helpus

kj, You are doing a great job. She needs & wants a mother figure right now, not a friend. The fact that she told you what her current bf said is huge. You have the lines of comunication open. That's awesome. How much older are these boys she is hanging with? It is important for her learn to feel good about herself, have a good self image. Girls at that age & probably for the next few years can get sooo downright mean sometimes. Make a point of finding one good thing about her each day & telling her about it. Like..I liked the way you handled yourself with blank, or you were very smart to think of blank. Between hubby & I we have 4 girls. Can be chalanging, but can be amazing as well.

teke

thanks helpus for the tip, i have 4 girls too, 3 of them are already grown and gone, but i have a 14 yro too, and i can kind of see an attitude coming on. now, she has began to discover boys i think and i'm having to kind of monitor her more. she has been still playing with dolls until now. i kind of forgot about how attitudish growing teens can be when it comes to boys and thinking that they have all the answers.

kj, i think that you are a good aunt and that you are doing a good job with your neice. gotta be kind of scary though, huh

cinderellawkids

Im angry this morning. Deep seeded anger from within. I can not seem to get past it. I woke up like a raging bull. Im tired and Im pmsy.
Anyone have any tips to attempt to calm a bit

cinderellawkids

Tryed that and a bag of chips already too.
This is different. I feel my blood boiling I sware, maybe I need to go jog around the block

cinderellawkids

I think the anger revolves around my husband. Thats it. Im financial tapped and Im angry at him. I do beleive he's trying to work through it all and do better, but UGGGH, that doesnt change today and in today Im angry. I guess thats a good thing, I cant deny it any longer.

My kitchenlight is burnt out, those florescent ones, my garage door opener's batteries are dead and the car radio fuse blew again. GRRRR

Lovestoomuch

Cindi...........I felt like that a few days early this week too.....you know.....right before. I was one cranky you know what! I felt so bitchy I didn't even like my own company. I had it baaaaaad. So, I feel you....I really do.

With me.......it's having no vehicle. I'm at my wits end...seriously at my end. If I stay couped up much longer I'm going to go postal. I'm tired of this......so tired.

teke

sorry cinder, maybe if you can stop and take a breather, you'll feel better. soon everything will probably fall in place, maybe you are still getting adjusted to him not being there. once you get caught up on everything and have a system go on, you'll probably began to settle down a bit more. i know the anger, there are days that it just don't seem fair, but know that as long as you continue to put one foot in front of the other, that everything will probably just fall in line.

teke

oh loves, not going postal, thats not a good thing. i used to work there and i know exactly what that feels like. i had to quit the job, not my cup of tea. it was so very stressful for me, then again, i was not at all use to working under that kind of pressure on a job.

cinderellawkids

I love him not even being there. I hope he stays away this weekend

cinderellawkids

Anvil, My dog is acting like a strung out teenager. SHe kept bringing me her rope bone tossing is at my feet and then running to catch it, I kept kicking it aside and ignoring her.

SHe was not happy. Then after she went out back she started running playing catch me if you can, I thought Id never get her in. SHe was clearly upset when I left, I hope she does tear anything too major up (like the carpet)

cinderellawkids

AH quit his new job today, because he didnt ahve a ride home. He had me pick him up take him to work and then said wait grabbed his tools and quit, whining he couldnt get home.

I know him telling them face to face was mature, I commend him for that but he wasted MY morning, I would ahve been back much sooner had I not dropped him off sooner. Allegedly they were sad to see him go and they are gonna call him trying to get him on a more local crew. We'll see....
Guess Im mad too because they are gonna hold a check a week and I needed him to get paid today to pay the morgage on the house he's staying in.

I told him in a nice manner, I love you but dont ask me for a ride or anything else, its too much and Ive had enough

teke

uh oh, sounds like somebody may be in a little troooooble, "sorry charlie". looks like he made a big mistake with this last binge.

when my ah went to jail for those 2yrs, i must have had a lightbulb moment or something cause all of a sudden, i learned how much peaceful fun i could have without him, and it changed my whole world and the way i see life.

teke

sorry he quit his job cinder, but i think that you are right to not feel obligated to give him a ride or anything else, the way that you are handling him right now, may just be what it takes for him to get sick of himself and his life. i'm cheering you on and praying for you both at the same time. i believe that he'll get it soon, but its how long you are willing to wait.

the waiting took on a whole new meaning for me once i learned how to love my life with or without him. didn't think of it as waiting any more and that was so liberating.

cinderellawkids

I dont think of it as waiting either Teke. I do like living with me. Im just tired of the nonsense and feeling like the bad guy when I refuse to help or even listen to him. I tried separating myself while still being his friend, and what happens, he calls and says he feels we are growing closer because of it.

He was upset about quiting the job, he really liked it. Its the first construction job without all the losers, because its a real job with benefits, something theres not a lot of in this area. I do think he was smart to leave on such good terms, he wants the job back when he has his license.

His brother by the way took his day labor check and took off with it and never came back. He's learning first hand what its like to try and be responsible while someone else drinks life a way. Cant say I feel sorry for him, it'll give him something to think about when the power is cut on Monday.

Ill pay the morgage since its in my name, its just frustrating with summer camp registration due and my check gona be short,too

cinderellawkids

Im listening to The Eagles-Already gone. It seems so fitting and soothing at this moment

teke

about being friends, its funny how you can give them an inch and they act like you've given them a mile or something. i think that sometimes they have to know the difference, just grasping for whatever they can get, and trying to turn it into something more. stay strong, don't let it get to ya, you really have nothing to feel bad about, even though if not now, he may try to make you feel bad about it, but i think that you are helping him more than hurting him by doing just what you are doing. its not your fault, and i think that it does show how much you love him and want to see him do better with his own life.

Jewelz

Teke, Cindi I agree I think both of you are handling everything well. I know its so hard dealing with there ups and down.

I believe my abf is gone completely now ..... mentally I mean. He is working though and does give me money but also puts money aside for him to use at least once a day. He asks how my job is doing, asks about Michael... plays with him. But really its not enough for me. I want more and don't know how to let go of him or even how to get him to leave... or even if I want him to go. My mind goes back and forth with this stuff and makes me feel like I am going insane. Lately it feels more like we are roommates. We barely even see eachother because he works at night and I am working during the day.

This morning he woke up sick with the runs.. asked me to give him peptobismo (SP). he acted completely like a baby... moaning and the whole nine yards.

I am tired tired tired but I guess I am not tired enough?

Jewel

teke

jewelz, it will get better for you soon, maybe try to continue to not focus on him or making a decision about him right now, continue to figure out ways to make yourself peaceful around him and his behavior. my ah and i are more like roommates too,and i think its about the choices that i have made for me. it gets to be not all that bad.

for me, i'm really learning that i can pamper myself and its ok now, but i do remember when i felt like you. today, my ah kind of blend in with the wall at times. maybe for now, you can try to settle your mind around detaching emotionally, and continue to work on it financially and try not to worry about making the decision to go or make him go right now, trust me, when you're ready, you'll know it. sometimes it hurts more and is more stress to have to try to figure out what to do next, or what he will do next, just try to give yourself what you need, on a daily basis, it works. still praying for ya and him too.

cinderellawkids

Jewelz what your feeling about abf is how I lived for so long, and still ahve those moments.
In teh car Ah plays with teh kids and hugs his son. Yesterday his mom brought him home from work to his house and apparently little D wanted to go with him, kept saying Bye mommom . So she let him out let the two race in the yard and then she and lil man left. Today he asked if he could keep him with him, I said no. I was surprised he didnt push or ask for an explanation, I was all ready to say your house is not child safe and I dont want you at mine, but thankfully he let it go. If he truly wants he can walk to his moms and play there.

Jewelz just be prepared, teh functioning addict thing doesnt last forever, I suspect you'll start getting less money and more grief. When the time is really right you will know how to get him out.

When you look at him with no emotion anger or otherwise and say you;ve got to go, they seem to know its different, not that it will always work right away but they know when youre at the last straw.

For me the fact that I can act like his friend and not get all bent out of shape is sucha change, but its ony occurring because we do not reside together

Jewelz

So teke what your saying is that I should just do what I have to do for me and my kids, anything to make our lives as normal as can be? And thats its okay not to make a decision now because when its time to do so I will know? That just seems way to easy.

For some reason my heart hurts more today... I feel so emotionally right at this moment that my tears are coming and I keep wiping them so no one sees. I really miss him, I miss him so much the good of him and even his faults.

I try to do for me now..I get my hair done once a week, I got a pedicure on my lunch this week because it was beautiful out and wanted my toe to feel pretty.

I just dont know anymore.