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Please pray for my son!

Old 04-30-2007, 01:55 PM
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Please pray for my son!

My 28 year old son got out of prison in Dec. and has relapsed 4 times. He had been infor almost 2 years. He never wanted to go back there. His drug of choice is meth. He said he was going to a meeting last night and have not seen him since. My husband told him the last time we let him came home, if he left again, he wouldn't be able to come home again . So I am trying to deal with knowing that he won't be home again. I feel like I can't do this again. Why can't they stop. Why aren't there families be enough for them. I pray constantly for him. If he is picked up for anything he will go to prison for a long time. I don't want to deal with this all over again. I wish something could make all these feelings go away. I think and worry about him all the time. I feel I can bearly function or even breathe most of the time. Everything is an effort. My family is so tired of all this. Very tired of what he has done to me. Then I feel I am all he has. Everyone else has given up on him. Why can't I? I'm crazy! I know what I have done in the past hasn't worked, so why do I keep doing it. It is the hardest thing to give up on one of your children. I want this hurt to go away!! How will I ever get strong?

He has 3 boys and one we just saw this weekend for the first time in 7 years. I thought that would be an incentive to stay sober. What finally does make them want to stop? Those of you that are sober now, what finally made you quit?

Thanks for listening to woes!
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Old 04-30-2007, 03:57 PM
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No matter what you do or don't do you can't fix him and make him want recovery. He has his path and until he is sick and tired of being sick and tired, he will continue to use. You need to take care of you. I know it seems almost impossible but it is possible. Believe me when I say that no matter what you son is doing, you can feel better. Start with doing small things for yourself. Find some meetings, go to a therapist, whatever you need to be able to let go of his chaos and start taking care of you. I will say a prayer for your son and one for you. Hugs, Marle
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Old 04-30-2007, 04:00 PM
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Prayers for your son and for the senerity of all that love him.
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Old 04-30-2007, 04:23 PM
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(((jsjam)))

I can here you anger, your hurt, and your pain. I have been there. I understand and so will the others that answers your post. My daughter is now a recovered addict. I have been through what you are going through now with your son. It is one of the worst heartaches a mother can have.

Do you attend any meetings? If not please look into it. It helped me out so much knowing that I was not alone. If you feel uncomfortable at a meeting, keep going to different ones until you find one where you are comfortable.
Read all you can about addiction. The more you learn about it the better you'll be able to handle the situation and learn how to cope with it.
I was emotionally drained, as you are. I started to change my attitude. I began with myself first. Everything I learned I put to work in my own life. It didn't happen over night. It takes time and patience. You'll have your bad days but keep walking forward.

We can't fix them, the only person to help them is themselves. As sad as it is we have to accept this. I pray to my HP everyday (sometimes more) to "Accept the things I cannot change and the Courage to change the things I can." And the thing I can change is myself.
Keep coming back here, we are all in this together and we are here to help you. Your not alone. You, your family and your son will be in my prayers tonight. Hang in there.
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Old 04-30-2007, 04:36 PM
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(((JsJam))) My daughter's drug of choice was meth... nasty, crappy, icky stuff.

I thought she was relapsing, so I asked if she could be put into the "chronic relapsers" course at rehab... nope. They told me she wasn't "relapsing", she actually did not have an extended period of sobriety... they didn't consider her clean! Man, that was a shocker....

What I know is that they get it when they get it.... and LOTS of addicts 'want' sobriety very much. But until they are willing to give EVERY THING... every. single. thing. to the pursuit of it, it seldom happens - especially with that drug.

It doesn't matter how much he loves his family - that is totally not related to addiction, (in my belief). You are a good mom, just as I am a good mom... we didn't do anything wrong. Lots of moms worse than us ended up with kids who are not addicted... LOTS of them!

Addiction is something they are born with, mostly... the tendency to become addicted. And some drugs are worse than others - meth is one of the bad ones. So you get a kid who is curious, maybe has some peer pressure and he or she is a bit of a risk-taker (which is partially age-related).... they try something for fun and because of their genetic predisposition to addiction they are hooked... right from the get go.

They can get help - but only when they are ready.

At 28, he is a man (and most addicts are VERY immature, so I know that he probably seems like a vulnerable boy... but he is a man). A man that can and should support himself entirely. If his addiction is getting in the way of that, then it is his lesson to learn the consequences of that by living in a shelter, if necessary.

There are free rehabs, if he is interested... one that is pretty successful is the Salvation Army. There are also rehabs that take state medical coupons... my kids did one in Yakima (type Sundown Yakima into a search engine to get their website).

There is also NA and AA .... which are free and available in almost every town.

If he is not reaching out for the help that is there... then he is just not ready... yet.

You, though, CAN find help for yourself at Alanon or Naranon meetings. I went there to find out how to get my kid sober... and ended up staying to work on my issues... MY pain as the mother of an addict who wouldn't quit - not even for the love of family.

There is hope, too... getting yourself to an open AA meeting can show you that there are MILLIONS who got down as low as our kids did AND got help and got better. Or even take a cruise through some of the forums upstairs where folks talk all the time about what it takes for them to get sober... and how hard they really do try.

I wish you the best (((hugs)))
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Old 04-30-2007, 04:40 PM
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sorry for your pain and that your son is suffering, i'm a few yrs clean and it took for my family to leave me alone to suffer the consequences of my own actions their words were," were not gonna help you kill yourself thats something that you are gonna have to do on your own" they didn't help me do anything. i thought that them turning a death ear to my tricks, was the meanest thing that my own family could have done to hurt me, i ran into rehab cause i knew that if i didn't do something to save myself, then nobody else would. when i finally got clean and began to work a program, one day at a time, i began to realize that that was the best thing that they could have ever done for me, and i'm eternally grateful. today, we have a better relationship than we ever had. its possible, i say stick to your boundaries if you can, say what you mean and mean what you say and do a lot of praying. i pray that your son will find his way soon and that god will give you the strength that you need to turn him over to your hp. keeping all of you in my prayers
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Old 04-30-2007, 04:57 PM
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Jsjam, first let me say welcome to SR. I am sorry for the reasons you have to be here, but happy that you have found us in your time of need.

Those of you that are sober now, what finally made you quit?
For me it was death. As I posted in another thread I reached a point that I knew without a doubt if I kept drinking and using I was going to die and that if I tried to quit I was going to die, however, I wanted to die sober. I stopped right then and there put the plug in the jug and threw the drugs away.

The next day I was in the ER seizuring all day with heart stoppages. My BAC was .38 and my body was craving more alcohol and God knows what else. After I was down (heart stoppage) for 28 minutes the DR was writing the TOD on my chart when my heart started on it's own.

I knew I had been given a second and probably last chance, and there was no way I was going back to live in the HELL I had lived in for 24 years.

What I know is that they get it when they get it.... and LOTS of addicts 'want' sobriety very much. But until they are willing to give EVERY THING... every. single. thing. to the pursuit of it, it seldom happens - especially with that drug.
Big Sis said it very well!!!

Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing, we do care very much.

Love and hugs,
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Old 04-30-2007, 05:06 PM
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I feel your pain. My AS is struggling with trying to get clean. NOthing I said to him has gotten him clean so I am now working on me. With the support of people here, I found a meeting that I am tryign out. I know I have to be strong and hold my ground with him. I do how bad the heartache hurts. I just never thought this would be my life BUT, it is somethng I have no control over. Please take care of yourself. As hard as it is, you have to let him make his mistakes and stand firm. Hugs to you and I will keep your family in my prayers.
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Old 04-30-2007, 05:50 PM
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I too understand your pain, my son also is a meth addict and I haven't seen him for over two years.

I would never have found the peace I have today without meetings and learning to work the 12 Steps with the guidance of a sponsor with a heart of gold. That saved my sanity and probably saved my life. If you can find a Naranon, Alanon or CoDA meeting near you, please give it a try. I promise you that it will help you more than you can imagine.

I get through my days one at a time, beginning each morning with a prayer asking God to take care of my son and then leaving it all in His hands.

Right now you are sitting in a front row seat to the drama. I promise that in a very short time, as much as you may miss your son, you will also find peace in the solitude and quiet of your home.

Hugs
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Old 04-30-2007, 05:51 PM
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I'm in your boat too. My as hasn't been to jail yet, but that doesn't mean it won't happen. I know the sadness and pain their addiction causes. You want so bad for them to stop but I've found out after over 2 years that I can't do anything to help but pray and hope that someday he'll come home happy and sober. Please hang in there and stay strong.
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Old 04-30-2007, 06:06 PM
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Hello jsjam - just another Mom here feeling your pain - you are getting some good replies - so now just get them into practice - I'm fairly new here too and find it a real bonus that I can come here 24/7 for support. (((HUGS)))
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Old 04-30-2007, 06:08 PM
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No words of wisdom, I do agree with Big Sis and Ann, you are in my prayers.
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Old 04-30-2007, 06:23 PM
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Sending hugs & prayers
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Old 04-30-2007, 06:35 PM
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Your son and the rest of your family are in my prayers.
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Old 04-30-2007, 07:06 PM
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Sending prayers for your son...
And for you.

Something for all of us to remember...what's available in one state, may not be available in another. I've been on this road so long, I can tell you with complete assurance and honestly, that RI has NO actually available program for those with dual diagnosed people. There's only two rehabs that take people on meds in the bunch, and just TRY getting into one without private insurance.

In RI, rehab is a lie.
Plain and simple.
And no, salvation army will not take them either. Fact.

I wish you and your son all the best.

Shalom!
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Old 04-30-2007, 07:26 PM
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i am the mother of an addict son also.hard as we try we can not love them in to soberity.my son has been on this road for about 19 yrs now.i am glad you found S.R. i have been a member for a little over 3 yrs.it has saved my sanity.read all the stickys. it is not going to get any better till your son decides it is. we do not know what there bottom is.my son is looking at serious time come july & all i can do is pray for him.i say the serinity prayer about 50 times a day.welcome to s.r. & keep coming back. there is alot of info here & we care about you.i use to think i was the only mother with these problems. i am praying for you & your son.you have no control over him. please work your recovery & take care of yourself.hugs, hope
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Old 04-30-2007, 07:30 PM
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just sending you hugs
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Old 04-30-2007, 10:03 PM
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Hi jsjam,
I just wanted you to know that I understand all that you're feeling and I do care. I hope that you will be able to let your son deal with the consequences of his own choices. I'm personally not strong enough to do that all of the time. Right now is one of those times. I know that it would be better for him if I could do it. I will be thinking of you and your son. ((((((((((Caring Hugs)))))))))))
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Old 05-01-2007, 04:48 AM
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sending hugs and prayers. I pray that your son finds his path to recovery.

Daisy
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Old 05-01-2007, 07:41 AM
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prayers to you and your son. k
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