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Old 12-16-2009, 08:49 PM
  # 101 (permalink)  
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Location: Atlanta
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(((Hurtbad)))

I can't tell you how to make him mature, and I'm way older than him, but I am living at home for the first time since I was 18, due to the financial/career consequences of MY addiction and I can tell you what is expected of me. BTW, I lost a career as an RN...I am clean and back in school for another career in healthcare. We CAN rebuild our lives if we want to.

Treatment is a priority for him, right now, BUT I would make sure he keeps busy...help around the house. If he gets a job, then he needs to contribute to the house. I pay rent, or at least I did before some circumstances that cut my hours and I just can't, but I help my dad out with his business, so it works out. It doesn't have to be much, and it's not even whether you need it or not...he needs to be responsible and it makes us A's feel better about ourselves when we're contributing....even if we fuss and whine about it at first

As far as meetings, they are strongly encouraged in treatment. I wasn't comfortable with them at first, either, but I kept going. I don't go to them NOW, but I have close to 3 years of recovery and I've built a VERY strong recovery support team around me. I also use the things I learned IN those meetings on a daily basis.

Like Kitty said, being clean doesn't equal recovery. I was clean for close to a year. I relapsed. That's when my family gave me one more chance and I chose recovery. My relapse was only about 2 weeks, but I did a LOT of damage.

Recovery isn't about doing what we WANT to do, it's about doing what we HAVE to do. It's the same for us codies (I'm one of them, too). I've always been one to just give in, shut my mouth, do whatever it took to avoid a conflict. Today, I set boundaries....most of the time.

One more thing...be prepared for the sympathy card, the "but this is so haaarrrrrrdddd" and acting like he just can't do anything BUT treatment. Bull. Yes, recovery is hard. However, life goes on. He got himself into this position, and he can get himself out. There are a whole lot of RA's who jump into recovery, many with children, jobs, and mortgages and no one to help...they just do what they have to. You find new friends, you stay away from places you used to use. You wake up, every morning, thank God that you're alive and you plan your day around staying clean and making the most of your life from this day forward. At night, you thank God again, for another day clean.

You, on the other hand, wake up the same way, but you plan your day making the best of YOUR life and you hand HIM over to God and let go. If he oversteps your boundaries, you follow through on the consequences you've already planned on. Otherwise, they are meaningless and he learns nothing, other than how to get his way.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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