take this crap anymore...I just can't and I won't..
Great idea! Set a date that he needs to be out by. He's an adult and it's not unreasonable to expect him to live on his own. He's not abiding by your house rules.

He is old enough to make his own choices and feel the consequences of those choices. They could be good. they could be bad. But this his life and living on his own could be the push he needs to get serious about it.

Time to let the bird leave the nest mom. For your sake and for his.

You cannot cure his problem by letting him live with you and enabling him. You can make it worse though...

(((hugs)))
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Old 12-02-2009, 12:06 PM
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This is being said out of love and not ment to harm.

I really hope that your son's gf doesnt bring him the clean pee. In fact I pray that she doesnt. He needs to experience the consequences FULLY in order for him to understand that his actions have created a life that has become unmanagable due to his addiction. It is only then that addicts begin to want to change and take the steps necessary to do so.

It sounds terrible but every single one of us needs to learn our own life lessons our own way.

When I was in an abusive marriage, NO ONE could tell me ANYTHING. No matter how many times he hit me or kept me in the house or kept me from having a relationship with anyone I still went back. I even waited for him while he went to jail and prison for DV. How crazy was that?

It wasnt until I got so tired of being beat up, lying to my friends and family, calling in sick to work because I was being held hostage, that I decided that maybe I needed to make a change and be done with him. Then I started to listen to others. Then I started making a plan for me to get out and started reaching out for help to others and professionals.

But NO ONE could have done that for me it had to be me......And when I was ready. When I was the one to make the decision FOR MYSELF I was DONE. Never looked back. Filed charges. Went and got the restraining order. Had it enforced when it was broken. Notified my employer of the restraining order. NOTIFIED anyone who would listen. THose were the actions that I took to prove that I was done, not only to myself but to my family and kids as well.

So I know that this is a different situation then what is happening with your son but it has the same principle in it. Your son has to fall flat on his face before any changes will happen. So while I know your heartbroken and sad that this has happened this way and that he may be out of a really good job but 2 years from now you could be looking back at this and saying this was the best thing that could have happened because now he is serious about his recovery.....

Everything happens for a reason. This may save his life.

Take care. Keep reading and posting. We are here for you....
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Old 12-02-2009, 12:56 PM
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Re: OMG

Just a question of anyone who would know...Xanax is a prescribed drug right? How can it make a person so out of it? Is it the snorting, the amount? Why is it legal??
Xanax is a prescribed drug. Does he have a psychiatrist or other doctors? I know from personal experience just ingesting 3 is a lot depending on what color and shape they are. Do you know what they look like? Snorting is a quicker high but not very effective. It's a sedative so he is probably taking a good amount (said something about 3). I have seen this addiction firsthand and it is a tough one. My close family friend had very bad seizures from doing what your son is doing. Good luck, def go to the meeting. I feel for you.
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Old 12-02-2009, 01:09 PM
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He doesn't have a prescription for it anymore. He did for a while from some quacky Dr. who believed he had PTSD from a car accident a couple of years ago. I actually called and told her he was abusing them and she quit seeing him, soon after that he started this last 'clean time'

I think he usually takes 'bars' whatever they are...I know he does more than one at a time, I only saw the crushed up version last night and it was white.

Hubby says he is home now passed out in his room...he's pissed and I don't blame him...
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Old 12-02-2009, 01:12 PM
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Is it terrible that sometimes I wish he would have some major adverse reaction so we could take him to the hospital and get him treatment? And I do know that mixing Xanax and Methadone is like a prescription for death, and so does he, he thinks he is invincible...or just doesn't care
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Old 12-02-2009, 01:16 PM
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The bars are the most potent xanax there are. So snorting 3 xanax bars I would say he could very very likely have a seizure so if he is under your roof you might want to peek in every once in awhile to make sure he isn't convulsing. Did he get fired from his job?
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Old 12-02-2009, 01:50 PM
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I do peek in on him when he is doing that...last night he slept sitting up/head hanging for over three hours...won't know if he lost his job till the drug test comes back. Even if it does come back clean (if he got away with the clean pee thing, I don't know that yet as I haven't wanted to talk to him much) I'm wondering if they will let him go anyway, just from the way he was acting, which obviously gave them reasonable suspicion to test him.
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Old 12-02-2009, 02:23 PM
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Have to head home soon...never in my life thought I'd rather be at work..
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Old 12-02-2009, 02:27 PM
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Thank you once again everyone...don't know how I would have gotten through the day without the support
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Old 12-02-2009, 03:58 PM
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Xanax is a bad, bad drug. I can spot when my RAH took it every time. He'd take handfuls @ a time. Rx'd to him by a stupid dr. that he'd convinced he had 'panic attacks' or 'anxiety'. I was the one that needed the flippin' xanax for anxiety! It made him loopy as heck.
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Old 12-03-2009, 06:51 AM
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Good morning Hurt -

just checking in to see how you are this morning

saying prayers and sending out good thoughts that you are doing better this morning!
HUGS,
Rita
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Old 12-03-2009, 06:46 PM
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Speaking from the perspective as the eldest son who is not addicted, my parents fear of reflection upon themselves shielded the consequences of my brother's addiction from being cast fully into the light... and I believe there is enough 'shady' in addiction that I don't need to provide it more 'shade'/protection because it only keeps the light from penetrating the dense darkness.

So in the words of the of the immortal philosopher, Forest Gump, "That's all I have to say about that."

Many Blessings,
Shaman
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Old 12-03-2009, 08:02 PM
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Originally Posted by Callie View Post
I was the one that needed the flippin' xanax for anxiety! .
I just said this to my friend tonight!
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Old 12-03-2009, 08:15 PM
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Oh wow..wow wow wow
I was out of town on business all day today...talked to AS this morning (he was out of it all last night and not worth my time to try). Anyway, we talked this morning, he seemed lucid and once again sincere about stopping the stuipid choices and keeping his job. I talk to him this afternoon and he has borrowed his gf's car and is going to have a beer with his friend. This friend is in active Heroin addiction and AS claims he is going to talk to him about getting off the heroin and going to the methadone clinic. OOOOkkk...GF calls me a couple of hours later and asks me if I had talked to him because he was suppose to be back hours ago and isn't there yet. AS doesn't answer when I call naturally.

Long story very very short, I came home tonight from watching Survivor with my girlfriend (which made me remember how nice it is to be 'normal' and kinda sad coz up to last week AS would come with me and we had a great time together)...ok, so much for the short story...lol I look in his room, mostly because I want to make sure he isn't lying in there dead, and there is a #$$^# syringe on the table in his room...him passed out sitting up infront of it. Guys! My heart sank, but I didn't freak out like I would normally! This is huge...I picked up the syringe and stood there for a minute till he woke up and said "I guess this is Tim's?" (I already anticipated the lie he would tell)...and he says "YES! He was here earlier and left it here"... HUH???? I was so calm it still scares me...I just took it and said I will not live like this anymore, we will talk more tomorrow. I know he can't be spoken to with any kind of sense when he is like this, so I will wait and I hope this calmness lasts because the worse is yet to come for Mr. "I can live the way I want"...This ends here, I refuse to let my life be taken over by his addiction again....I'm kind of scared that I'm so calm right now....I am sitting here right now with that hated syringe sitting on the desk in front of me and have been carrying it around with me..Is that weird? He hasn't come down to confront or deny yet...probably passed back out, I guess I should go check... Did I mention that he is on methadone and has been lowering his dose? Down from 85 to 65, he told me this with pride a few days ago, now he is shooting up....
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Old 12-03-2009, 08:24 PM
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I forgot the part of the story when he was insisting it was "Tim's" and pulled up his sleeve on one arm to show me no marks...goes and pulls up the other sleeve part way and stops so I say, let me see...he does and goes "SEE NOTHING"....but...there was something...I'm not an expert on track marks, but I know the area around his inner elbow was irritated and reddish..and he is sitting there telling me I am not seeing what I am seeing!!!! This is CRAZY

I do know with 99% certainty that he hasn't used heroin for at least a year....he seemed so proud of himself that he was reducing his dose....

Still freaked out that I am so calm...I did have a little meltdown when I just checked on him and he was sleeping...miss my Buddy...it was so nice to have him back the last three months... Still looking at the syringe sitting there in front of me..
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Old 12-03-2009, 08:33 PM
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My plan is to tell him that he has choices to make real soon depending on the outcome of his job. 1. If you lose your job you are to be in rehab or out on your own by the beginning of the year. 2. If you keep your job you are to be out on your own by the end of January. You are almost 25 years old and need to live with the fact that the money you earn goes to surviving...just like the rest of us...when you have to use your money to survive, perhaps you will realize that there isn't extra to spend on your drugs.

I don't want him out of my life...just out of my home
No arguing, no drama...just the facts. I won't live like this anymore...
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