we need to come up with a plan for him to move out and soon, I truly can't take this crap anymore...I just can't and I won't..
Great idea! Set a date that he needs to be out by. He's an adult and it's not unreasonable to expect him to live on his own. He's not abiding by your house rules.
He is old enough to make his own choices and feel the consequences of those choices. They could be good. they could be bad. But this his life and living on his own could be the push he needs to get serious about it.
Time to let the bird leave the nest mom. For your sake and for his.
You cannot cure his problem by letting him live with you and enabling him. You can make it worse though...
(((hugs)))