Creating New Habits
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The last few days have been spent reveling in the end of the story. My brain is in a place of not knowing what it is supposed to focus on? My physical state has been one that was tense and perhaps a bit traumatized with all the tension I was carrying the last few months. I tell myself I can let it all go now. There is nothing to worry about. There is nothing to focus on. There is nothing right now that we have to do. We did it. We made it. We can rest.
Since I started practicing Nichiren Buddhism, I have goals each day to chant for. Taking steps in the direction to realize those goals and once the goals have become my reality I turn the page to new goals. The last few months, the main goal I had was to receive a diagnosis that said "You do not have cancer." I chanted everyday staring at this goal I had written down. Chanted for a harmonious marriage throughout. Chanted for strength. Chanted for happiness. To remain sober. Taking steps every day.
The other day, I turned the page on my book and it is blank. A fresh start.
I GET to realize new goals and take on more in my life now. I GET to continue on in chanting for unwavering happiness. I GET to turn the page.
My coworker, myself and a friend have decided that we will run a half marathon. This is not an organized, pay for a tee shirt and a bagel, event. Its our own event that we have created. We don't know where. We don't know when. We don't have any of that sorted, but we are going to do it and we will NOT BE DEFEATED!
Goal one: Run an unorganized half marathon event. Maybe we can get so many people involved that we get ticketed by the authorities? ....hahah! That would be awesome! I always imagine getting in trouble by the authorities for the stupidest reasons!
Goal two: To finish the floral certification. I have two assignments left. Once I accomplish this then I will be a double certified florist. I had to take a break due to COVID and then the surgery. Not making excuses here. I was really just hanging on by a thread for awhile. There was only so much this running shoe could tackle......
Back at it now. Watch out WORLD. I'm coming for ya. We can do hard things!
Since I started practicing Nichiren Buddhism, I have goals each day to chant for. Taking steps in the direction to realize those goals and once the goals have become my reality I turn the page to new goals. The last few months, the main goal I had was to receive a diagnosis that said "You do not have cancer." I chanted everyday staring at this goal I had written down. Chanted for a harmonious marriage throughout. Chanted for strength. Chanted for happiness. To remain sober. Taking steps every day.
The other day, I turned the page on my book and it is blank. A fresh start.
I GET to realize new goals and take on more in my life now. I GET to continue on in chanting for unwavering happiness. I GET to turn the page.
My coworker, myself and a friend have decided that we will run a half marathon. This is not an organized, pay for a tee shirt and a bagel, event. Its our own event that we have created. We don't know where. We don't know when. We don't have any of that sorted, but we are going to do it and we will NOT BE DEFEATED!
Goal one: Run an unorganized half marathon event. Maybe we can get so many people involved that we get ticketed by the authorities? ....hahah! That would be awesome! I always imagine getting in trouble by the authorities for the stupidest reasons!
Goal two: To finish the floral certification. I have two assignments left. Once I accomplish this then I will be a double certified florist. I had to take a break due to COVID and then the surgery. Not making excuses here. I was really just hanging on by a thread for awhile. There was only so much this running shoe could tackle......
Back at it now. Watch out WORLD. I'm coming for ya. We can do hard things!
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Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
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Mizz, you are a WONDERFUL person! I think your practice in Buddhism is making amazing changes in you. I’m so jelly about the half marathon. I almost want to train for it with you and fly out there, to help with the numbers of participants to make the local news. 😁
Being medical, I looked up your diagnosis on the eye, and looks like the surgeon/doctor will need to give you more information. I’m sure the outcome will be just keeping an eye on you. OMG. Crack myself up. Pun intended I guess.
👁👁👁
Love,
Being medical, I looked up your diagnosis on the eye, and looks like the surgeon/doctor will need to give you more information. I’m sure the outcome will be just keeping an eye on you. OMG. Crack myself up. Pun intended I guess.
👁👁👁
Love,
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Originally Posted by Free2bme888 
Mizz, you are a WONDERFUL person! I think your practice in Buddhism is making amazing changes in you. I’m so jelly about the half marathon. I almost want to train for it with you and fly out there, to help with the numbers of participants to make the local news. 😁
Being medical, I looked up your diagnosis on the eye, and looks like the surgeon/doctor will need to give you more information. I’m sure the outcome will be just keeping an eye on you. OMG. Crack myself up. Pun intended I guess.
👁👁👁
Love,
Being medical, I looked up your diagnosis on the eye, and looks like the surgeon/doctor will need to give you more information. I’m sure the outcome will be just keeping an eye on you. OMG. Crack myself up. Pun intended I guess.
👁👁👁
Love,
There is a chance of recurrence given that I had severe atypia. The biopsy in a few weeks will determine further treatment. I think I will most likely be a patient of the Medical Eye Institute for years to come. I have this feeling that Portland is where I will frequent the same coffee shop and know the staff and their animals names by heart. Its not over over. Just the real hard hard parts are over for now. More to come.....
Thank you for your support. Maybe this half Marathon could make the local news!!!! I never even thought of that as an option. Anything is truly possible. Anything.
IT would be awesome if you trained, BTW!
Jogging for world peace. Whirled peas! Jogging for sanity. For sobriety. Jogging because paying over $100 to run with a lot of people is not my idea of a good time anymore.
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My last only only half marathon was in 2016, in August in the Midwest in the USA. My time was 1:59:15 🤓
I was 54.
My gf backed out, so her husband ran with me, 10 years younger than me. He shows up, all matching outfit, phone on with cadence empowering music, and said, “what’s your plan?”
Uh, “my PLAN!?!?” Uh, “to…..finish?” Uh, “if there’s media around, to run through the inflatable finish line?”
”no, no, I mean, what’s your mile/hour goal?”
uh, “I don’t know”.
“ok, I’ll tell you. About a 9:27 goal, we leave neither of us behind…..deal?” “Did you bring protein packs? NVM, I’ll give you one of mine”
”ok, I’ll try that”
Go!!!
mile 3…..”Free, your going too fast, your running 8:15”, he says, checking in with the racing watch he has on….
”Jim, I’m just running…..”
”Slow down, you’ll never make it”
mile 9…..”are you stopping for the port o potty, Free?”
”No, I’m good…….no wait….. yes, I should go..”
”Thank goodness, I need a break!”
27” left, 3 miles to go.
I pick up the pace……I see the finish line. We are head to head…. I start kicking up my heels, and push through, beating him by a second!!
Yeah Hoooo🎏🎉🪄👟👟👟
So fun re living that with you.
🤓❤️
I was 54.
My gf backed out, so her husband ran with me, 10 years younger than me. He shows up, all matching outfit, phone on with cadence empowering music, and said, “what’s your plan?”
Uh, “my PLAN!?!?” Uh, “to…..finish?” Uh, “if there’s media around, to run through the inflatable finish line?”
”no, no, I mean, what’s your mile/hour goal?”
uh, “I don’t know”.
“ok, I’ll tell you. About a 9:27 goal, we leave neither of us behind…..deal?” “Did you bring protein packs? NVM, I’ll give you one of mine”
”ok, I’ll try that”
Go!!!
mile 3…..”Free, your going too fast, your running 8:15”, he says, checking in with the racing watch he has on….
”Jim, I’m just running…..”
”Slow down, you’ll never make it”
mile 9…..”are you stopping for the port o potty, Free?”
”No, I’m good…….no wait….. yes, I should go..”
”Thank goodness, I need a break!”
27” left, 3 miles to go.
I pick up the pace……I see the finish line. We are head to head…. I start kicking up my heels, and push through, beating him by a second!!
Yeah Hoooo🎏🎉🪄👟👟👟
So fun re living that with you.
🤓❤️
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Free- You are awesome! I am so proud of your determination to get through that marathon.
Ive always been the "just want to finish in one piece without an injury" kind of person.
Dropsie- WE LOVE YOU!
Thank you for all your support and understanding.
To the rest of the gang- THANK YOU TOO! I am forever grateful for you.
I had an epiphany this morning:
"If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"
Its just that concept that came to mind with some problems that suddenly presented themselves. I was a bit blindsided. A little par for the course and not unusual. Surprising but not at all unusual. Nothing to ruminate, be anxious or cycle over. Finding a healthy solution is the only thing I need to do.
Since I had eye surgery, I am SEEING things a bit more clearly. Pun intended.
Chanted this morning.
Ran
Weights.
Listened to terrible music
I am feeling healthy and determined.
Solutions and more solutions.
Sober for 518 days.
Ive always been the "just want to finish in one piece without an injury" kind of person.
Dropsie- WE LOVE YOU!
Thank you for all your support and understanding.
To the rest of the gang- THANK YOU TOO! I am forever grateful for you.
I had an epiphany this morning:
"If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"
Its just that concept that came to mind with some problems that suddenly presented themselves. I was a bit blindsided. A little par for the course and not unusual. Surprising but not at all unusual. Nothing to ruminate, be anxious or cycle over. Finding a healthy solution is the only thing I need to do.
Since I had eye surgery, I am SEEING things a bit more clearly. Pun intended.
Chanted this morning.
Ran
Weights.
Listened to terrible music
I am feeling healthy and determined.
Solutions and more solutions.
Sober for 518 days.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Life is so funny and unpredictable.
I found myself in a real live Judge Judy scenario with my work immediately after my arrival back from Portland.
"Your honor, I would like to present my case with proof that I did in fact communicate and did in fact follow procedures!" Wearing my sunglasses and squinting at the podium.
"Your honor, I have all these emails that I printed for you to review and to SEE that I was not going against policy and not creating problems. In fact, these emails are proof that I was solving the problem while also undergoing medical treatment with my eye. You see your honor, I was potentially facing a cancer diagnosis and so I had a tumor removed. While I was working, for the brief period, I did follow all protocols. May I approach the bench and give you this novel of emails? There is also a period of time in there where I was out for 3 weeks due to COVID. I tried real hard to make this happen your honor."
The judge reviewed the emails and then the issue was swept under the rug. Silenced. As if it never happened. As if this person, whom shall not be named, did not take out a dagger and stab me in the back. Blatant and I mean bold faced blatant lying. Any face to face conversations we had over the months were denied. At least that is what I am gathering...
And then we skip off into the sunset and the world is rose colored and the Unicorns are galloping and the Care Bears are singing on their rainbow.
I'm looking around to see if anyone else can see what happened? Am I on an Island with an insane person and this person is not insane but I am insane? Does anyone SEE what this is? Does anyone see that the world is not actually rose colored and there are not care bears on rainbows? Am I wearing my pants on backwards?
I had no idea I was to be blindsided and taken to task over something that was clearly communicated face to face. Confirmed. Agreed with. We were on the same page and following procedures.
This "thing" I thought was over is not over. This "thing" I chanted to change for over one year, and worked diligently to find solutions for change, and I TRULY thought with all of my heart and soul had changed did not change. It is back.
Like that girl in Poltergeist who stares at the snowy blurred television screen "Their BAAACKKK"
I mean, I was done dirty. Real dirty. Real real dirty. Like mud on the shoe dirty.
My solution now......
Please email all communication. ALL Communication. IF you are saying "Good Morning!" please email. WHY? Because when a tree falls in the woods, and no one is around to hear it, the other tree tries to take out the trees in their way and then they proclaim "ME? No, way. I would never push down that tree. That tree fell on its own. No one was around to hear or see the fall. It fell on its own. I swear"
The tree is laying there taking its last breath...... "You ******* *******"
Are they able to claim plausible deniability? Sure. They probably took the papers that were handed to them and threw them in the garbage. I dont know if that happened but something happened that was not honest.
* I actually don't know if the tree who took out the other tree was talked to about INTEGRITY or even how the situation was handled. I do know.....I'm in full protection mode and my INTEGRITY will stay in tact.
520 days sober. GO US!
Running and weights and doing all the good things today. I feel very positive and hopeful.
I found myself in a real live Judge Judy scenario with my work immediately after my arrival back from Portland.
"Your honor, I would like to present my case with proof that I did in fact communicate and did in fact follow procedures!" Wearing my sunglasses and squinting at the podium.
"Your honor, I have all these emails that I printed for you to review and to SEE that I was not going against policy and not creating problems. In fact, these emails are proof that I was solving the problem while also undergoing medical treatment with my eye. You see your honor, I was potentially facing a cancer diagnosis and so I had a tumor removed. While I was working, for the brief period, I did follow all protocols. May I approach the bench and give you this novel of emails? There is also a period of time in there where I was out for 3 weeks due to COVID. I tried real hard to make this happen your honor."
The judge reviewed the emails and then the issue was swept under the rug. Silenced. As if it never happened. As if this person, whom shall not be named, did not take out a dagger and stab me in the back. Blatant and I mean bold faced blatant lying. Any face to face conversations we had over the months were denied. At least that is what I am gathering...
And then we skip off into the sunset and the world is rose colored and the Unicorns are galloping and the Care Bears are singing on their rainbow.
I'm looking around to see if anyone else can see what happened? Am I on an Island with an insane person and this person is not insane but I am insane? Does anyone SEE what this is? Does anyone see that the world is not actually rose colored and there are not care bears on rainbows? Am I wearing my pants on backwards?
I had no idea I was to be blindsided and taken to task over something that was clearly communicated face to face. Confirmed. Agreed with. We were on the same page and following procedures.
This "thing" I thought was over is not over. This "thing" I chanted to change for over one year, and worked diligently to find solutions for change, and I TRULY thought with all of my heart and soul had changed did not change. It is back.
Like that girl in Poltergeist who stares at the snowy blurred television screen "Their BAAACKKK"
I mean, I was done dirty. Real dirty. Real real dirty. Like mud on the shoe dirty.
My solution now......
Please email all communication. ALL Communication. IF you are saying "Good Morning!" please email. WHY? Because when a tree falls in the woods, and no one is around to hear it, the other tree tries to take out the trees in their way and then they proclaim "ME? No, way. I would never push down that tree. That tree fell on its own. No one was around to hear or see the fall. It fell on its own. I swear"
The tree is laying there taking its last breath...... "You ******* *******"
Are they able to claim plausible deniability? Sure. They probably took the papers that were handed to them and threw them in the garbage. I dont know if that happened but something happened that was not honest.
* I actually don't know if the tree who took out the other tree was talked to about INTEGRITY or even how the situation was handled. I do know.....I'm in full protection mode and my INTEGRITY will stay in tact.
520 days sober. GO US!
Running and weights and doing all the good things today. I feel very positive and hopeful.
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
BUT.......
Faith is unlimited courage.
Lets break through the walls of limitation with powerful prayer and action!
A positive transformation of ones inner resolve will enable a triumphant breakthrough!- Daisaku Ikeda
Also,
"What kinds of causes and I making right now?" "What actions am I taking?" The answers to these questions are what will determine our future. - Daisaku Ikeda
Action: To focus on happiness for myself and others
Action: To remain steadfast in my determination to overcome any and all challenges with positivity and grace
Action: Remain sober physically, mentally, emotionally AND spiritually
Action: Daily Gongyo and Daimoku
Action: Continue with personal Human Revolution
Faith is unlimited courage.
Lets break through the walls of limitation with powerful prayer and action!
A positive transformation of ones inner resolve will enable a triumphant breakthrough!- Daisaku Ikeda
Also,
"What kinds of causes and I making right now?" "What actions am I taking?" The answers to these questions are what will determine our future. - Daisaku Ikeda
Action: To focus on happiness for myself and others
Action: To remain steadfast in my determination to overcome any and all challenges with positivity and grace
Action: Remain sober physically, mentally, emotionally AND spiritually
Action: Daily Gongyo and Daimoku
Action: Continue with personal Human Revolution
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,340
OMG. So sorry you have a COMPLETE jerk in your life. There are no obstacles. The universe is screaming for you to change something, like get this person out of your life, and since planning an injurious accident would likely bring bad karma, what else?
🧐🤨
For sure step one is keep sober, you got that down right……
Heck, talk about kick ‘em when they up, kick em when they down…..Kick ‘em when Dey day down……
Big hugs, Mizz
🤓❤️
🧐🤨
For sure step one is keep sober, you got that down right……
Heck, talk about kick ‘em when they up, kick em when they down…..Kick ‘em when Dey day down……
Big hugs, Mizz
🤓❤️
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
I think the lesson here for me is that I continue to make the necessary changes within myself to realize my life's mission. The lesson here is to continue to chant for happiness for myself and for others despite external circumstances. To continue to walk with integrity. To continue to chant for an answer that actualizes my dreams.
I worked extremely hard to get where I am today. I will work extremely hard moving forward.
The situation with my work will not always be my situation. I am responsible for myself. I cannot change an entire culture. I cannot change the institutionalized history. I can change myself and I can change my environment.
We all deserve to be treated with respect. We all are deserving of a healthy environment in our working and personal lives. If those environments are not healthy it is up to us to change it. There are always solutions and there are always options. I am not a victim and I will not play a victim. I will focus and chant for a clear path ahead. This is what will happen.
I ran too many miles today and my legs are sore.
I napped. I read for a long time.
Its been a very productive and healthy day.
Tomorrow will be the same. Healthy and productive. Focused and determined. Solution oriented.
I worked extremely hard to get where I am today. I will work extremely hard moving forward.
The situation with my work will not always be my situation. I am responsible for myself. I cannot change an entire culture. I cannot change the institutionalized history. I can change myself and I can change my environment.
We all deserve to be treated with respect. We all are deserving of a healthy environment in our working and personal lives. If those environments are not healthy it is up to us to change it. There are always solutions and there are always options. I am not a victim and I will not play a victim. I will focus and chant for a clear path ahead. This is what will happen.
I ran too many miles today and my legs are sore.
I napped. I read for a long time.
Its been a very productive and healthy day.
Tomorrow will be the same. Healthy and productive. Focused and determined. Solution oriented.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Time for a new job, Mizz. You have given your all to that place, and you get treated that way?
The next one, where you will be valued and appreciated, is just around the corner, you just need to open your eyes to opportunities.
So sorry you had to go through that, glad the eye is doing well!
The next one, where you will be valued and appreciated, is just around the corner, you just need to open your eyes to opportunities.
So sorry you had to go through that, glad the eye is doing well!
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Originally Posted by advbike
Time for a new job, Mizz. You have given your all to that place, and you get treated that way?
The next one, where you will be valued and appreciated, is just around the corner, you just need to open your eyes to opportunities.
So sorry you had to go through that, glad the eye is doing well!
The next one, where you will be valued and appreciated, is just around the corner, you just need to open your eyes to opportunities.
So sorry you had to go through that, glad the eye is doing well!
I have a few more steps to go with treatment. I'm heading to Portland tomorrow. I am almost finished with the Ultra Life Marathon and then I can focus on my future. Actually, I have been focusing on my future, right? Making sure that I am healthy enough to have a future.....This has been the goal.
I am proud to say that even through all of this, the COVID and the surgery, I did not miss a beat while working. All T's were crossed. All i's dotted. Every protocol followed. I am very proud to have accomplished this. Proud to have stayed in my lane. Sure, I was a bit in the clouds a day or two but I gave the job 1000% dedication.
I will continue to give life my all and I do know that I will be healthy, prosperous and happy. I am HAPPY now. That is the special thing. My happiness is intact. YAY!
Have a wonderful day. I appreciate all the support and the kindness.
We can do hard things!
Onwards and Upwards.
One step at a time with change and building this foundation.
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
HI! How is everyone?
We got back today from Portland. Everything went well. I wont go into the details of how they perform an eye biopsy while a person is awake....I think you can imagine the scenario. It was overwhelming. The nurse said "We are going to need you to breathe now." Needless to say I was paralyzed and praying to god for a bit. I asked "So, is this going to be one or two minutes? How many minutes?" She said "One minute!" ONE minute? That is a mighty long time. That is an enormous amount of seconds.......
I made it through though and I stayed upright the entire time so that is a GIANT PLUS! I did get emotional, but I think 19th century torture devices can do that. I asked my husband if the torture device was rusty nail colored like I had imagined. He would not confirm or deny. I guess I will never know. Best not to know
Results will be in two weeks. I really don't care what the results are to be honest. If I have to have further treatment then I am good with that. All the hard parts are over for now and I can put my head down on my pillow without wondering If I have cancer in my eyeball.
Also, the work scenario was dealt with today. I had a meeting called by my boss for early next week. I decided that I will meet today and get it over with then to sit all weekend wondering what I am meeting about. My bosses are well aware that I am a hard one to have a meeting with. I would rather run 10 marathons back to back then to sit down and "meet." I've never even ran a full marathon but I would rather run a full marathon and then 9 more then to sit there and meet at a meeting. There is a history there of really really really and I mean really bad meetings that I will never forget. So, I dont "Meet" per say. I decided I am not the ruler of the universe and therefore I attended this "meeting" due to that one fact.
I was prepared for whatever to happen. I was prepared to ask for a layoff. Prepared to not resolve anything. Prepared to say "I think I've seen enough here and I am off to a different pasture." I didnt know what pasture, but I was prepared to find a new one. I was resigned to no longer be a part of this place that I have worked in for 14 years. However, the meeting had resolution. Problems were solved. I was heard. I heard my boss. HR was heard and all of us were on the same page. We solved some problems today. I mean, its a step in the right direction. I was accountable. I had my truth and my strength and my good eye! ha!
Perhaps this damn cycle that I have found myself in again will move on and move through and leave. Perhaps, If we all act like decent human beings we can actually work together and be productive. Some of my behaviors were not healthy and they were detrimental. I do know this. I have known this. I did not know how else to get through and I could not find an answer by myself. It was not black and white for me. I became protective of myself. So, I am done with that now.....
I walked down from the meeting and opened the door to the office where my problems worked.
I said "Have a good weekend" and I left. This was the first of my speaking in 5 or 6 months. Its one step of many to come.
We got back today from Portland. Everything went well. I wont go into the details of how they perform an eye biopsy while a person is awake....I think you can imagine the scenario. It was overwhelming. The nurse said "We are going to need you to breathe now." Needless to say I was paralyzed and praying to god for a bit. I asked "So, is this going to be one or two minutes? How many minutes?" She said "One minute!" ONE minute? That is a mighty long time. That is an enormous amount of seconds.......
I made it through though and I stayed upright the entire time so that is a GIANT PLUS! I did get emotional, but I think 19th century torture devices can do that. I asked my husband if the torture device was rusty nail colored like I had imagined. He would not confirm or deny. I guess I will never know. Best not to know
Results will be in two weeks. I really don't care what the results are to be honest. If I have to have further treatment then I am good with that. All the hard parts are over for now and I can put my head down on my pillow without wondering If I have cancer in my eyeball.
Also, the work scenario was dealt with today. I had a meeting called by my boss for early next week. I decided that I will meet today and get it over with then to sit all weekend wondering what I am meeting about. My bosses are well aware that I am a hard one to have a meeting with. I would rather run 10 marathons back to back then to sit down and "meet." I've never even ran a full marathon but I would rather run a full marathon and then 9 more then to sit there and meet at a meeting. There is a history there of really really really and I mean really bad meetings that I will never forget. So, I dont "Meet" per say. I decided I am not the ruler of the universe and therefore I attended this "meeting" due to that one fact.
I was prepared for whatever to happen. I was prepared to ask for a layoff. Prepared to not resolve anything. Prepared to say "I think I've seen enough here and I am off to a different pasture." I didnt know what pasture, but I was prepared to find a new one. I was resigned to no longer be a part of this place that I have worked in for 14 years. However, the meeting had resolution. Problems were solved. I was heard. I heard my boss. HR was heard and all of us were on the same page. We solved some problems today. I mean, its a step in the right direction. I was accountable. I had my truth and my strength and my good eye! ha!
Perhaps this damn cycle that I have found myself in again will move on and move through and leave. Perhaps, If we all act like decent human beings we can actually work together and be productive. Some of my behaviors were not healthy and they were detrimental. I do know this. I have known this. I did not know how else to get through and I could not find an answer by myself. It was not black and white for me. I became protective of myself. So, I am done with that now.....
I walked down from the meeting and opened the door to the office where my problems worked.
I said "Have a good weekend" and I left. This was the first of my speaking in 5 or 6 months. Its one step of many to come.
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