strategery

Thank you all so much for all of your advice.

Robby-I think I am missing out on working on regrets, shame and guilt. All I have been doing is SR for my recovery. You had mentioned you worked on this using group therapy. Would you recommend group therapy, or are there additional options you would recommend?

Silentrun-I could really relate to what you were saying about not deserving certain things. It's like if I feel proud about something, that I am not being humble. I will check out the ted talks and the brave girls thread. Thank you!!

AO-you're right about black and white thinking. I am probably guilty of this as well. I tend to hit tipping points with certain things and then throw the baby out with the bath water. That is truly awesome that you've come to realize how much of a warrior you are.

Courage-I love what you said about owning up and trying not to perpetuate certain faults. I am still very much trying to work on myself and move forward. I really appreciate your honesty with the time it has taken for you to help move forward and am encouraged. Thank you!

silentrun

I just heard the song that would be the baby of Tach's and Robby's Avatars.

The "Turtles all the way down" anecdote illustrates a popular example of infinite regress:


“”A well-known scientist (some say it was Bertrand Russell) once gave a public lecture on astronomy. He described how the earth orbits around the sun and how the sun, in turn, orbits around the center of a vast collection of stars called our galaxy. At the end of the lecture, a little old lady at the back of the room got up and said: "What you have told us is rubbish. The world is really a flat plate supported on the back of a giant tortoise." The scientist gave a superior smile before replying, "What is the tortoise standing on?" "You're very clever, young man, very clever", said the old lady. "But it's turtles all the way down!

—Stephen Hawking, A Brief History of Time




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWx6csgGkg4

MesaMan

Clearly, for the Turtles to maintain their positions peacefully over Time, they must be happy together.

'Happy Together' ~ The Turtles
-

Lenina

Thank you guys for being here. The thoughts of turtles stacked high, dressed in doilies or knitted suits made me smile.

It's going to be a busy summer for me, it seems.

Love from Lenina

trachemys

Hey, we're all good.

walkbeformakrun

Hi everyone. I updated an old thread of my own, rather than T/J this one.

Which brings up the question, is it possible to T/J this thread? lol

Just in case it is, I updated my own instead. I wanted you all to see it though so....

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post5331343

RobbyRobot

My group therapy was focused on individuals sharing back and forth as equal peers taking responsibilities of personal ownership for all experiences while actively drinking, and of course, after quitting. In these groups, alcohol and drugs were not embraced as the cause of whatever regrets, shames, and guilt. The therapies focused entirely on owning our experiences.

Not putting the blame on alcohol and drugs use and abuse really helped to see the forest through the trees, if you will. It simplified the landscape. Plenty of simplification really is a smart strategy going forward, imo. Sure, I'm a recovered alcoholic drug addict, and although my abuse of same was killing me from the inside out, the responsibilities were, and still are today even after 33 years of sobriety, mine to wholly own no matter my horrible collective addiction experiences.

I did several years of intense therapy. Gestalt therapy actually was the practiced modality. You can google it. It's known to be affective as an existential/experiential form of psychotherapy, where client and facilitator work together in real time sharing whatever burden and resolution is on the table for that session. Awareness is respected as an actual force of one's psyche, and not merely a passive observance. Awareness in this way can be leveraged to get to the basic roots of whatever requires therapy.

I also underwent intense one-on-one therapy sessions. This requires more effort and work than did group work for the obvious reason it was always my turn to go, lol.

So, for regrets, shame, and guilt, I've learned it is essential for me to realize that whatever is holding me back from feeling good about whatever accomplishments, this holding back would be brought to the front of awareness, and dealt with repeatedly until it was resolved. I wouldn't just touch on it, but really get down to the basics of my regrets, shames, and guilt.

For instance, I often enough feel ashamed I have advanced cancer. Intellectually of course its not my fault. Feeling wise, and mentally, I blame myself not for having cancer itself, but for the experiences I'm having with my cancer that shame me, if you know what I mean.

I rid myself of this shame not by ignoring it, but by embracing and owning my responsibilities of feeling shame. This is important, because if I won't take responsibility for my experiences, I also won't be able to take responsibility for my accomplishments against my cancer. Does that make sense? In other words, if I'm in a burning house, from a fire I did not set, its still on me to get to safety, and not on others to save me while I just do nothing and wait for the calvary to arrive.

So, by owning my experiences both good (successful treatment) and bad (unsuccessful treatment) with respect to my cancer, I'm able to not waste ton's of energy and opportunities running away from something that is fatal to my life. Running away from regrets, shame, and guilt simply doesn't work well going forward.

Since you asked for my opinion, I would suggest you find a psychotherapist trained in emotional healing and well being. Hopefully one who is also aware of how addictions both active and non-active can have such a huge influence on one's personal satisfaction with respect to quality of life after quitting said addictions. Sorry if this turned into a book, lol.

strategery

I found everything your wrote helpful. I really and truly appreciate the time to answer my question!! Your insight from what you're going through really helped. Thank you!!

I will look at the Gestalt psychotherapy and check to see if we have a psychotherapist trained in emotional healing and well being in the area. I am truly grateful for all your insight and help! Thank you so much again Robby!

Leshar

On another note, I have a callback audition tonight for a role in a community theatre play. Please keep your fingers crossed for me!
It's snowing here and cold, cold.

strategery

*keeps fingers crossed*

Hawkeye13

Fingers absolutely crossed.

courage2

very cool Leshar -- fingers crossed for you here, too.

alphaomega

Leshar ! Good on you. I dabble in community theatre as well. It's so cathartic. Gets me out of my head and into a characters for 6 weeks.

Which play ? Which character ? Ooooeeeee !!! I love talking shop with a fellow creative !!!

Break legs !

Della1968

I am crossing my toes too!

Leshar

Aww, thanks, everyone, you're all so great.

AO, the play is called "Ravenscroft" by Don Nigro. A darkly comic murder mystery. I'm trying out for the lady of the house and the housekeeper.
I too love how acting gets you out of your head. Are you treading the boards yourself, lately?

Della, I hope you're feeling a little better.

alphaomega

Not so much right now. The theatre I do most of my work with recently cut out straight plays, and I can't carry a tune. So I'm on hiatus. But I love love LOVE it. Good for you !!!

Here's me with fingers, toes and eyes crossed for you.

strategery

With all this talk of plays, maybe we can develop "Okra, the musical"? I bet it would be a broadway hit!

trachemys

"Okra, The Musical"?

I thought Beans were musical.

silentrun

Hey look...it's the married version. ba da dum

strategery

They are. I am sure Okra can be musical that way too (not quite as musical, but musical nonetheless). I guess Okra has inspired a couple of songs. I think I found our first number....