Wife worse after rehab for alcoholism
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Join Date: Nov 2016
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Well, that's a lot of anger bottled up right there.
You can no more control her and her addiction than you can control me.
You mentioned that you went through a time of huge stress yourself and that she saved you, therefore you are now hellbent on saving her.
Two things there. First, you imply that the stress caused by her rescuing you drove her to drink which became addiction and that may well be true, it may well be that she couldn't cope with whatever it was and ended up addicted. Since you wish to repay her, is this how you do it? She couldn't cope with whatever stress came about saving you, so you repay her by adding additional stress and demands. Does this sound like a solid plan at all? This is why there are professionals.
I don't know about the rehab she attended but I guarantee you if they were all truthfully like that, rehab would cease to be. No one would willingly send their loved one there and no addict would want to go. So I think you can stop believing that right now. Is it possible she attended a poorly run rehab or was not in a place mentally to be there? Absolutely. Your broad generalizations don't help her (or you).
If you are determined to help, at least do it with kindness. If you can't do it with kindness maybe bow out or at least detach and let her find her own way.
You didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it.
You can no more control her and her addiction than you can control me.
You mentioned that you went through a time of huge stress yourself and that she saved you, therefore you are now hellbent on saving her.
Two things there. First, you imply that the stress caused by her rescuing you drove her to drink which became addiction and that may well be true, it may well be that she couldn't cope with whatever it was and ended up addicted. Since you wish to repay her, is this how you do it? She couldn't cope with whatever stress came about saving you, so you repay her by adding additional stress and demands. Does this sound like a solid plan at all? This is why there are professionals.
I don't know about the rehab she attended but I guarantee you if they were all truthfully like that, rehab would cease to be. No one would willingly send their loved one there and no addict would want to go. So I think you can stop believing that right now. Is it possible she attended a poorly run rehab or was not in a place mentally to be there? Absolutely. Your broad generalizations don't help her (or you).
If you are determined to help, at least do it with kindness. If you can't do it with kindness maybe bow out or at least detach and let her find her own way.
You didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it.
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Hurt people..hurt, people.
Addicts hurt, a lot.
I hear a whole lotta hurt in your words too Beachn.
I've been there. I'm sorry you are going through this.
I hope you find a productive way to focus your energy on fixing your own stuff. It's the only way to heal the pain.
Addicts hurt, a lot.
I hear a whole lotta hurt in your words too Beachn.
I've been there. I'm sorry you are going through this.
I hope you find a productive way to focus your energy on fixing your own stuff. It's the only way to heal the pain.
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The replies are wiser, more straightforward and valuable to me than much of the time spent in therapy the last few weeks. Expressing my thoughts raw and getting the same back is priceless. Thank you.
I do harbor resentment, loathe the addicts I met at her rehab and interacted with after and they are right now people I wouldn’t let in my home. Relapses, deaths, cheating, lying, enabling, wolves in sheep’s clothing pretending to be “friends”, rescuing junkie white knights trying sleep with my wife. That is my experience with them. Is it all addicts? Don’t know. but it is all the addicts I’ve met. Which is too damn many and solidifies my opinion until I meet an honest addict. Perhaps I am in punishment mode at times, I’ve admitted as much, such is my reaction to having my life ripped apart by addiction, further damaged by rehab stint. Is it healthy to be this way? Absolutely not, and I am aware of this. Trying to radically accept s- - - sandwich is not easy, but it can be done I am working on it. I do love my wife or maybe who she was, doesn’t mean I cant hurt and hate the things she’s done and the choices she’s made that cost us a fortune, wasted time and screwed up our lives. It will take years to recover if ever. Again her rock bottom as of the last relapse is so low I won’t even describe it. You have no idea, how would I ever be able to explain that to our children? Right now she has a chance and I just need to get the hell out of the way and let her do it while I pick up where I was st when she was in rehab. Al-Anon, therapy, self care, kids and their well being. This isn’t some game, everything she holds dear can be gone in an instant. Married or not, I want her to want her life to be one she is proud of and can look our children in the eye without flinching. She deserves it, we all do, but first we have to earn it.
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Beachn, I was pretty insane for a while too. I allowed my qualifier's addiction to destroy me right along side him. I was furious, terrified, heartbroken, bewildered and lost. My life was nothing but constant anxiety and insomnia. I blamed him. I blamed the people around him. I blamed his parents. I blamed the booze he drank. Eventually I learned that I had to let him do him..whatever that meant... And most importantly I needed to focus on me. Separate from him, separate from "us", separate even from our children. I needed to focus on me, to get me right so that I could stop being lost in the chaos and get back to being the real me again.
It wasn't easy. It didn't happen over night. And it hurt like h*ll to peel back those layers. I realized everything that he did that had broken me, were things I ALLOWED him to do. Once I owned my part in the sick dance, I stopped dancin' that dance. That's when the healing started.
I know you are trying. It's an extremely difficult process, but you are doing all the right things. You have had a rough experience, it is understandable you are feeling raw. Just try to remember the only thing you have control over is how you act and react. Letting go of the things you can't control will be a great relief to you when you find the strength to let go. You will never understand the inexplicable, but you definitely can drive yourself crazy trying. Ask me how I know. You actually can decide to get off the crazy train, I know it doesn't feel like it, but I managed to do it.. many others here have too, even the ones who stayed married to alcoholics/addicts have found their way off the ride.
I'm glad you are here Beachn. Keep posting.
It wasn't easy. It didn't happen over night. And it hurt like h*ll to peel back those layers. I realized everything that he did that had broken me, were things I ALLOWED him to do. Once I owned my part in the sick dance, I stopped dancin' that dance. That's when the healing started.
I know you are trying. It's an extremely difficult process, but you are doing all the right things. You have had a rough experience, it is understandable you are feeling raw. Just try to remember the only thing you have control over is how you act and react. Letting go of the things you can't control will be a great relief to you when you find the strength to let go. You will never understand the inexplicable, but you definitely can drive yourself crazy trying. Ask me how I know. You actually can decide to get off the crazy train, I know it doesn't feel like it, but I managed to do it.. many others here have too, even the ones who stayed married to alcoholics/addicts have found their way off the ride.
I'm glad you are here Beachn. Keep posting.
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There’s this book The Winter People, and in it, this woman has this spell, that can bring a loved one back from the dead for 7 days. Only when they come back, they are sort of this scary, unpredictable, different version of themselves, and sometimes they do dangerous things. When I read this book, it made me think that this is how is it with someone in active addiction; how they present.
Best of luck to you figuring out how to best procede with your wife. I probably went as little above and beyond what was reasonable years ago with an addicted sibling, because of the loyalty thing as well. In that case things ended up taking a positive turn, but sometimes the opposite happens.
Currently I have a long time friend, who struggles with alcoholism and addictions as well, whose way I had to get the hell out of, because he really is like a zombified version of himself. Loyalty there is basically like quicksand, and I had to cut that off before he got at my jugular, so to speak. Sometimes still being there doesn’t necessarily play out like we’d like, and just makes things harder. Good luck, it’s a tough situation to be in.
Best of luck to you figuring out how to best procede with your wife. I probably went as little above and beyond what was reasonable years ago with an addicted sibling, because of the loyalty thing as well. In that case things ended up taking a positive turn, but sometimes the opposite happens.
Currently I have a long time friend, who struggles with alcoholism and addictions as well, whose way I had to get the hell out of, because he really is like a zombified version of himself. Loyalty there is basically like quicksand, and I had to cut that off before he got at my jugular, so to speak. Sometimes still being there doesn’t necessarily play out like we’d like, and just makes things harder. Good luck, it’s a tough situation to be in.
"O you must wear your rue with difference".
Join Date: Aug 2017
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If you haven't read Melody Beattie's "The New Codependency" or "Codependent No More", please, please read it. It will help you immensely.
Which is too damn many and solidifies my opinion until I meet an honest addict.
Quite a number of recovering addicts have replied honestly to you in this thread. They have had a number of years sobriety and been to rehab and worked the steps.
Perhaps I am in punishment mode at times, I’ve admitted as much, such is my reaction to having my life ripped apart by addiction, further damaged by rehab stint.
I'm going to be even more blunt here cause I think you can handle it. In regards to your intimate partner, your intimate partner/spouse is not your child and you have no business trying to punish another adult. When you say "punish" what exactly does that entail? Financial control? Verbal abuse? What exactly? Is your tendency to "punish" only related to the addiction or is this something that you do whenever there is serious conflict in your immediate family? If I'm honest (and I AM) this punishment of her sounds like control verging on abuse.
You need to take yourself somewhere quiet and really think about YOUR role in all of this. Your life was ripped apart by addiction, your wife is suffering from addiction (her brains are fried), and so you (have admitted to) punish(ing) your wife. Correct?
I'm not saying I don't "get" your anger. I totally understand your anger -- she cheated, the money issues... etc... . BUT punishing your spouse is really like burning the house down; and if you want to save this house, this is not the way to do it.
There's a saying around here: you get what you sign up for. You absolutely signed up for this. You are holding onto some idea of who she should be -- someone available for a functional marriage. She is not healthy enough to be there with you. You don't have to stay in this situation if you don't want to be in it... because going forward in this relationship, managing addiction, going to regular AA or Alanon meetings will be a HUGE part of your life, possibly forever.
Going forward (if you want to) you are going to have to admit that you have NO control. You can not control it. You did not cause it. You can not cure it. You are stuck thinking you can control and cure it... and you think your issues and her support of them caused it. If you are staying out of guilt, cut that out. It's not your fault she's an addict. You don't have to manage her addiction.
Take the focus off her for a while... think about what you are really afraid of (and it's not losing the money). You can't get through this without looking your fears in the face.
Which is too damn many and solidifies my opinion until I meet an honest addict.
Quite a number of recovering addicts have replied honestly to you in this thread. They have had a number of years sobriety and been to rehab and worked the steps.
Perhaps I am in punishment mode at times, I’ve admitted as much, such is my reaction to having my life ripped apart by addiction, further damaged by rehab stint.
I'm going to be even more blunt here cause I think you can handle it. In regards to your intimate partner, your intimate partner/spouse is not your child and you have no business trying to punish another adult. When you say "punish" what exactly does that entail? Financial control? Verbal abuse? What exactly? Is your tendency to "punish" only related to the addiction or is this something that you do whenever there is serious conflict in your immediate family? If I'm honest (and I AM) this punishment of her sounds like control verging on abuse.
You need to take yourself somewhere quiet and really think about YOUR role in all of this. Your life was ripped apart by addiction, your wife is suffering from addiction (her brains are fried), and so you (have admitted to) punish(ing) your wife. Correct?
I'm not saying I don't "get" your anger. I totally understand your anger -- she cheated, the money issues... etc... . BUT punishing your spouse is really like burning the house down; and if you want to save this house, this is not the way to do it.
There's a saying around here: you get what you sign up for. You absolutely signed up for this. You are holding onto some idea of who she should be -- someone available for a functional marriage. She is not healthy enough to be there with you. You don't have to stay in this situation if you don't want to be in it... because going forward in this relationship, managing addiction, going to regular AA or Alanon meetings will be a HUGE part of your life, possibly forever.
Going forward (if you want to) you are going to have to admit that you have NO control. You can not control it. You did not cause it. You can not cure it. You are stuck thinking you can control and cure it... and you think your issues and her support of them caused it. If you are staying out of guilt, cut that out. It's not your fault she's an addict. You don't have to manage her addiction.
Take the focus off her for a while... think about what you are really afraid of (and it's not losing the money). You can't get through this without looking your fears in the face.
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I think what you said about her addiction starting when she went through a tough time with you is interesting. Maybe therapy that goes back to the cause could help her figure out what feelings she is trying to bury. If you don't mind me asking, I wonder what kind of struggle you went through. Was it similar to hers now?
Also, Is it possible that she may be telling you the truth that she hasn't had an affair with anyone in rehab? I ask because you sound so much like my ex. He was constantly jealous. Once he even threatened to go kick one of my pros=ffessors' ass because I got close to him. He was nothing more than an encouraging mentor to me as I struggled to get my MA. He was 68 and I was 32, but that didn't matter to my husband. He was jealous all the time. Even went so far as to take my phone and scroll through it. Toward the end of our marriage, I felt like I was so often accused of things that maybe I ought to go out and do something. I did, but it wasn't until we were separated. If you are the jealous type, consider the possibility that your wife is becoming close to her rehab buddies simply because they're going through the same things.
You do sound very angry and some of what you wrote does seem very accusatory toward your wife, "get over your crap, " etc. My ex used to talk to me like that and it just made me want to drink more.
Also, Is it possible that she may be telling you the truth that she hasn't had an affair with anyone in rehab? I ask because you sound so much like my ex. He was constantly jealous. Once he even threatened to go kick one of my pros=ffessors' ass because I got close to him. He was nothing more than an encouraging mentor to me as I struggled to get my MA. He was 68 and I was 32, but that didn't matter to my husband. He was jealous all the time. Even went so far as to take my phone and scroll through it. Toward the end of our marriage, I felt like I was so often accused of things that maybe I ought to go out and do something. I did, but it wasn't until we were separated. If you are the jealous type, consider the possibility that your wife is becoming close to her rehab buddies simply because they're going through the same things.
You do sound very angry and some of what you wrote does seem very accusatory toward your wife, "get over your crap, " etc. My ex used to talk to me like that and it just made me want to drink more.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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There isn't a right way out of that mess. At some point you will need to decide on talking care of yourself and kids are really what she would want IF she was sane and sober.
We aren't God and even we Men who are the protectors have to decide if we are protecting or enabling by traveling down the same road holding on.
For me it wasn't until I was removed from the situation until I realized how much 'talk' about me was just anger and the hunger of the addiction trying to stay alive. Seems letting go is wrong and staying is as well. To me the deciding factor was safety of the kids. A sane and sober/clean person would put kids before themselves and I believe would appreciate that strong and difficult decision.
Praying for you guys!
AG
We aren't God and even we Men who are the protectors have to decide if we are protecting or enabling by traveling down the same road holding on.
For me it wasn't until I was removed from the situation until I realized how much 'talk' about me was just anger and the hunger of the addiction trying to stay alive. Seems letting go is wrong and staying is as well. To me the deciding factor was safety of the kids. A sane and sober/clean person would put kids before themselves and I believe would appreciate that strong and difficult decision.
Praying for you guys!
AG
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Originally Posted by Beachn 
Letting her hit rock bottom is something I want to avoid as I believe it is not necessary, and goes against my core values. No she is not the woman I married, but that doesn’t mean I forget the 13 or so years of her dedication to our marriage and family. I’m just not made that way. It’s funny, I’m a firm believer that actions speak louder than words and while I’m very critical of her and her effed up choices under active addiction my actions are you can do this, you’re not alone so stop acting like a ****** and get It together. For God’s sake remember who you are are start taking responsibility and fix your crap. Slowly..ever so slowly the wheels are turning.
As for the kids..therapy no booze in the house or around them. I have Plan A, B and C in place. All focused on the children’s welfare. Not playing anymore. I had a moment of enlightenment when I heard an alanon speaker talking about the 4 G's - Get off their back, get out of their way, give them to God and get on with your life. I realized how much I was doing the reverse. It was uncomfortable because in realizing that I also realized that things had shifted... the old situation was over and gone and things are different now, some parts of which I don't like and can't change and I am fully and solely responsible for conditions inside my own head. That was when I was able to start pulling out the claws and seeing the harm I had done through my own preoccupation and fear.
I would suggest being careful with the reactionary plans made in wrath. Your marriage may be gone forever, it may not- there is no way for you to tell right now. If you start taking punitive action on the basis of the outrageous hurt you're feeling then you will get those consequences... which will be more of the same.
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Originally Posted by schnappi99
I hear you Beach, and I see your claws sunk deep into her, trying to get the outcome that you want and think is the right one. I only make this observation because I have had my claws sunk deep in my wife- pushing, pulling, whatever to get normal (or at least reasonable) behavior again. All it achieved was endless conflict and frustration. One classic indicator of someone still in the grips of their own addiction (or fixation if you like), is the extended dialog of "he...he... he ..." ie he did this, he did that, he's so etc. I am qualified to say that because I've done that too.
I had a moment of enlightenment when I heard an alanon speaker talking about the 4 G's - Get off their back, get out of their way, give them to God and get on with your life. I realized how much I was doing the reverse. It was uncomfortable because in realizing that I also realized that things had shifted... the old situation was over and gone and things are different now, some parts of which I don't like and can't change and I am fully and solely responsible for conditions inside my own head. That was when I was able to start pulling out the claws and seeing the harm I had done through my own preoccupation and fear.
I would suggest being careful with the reactionary plans made in wrath. Your marriage may be gone forever, it may not- there is no way for you to tell right now. If you start taking punitive action on the basis of the outrageous hurt you're feeling then you will get those consequences... which will be more of the same.
I had a moment of enlightenment when I heard an alanon speaker talking about the 4 G's - Get off their back, get out of their way, give them to God and get on with your life. I realized how much I was doing the reverse. It was uncomfortable because in realizing that I also realized that things had shifted... the old situation was over and gone and things are different now, some parts of which I don't like and can't change and I am fully and solely responsible for conditions inside my own head. That was when I was able to start pulling out the claws and seeing the harm I had done through my own preoccupation and fear.
I would suggest being careful with the reactionary plans made in wrath. Your marriage may be gone forever, it may not- there is no way for you to tell right now. If you start taking punitive action on the basis of the outrageous hurt you're feeling then you will get those consequences... which will be more of the same.
Courage to you Beachn.
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Originally Posted by Beachn
i learned today that while in rehab she was asked to write a life story of all the bad things anyone has ever done to her, and then they let her stew in that for 2 weeks. Saw her notebook, it started out humble, remorseful, then changed completely to blaming, finger pointing. Why would they focus on that and not her actions? She said it made her want to run away from everything and everyone. Excuses, but I saw it first hand and can’t understand it.
, I saw myself in the mirror, I am F’d up.
When she leaves for treatment, I will plan and live my life as if she’s never coming back. Otherwise I’m setting myself up for disappointment and more of the same, or worse.
This s u c k s
Until those things are cleared up she doesnt have a chance at real lasting change.
I have compassion for your situation. My father is in his seventies and will always be an alcoholic/gambler.
However I became very frustrated reading this because I see you trying to run her treatment program.
As someone pointed out, even if she became sober and worked a program, you might not "agree" or like the person she is becoming and I think you just want her to be the way she WAS.
Her job is to get healthy and learn to fly, not be who you want her to be.
Just fair warning. I ended my 24 marriage because of the dynamics. No one was going to get better.
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I hear a very hurt person. I don't even believe in the concept of "bottom" as addiction ebbs and flows. It comes and gets better, it gets worse, until it is absolutely out of control. Her actions are her actions and only you can decide what you are willing to put up with. I am glad you have plans to protect the children and hope you follow through with that however you need to.
I hope you take some time to focus on you and healing from all the hurt you have experienced as well, you deserve that.
Big hugs.
I hope you take some time to focus on you and healing from all the hurt you have experienced as well, you deserve that.
Big hugs.
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I think what you said about her addiction starting when she went through a tough time with you is interesting. Maybe therapy that goes back to the cause could help her figure out what feelings she is trying to bury. If you don't mind me asking, I wonder what kind of struggle you went through. Was it similar to hers now?[/QUOTE]
It was a dark time. My life was out of control after many years of being harassed by a cult, my oldest child disappearing due to parental alienation, . I won’t get into all the details but it was hell. I was prescribed Xanax, for the love of God avoid this death pill, for the duration of the harassment, around 7 years. I became dependent, and didn’t know it. My gaba receptors became down regulated and my glutamate receptors up regulated. Screwed. Screwed screwed.
I google everything, but I never googled benzodiazepines. Not sure why not.
I drank alcohol on it, with her, for nearly 4 years. It was a “mild” sedative what could it hurt? Well it can hurt a lot, it’s a deadly combo.
As the drinking escalated, 2 years in, I decided to set the example and quit everything, drinking, the benzo...I didn’t die but some days I wished for it. I had a stroke, a TIA they call it. I experienced all of the symptoms of withdrawal...hallucinations, delusions, paranoia, insomnia, weight loss, irritability, hell just google it. ( I didn’t sleep for 4 days once and for several days in a row many times in a 90 day period, maybe longer). I didn’t know I was going through withdrawal, no one did. Thought I had just cracked under the pressure, everyone did. Including my wife. Believe me when I tell you quitting benzodiazepines and heavy alcohol use cold turkey is life threatening. Either one alone is dangerous, combined?... buy diapers. Watching it unfold had to be terrifying for her. Actually I know it was.
To cope she drank. Which is why I feel guilty as hell as this is when it went into overdrive. I now know dealing with a crazy person will make you crazy and alcohol was an easy exit. I reinstated the benzodiazepines because nothing else was working. Not therapy, exercise, diet change. Nothing.
It wasn’t until last year, when she was learning about these drugs in a IOP that she realized what happened to me. We tested her theory and within 8 hours I was losing my mind like I had prior. Damn. I did a rapid detox and because I wasn’t drinking and knew what to expect it was tolerable. Barely.
She kept me from dying 2 years ago, not in the best or healthiest way, but I’m here and then she “found” what the Xanax prescribing Dr refused to disclose when she was in IOP. Benzodiazepines should Never be taken for longer than 4 or 5 weeks. That’s per the manufacturer. I was prescribed them 7 years.
So there you go. my part in this, at least the part I’m willing to share.
It was a dark time. My life was out of control after many years of being harassed by a cult, my oldest child disappearing due to parental alienation, . I won’t get into all the details but it was hell. I was prescribed Xanax, for the love of God avoid this death pill, for the duration of the harassment, around 7 years. I became dependent, and didn’t know it. My gaba receptors became down regulated and my glutamate receptors up regulated. Screwed. Screwed screwed.
I google everything, but I never googled benzodiazepines. Not sure why not.
I drank alcohol on it, with her, for nearly 4 years. It was a “mild” sedative what could it hurt? Well it can hurt a lot, it’s a deadly combo.
As the drinking escalated, 2 years in, I decided to set the example and quit everything, drinking, the benzo...I didn’t die but some days I wished for it. I had a stroke, a TIA they call it. I experienced all of the symptoms of withdrawal...hallucinations, delusions, paranoia, insomnia, weight loss, irritability, hell just google it. ( I didn’t sleep for 4 days once and for several days in a row many times in a 90 day period, maybe longer). I didn’t know I was going through withdrawal, no one did. Thought I had just cracked under the pressure, everyone did. Including my wife. Believe me when I tell you quitting benzodiazepines and heavy alcohol use cold turkey is life threatening. Either one alone is dangerous, combined?... buy diapers. Watching it unfold had to be terrifying for her. Actually I know it was.
To cope she drank. Which is why I feel guilty as hell as this is when it went into overdrive. I now know dealing with a crazy person will make you crazy and alcohol was an easy exit. I reinstated the benzodiazepines because nothing else was working. Not therapy, exercise, diet change. Nothing.
It wasn’t until last year, when she was learning about these drugs in a IOP that she realized what happened to me. We tested her theory and within 8 hours I was losing my mind like I had prior. Damn. I did a rapid detox and because I wasn’t drinking and knew what to expect it was tolerable. Barely.
She kept me from dying 2 years ago, not in the best or healthiest way, but I’m here and then she “found” what the Xanax prescribing Dr refused to disclose when she was in IOP. Benzodiazepines should Never be taken for longer than 4 or 5 weeks. That’s per the manufacturer. I was prescribed them 7 years.
So there you go. my part in this, at least the part I’m willing to share.
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Beachn, your story is horrifying, I'm so sorry you went through that, sorry that both of you went through that, it's very traumatic.
When we experience trauma it can be a long time healing and now you have also had a terrible set back with all you are dealing with right now. I'm sorry about that.
When we experience trauma it can be a long time healing and now you have also had a terrible set back with all you are dealing with right now. I'm sorry about that.
"O you must wear your rue with difference".
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,146
Beachn, that's really horrible that the doctor gave those pills to you for 7 (SEVEN!) years. I've taken them before when I was trying to cope with my ex... and I was only ever given two at a time and only for 2 weeks.
Nevertheless... there are a lot of things that go on in the human body to that "cause" addiction. There's the environmental factor. There's also what the addict is like physiologically. You did not "cause" your wife's addiction, please understand that.
Can you focus on your health and your kids for a while? You've really had a bad time.
Nevertheless... there are a lot of things that go on in the human body to that "cause" addiction. There's the environmental factor. There's also what the addict is like physiologically. You did not "cause" your wife's addiction, please understand that.
Can you focus on your health and your kids for a while? You've really had a bad time.
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Originally Posted by trailmix
Beachn, your story is horrifying, I'm so sorry you went through that, sorry that both of you went through that, it's very traumatic.
When we experience trauma it can be a long time healing and now you have also had a terrible set back with all you are dealing with right now. I'm sorry about that.
When we experience trauma it can be a long time healing and now you have also had a terrible set back with all you are dealing with right now. I'm sorry about that.
So you're in a unique position. I'm sure you can relate to some of what your wife is going through. My heart goes out to you. It's a tricky balance right now trying to be compassionate while also knowing how far down the rabbit hole goes, and realizing you have to take care of your children. I just hope your wife gets the treatment she needs. Have you looked into switching rehab facilities since you are uncomfortable with the one she's in? I wonder if she needs more specialised therapy.
Good luck to you. I'll be praying and rooting for your whole family.
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