2dayzmuse

Keep growing Dom. It is a wonderful thing to share.

Dom

3 weeks with absolutely no drugs or alcohol. I feel like my life has made a complete 180. The most noticeable things are: finally making big improvements paying off my credit card debt, I've gained a few pounds and FEEL healthier, and I sleep better than since I can remember.

Thank you SR and all my new friends here.

Anna

Dom, that's great!

You have come a long way in 3 weeks and I'm glad you are feeling so well.

Dom

My friend is throwing his annual "house party" tonight. This morning I woke up looking forward to it, but as the day progressed I realized that being there could mean relapse. Luckily I had a long day at a family function in Jersey, talked with my cousin (he's very happy with my progress and said he sees a physical difference in me from just 2 weeks ago). I'm pretty tired and decided to post here then get some sleep.

Hope all you guys had a great day, and tomorrow stay sober OK?

2dayzmuse

Smart thinking and positive changes. Right on! You're doing great Dom!

Dom

Today I had to call in sick to work, I was due in court 8:30am for 4 tickets, the most serious being driving without insurance back in January of '06.

I never thought about consiquences, I just thought "I paid $200 for this entire car, why pay $200 each month for insurance?" I liked the feeling of being on the edge, being risky. Each drive without getting busted felt like I had accomplished something.

I tired to weasel out of it, I hired a lawyer on a credit card, and guess what, still guilty, guilty and even more foolish for thinking they would go easy on me.

Over $500 in fines, I lose my license for a year, starting September 11th, and I have to pay another $750 just to get my license back in September '07. Then after that another 6 months probation.

Still, I am grateful to be sober. Because today would be even worse, if I was still using drugs to numb my stress. Now I am able to lean on my loved ones when I need help. I can't deny that today is very depressing, but I did the crime, now I have to do the time.

miss communicat

Dom,

Your attitude is great!

Your life will continue to heal. Glad you're still here with us and still clean & sober!

Anna

I'm glad you dealt with the tickets and court Dom and that you're still doing well. It's be a pain to not have a licence for a year, but you'll get through it. And remember, everything happens for a reason.

2dayzmuse

Cleaning up the wreckage of our past takes time. I'm still working on mine. The best thing to do is face situations head on, when the time comes, and move forward. Good for you for not using this as an excuse to use, and for being grateful for sobriety. With out sobriety, I am a mess.

Dom

Thank you everyone. There are a lot of thoughts running through my head, but none are about using. I look forward to talking again with my therapist this Thursday, and I hope my "new" license will allow me to drive to see him.

greeteachday

Hi Dom, Just stopping in to say hello. I'm so glad things are doing well and you are learning to deal with consequences and accept responsibility. Doing without a license for a year is a pain, but one that can be accomplished and a lesson learned for next time.

My older daughter, 5 months sober and faced with a lengthy loss of license has worked hard on her recovery and the positive changes are very apparent. The other night she was talking about something she did several years ago and she said "that was when I didn't have a conscience." Her program has helped her find her conscience and accept consequences for past actions. I guess it all comes down to changing what we can and accepting what we can't change.

So happy to see you are feeling how good life clean can be. All the best to you, I hope you are really proud. Love, hugs and prayers!!

Dom

You, and your family are always in my thoughts Anne Marie. Thanks for helping me to be strong enough to handle this. Everyday is another step forward!

Love,
Dom

Nevyn

Good to see you still around Dom. Don't disappear on us now, ya hear?

someday

Dom,

I think it's great that you are reaching out for help.. you wouldn't be reaching out like this if you didn't really want to stop.

First of all, I think that you're lucky it's only been a few months. Thank god, you're taking control of you now. It could be much worse later.

Second, you really really need to tell people. Why? because that is accepting it, by reaching out to people and letting them know you KNOW you have a problem and want help for it. I think people will be more understanding then you think.

Lastly, I hate to tell you this.. people use to tell me ALL the time, and I never would believe them. I thought they were being silly.. but the truth is, you have to dump your loser friends.

When I was young, my loser friends always got into trouble.. but it wasn't until they almost took me with them, that I wised up, and just quit hanging out with them.

I fought a 4 year court battle for something I didn't even do.. and not one of them was willing to stand up and take responsibility with me/for me.

I'll tell you right now, that these friends may not accept you getting straight. If they tell you it's a good thing, it makes what they are doing a bad thing.. they will try everything to let you know you aer over reacting, and that you can use control with using drugs.. but you know you're not.

Anyway, I am rambling.. tired.. long week

Good luck to you, and it's good that you are having a friend go home with you. Stay strong!

Dom

Thanks very much for the recent posts! Reading each one makes me smile.

Someday - a lot has happened since I made my first post here. All of you guys are the main reason I have changed. The threads here made me realize I was about to lose control over my life. In a sense, I did "dump" my friends. I haven't hung out with them since I decided to stop. I only see 2 friends, at the gym, after our workout we go our seperate ways.

I still care about my friends a lot, but now I know that it's okay to be selfish. I know what is best for ME, and I am staying on that path.

Today is 30 days for me, no use, not even a sip of alcohol. Some days are harder than others, but I concentrate on doing the RIGHT thing, and that saves me from doing anything stupid.

Anxiety has always been a problem in my life, infact, I even have written proof of anxiety when I was in the 8th grade, about 12 years old. It's a daily struggle that most recently has gotten worse (panic attacks 3 days in a row, sharp pains in my stomach/chest, following by sweating/feeling sick and heavy breathing). I'm going to work with my therapist on getting over it.

A relapse for me is unacceptable. I want to make this a bad memory, and hopefully laugh about it someday.

miss communicat

Dom,

WAY TO GO ON 30 days!!!!!!!

Anna

That's a good idea to talk to your therapist.

Since they've gotten worse since you stopped drinking, it might be a temporary thing and will ease up after a little more time. Or, maybe you might want to consider some kind of medication at some point. Hopefully, this is just a phase of recovery that you're going through.

Dom

Thanks everyone! Anna, I never had a problem with drinking, always drugs, but I have been sure to stay away from alcohol because I no longer want to feel "high". Truthfully, I want medication, because I want anxiety to go away. I feel uncomfortable asking for it, I feel like asking for it is the "druggie" in me. I am just being honest with my therapist and I try to implement his advice whenever I feel anxiety.

Ohjansie, I love your posts, miss communicat, you too.

Talk to you soon guys, I see my therapist again on Thursday, I can't wait to see him.

greeteachday

Dom, Congrats on your 30 days!! Actually 32 now I believe - That is terrific!!!
I hope things went well with your therapist. I think if it does become necessary to take some sort of med for the anxiety, there are non addictive alternatives. So glad all is well with you...keep taking those baby steps.
BTW, I love the gym too. I really see a major difference if I am having a particulrly sad day and I go run on the treadmill then use the machines. It changes my disposition quickly. Not that I am suddenly happy go lucky, but the extreme feeling of hopelessness eases and I find interest in things again.

Lots of hugs and prayers

Dom

Thank you Anne Marie! Tonight was good, another emotionally draining 45 minutes with my therapist. He suggested that I find a psychiatrist in my area, or talk to my primary care doctor. When I told my GF about the possibility of taking medication, I could tell she was 100% against it. She thinks that I do not need them, that she "too gets anxiety but gets through it". So I tried to explain to her how my anxiety is consuming my life and is greatly effecting my job performance. I hope she will support me, I do not want to keep anything from her ever again.

Today was another day of consequences for me, my boss called me and said "Hey Dom, looks like August is a great month for you, 1st you got a raise, and now your finally getting a work van!" Then I had to tell my boss about losing my license, and not being able to drive a commercial vehicle with a restricted license. After that conversation I felt like I wanted to pull my hair out. But tonight, still trying to stay positive, thinking about the future, 13 months from now when I'll have the opportunity to get a work van once again...