Zeliard

The anxiety and depression got bad enough that I’m trying Lexapro. If it doesn’t help in a few weeks, I may just go back to toughing it out. I know it is something that I will eventually have to taper off. Sometimes it’s just hard to believe that things will actually get better.

Dee74

Hope things improve for you soon Zeliard

BettyP

Hi Zeliard - one of the symptoms that I think every PAWS sufferer has is that feeling that it will never end - like "how could this end?" Remember when you feel that way that it's a symptom in itself. You're healing. I've been right where you are and I was convinced that I would never recover, but I have. Not fully recovered yet, but week after week and month after month I'm returning to my old self. You will too!

Zeliard

Hi Betty. I hope you’re right. I guess I’m worried that my old self was anxious and depressed, and that maybe I was self medicating all this time without even realizing it.

BettyP

Yes I went through this same doubting. Like maybe I was always like this and just masking it with alcohol. I think on some level yes probably we were all anxious and depressed and alcohol made us feel better, but PAWS is a whole other level of awfulness that does get better in time. The writer I put the link to in on the last page put it really well - it is not your mind that's healing it's your brain. You basically have a brain injury and your brain is recreating all the pathways it needs to get back to baseline. Before you started drinking, you may not have been "fine" - but I guarantee you didn't feel like this. Remember that there is a normal to go back to, because it's coming. I think the hardest part about PAWS is that it is so mental and you don't have anything physically obvious like a broken leg to point to. Plus our culture really doesn't give mental health the grace it gives to other health, so we have all internalized to some degree that we should snap out of it, or just do something differently and we'll feel better. I promise you you are healing now and will get better. I can't remember who described it a few posts back but it's like the volume on the anxiety and depression slowly gets turned down notch by notch as your brain copes with all the excess glutamate. Google glutamate symptoms btw - this is what your brain is coping with. It's not your mind, it's your brain - keep that mantra going! You're doing awesome - just stay sober, you're going to have some good days. Everyone does heal :-)

spen71

8 weeks sober. Today has been a bad day. Anxious, headache and just feel off kilter.

Zeliard

Hey Spen. Today is day 100 for me. Woke up feeling anxious and depressed. Have a bit of a headache and don’t feel like eating anything. Feel really tired because of poor sleep, but there’s no way I could take a nap. This will be a lot easier when we can see some sort of trend that things are improving, but that may still be a few months away. For now, we just have to hang in there.
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Graceful123

yeah, month 3 and 4 were the worst for me. I started seeing healing going from month 3 to 6. But it's a long journey. You have to relearn to live with yourself, sober. It's not the easiest thing to do.

Hang in there.

Today is my worst day in a while, just fidgety and uneasy all day. everything seems to scare me today. But one day at a time, some days are bad, some are perfect. We will get there.

BettyP

Month 3 for me was when I was like "what in the actual f is going on - how do I feel worse rather than better" because I'd always taken breaks from drinking in the past and felt amazing. I think this is when you know it's definitely PAWS. It's a rough road, newcomers - but it does have an end. I'm certainly feeling much much more like myself these days than in the beginning.
Graceful - sorry to hear about your rough day. Are you coming out of it yet? I find that it's like a rough day may not mean the entire day is bad (but still usually does) and then a day or two after that. The waves feel like being on a windy lake now rather than out at sea though.

Brentc012

Just 2 weeks ago I thought I was feeling much better and felt so happy. Then a week ago I got sick and have been feeling terrible again. A couple symptoms I have are dizziness(again) and weird sadness that is SO strong feeling and self doubt. My PAWS was def the strongest for the first 3 months but this flare up is terrible!!!! It makes me feel so scared of everything. How long Did the dizziness last? It makes me feel like something is wrong with me. It started after a really heavy bender of drinking probably like 25 beers in a night. Sometimes it’s less noticeable and sometimes it’s very apparent. I just want to feel normal again. This is so hard. Anyone with advice?

adair

For me, the dizziness went on for so long I thought it had become a permanent fixture of my life. In time, it does fade and one day will be gone. But, alas, it takes time.

Everyone is different and your mileage will vary but my symptoms went on for years. It didn't have to last that long, but I was very resistant to give up drinking for good and I paid the price for that.

In the meantime, I learned to find a way to make peace with having a brain that was constantly misbehaving. I found comfort in the saying, 'Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.' Though I was in misery, I chose not to let it bring me down as much.

Stay the course and things do get better. But it is a bumpy ride, so hold on tight.

sugarbear1

I had fear of feeling good.

I had felt bad for so long that I didn't know how to respond when things started to get better.......I tried sabotaging self, but luckily realized it.....

Feeling good was odd. It was new. It was a bit scary then.......

spen71

Im also terrible today Feel like my head is washing machine, hopefully it will pass tomorrow.

Brentc012

I know it’s terrible. One day feeling great and the next day it feels like we are back at square one. How long Have u been having dizzy spells? They are so distracting and make me feel anxious. These mood swings by a are terrible as well. Sending good vibes your way.

spen71

Nine weeks sober now, Ive felt a bit off a couple of times but nothing like yesterday. I did nearly 9 years sober before my parents died, 3 years of drinking this time around. That time I had some bad bouts of depression but no dizzy spells and anxiry.

CBS62

Hey everyone. It is good to see some new people on here but I am sorry it is because you are suffering from this aggravating and sometimes debilitating condition. I have been sober for 20 months and many of my PAWS symptoms have improved or gone away like insomnia, anxiety, numbness and tingling in my arms and face, deep depression, and health anxiety. But the 2 that are still with me are an inner vibration in my lower body, especially my right foot and the boaty dizziness. The dizziness is extremely persistent. There have been a few windows where it went away for a day but it always comes back. It is worse at night as is the internal tremor. I have been to so many doctors and they can't find anything wrong. I am able to function very well in spite of the dizziness. I even play league tennis. But I feel like I am rocking or swaying. Fortunately I am athletic and manage it. All I can say is we are all healing in our own time. Just don't drink, eat healthy and stay away from benzos. I took benzos as prescribed, long story, And I think they effed me up on top of the alcohol. A lot of people who take benzos and go off suffer from the boaty dizziness. Seems more common for them than for drinkers. So I guess I got the double whammy. I hope everyone is feeling good today. Keep posting.

Brentc012

yup I was a heavy drinker for YEARS and then took benzos for the last 8 months before I got sober. I can also say that the dizziness has gone away but then returned. And yes I agree that it gets worse at night. Mine isn’t so much of a rocking boat but more like when I’m walking or turning my head when I stop it feels like I’m still moving for a spoilt second. I’ve been functioning but it’s annoying and makes my anxiety flare up and makes me depressed. I’m almost 5 months sober. Hoping it goes away. Anyone who has healed from it I would love to hear from

adair

The brain can do some incredibly bizarre things as it heals.

Back in March, I was watching tv and the whole right side of my brain went crazy. There was a rolling sense of dizziness and disconnection that words cannot adequately describe. It was as if whole sections of my brain (right side only) were rebooting, going dark momentarily only to come back online seconds later. At the time I thought I was having a stroke. The whole episode lasted three minutes or so and after that, I went back to feeling completely normal. No headache or any other symptoms that would cause me to seek out medical advice. Odd stuff.

After that episode, though, I've noticed my awareness of things both past and present has increased by an order of magnitude. Whatever it was, it seems to have upped my brain's capability to process information. And it was after that that the background low grade dizziness that has plagued me for years largely vanished.

Healing happens, but it's not a linear process and there are extended periods of time when nothing seems to be getting better. But behind the scenes, the brain is figuring out how to put itself back together again.

BettyP

Brent - if you haven't already checked out Benzo Buddies, I recommend (benzobuddies.com) since you took benzos for a bunch of months. There are a lot of symptoms that both benzo users and drinkers get in PAWS, but benzo users seem to mostly all get PAWS while drinkers it's hit or miss. Do a google search of "benzo buddies boaty feeling" and you'll get a lot of posts about that sensation that you're getting. It's your brain healing - just remember that -- it's your brain not your mind :-)

adair

Fasting as a shortcut to brain gains?

In the last year, I have experienced significant gains in cognitive function, memory and overall mental acuity. PAWS symptoms, a near constant companion of mine for many years, have largely vanished. I assumed that was merely due to the fact that I was drinking much less, but now I'm starting to think I unwittingly did something to help speed things along.

In July 2021, I begin intermittent fasting as a means to lose an unwanted 25 pounds. I would fast for 2 days every 2 weeks and would eat only one meal a day of 400 calories on those fasting days. I did not do this continuously and took many breaks. When I wasn't fasting, I was under no dietary restrictions and ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Since July 2021, I have accumulated 35 fasting days which averages out to fasting 1 day out of 12.

I achieved goal weight in June and have just recently resumed occasional fasting after a 3 month break because of its health benefits. As I get back into fasting with weight loss no longer being the primary motivating factor for doing it, I'm finding there is a whole host of beneficial outcomes from fasting besides weight loss, for both the body and brain. Having suffered through the hell that is PAWS, it is the brain effects that most intrigue me.

Research shows fasting leads to an increase of the chemical BDNF (Brain-Derived Nootropic Factor). BDNF production kicks in in earnest 24 hours into a fast, but elevated levels are observed as little as 12 hours after one last eats. One study showed that after a 48 hour fast, BDNF increases by 350%.

BDNF supports the growth of brain neurons and is really important for long-term memory, coordination, and learning. Researchers think that it’s a key part of why fasting is so effective for reducing our risk of Alzheimer’s and other dementias as one ages. (Source: Guide to Fasting)

One university research paper stated, 'Intermittent fasting (IF) can facilitate neurodegenerative, neuroadaptive and neuroprotective processes leading to profound effects on cognition and dementias.'
(Source: Effects of Intermittent Fasting on Cognition and Neurodegeneration)

BDNF Wikipedia entry: BDNF Wikipedia

I know fasting can be a contentious issue and is not for everyone. But for those so inclined, it can be one more tool in your arsenal in the battle against PAWS.