fini

for all bad-day-experiencers:

https://www.google.ca/url?sa=t&rct=j...91071109,d.cGU

Leshar

Dear Cow,
It's nice to see you post. How lovely to see a wild parrot, I enjoyed you describing this. Thanks for the comment on my bird.
As for your friend, well, if he has to tell you his life is perfect, perhaps he's trying to convince himself of something. Rather than just being, if you see what I mean. He sounds a tad insensitive to me, more than a tad in fact.
Look after yourself, don't be a stranger!

Lenina

That was most nice, fini!

So far, I overslept. I just couldn't rally. I was awake sort of for some of the time but opening my eyes seemed to be too much trouble. And I had fresh sheets. A nice side effect of doing the laundry. It's always nice to wallow in fresh sheets. It's one of my favorite bits of traveling these days, sadly. Fresh sheet every night.

So today is starting late. Maybe I can finagle Hubster into taking me for breakfast. My next schedule was in the email and it's extra sucky, I mean like extra extra sucky. I don't know what happened or why but I am not a happy bunny. It's unacceptable the last week of the month. A fit will be thrown and thrown well. I am a professional. not some bubble headed bleached blonde.

So, questions remain. Who else slept in? Did Turlte get his okra, where is Della? And Midnight? And the rest of the okra munchers? Did Strat get the paws cleaned? I miss our Guinea Pig. And SnarkBunny. And AO. And all the other no shows. Accountability must be had.

Or not. Maybe I'll just go back to bed.

Love from CAL

trachemys

I have not had my okra. Pissed about that. Got major depression going on. No reason, just happening.

SoberLeigh

I read that book; it was "The anatomy of an Illness" by Norman Cousins, right????

Cow

Blame it on the Rain, Trach.
Hi Soberly.

Actual conversation with new therapist:
Therapist: One important thing we want to work on is you feelings of guilt and shame, blaming you self for where you're at.
Cow: Uh, I not has guilt or shame or self blame. I understand exactly why I am where I am. I just not able to get out. Frankly, I blame parents for where I at, but is what it is now.
Therapist: ... ... I'm going to be able to help you.
Cow: Really? Cool.
Therapist: Now, for the next week, I want you to write down exactly what you doing every day, HOURLY.
Cow: Really? Crap.

Lenina

Cow, I blame it on the stars and bad alignment of planets.

We could use the rain here.

soberLeigh, thank you for that.

Trach, get some okra. The frozen kind isn't too bad if you deep fry it.

Cow, bummer. Hourly? Damn. I guess you need to set a timer.

Ok, I'm going out of the house for breakfast.

Xxoo

Cow

Lenina, I figure you would be thrill. Therapist may as well have shove her Hourly Activity Worksheets at me and say...."BUSTED!"

Enjoy you breakfast!

puffy

Lenina- I slept in too. Felt great after working 14 straight days.

Then, I tried going to my first meeting and well quite honestly, I felt very uncomfortable. As soon as they told me I couldn't bring my diet coke in, I wanted to run out and leave. However, I stuck it out. Not sure this type of meeting was for me. I really hate sitting in a circle and reading out loud. My heart beats so hard just anticipating my turn. I can't even concentrate on the topic. Next, I'm going to try smart recovery. Happy Saturday Everyone!

Gilmer

That's a fact.

I was getting the runaround for something for three weeks. Then i asked to speak to the woman's supervisor. When I got her on the line, I mentioned that if this issue wasn't resolved immediately, i would withdraw our money and go to another bank.

Within 2 minutes the problem was solved!

alphaomega

Plugging along. Had a few really rrreeeaaaaallllyyyyy good days mentally and physically and I'm scared I'm gonna jinx them. :/

Meds seem to finally be straightening out the old gray matter. Or maybe it's the new moon? Or maybe it's just that its spring and the world smells fresh and there is sunshine in this corner of the blue dot ? But I smiled a genuine , unforced, true to the core smile today. Hubs said what's so funny ? And I said, i can't believe life can feel this way...

And I can't believe how long I suffered trying to self medicate with alcohol. The farther I get away from my last drink, I'm realizing it's really really true. About 90 days and all. Actually it took me more like 105, but golly goodness, THIS feeling ? This is what I have been waiting for.

XO AO

Lenina

Puffy, there are lots of different kinds of AA meetings. You might be more comfortable in a Speakers meeting. It's usually a large meeting with one or two speakers telling their stories. My experience is the meetings are longer, about 90 minutes with a break in between.

Also, Stag meetings are good, I liked the women's stag meeting back in the day. D

Do you have a meeting schedule? The meeting should have a designation. I'm proud of you for going and staying. That's the kind of meeting I wouldn't have enjoyed, they may not been allowed to have drinks in there by the owners of the meeting space.


Gilmer! good job standing up for yourself. I'm good at that most of the time. I hate the banksters though.

I did have a nice breakfast. Got my food picked up for the community pot luck tomorrow night. It requires a little prep work so that gives me something to do.

Cow, an hourly worksheet sounds, well, a little hourly. I bet you can be very creative. Hehehe.

I have some pot stirring to get going before I head back to work. I am looking forward to it.

Love from Lenina

puffy

Thanks Lenina. It was actually Al-Anon. I live on both sides of the A coin. I've been fortunate to control alcohol in my own way so I've never needed support groups. Actually, that's a lie. SR has helped me tremendously with my sobriety. However, I have other things that I do really need extra support for but I will leave it for the other forum.

This is such a complicated disease.

Della1968

I am here just having a sad few days. Not sure why. I have lots to be happy about and thankful for. Don't want to bring anyone down.

And I am a bubble headed bleach blonde...just don't come on at 5 lol

MesaMan

The Lyric that Della1968 references brings back a memory...

We saw Don Henley 'back in the day' at a very nice Outdoor Venue in S. Denver. Sheryl Crow had not 'broken out' yet, and was one of his Backup Singers. Fortunately, this did not happen to Sheryl.

This P/T Bass Player and Sound Engineer/Sound System Builder was looking around with my Binocs. Checking out all the Stage Gear. Total Geek. The Lights dim. The Band cranks up. The 3 Backup Singers have on black Jeans and very bright, Fuschia-colored Blouses. WEELLLL, the Gal in the middle forgot to zip up after doing her pre-Show 'Business'. So, there's this patch of brilliant Blouse color popping out of this field of black, Skin-tight Jeans in, shall we say, the 'Zipper Zone'. Now, I wasn't looking around for this, mind you. I was checking out the Bass Player's Rig. Helen Keller could have seen this lil Clothing Malfunction; it was that obvious. The Lights dim uncharacteristically after the first Song. She turns around and zips up; likely having got a cue in her Earpiece from the Sound Engineer to 'take care of Business'. She turns back around with Face Beet red, and carries on. So, next time you think YOU'RE having a bad day, imagine walking out in front of ~8,000 Folks with your Fuschia-highlighted Fly unzipped.

Me, I feel better than James Brown today. I'm in my lil 14', 1987 Camping Trailer with Da Pooch, cruising around Solo and seeing local National Monuments @ n/c. Turns out there's no Admission Fee this Weekend. My first Trip to Moab Utah; <3 hours drive from our W. Colorado Ranchette, as it turns out. ~300 Million year-old Seabed here at Arches National Monument that evaporated Salt helped form, and then 'washed out' from. People-wise, it's like going to Europe w/o the Airfare. Folks here from many Countries, and U.S. Outdoor Types galore. Shot the proverbial breeze yesterday Road-side with a young Gent from Switzerland driving around in his California Brother's Camping Van. Gave him some Camping Tips on what to see, and how to avoid being busted. You can't Camp just anywhere around here on Public Lands; contrary to the usual Gov't/BLM Policy here in The Wild West. The >2 Million Visitors expected this year preclude that laid-back Camping Policy. Swapped Stories about Switzerland, which I love.

Ya can't beat Sobriety with a Stick...

'Dirty Laundry' ~ The Eagles - Live
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Leshar

Lovely photo, MesaMan. Your trip sounds amazing.
Della I'm sorry you're sad. I am too. I hope next week will be better for both of us.

strategery

Thought I'd post this with so many struggling with feeling sad.


I managed to get my paws clean, so life is good. I am going to be learning to play the accordion. I am pretty excited about that.

Mesaman-your photo made me think of the Flintstone's abode. Glad to hear you had a wonderful trip and got a kick out of the wardrobe malfunction story.

AddictGuy

SoberLeigh,

I don't remember that it was a book that I read. it might have been someone writing about books they had read. But thanks for the repost. I always hope that the serious stuff I write here helps people.

AddictGuy

puffy,

you aren't the only one who has anxieties about those meetings. But there is the people to people thing that can also be so good for you. they won't bite. I promise. Please don't be too quick to give up on the face to face thing. Sometimes it is facing the very thing that frightens us that calms and helps us the most eventually.

alpha,

I think springtime is a lift for everyone and everything. the bulbs in the flowerbed liked it so well they just up and popped out of the ground and bloomed. My cats are more alive. After a session lying in all of that sun, they are all that much more excited about biting my toes, running around the house chasing invisible mice and tearing stuff up. i love the smells too. It's almost like everything is telling you that it is OK to smile. It's like the world is saying: "Live"

Della,

I have had some bad feelings come along today. They were even doing this piling on thing that they like to try too. I can't say why either. I don't care why. I am just not going to be a good host. They are rude, they weren't invited and I refuse to entertain them. they didn't even bring any chips. This "party" is going to go my way.

Lenina,

Not having family, I have made arraignments for some of my assets to go to a local food pantry place. but that is for later and it's absolutely no real sacrifice of time or treasure on my part, then is it? I think I am just going to make a special shopping trip for groceries. Only just not for me. I wouldn't be doing it because I am scared it would be me one day. Not that it couldn't be, it just affects me a little differently.

I am just not comfortable having more than I need for no real good reason, and for others to have less than they need, also often for no good reason. We can all try, yet for some of us, it works out and for some of us, it doesn't. that bothers me. I have never been that far down but I have been closer to it than i can to remember. I know my shopping trip won't change that, but at least then I am not just ignoring it -- even in this lifetime. And you know what, there is this other thing about it: It might be selfish, but helping can just feel so very, very good.

those damn stars and planets anyway. there are also a few galaxies i would like to have words with.

Cow,

I hope your new therapist can help you with the breakthrough you are looking for. I hope you will allow her to help. I know she may not do it all perfectly, but then none of us ever do. Still we need each other.

walkbeformakrun

LOL! But remember Cow, sometimes we do these personal grooming things, not to "feel" better but to "be" better. So others do not want to call adult protective services and have us placed in a more supervised setting.

As for your perfect friend, I have a couple of (inconsistent) theories. Of course as others have said, he could just be insensitive. However obvious that one is, there are other possibilities. I think it is unlikely that his life is actually perfect. He could be the exception that proves the rule but no one's life is prefect. I'm pretty sure you just don't see the horror of his life that he chooses to hide from you and others. Remember, the better you know someone the more they seem totally insane... how well do you really know this person? It is typically people you know the least about that seem perfect or even "normal."

Some people want to appear perfect bc they think no one would like them if they were not perfect. They are so damaged inside that they think of course they have to appear perfect or they would be shunned.

Also, some people see others that are suffering and then would hide any suffering (imperfections) of their own bc they figure the suffering person can't handle that. They hope the other person will see how good they are doing and take hope, thinking, look, you too can be perfect, just like me!

Ugh.... feeling so like chopped liver over here Lenina! Is this just bc I don't post about the various ways I like to deep fry my okra?