doorknob

Although I read the secular forums quite often, I haven't participated much in discussions because I had pretty much given up on being able to stay 100% sober. I haven't spiraled out of control like many believe is inevitable, and if anything my usage has slowly decreased over time. But still, I'm a slave to that little bit of relief that has worked less and less over time. Also, my tolerance has gone way down, causing the times that my usage does spike to be extremely painful and long lasting. I think part of that is that I'm getting old. Anyway, reading and sometimes participating here helps keep me grounded and gives me a feeling of 'belonging' which I desperately need. So, I want to give a huge 'thanks' to all those who participate here in SC and let you know that I appreciate you all being here.

Doorknob

gypsytears

Don't give up Doorknob. I, for one, have missed your posts .

Stick around. Read, participate... get active again .

Dee74

Yeah don't give up, don't give in
and use this place man - it's what it's for...

D

Ananda

I would love to get to know you better!

Zencat

Do what works for you, do what helps. I remember when I first joined SC your were active. I missed having you and the other members that used to be here. I'm here for peer support and when I'm left to my own devices...well its not good...lol. Good to see you again, keep posting.

:ghug

Mattcake

I don't post here much, but I really enjoy the contributions in this cozy corner of SR

Doorknob, I hope you can eventually let go of that particular "little piece of relief", and find an alternative. Feeling that you belong isn't just a nice plus, to me it's downright necessary. So I hope we all get to hear from you more often. Good luck

nolonger

Rough times, by the sound of it, DK. Hang in there and post whenever you can. Doesn't have to be anything heavy. Just what the weather's like, inside and outside yr head. I always like reading yr posts, so give us more!
peace,
nl

bugsworth

Hey doorknob stick around again, I enjoy your post! 100% sobriety is not required, who knows maybe we can help you, I know I have learned a lot from your past posts.

paulmh

Hi DK, always good to see you.

windysan

DoeKnob,

I'm hoping you can chunk whatever it is you need to chunk. I don't know what you're chipping at and I don't need to know I reckon. I'm glad you are here.

Thinkingabit

Good to hear you are okay. Think about what you want and focus on that!

HUGS to you!

T

historyteach

DK,
Good to see you still posting; still going for the gold!
Miss ya, man...

Shalom!

doorknob

Thank you everyone! It's nice to know that I haven't been forgotten. Yesterday I went without my daily green Tilt. I'm not planning on having one today...

Knob

P.S. When I said 'Secular' I in no way meant to exclude Alera, MG, Teach or anyone else who has been a friend to me. And a big 'hello' to those who's acquaintance I hadn't yet made!

shockozulu

Congrats on passing up on the Tilt yesterday. You can do it again today Doorknob.

PaperDolls

You're in the right place Doorknob. I've always loved and appreciated your posts.

Keep doing what you need to do.
Be happy. Like yourself. Love yourself.
You deserve it.

Also, a suggestion. Comeback and read your post here often. It might help something click.


I'm glad you're here and I appreciate your feedback and support you've always given here at SR.

shockozulu

Doorknob, there's a thread right underneath this one about SMART tools. I found a couple that work great when I get those cravings to use. The best for me are the DISARM and STOP worksheets. You can find them under "additional homework" SMART Recovery® - Tool Chest and Homework

doorknob

I'm probably being a whiney little baby, but I'm really having a hard time being optimistic about my life right now. My girlfriend and I moved to Davenport, WA about a month ago. It's a little wheat farming town located 35 miles west of Spokane. We were trying to move to Spokane or a neighboring town because we both have family there who we were only getting to see a couple times a year being 3 hours away. Also, we wanted more job opportunities than we had in the Leavenworth area. Susan, who is an incredible singer is trying to get into a band and I really want to go back to being a gymnastics instructor. I like to sing too, and we did find a great place to sing Karaoke, but it is still 25 miles away. Anyway, we ended up here because we couldn't find anything closer that would take 2 dogs and a cat, especially given our time and money constraints. Susan is a caregiver and found a job before we got here. I, on the other hand have been unemployed for a month. There is very little work here in Davenport, and I am somewhat limited in what kind of work I can do because so many things trigger my OCD rituals, and employers are not going to pay someone to be 'stuck' all the time. There are some jobs in Airway Heights, which is 25 miles away, but my car is old and the commute is costly with gas prices what they are. I'm just having a hard time not feeling depressed and hopeless. As far as f2f meetings, there is one AA meeting here, which for me can be a double edged sword. I know, I could be in much worse situations and I keep trying to remind myself of that. But still...

Thinkingabit

So.... Focus on what you want and not what you do not have or do not want...

I am clean and sober today.
A job is going to be found for me. (then do keep looking)
I live close to family and friends.
My car is running! (working not like in "oh crap have to catch it")

Say those things over and over. Perspective is everything. If you see the negative that is what you feel. See the good and guess how you will feel???

T

windysan

What kinda jobs makes your OCD go wacky?

doorknob

Counting money or anything that involves recording information can trigger checking rituals. It's not so bad if it's computerized and once the info is sent, it's sent. But if it's there to be seen, I'm compelled to keep checking. Also, if there is a time constraint, like people waiting in line it is really bad and I have panic attacks. I've done a good share of cooking, but during rushes I get panic attacks, my brain freezes up and I can't think. But, I've been told that everything I send out looks picture perfect. I much prefer prep cooking where I'm not rushed. I can work fast if there is not much thought involved, like general labor, even though I may repeat things and be very perfectionistic at times. I can think fine if I don't 'feel' like I'm under pressure to perform at a certain speed, although I still check and repeat thinks to some extent. So, my assets are that I am very detail oriented and thorough, but being so rigid and methodical comes at the expense of the quanity of work performed. I wish I could find something working from home that is not a scam. I do a little bit of selling on eBay and my seller rating is very good, but finding things to sell is a challenge. I'm going to post this and see how many times I have to edit it. LOL!