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Old 05-09-2009, 05:55 PM
  # 461 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
The longer I'm here the more I realise I dont really know what to say to someone whose cost benefit analysis is a little greyer - I just hope you stop DK (cos I know you want to).... and I hope you never end up where I did, man.
I'm struggling with it quite a bit. I'm tryin' to look at the big picture. If I take a cumulative look at what alcohol has cost me it's much more clear. Yet, I keep wanting to wade a bit. I can drink like a pint a beer and stop without too much difficulty, although it seems to give me anxiety much of the time. We went to this nice restaurant for lunch and I ordered a Hefeweizen and my gf got a milkshake. I immediately wished I had also ordered a milkshake when they arrived. I told my gf to remind me of that. I drank it with my meal and drank no more, but on the way home I felt a strange uneasiness. She's off to work and I'm typing on here and suckin' down rootbeer.
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Old 05-09-2009, 06:00 PM
  # 462 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
That's pretty spookily like me actually LMAO
He's great!

thanks DK!
D
Your welcome! Obviously, you both must have made a big impression on me...

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Old 05-09-2009, 06:27 PM
  # 463 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by doorknob View Post
I'm struggling with it quite a bit. I'm tryin' to look at the big picture. If I take a cumulative look at what alcohol has cost me it's much more clear. Yet, I keep wanting to wade a bit. I can drink like a pint a beer and stop without too much difficulty, although it seems to give me anxiety much of the time. We went to this nice restaurant for lunch and I ordered a Hefeweizen and my gf got a milkshake. I immediately wished I had also ordered a milkshake when they arrived. I told my gf to remind me of that. I drank it with my meal and drank no more, but on the way home I felt a strange uneasiness. She's off to work and I'm typing on here and suckin' down rootbeer.
I identify strongly with wanting to wade a bit...

I wrote a song once bout

looking at some thin ice/and its like I don't think twice/maybe it won't break/if I just skate a bit....

always did tho, sooner or later.

for me, stubborness - wanting to be 'normal' and wanting to be one of the guys - kept me out for years longer than any rational person would have, and way past the point when it was fun...so I get ya.

I hated myself for doing it for the last 5 years, but I still did it.

D
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Old 05-09-2009, 07:03 PM
  # 464 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by doorknob View Post
I'm struggling with it quite a bit. I'm tryin' to look at the big picture. If I take a cumulative look at what alcohol has cost me it's much more clear. Yet, I keep wanting to wade a bit. I can drink like a pint a beer and stop without too much difficulty, although it seems to give me anxiety much of the time. We went to this nice restaurant for lunch and I ordered a Hefeweizen and my gf got a milkshake. I immediately wished I had also ordered a milkshake when they arrived. I told my gf to remind me of that. I drank it with my meal and drank no more, but on the way home I felt a strange uneasiness. She's off to work and I'm typing on here and suckin' down rootbeer.
This basically sounds like how I was for a few years. I was always analyzing my drinking. I would tell my therapist that I noticed I would reach a "catchpoint" where there was no return and was convinced if I could just figure out when that would happen I could just avoid it forever and drink normally. Sometimes the catchpoint was after one drink, sometimes after a five. I kept running all this analysis feeling like if I could figure it all out then I could get total control over it and it would no longer be a problem. It never worked. But the thing was, when I was at that point, I don't think someone could have told me to do differently. In fact, I would have walked the other way if they told me that I needed to be sober. I wasn't positive that was the answer. I needed to keep running analysis.

The funny thing is that I don't think it was the result of all the analysis that finally got me to the conclusion that I needed to get sober. I basically already wrote this in a post to you, I think. But I am completely unsure of what finally changed me into this flip-flopper into someone who was solid and ready to give it up. Part of me actually went into it thinking very much in the short term, like I couldn't think past a few days. I still clung to being able to drink at some point but I also didn't give it a time limit, because if it were an experiment I could just defer or not do real recovery work. All this I know in retrospect.

I can sit here and tell you that you should stop because it will only cause you more pain. I know how much energy analysis takes. Forget if you are an alcoholic or not, you do not need to put all this energy towards this. And the thing is you have no idea if you could have fun with the guys (maybe new guys) without alcohol because you have not yet given it a full blown chance. I know though how hard it is to not feel like getting sober is the right thing to do yet inside of you. Anything that I or anyone else here says may not be able to change that. I don't really think getting sober is about finding the right program as much as it is about finding the right mindset. I just hope you can find it soon because getting sober has been my ticket out of a lot of emotional and existential pain. It has been a slow but worthwhile journey.
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Old 05-10-2009, 04:55 AM
  # 465 (permalink)  
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[QUOTE=doorknob;2223336]
Originally Posted by windysan View Post

It's a place that stores documents, so it involves packing away boxes of paper, climbing up on ladders, etc... I'm tryin' to psych myself up. I did grunt labor on a construction site last spring and summer, and when we moved out here, my back was toast. I have to be somewhat careful with an injury (gymnastics mishap) I've been nursing since high school.

Oh no you didn't...



There, fixed if for ya!

LOLOLOL :rotfxko
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Old 05-11-2009, 02:14 PM
  # 466 (permalink)  
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Sayin' farewell to welfare... Knob's got a job.
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Old 05-11-2009, 02:16 PM
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and just because

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Old 05-11-2009, 02:26 PM
  # 468 (permalink)  
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Old 05-11-2009, 02:30 PM
  # 469 (permalink)  
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Congrats DK! New start...new beginning!
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Old 05-11-2009, 02:46 PM
  # 470 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by doorknob View Post
Sayin' farewell to welfare... Knob's got a job.
Wowzah! I'm just popping in here to say congrats, DK! :ghug :ghug
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Old 05-11-2009, 03:27 PM
  # 471 (permalink)  
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DK

D
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Old 05-11-2009, 03:40 PM
  # 472 (permalink)  
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Old 05-11-2009, 04:39 PM
  # 473 (permalink)  
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Yet, I keep wanting to wade a bit. I can drink like a pint a beer and stop without too much difficulty, although it seems to give me anxiety much of the time.
I have met people who drink moderately. Many of them say the same type of thing; typically they drink one glass of wine with dinner or one cocktail at cocktail hour.
I tried drinking in moderation. The trouble that I had was that I liked to drink and I liked to smoke pot. I liked these things because of the effect. They gave me pleasure. So, once in a while I would drink, stop at one, then tell myself:
“See? I can drink in moderation and live a normal life.”
I might be able to drink moderately for a week or a month or a year, but the end result of moderate drinking was always the same: a shift to heavy drinking.
I don’t meet too many people who drink in moderation. People sit down to a drinking session with the intent of at least getting buzzed. Trying to drink moderately when one enjoys the effect is a total waste of time.
It is only a matter of time until the “if a little bit is good, a whole lot is better” rule comes into play. Moderate drinking shifts to heavy drinking, and, especially in men, the “beer belly” appears. While it’s true that alcohol contains empty calories, the beer belly phenomena is a result of liver damage and a condition called portal hypertension.
With heavy drinking, the risk of stroke, pancreatitis, brain damage and cancer increases.

Sayin' farewell to welfare... Knob's got a job.
Congratulations!
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Old 05-11-2009, 10:02 PM
  # 474 (permalink)  
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That's really great ! What's more it's a job where you'll be lifting weghts, that will help you maintain a perfect body! Post your pics in Phal"s thread in fitness, I'm still waiting to see some abs.
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Old 05-11-2009, 10:08 PM
  # 475 (permalink)  
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Old 05-12-2009, 02:19 AM
  # 476 (permalink)  
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Congrats on your new job DK. Hope you enjoy it.
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Old 05-12-2009, 01:29 PM
  # 477 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Freepath View Post
true that alcohol contains empty calories, the beer belly phenomena is a result of liver damage and a condition called portal hypertension.


I didn't know that, I have the "beer belly phenomena" and yet I am thin everywhere else I thought it was the "M&M phenomena"
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Old 05-12-2009, 04:44 PM
  # 478 (permalink)  
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Thread is continued in Part 2 here!

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-two.html
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