trachemys

Me? I quit drinking. gone gone gone gone gone.

Dominorose

Ok, I'm disgusted. I've made... Let me count...

Aproximately 5 BP's in two weeks.
That's not possible anymore.

I just DON'T get it : what am I doing? I have all the tools I need, and every time I have an urge to binge, it's like I don't think anymore : everything happens so fast I don't have the time to recognize the AV.

Dominorose

trachemys

You haven't made the separation in your thinking between Yourself and your Beast.

You don't have an urge, IT has an urge to binge. You are giving control to IT. IT can't do or control anything without your permission.

Use the "wiggle my fingers" exercise. Hold up your hand and wiggle your fingers. Now tell the Beast, IT can binge if IT can wiggle your fingers.

Dominorose

Trachemys you're right.


These days I've been afraid. Afraid bc every month for 5 years IT used the same excuse and I followed it : "it's the end of the month, it's ok to binge. I'll start fresh on the 1st". So, basically, the AV doesn't stop these days

And I don't know if I'm doing well bc it seems I try to fight with the Beast. I talk with it, saying "no I don't want to listen to you, this is not the life I want" but when I say that "for once I won't binge until the 31st bc now I know it's you tellin me to do so" it's like I don't fully BELIEVE what I'm saying :/

trachemys

Ever had a pet dog?

You don't argue with a dog. You command it. Same with your Beast. Don't argue with it. Command it or ignore it.

Do what Domino wants to do.

TheSearcher

Hi I have been lurking on this forum for a while and I felt I should post something especially in relation to this topic. I am only about a month alcohol free so it's early days for me. I am attempting to use the avrt approach. Have did the other recovery program in the past but feel it is no longer for me.

Anyways I can emphasise with what domino is referring to. Long before I got on the booze self destruct trip I was on the bulemia one, I must add I am male. It dawned on me that I stopped by using the avrt method about 20 years ago even though at the time I did not realise it was avrt. Being brought up a Catholic I guess at the time I saw it as some type of evil spirit who wanted to destroy me. Hence the beast.

I use to feel so defeated every time I would throw up and felt in such despair. I remember one day just making a firm decision that I was not going to keep doing this no matter what. After sometime the urges stopped and my normal thinking regarding food returned. Unfortunately my experiences with alcohol have not followed the same pattern.

Dominorose

Thank you for your answers.


Sometimes it is really hard to ignore the AV bc it really seems it is me talking...

And now I want to make my BP again but the Beast makes me doubt : " you're incapable of doing it, look at the last 15 days! You tried but fqiled. Forget about it "

It seems I don't trust myself anymore due to past failures...

GerandTwine

What are the words of your "Big Plan", and what are you telling yourself and feeling just before you break it?

Dominorose

The words of my Big Plan are:


"Je ne ferai plus jamais de crise de boulimie. Et je ne changerai plus jamais d'avis"

In english it's : "I will never binge eat and purge again. And I will never change my mind"

Before I indulged and listened to my AV, everything went really fast. Each time I chose to do what IT wanted me to do because I was convinced IT was right when it told me "If you keep this meal and don't binge purge afterwards you will get fat"...

GerandTwine

You've been toying with the idea of the Big Plan but clearly haven't made it yet. Why not try nibbling lots of tiny snacks for a few weeks and get more serious about the Big Plan.

Dominorose

Yes I will do this, eat smaller meals throughout the day. Thank you so much for your support

I have remade my Big Plan this morning. Ive had enough of this behaviour I just want to get rid of it for good...

Dominorose

Hi there


I have a question for you : I know bulimia is not the same as drinking, but maybe you could help.

Sometimes during the day, I have strong urges to eat. Not to binge eat and purge, but just having a snack.

Every 3/4 hours it's like I have to eat something. Maybe that's bc I was told during recovery that I had to do so and now that I've done it for monthes the habit is too strong... I don't know.

I want to listen to my body and eat only when I'm hungry. But maybe this is too early (bc bulimia messes up all hunger/satiety feelings in early recovery). Or maybe it is only my Beast trying to convince me I have to do so?

Every night before going to bed when I had a good day (no b/p) I have this strong urge to take a snack. When I feel hungry it's ok but when I don't I feel terribly guilty afterwards.

So what do you guys think about it please? What should I do?

Dominorose

Oh and another ting.

I'm lying in bed right now, trying to take a nap bc it seems to be the only way to stop thinking about food (you can replace food by your drug of choice I presume it's the same)...

I'm on day one since I made my Big Plan and commited to it for real, and I feel depressed bc of the "loss". I'm hanging in the house with no motivation to no anything, thinking about eating all the time... I think that's not AVRT at all so I need help.

I try to resist this depression feeling but it doesn't change anything. I know it is my Beast trying to convince me life without bulimia is a sh*t, but knowing it doesn't get the lazyness and "sadness" away...

Maybe I try too hard. Maybe I just have to accept to be depressed BUT recovered?

I will never change my mind, I know it know. Bulimia is no longer an option. Never again. Maybe my Beast gets it and tries to make me change my mind by making me feel like that?

Sorry for my english I wrote in a rush...

Dominorose

Up

trachemys

Domino, sounds like a great new plan. No binge, no purge. Keep at it.

Dominorose

Thank you... But I would like to know what you guys think about what I wrote?

SoberKnitter

I'm new at this, but I'll give it a try...

I think it's your AV that's yapping about food. Thoughts of drinking run through my head an awful lot, but it's not me thinking about it, because it's involuntary. That's how I know it's the beast. So I just notice the thoughts, recognize that it's my AV, and pay them no mind. They are annoying and somewhat distracting, but I don't feed them with my attention. Sometimes I even laugh at how stupid the thoughts are.

You haven't lost anything but misery. I also get what I call waves of sadness, but they are just part of the deal for now. They can't make me drink. Again, you aren't thinking about eating - that's your AV. Recognize it as such and ignore it or laugh at it. It's a tricky bugger, so it will scream, yell, manipulate your emotions and show you images of food, but it can't make you binge.

Lethargy and sadness are just more tricks. Resisting won't work. No feeling can make you binge; your beast will figure that out. Everyone gets depressed and lazy sometimes.

In my humble opinion, you're still confusing your thoughts and feelings with the beast's. You want to eat when you are hungry and stop when you are full. Any desires to do otherwise should be articulated as its desires. For example, I will never say that I am dying for a drink - something I used to say all the time. Now I say that the beast is dying for a drink, to which I answer, "go ahead."

Dominorose

Soberknitter thank you for your answer, it is really helpful... You're right, my feelings can't make me do anything! Even if I feel depressed I am not forced to binge.

And when I feel I don't have any motivation to do anything, this is just AV. The next time I'll feel lazy and unmotivated I'll go on with my day and ignore thse thoughts and feelings bc they're not mine but my Beast's.

Dominorose

Hi there

Just wanted to share this, it was soooo fun :

http://www.get.gg/docs/TheParrot.pdf