BettyP

I have finally started to get my good feelings back - like being able to look at a flower and *feel* like "that is so beautiful." To cry with joy about a happy moment. To cry a little in sadness about something very moving. To make a new playlist and feel excited about it. I couldn't do any of these things in acute PAWS. The empty feeling is mostly gone. I still have wave days, but my life is returning to me in full force. It's funny, once you start getting it back, you look back on what happened in PAWS and it makes all the sense in the world that your brain was healing and you don't need to question it (as opposed to the anxiety of PAWS when nothing makes sense and your brain goes around and around as to how to fix things) -- your brain eventually fixes itself.

Brentc012

Betty how long were you in PAWS for?

CBS62

Betty I am so glad you are seeing improvement in what I guess we call anhedonia. I still have it but I I occasionally have windows of feeling something joyous. And the other day was my late brother's birthday. I actually shed a few tears and felt sad. Grief has been weird because I have felt so numb even though I lost my brother in February and my mother in April. Definitely still processing and not understanding it.

BettyP

Brent - I was in the worst of PAWS between three months sober and a year and a half (18 months). I'm currently two years and two months sober. I still have some icky days, but I feel so much more like myself for the most part. I had it realllly bad - I mean bad. I had every symptom except for the dreaded boaty feeling (small blessings). Anxiety was the absolute worst symptom for me, and brain fog.
CB - yes, I feel like I'm just now catching up on my grieving as well - - I lost my dad in April and I was still feeling pretty rotten with PAWS. It's like you can only feel bad, but you also can't feel anything at the same time.

Vindawgs

Betty that's great news. So glad to hear you are turning for the better in your paws journey. It takes time and patience and sure is well worth it. The best to you.

Zeliard

Lexapro must work for a lot of people, but it didn’t seem to work for me, or maybe it just doesn’t work for PAWS. The only thing I take now is a Trazodone before bed to help me sleep. I’m still feeling anxious and shaky a lot of the time, and sometimes depressed. I haven’t really seen much improvement yet, but from what I’ve read, PAWS can get worse before it starts to get better. I’m not giving up yet, but I hope I start to see some improvement soon.

BettyP

Zeliard - yes some AD help some people, but everyone is on their own recovery timeline. The unrelenting anxiety is tough because it's obviously uncomfortable, but also you feel this constant sense of urgency to fix things or do something about what you're feeling - a nonstop restlessness. It's exhausting. But it does get better, it's not always going to be this way.
I went out to a concert last night - first time in a big crowd, downtown in the city. It was still tough at points, but once I got into the show I chilled out. So at two years and almost three months, I can live mostly normally but things that are normally anxiety inducing (large crowds) are still a bit harder than "normal." I will say before PAWS I had a reputation for always leaving parties early and not saying goodbye - now as a sober person I see that it was probably just my innate anxiety that I was trying to escape by going home all the time and not wanting to have to get talked into staying later. Now with PAWS I soothe myself in a stressful situation by saying to myself "you can just leave anytime you want."

CBS62

Hey everyone. I am feeling really down and just thought it might be good to go on here and vent. I was in the ER yesterday and have been diagnosed with diverticulitis. I was in terrible pain and had chills. I am a little better now. I am on a liquid diet and 2 antibiotics. I know our guts have a lot to do with our mood so that may be part of what is going on. The antibiotics are making me nauseous which adds insult to injury. So I have to keep faith that I will heal and try to tolerate the antibiotics because I have no choice. On top of my diverticulitis I have to go get a root canal finished on Wednesday.

I still have my boaty dizziness everyday as my worst PAWS symptom. I am seeing a Naturopathic Doctor now to see if she can do anything to help. Other PAWs symptoms are anhedonia, internal tremor mostly in my right foot but also my lower body.

I am now about 21.5 months sober.

Caramel

All the best, CBS. My experience after two bouts similar to yours was that it took a good six weeks to recover my usual health and spirits. I learned to be very careful about avoiding foods that were likely to set it off again and did not rush back to a 'full diet'.
Agree that mood is very much affected by our inner health.

Dee74

I hope you feel better soon CBS

D

BettyP

CB - feeling for you! Yes your guts definitely play a big role. Let us know how it goes with the naturopath - I'm very interested to know. A friend of mine who got sober a few years before me went through a major intestinal situation, and was eventually diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder and is gluten and dairy free -- I wonder if any of her experience was from PAWS. Keep us posted, and I hope you get some relief!!

BettyP

I don't know if this will be encouraging or discouraging, but even in my late stage of healing I find myself getting absolutely kicked in the teeth the last three days with a wave of symptoms I haven't felt in months. Severe migraine, anxiety, can't get out of bed, depression, phantom smoke smell. Like f-ing kill me already I can't even. I will not pick up and I know this will pass, but if you're struggling today just know you're not alone - PAWS is pure torture.

Vindawgs

Betty, I know your feeling. I sure know what your going through. I'll be 3 years next week and I too still get that paw syndrome and beats me to the ground. I sometimes just sit in and it doesn't do me any better. Now I realize when u feel that wave coming on, I get up and get out and about. Whether it be time to get to work or just a day at home, I get up and get going. It helps clear my head. I refuse to pick up. Be blessed and hope your felling better and wave free going forward.

spen71

Hi. I’m three months sober now, Getting the normal ups and downs with mood. The last few days I’ve had an intense stomach ache.

Caramel

^ spen, it would pay to check that out with your health professional.

ant385

Sertraline (which worked wonders for depression) did nothing for my PAWS. It kind of makes sense to me. Antidepressants work on dopamine and serotonin. But my problem is not these. Alcohol works on the GABA glutamate pathways like benzodiazepines. I now take Pregabalin and I have not looked back. I take 200mg a day. One in the morning and one in the evening. It does not make me sleepy. I have gained weight but got a hold of that now. It killed 80-90% of my PAWS symptoms and I’m only on a low dose. I still get windows and waves but the windows are far more protracted and the waves are more like a whistle in the wind. I am kind of glad I still get the odd symptoms day here and there as I can still track my healing. Anyway, Don’t want to take anything higher as I don’t want to tempt fate. I can live now and can function at work again. Got a promotion last week. Yeyyy. I did not realise how bad it was until it stopped. Honestly alcohol, wtf?

When I first came to this forum in mid part one I was in total despair. Ready to depart. Thank you Matt for this forum, and thank you Dee & SR for your selfless support. I probably won’t be around as much now but I will check in now and then. Let my post at least have some positively who are starting this process. It does get better. It was getting better before the pregabalin. Pregabalin just helped clear the clouds even more.

Dee74

I'm glad things have improved for you Ant

D

BettyP

Ant, that is good news indeed. I had to also laugh at "Honestly alcohol, wtf?" -- wtf indeed! Who knew this drug that the whole world thinks is okay can have such long-lasting effects. It's crazy!
Spen - I had a LOT of GI problems and couldn't eat a pretty long list of foods for a long time - - that gradually got better. Definitely see a doctor if you're in pain/agony as it could very well be something else. But if the doctors tell you they can't find anything, know that GI/stomach symptoms are definitely on the list of PAWS symptoms and it's definitely not "in your head." Stay sober and stay the course and it will pass in time. You're doing great!

LazaB

3 and a half months sober and some days i can have coffee ( that increases anxiety ) and feel absolutely fine and i have days like today where i had no coffee and anxiety is through the ******* roof , for hours at the time , i am very lucky that i work from home because working anywhere else would be literally impossible.
The only thing that helps is reading these posts and realizing that i am not crazy or alone ( probably not crazy ) , i keep thinking about how millions of alcoholics had to go through this completely alone back in the day before the internet ( like few of my grandfathers ). I have no idea how they did it.

spen71

Thanks for the posts about my stomach pain. I think I had IBS from chocolate, It’s the only thing i ate out of the norm. Never had it when used to eat a lot of chocolate so probably a symptom of the PAWS. The main ongoing issue seems to the getting off to sleep and then dreaming about my late parents. Only dealing their deaths the last 4 months of being sober.