Creating New Habits
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Join Date: May 2012
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Originally Posted by Free2bme888 
We have a Subaru !
well done getting through the worst parts
big hugs 🤗
well done getting through the worst parts
big hugs 🤗
Now that I am "tuned" in to the Subaru, I notice they are everywhere. Not just in Portland, Guys! The Subaru has taken over the planet. This town has the "Grow Dozer" and the "Subaru" everywhere. Not everywhere like in Portland, but its a thing here too. A big thing here. Someone said Colorado is the same.
I've been a bit oblivious. It is true that a person learns something new every single day!
Advbike- Oregon is nice for sure. Portland has way too much fog though. Rain. Fog. Rain. Fog. That would get real depressing. At least for me. The sunsets you get where you live are phenomenal! Im not sure about that heat though, or the scorpions.....Ya, no scorpions. How does a person even get adjusted to that? You are a braver man than I.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
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I am feeling FOMO. We just bought a car also, but its not a Subaru. We bought a KIA Sorento because we wanted seven seats, did not want a mini van and did not want to pay a fortune. Couple years old, but nice. It does not speak to me like that though.
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Thanks, Plop. I appreciate the support.
Would I call what I am doing running? Not really. My body wants badly to get moving. My body then remembers that it once was a runner and we are not trained any longer. It laughs at me. I laugh back at it because we ARE GOING TO RUN AGAIN!
Dropsie- I get FOMO. Your Sorento looks AWESOME! I really like it.
I emailed the hospital to get the steroid eye drops refilled. You see, "they" give you a subscription for the tiniest bottle known to exist. Its so cute and small and can get lost on an empty table. Given that I am dosing my eye with these "roids" every two hours, you would think they would prescribe a quart sized bottle or even a one ounce bottle? I digress, I emailed the hospital for another prescription, and when I received an alert that I had a message from the hospital my heart dropped out of my chest. I am nervous about these test results. NERVOUS. I will receive the results the same time the surgeon receives the results. We wont be together holding hands. We are in different states and she is a surgeon doing surgeon stuff. Once she has a free moment she will call me and we will "talk."
Every time the thought of this being cancer comes into my brain I start chanting or singing or moving about to not think about what this may or may not be. Turn the channel. I keep turning the channel. So, I wait. On hold. Waiting. The music is terrible. I keep turning the channel in hopes that the channel will produce a great song of FREEDOM!
My brain has already played out the chapter of my demise many times. It went there. Fully went there. Once I was aware that I was in mental and emotional "Dooms Day" I decided that playing out the worse case scenario is 100% unproductive. Keep turning the channel. Needless to say I'm real loud at times with all the chanting, random singing and being a human doing.
Don't get me wrong here, I am very determined, no matter what, to get through this chapter. I will get through. I just don't know how many pages this chapter holds? Radiation? Hair loss? More time spent away from my home in an air b and b? More counting of the Subaru? More watching of roofers replacing a roof? Roof replacement is fascinating by the way.
The email was that my prescription has been filled. The next email, when it comes through, will be of the test results.
Sober.
Would I call what I am doing running? Not really. My body wants badly to get moving. My body then remembers that it once was a runner and we are not trained any longer. It laughs at me. I laugh back at it because we ARE GOING TO RUN AGAIN!
Dropsie- I get FOMO. Your Sorento looks AWESOME! I really like it.
I emailed the hospital to get the steroid eye drops refilled. You see, "they" give you a subscription for the tiniest bottle known to exist. Its so cute and small and can get lost on an empty table. Given that I am dosing my eye with these "roids" every two hours, you would think they would prescribe a quart sized bottle or even a one ounce bottle? I digress, I emailed the hospital for another prescription, and when I received an alert that I had a message from the hospital my heart dropped out of my chest. I am nervous about these test results. NERVOUS. I will receive the results the same time the surgeon receives the results. We wont be together holding hands. We are in different states and she is a surgeon doing surgeon stuff. Once she has a free moment she will call me and we will "talk."
Every time the thought of this being cancer comes into my brain I start chanting or singing or moving about to not think about what this may or may not be. Turn the channel. I keep turning the channel. So, I wait. On hold. Waiting. The music is terrible. I keep turning the channel in hopes that the channel will produce a great song of FREEDOM!
My brain has already played out the chapter of my demise many times. It went there. Fully went there. Once I was aware that I was in mental and emotional "Dooms Day" I decided that playing out the worse case scenario is 100% unproductive. Keep turning the channel. Needless to say I'm real loud at times with all the chanting, random singing and being a human doing.
Don't get me wrong here, I am very determined, no matter what, to get through this chapter. I will get through. I just don't know how many pages this chapter holds? Radiation? Hair loss? More time spent away from my home in an air b and b? More counting of the Subaru? More watching of roofers replacing a roof? Roof replacement is fascinating by the way.
The email was that my prescription has been filled. The next email, when it comes through, will be of the test results.
Sober.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
You're amazing, my friend. I am always so impressed with your ability to manage your thoughts and stay positive, and even joyful. Get out and run and feel your body move, and try to get some sunshine on your face when you can (I know what the weather is like there..)
You will get through this, Mizz and we are here for you.
You will get through this, Mizz and we are here for you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Good Morning!
I got out on a 4 mile run yesterday. Got in weights. Mowed the lawn. Took a walk. Energetically I was on top of the world yesterday. What a relief to see and know that I am physically back at it. Its been awhile. The past few months were a lot to get through. COVID and then recovery. Eye surgery and then recovery. May I just move forward now with a little break from all the physical stuff? Ill take what I can get. We have today. Today is really the only guarantee. I dont control life. I keep telling myself this as I deal and get through and make sure I am grounded.
I am resuming work this morning. My eye has made significant improvement over the last few days. No more swelling. Just some blood shot areas and pooling of blood around the iris. Its still taking on a whole new look every day but I am not in any pain. The masking tape or glass in my eye feeling has left. Its like I woke up the the other morning and the eye decided it no longer needed to be big and cause any trouble.
"We are done, Mizz!" says the Eyeball.
"Good for you, Eyeball. You did some amazing work. I know it was rough. Thank you for not giving up and THANK YOU for healing! We got a ways to go so keep doing what you are doing! I am PROUD OF YOU, Eyeball!"
Off to run and chant and be productive before work. No test results yet. They will come when they come.
Oh, the biggest accomplishment...I AM SOBER!
I got out on a 4 mile run yesterday. Got in weights. Mowed the lawn. Took a walk. Energetically I was on top of the world yesterday. What a relief to see and know that I am physically back at it. Its been awhile. The past few months were a lot to get through. COVID and then recovery. Eye surgery and then recovery. May I just move forward now with a little break from all the physical stuff? Ill take what I can get. We have today. Today is really the only guarantee. I dont control life. I keep telling myself this as I deal and get through and make sure I am grounded.
I am resuming work this morning. My eye has made significant improvement over the last few days. No more swelling. Just some blood shot areas and pooling of blood around the iris. Its still taking on a whole new look every day but I am not in any pain. The masking tape or glass in my eye feeling has left. Its like I woke up the the other morning and the eye decided it no longer needed to be big and cause any trouble.
"We are done, Mizz!" says the Eyeball.
"Good for you, Eyeball. You did some amazing work. I know it was rough. Thank you for not giving up and THANK YOU for healing! We got a ways to go so keep doing what you are doing! I am PROUD OF YOU, Eyeball!"
Off to run and chant and be productive before work. No test results yet. They will come when they come.
Oh, the biggest accomplishment...I AM SOBER!
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Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
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Yay! That is GREAT!👁👁👁👁
I enjoy your take on things, Mizz! You were very productive too!
Im gonna talk to my hand, it’s not fairing well as expected. Must need something. 🤚🏼🤚🏼🤚🏼
Hope the workday is easy on the eye🙏🏼
I enjoy your take on things, Mizz! You were very productive too!
Im gonna talk to my hand, it’s not fairing well as expected. Must need something. 🤚🏼🤚🏼🤚🏼
Hope the workday is easy on the eye🙏🏼
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Originally Posted by Free2bme888
Yay! That is GREAT!👁👁👁👁
I enjoy your take on things, Mizz! You were very productive too!
Im gonna talk to my hand, it’s not fairing well as expected. Must need something. 🤚🏼🤚🏼🤚🏼
Hope the workday is easy on the eye🙏🏼
I enjoy your take on things, Mizz! You were very productive too!
Im gonna talk to my hand, it’s not fairing well as expected. Must need something. 🤚🏼🤚🏼🤚🏼
Hope the workday is easy on the eye🙏🏼
I do hope you turn a corner very soon. We need our hands. What is the projected time line for your recovery?
Thinking of you, FREE! I am here for you.
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Join Date: May 2012
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I have not cried once through this entire situation. I've kept myself focused and determined to get through. Chopping wood and carrying water. Continuing to chop wood and carry water. When my head talked negatively, I turned the channel. When I thought of relapse as a means to escape, I turned the channel. I just kept turning the channel.
I have not heard from the surgeon yet but I received the test results.
There is no language that suggests I had or have melanoma. The language is that I had Primary Acquired Melanosis. Pre- Cancer. That is what the long page of medical jargon says. Primary Acquired Melanosis.
We drive today to Portlandia for the two week check up tomorrow. I've prepared my speech. I might be getting ahead of myself, but I have prepared my small but meaningful speech:
"Thank You, Ms. Surgeon. You have done amazing work. I appreciate you and will be sending you flowers and chocolates. May we never meet again under these circumstances!"
So, tomorrow I am HOPEFUL to receive the ALL CLEAR!
If I dont receive the all clear.....The speech will be slightly different. I will get through. For now, I feel like I dodged a bullet. I have to actually hear this before I can cry tears of joy and jump up and down and get on with my life.
Ready to move forward.
I have not heard from the surgeon yet but I received the test results.
There is no language that suggests I had or have melanoma. The language is that I had Primary Acquired Melanosis. Pre- Cancer. That is what the long page of medical jargon says. Primary Acquired Melanosis.
We drive today to Portlandia for the two week check up tomorrow. I've prepared my speech. I might be getting ahead of myself, but I have prepared my small but meaningful speech:
"Thank You, Ms. Surgeon. You have done amazing work. I appreciate you and will be sending you flowers and chocolates. May we never meet again under these circumstances!"
So, tomorrow I am HOPEFUL to receive the ALL CLEAR!
If I dont receive the all clear.....The speech will be slightly different. I will get through. For now, I feel like I dodged a bullet. I have to actually hear this before I can cry tears of joy and jump up and down and get on with my life.
Ready to move forward.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
We made it! It was Primary Acquired Melanosis which is precancer. I do not have cancer. I do not have to undergo any body scans. I can pass go and collect $200.00.
There are a few cells left behind. We don't know if they are alive or dead. I will have a biopsy in a few weeks, and if those cells are alive then I will undergo further treatment. Treatment in the form of chemo drops or another small surgery to remove those cells.
Its over! The remaining portion of this chapter is just taking care of loose ends.
I am sober.
There are a few cells left behind. We don't know if they are alive or dead. I will have a biopsy in a few weeks, and if those cells are alive then I will undergo further treatment. Treatment in the form of chemo drops or another small surgery to remove those cells.
Its over! The remaining portion of this chapter is just taking care of loose ends.
I am sober.
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