biminiblue

Okay, so Erica - you have about a month of sober time? That's awesome, but for me the emotional stuff didn't die down for a few months - AND I was purposefully working very hard on that aspect of it. Reading, journalling, finding tools to use to cope with emotions. There's a ton of stuff out there from breathing exercises to Tapping to meditation to hard cardio or just gentle stretching. Sleep, nutrition, staying away from too much caffeine or sugar, lots of things had to be working together for me.

Then...thoughts are not facts. I had to find ways to distract myself from negative thinking until my body caught up with my intentions. It took me a good year until I felt emotionally stable and in that year I was very protective of myself in every way.

ant385

hello Erica. Welcome
it’s really hard for anyone to determine if it is PAWS or not you are suffering from. If you have been drinking heavily for a long period then for sure it is possible but you also need to look at other obvious things such as caffeine, diet, exercise, work stress or maybe even the fact we now have shorter daylight. Have you been to see a doctor at all? I think that would be a good starting point. Tell them your drinking history etc. I would also consider reaching out to a therapist to help you start learning maybe CBT, mindfulness and meditation practice. It does help. Last thing, being sober is only going to help in the long term regardless of whether it is PAWS or not. Life is too short to be drinking that muck.
cheers,

drycucumber77

Morning all, as mentioned already this site is amazing and those who take the time and effort to respond provide a ray of hope for people like me. If I don't respond to everyone I am genuinely sorry, it is a real effort at times to type with my symptoms. The symptoms are continuously changing for me. Now I contend with regular strange headaches which come and go, that is quite new for me. I didn't really experience that before. Sometimes I tell myself that it is my brain healing and we are nearly there, but who am I kidding..it will be something else next week. I don't mean to sound defeatist but I don't want to be unrealistic either. I know this process takes time but man oh man it is ongoing! I realize that still approaching a year I don't feel comfortable in my skin even watching a film or reading a book and that is because sometimes I feel mentally frazzled and usually always feel jittery inside, not as jittery but still jittery, not as shaky but still shaky...I also can't deal with social situations often as they seem to send my body in to overdrive and stress me out, so I make stupid mistakes with my words - like I'm only 70% actually present in the moment. I believe the inability to derive pleasure in much is pretty common, I just didn't know that would still be happening approaching a year. What I have is a deep desire to start enjoying life again. It is kind of bizarre for me to think I'm still going through all this and then one day just like that everything hopefully will be good again.

ant385

Like I said dry. I think you are very brave. And when you come out the other side you will handle stress better than anyone. I’m over the year mark and I’ve had a crappy couple of weeks. Just starting to come out of it today. Yay! It’s just waves and windows my friend. An imbalance in the brain. Your brain is not damaged. It has actually done its job with perfect finesse. It has adapted to its surroundings (heavy sedation) and it is now adapting to being without alcohol. Takes time. Everything you took from alcohol now has to be paid back in full. And you will pay it back dry

Dave9185

Hey Dry, when you're in social situations, is the whole experience a mess or do you initially mix up words but get better the longer you're in the situation? I'm 4 months in, still suffering. I dread social situations, and do my best to avoid them. However there are situations which I cannot avoid, and I get anxiety before hand, but so far I have been able to play it off as if nothing is wrong with me (hide my deep anxiety, brain fog). So far my experiences were alright, I haven't done anything to embarrass myself. For me, I feel like I need to challenge myself more and get into more social situations in order to shake myself out of my comfort zone and maybe even speed up the healing. Is anything like that close to a possibility for your?

I'm just mentioning it because, like myself right now, I'm not feeling normal. Haven't felt normal in the last 4 months, things are getting better, but very slowly. Obviously I hope I heal more, but what if this is it? I gotta learn to function like this!!! So, I try to challenge myself, I try to go out. You know what I mean?

And just thinking what if I won't heal anymore and I'll be like this forever is already giving me anxiety... based on what all the people on here say, it does get better with time. Some people are fine after a few months, others it takes years, but it does get better.

I also was worried what if it doesn't get better, what if it only gets better just because we get used to it??? I think it does get better for real. My brain fog isn't as bad as it used to be, I know that I'm not imagining it or just getting used to it. It's getting better.

SaberK33

Hey dry, I relate so much to what you are going through. You are not alone. I too have had a complex and never ending list of strange symptoms. Everything from headaches, to vertigo, to strange thinking, to anxiety and every little thing in between. I struggle so much with worrying that this will never end and I will be like this forever. But Ant is right, this is only temporary, the more we can find acceptance with how horrible we feel at the present moment the quicker we will heal. I am trying CBT to better work through all my horrible sensations and feelings and it seems to work. I am also at about the year mark and that is hard to accept that it is taking so long. But just today I was able to work out a little, skateboard at the park, and do a little fishing in the evening. I wouldn’t have been able to do any one of those things even a few months ago. We are healing, whether it feels like it or not we are. And we will look back on this time and realize how strong we are for having gone through it. The depths of our pain during this time will make the rest of our lives seem that much sweeter I promise. I completely understand that that’s hard to believe because just like you I have had the strangest and most uncomfortable symptoms. I love this thread and I am here for anybody who finds it helpful. We will get through this.

SaberK33

Hey Dave, I just wanted to say that I too have had the exact thought of what if it doesn’t actually get better and we just get used to it? That thought terrifies me many times over the past 11 months. I think it’s just an irrational thought though. We are experiencing a shift in how we feel because our brain is trying to catch up with our sobriety. In time it’s going to feel not only normal, but so much better than what we felt like before we quit. It’s just going to take time.

ant385

I think what you describe Dave is similar to CBT - exposure therapy. I think it will help you heal faster in my opinion. I think the brain does the most healing when you feel terrible. I always feel a lot better for a lot longer after a bad wave of symptoms.

ant385

That is just a theory though. Just from my own observations. Might be complete rubbish!

drycucumber77

I hope so. I love your positivety! What does a crappy couple of weeks entail for you symptoms wise? For me I've had a headache for five days for no apparent reason and generally just shaky! I notice a bit of sugar improves my mood but then my legs start jumping up and down like I have a disability....like right now - My symptoms tend to change all day. There are no really all good days yet. They are just not quite as bad as before. I've been to every page I possibly could about PAWS on google and it says 1-2 years for severe cases, whilst I found that shocking in the beginning I would probably take that now provided things improved a long the way.

drycucumber77

[QUOTE=Dave9185;7543269]Hey Dry, when you're in social situations, is the whole experience a mess or do you initially mix up words but get better the longer you're in the situation? I'm 4 months in, still suffering. I dread social situations, and do my best to avoid them. However there are situations which I cannot avoid, and I get anxiety before hand, but so far I have been able to play it off as if nothing is wrong with me (hide my deep anxiety, brain fog). So far my experiences were alright, I haven't done anything to embarrass myself. For me, I feel like I need to challenge myself more and get into more social situations in order to shake myself out of my comfort zone and maybe even speed up the healing. Is anything like that close to a possibility for your?

I feel like I get frustrated really easily. Like I kind of feel like I have a great deal on my shoulders which I do work wise and family wise . And when I am in social situations I sometimes struggle with what to say or feel I am not anywhere near 100% in the moment, I then say the wrong words or don't make sense or can't follow long stories at all. Like I actually have a disability. I realize this and it stresses me out. Basically if I'm not with easy going people it's tough going!

I do know what you mean! And I'm grateful you mentioned that because it made me realize that just four months ago I could not go out at all, I felt like I was going completely mad physically and mentally going out and could not relax. Now I can but it is still tough. In fact I look forward to going out, not drinking is a bit boring but it is not a problem for me.

I'm so happy your brain fog is getting better, that was a real issue for me too!
How has this week been for you?

drycucumber77

Hi Saber, thank you for your support! It will be a year in December for me. So we really are working in synch I have had everything you mentioned. Though I did not plan to be on this journey, here I am and it has been a massive lesson! I have to look at CBT. I can't believe I'm doing this and just trying to wing it...could really do with some extra support. Thank God for this forum. I hear great things about CBT but for some reason have been skeptical, in fact been skeptical about everything since I gave up booze so have not tried anything apart from supplements. I guess one of the issues for me is that I never really come across stories of people who say they went through PAWS and now there life is really good....though I wish I did!

ant385

my symptoms are mostly anxiety based.. sensitivity stress, worrying, intrusive thoughts, insomnia, feelings of I will never be well again or I have gone 2 steps back.I also get like brain zaps. Feels like electricity coming from my brain that flows down my body. They are so much fun. Fancy trading symptoms?

SaberK33

Hey dry, I have been very skeptical of most things too. It does sound like we are on a similar timeline. It’s also been hard for me to find anyone who has gone through what we have been going through and come out the other side which is why this forum has helped. For me CBT has helped me stop worrying that I suddenly went crazy. It helps me at least know that those are simply intrusive thoughts. That’s been my biggest issue is worrying that I have some lifelong mental illness, CBT has given me the ability to identify those thoughts as untrue and unproductive which helps a bit. It’s still really hard though. I still worry there is something wrong with me quite often. I do think anxiety plays a large part in a lot of the symptoms. I’m glad I’m not totally alone in this..

Dave9185

I've been doing better the last few days. I don't think I've had any of my night time brain zaps for about a week or so. Brain fog has been better, my mornings seem to be much better. I get the fog around lunch and dinner time for some reason, but it's more mild than it was a month ago, and with a shorter duration, so there's some improvement there. Drinking lots of herbal teas and taking milk thistle and vitamin d.

That social stuff, I try to avoid certain people that might annoy me. No need for that, especially while I'm in recovery. I don't need any extra frustration dealing with some BS. Some people are just stupid, boring time suckers. UGH.

ant385

Glad you feeling better Dave . Don’t be disheartened if you go backwards again. It’s all part of the process of healing friend.

Paxia

Hey everyone!
I am not an alcoholic nor am I recovering from alcohol abuse. I was given Gabapentin to get me off of Ativan (which I was only taking for two months) but it still severely messed my nervous system up big time. After I was off the Ativan I immediately tapered off of the gabapentin. Now I’m thinking that was a horrible idea and it was too soon. I am currently going through PAWS from that. I am at two months. I had to be put on Metoprolol because the anxiety was soo bad it was causing too many PVCs , which caused an irregular heart rhythm. At 60 days I’ve felt every symptom everyone here has described including the brain zaps. Those have faded now, so has the brain fog and dizziness. They sometimes reoccur but do go away. I just can’t deal with the immense amount of panic attacks that happen for hours on end. I’ve seen people talk about anxiety like worrying. But has anyone ever experienced extreme and lasting panic attacks for hours and days???? It’s so bad I went from 120lbs down to 90lbs and just can’t not seem to put on weight. All blood work comes back as a healthy adult. I’m stumped and scared for my health.

ant385

Welcome Paxia. It doesn’t matter the substance. Besides I now consider alcohol a wet benzo. You are welcome here

how long was you on the Ativan? It’s a benzodiazepine and they are notoriously difficult to come off. Just have a look at the threads over at benzo buddies. You are in good company. I would speak to your doctor or better yet a psychiatrist. They might consider putting you on Valium/diazepam which has a far longer half life and taper you. Think it’s something like 200 hours the half life. I would not struggle in silence. Go speak to them.

also no drinking. I know you not addicted but your GABA glutamate system is whacked to bits at the moment. Alcohol in my humble opinion will only exacerbate the issue.

remember, you will be well again. This is only temporary.

Paxia

Thanks Ant! I appreciate the welcomed response. I felt odd posting at first but this thread has helped me battle through this the 63 days so far. It really helps knowing others relate and that you are not alone. I was only on Ativan for two months. But after I had my son two years ago I became extremely sensitive to medications. Being on the Ativan I had horrible side effects so I had to come off, then on the gabapentin I just felt drunk all of time, I could barely walk and was only on 900mg a day. So I tapered off of them as soon as I could. Too fast I realize now. I have the same breathing issue as Dry has. My symptoms since coming off the gabapentin are as follows.
-Feeling like my body doesn’t remember to breathe. It pauses for 10 seconds or more randomly. (This comes and goes)
-Brain Zaps when trying to fall asleep (this happened for the first week and hasn’t returned yet)
-Immense and devastating Panic attacks! That never seem to end! (Still a daily occurrence)
- The dry mouth is insane! It’s so strong and has been consistent since day 1 and doesn’t seem like it’s planning on going anywhere.
-Anxiety so bad and severe it causes PVCs (Still happens daily especially after eating anything)
-high blood sugars (my doctor had to prescribe me a continuous glucose monitor because of the readings)
-Dizziness (comes and goes)
-brain fog (comes and goes)
-lack of coordination (comes and goes)
- inability to think clearly or hold a thought(comes and goes)
- my body wakes me up every morning between 3 and 4 AM with my heart rate pounding up to 148bpm(this still happens every day)
-tooth sensitivity to anything hot, cold or minty (this was the first month and hasn’t returned yet)
-Sweating yet shivering and freezing at the same time(comes and goes)
- muscle spams (off and on)
- tremors(off and on)
-Acne (comes and goes)
-Ringing in ears (comes and goes)
-random spells of fatigue where I feel like I just can’t hold my eyes open any longer (comes and goes)
-Some days I get extremely paranoid and depressed
-depersonalization and derealization (comes and goes)

I am sure there are more I just can’t think clearly enough to remember the rest of them.

I have spoken with my physician and she doesn’t know what it could be. She doesn’t recognize PAWS as a thing, just keeps sending me to specialists who say I’m perfectly fine and healthy when I’m clearly not. Not at this point anyway. I’m hoping I will get past this and will be fine one day.

SaberK33

Hey Paxia, I have come to believe that no matter what the substance is Paws can happen and it’s no fun at all and it’s scary to think that there’s something wrong with you. The hardest part for me has been reassuring myself that I am perfectly healthy and will recover with time. I agree with Ant that BenzoBuddies is a good place for you to look, I think you will find many people experiencing similar things to you even with short term use. I go to the success stories section of the website because it is inspirational and makes me feel less alone that many people have gone through similar things and come out ok! Hope you are feeling well today