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A Penny For Your Thoughts, Part 5 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- wanta share your thoughts? any thought, don't matter to who about what. just want to hear whats on your mind today. just sharing my thoughts, just to get it out, now that feels better. feel free to share yours about whatever, go ahead and get it out, if you want to. JUST THOUGHT I'D BRING THIS OVER THIS TIME. TAKE IT AWAY CINDER, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO ADD THE OTHER LINKS |
This could be the longest thread in the history of SR. :biggrin: |
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Magic words I swear I just heard words I never thought I would AH went to work at his new job today. (Yes we talk, he's being evicted formally and the deal between us is we will meet in public places I ahve no business inside his home nor he mine, we both have individual issues to work out separately on our own) I had agreed to drive him in, in the mornings only, only for a week and only if he called me and the morning to let me know he was up. Other conditions is we do not discuss us, either one of us or the marriage I was a friend helping him out until he met the guys he worked with. WHen I got there this morning he had water, but no lunch packed. I said nothing. (Yes had to fight codie urges to buy pnt butter and jelly makings) He just called panicked about getting home. Apparently noone lived this way. I said, well Im at work I dont know what to tell you. He did reach his mom and she said she'd get him only today. He called back to let me know she was getting him. I said but what are you gonna do tomorow. Here's the magic words: Ill walk if I have to, if I can walk to your house and back I can certainly walk the 20 miles home, its noone else's problem but mine and Ill handle it!!! He went on to say he was going to go to the store get some food and pack enough food so he had energy and wasnt feeling sick. its noone else's problem but mine and Ill handle it!!! |
I am standing firm. He has to request to be put on a different crew and the transfer may take a week or so, its his business not mine and its so nice to know Im going home to peace and quiet just me and the boys. Im trying to mostly remember never volunteeer anything. Let him ask. For example it would be natural for me to bring an extra cup of coffee for when I pick him up. It was a fight not to yesterday and I wouldnt have cared, but when he asked this morning when he called to assure me he was awake and wanted to go to work he asked if Id mind bringing a cup. I really dont have many expectations right now, instinct says he's gonna switch into functioning active mode, so Im watching from afar. |
After noon ladies. Finally made it home from work and something positive happened today. A lady I work with HATES morning shifts and I HATE night shifts so we switched shifts. So I dont have to work 330-12am now I work 6:30-3pm which is much better for me. I hate getting up in the morning but who does like getting up when its still dark out. I got out of the shower this morning and scott had my lunch all packed and I was ready to go. Funny in our house we have backwards roles. He packs my lunch and he cooks most dinners! I do have to clean though but when I got home yesterday he most of the laundry done and remembered to sort it u know darks and lights! Hes such a gem! I must have been very good this weekend :) Now Loves back to your question. My ex would go a long time without smoking crack then out of the blue he would be off and running. Didnt happen ofter (that I am aware of) but he struggled to stay clean and would give into the urge. Then stop again until the next bender. 10yrs later I have heard and seen him and he is still at it. Infact this time around is really bad. I wonder if crack is like alcoholics. I once heard that if an alcoholic stops drinking and then years later starts again he starts right back up to where he would have been if they never stopped. Worse than they were b4. I wonder if its like that with crack addicts almost like they have to make up for lost time so they hit the pipe hard and alot! My ex is just so sick looking and skinny and its sad to watch. He used to be able to turn down the cravings but now it seems that crack has taken over so relapse is VERY possible even years later. I hope that he can stay clean but I think a program would help with that. Well I gotta go out with my other sister tomorrow for a blind date with someone she met on myspace at least we are meeting in a very public place and I am going with her. I hope all goes good. Well I gotta go finish the laundry I'll be back! |
Cinder just a ? 4 u so he managed to find himself a phone too? I'm proud of u for standing your ground and maintaining some serenity it your life finally. Maybe he needed to see this and know that u have had enough and u wont put up with it anymore. Good for u. |
I once heard that if an alcoholic stops drinking and then years later starts again he starts right back up to where he would have been if they never stopped. Worse than they were b4. I wonder if its like that with crack addicts almost like they have to make up for lost time so they hit the pipe hard and alot |
KJ, Yeah he managed to get his prepaid turned on. Somehow they got a little bit of money, not really sure |
Originally Posted by anvilhead
(Post 1304013)
KOFFEE KLATCH! :) ....loves, you know that kinda creeped out feeling, that terror of waking up tomorrow and finding out that today was only a dream, and you BACK there again? it's taken me the past 4 years to really see just how f*cked up in the head i was then, how absolutely miserable i was.....i wasn't even in touch with ME at all...had you known me then, you would have only known the part of me that i projected....i had myself all cut up into little pieces, i played different ROLES....i was never just ME.....i spent so much time gritting my teeth i thougth for sure my jaw would just lock shut. but i needed to go through that to get to today.....i had to get lost in order to be found. or something like that.... |
Working on it day by day I like that. Well one piece at a time u will be put back together. Its weird how in certain relationships I can only remember the good times. Maybe the bad times were so bad that my memory blocked them out. Then there are other relationships that I can only remember the bad. Seems with my worst bf's I remember good times and with the best of the bf's I remember bad times hell sometimes I forget the relationships all together and my shortest one was 1.5yrs. Weird how the memory and the mind works. My relationship I am in now hasnt been perfect but we are really willing to work on it and put the time and effort into it to make sure it works. We are total opposites who were raised completly different yet it works. Its nice really nice. I guess I had to go through the bad and kiss a few toads to get my prince. I think some of my past relationships help me become who I am today. My ex crack head boyfriend was so jealous I couldnt do anything without a huge fight. Now I dont tolerate jealousy. I wonder if I never put up with what I went through with him what would I tolerate in a relationship. I taught me alot and I taught myself alot. I set up mental boundries for myself that I have carried with me since the relationship I use them in my current relationship and in other areas. I learned that I cant be controled and I am the only one who runs my life not my fiance. I guess I will take the bad that I lived through to take the good I have today. Cooking out for dinner on the grill tonight sausage then walking into town and getting an ice cream for desert. We will hold hands and laugh and enjoy each other and enjoy our evening together. Nice really nice. I am glad of where I am today. U know this past weekend it was also nice being clean. I left the hotel without checking my pockets to make sure I had some pills in them and I was still able to have fun and enjoy myself. Neat huh! |
I used to think fondly of my bad relationships after they were over. I think it's that whole "bad boy" syndrome.........I had this thing........for the bad boys. That's where the putting me back together comes in to. Gotta get used to the "nice" guys.........cuz they are out there.......it just takes some getting used to when all you've ever seen is chaos. I hated the chaos too and always wished for some form of normalcy........lol......go figure. It's a vicious cycle. I'm waiting till my butter softens.........I'm making chocolate chip cookies then a shrimp and sausage gumbo..........both out of the bags no less.:biggrin: |
That sounds yummy! I am starving...... Where is my dinner cooker? Doesnt he know he has a starving fiance at home lol. Guess hes not that codie is he? Anyone got any plans for the evening? Seems to have quieted down a bit here. Teke where have u been lately I miss u? Alright guess I will have to fend for myself and get the grill going! Wish me luck lol. |
Ya know..........I'm better on the grill than I am in the kitchen.........lmao........In so many ways......I should have been born a man.......... |
3 dozen cookies my butt.........not the way I make them. The boys will be lucky if they get a dozen.......and that's after I eat the first 12. I gotta make sure they are good enough ya know. |
I know I had about 10pgs to read when I got home too. Getting ready to walk up into town and get my ice cream the put on the comfy flannels and rest! Sounds so nice! |
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