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First post, Need help, Can't sleep

Old 08-17-2006, 09:28 PM
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aw Dom,

that must've felt really awkward telling your boss about the license suspension but now its out on the table and you can look at ALL the other options. You are really doing GREAT!!!!!!
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Old 08-28-2006, 07:02 PM
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Hey Dom!

Haven't seen you in awhile. How are you doing? Check in if you can. Hope all is well
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Old 09-03-2006, 01:29 PM
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Sorry for not posting. I feel overwhelmed, by my own thoughts. I have this site as a "favorite" in my web browser, and even scrolling over it causes me anxiety. I'm really trying, but I feel like I can't control it.

I'm still seeing my therapist, and it looks like I may add a psychiatrist in the near future. I have an appointment on Tuesday with my primary care doctor, for anxiety and maybe a checkup. I feel now, that medication is necessary for me. Sometimes I just drive myself crazy!

Last meeting with my therapist he quoted the author Mark Twain: "I've worried about a lot of things in my life, many are not true."

He said I have an amazing imagination, but it's effecting me negatively.

He said I worry about 200 things a day, and only 1 is true. The bad part is, the things I worry about, I don't think I'll ever know. Do my bosses really like me? What do they really think when they see me? They're all 40+, and I'll be just 24 on the 14th of September. My job and bosses are just 1 of the many things I think about on a daily basis.

No one seems to understand the impact of my anxiety except for my therapist. I try to talk to loved ones, but they have anxiety of their own, and I don't want them to think I'm crazy. I've told my friends, but they just say "Wow."

Some mornings at work, when I'm working alone, I feel trapped inside my car. A 5 hour breakfast break comes to mind.

The things I worry about, are true in my mind, but may or may not be true to others. I feel like I only browse the forum here when I'm feeling healthy, or getting better. When I'm feeling down or getting worse, browsing this site just makes me feel guilty.

When a hard time comes up, like a meeting with my bosses, I feel so nervous it makes me sick. Once that hard time passes, I wipe my forehead of the sweat, feel relaxed for 5 minutes, and then it seems like all that anxiety transfers to something else.

Now I am anxious for Tuesday, my doctors appointment. I just want things to go smoothly, get some medication so I can try it out and hopefully all this anxiety will go away!
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Old 09-03-2006, 05:12 PM
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Dom,
Its so good to hear from you. I'm glad you are seeking the help and support that you deserve and can benefit most from. Anxiety is very debilitating, but there IS help for it. Don't give up!
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Old 09-03-2006, 05:24 PM
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I'm glad you popped in and you are well on your way to feeling better. You are doing all the rights things, Dr., therapist, etc. Deep breaths and don't fret. You can calm the anxiety and your mind from racing. Keep hanging in there...
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Old 09-07-2006, 08:18 PM
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Dom, I am so glad you checked in! I'm sorry you are feeling anxious and agree you are doing all the right things. I'd also encourage you to try to think about making a few meetings. For me, a 12 step program helps me to let go of things I can't control. Perhaps looking at the program a little again and working with your docotr and therapist could be a good combination.

I know saying don't worry doesn't work and saying don't feel guilty when you are here won't help either, but please just know you are in my thoughts and I always say a special prayer for you. If it ever is helpful, just know we are here.
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Old 09-08-2006, 07:21 AM
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Anne Marie you are the best. Thanks everyone for the posts. Last tuesday, I went to my Dr. and he gave me Lexapro, an anti-depressant. He said it takes 2 weeks to start working, but even after 1 tiny pill, I started to feel guilty. "Why do I require this?" is what I was thinking. But then, for about an hour, I fully self-reflected. I started writing and I couldn't stop. I'm going to read all of it to my therapist, today at 4pm. It made me feel better, and I've felt better ever since. Maybe the Lexapro has already started working for me. Yesterday was my 5 year anniversary with Kate. We went to Little Italy for dinner and dessert.

Thanks to everyone again for the support. My life has been up and down for so many years now, but now I feel it's starting to balance out.
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Old 09-08-2006, 10:40 AM
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Right on!
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Old 09-08-2006, 12:25 PM
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Im so sorry you're going through this Dom....you're not alone though. I've been through those feelings before, as I'm sure a lot of other people have. We're here for you though.
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Old 09-08-2006, 12:40 PM
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Dom,

I think you're right that people who do not suffer from anxiety/depression do not understand how overwhelming it can feel. My husband would say to me 'don't worry' or 'cheer up' and I always felt so discouraged with myself because I couldn't.

You talked about an example of worrying about a meeting with your boss, then a few minutes of relief and then on to worry about something else. That's what anxiety does. It will always find something in your life for you to worry about and if there isn't something obvious, it will create something for you to worry about.

And, don't feel guilty about taking a pill. I have taken an antidepressant for 6 years and for me, it works. It's a chemical imbalance and can be corrected. I'd rather not take it, but I remember my life before and I will continue.

I wish you well with the Lexapro. Keep us informed about your situation.
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Old 10-23-2006, 07:50 AM
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Originally Posted by 51anna
Keep us informed about your situation.
Here I am again. I still need help, I am still suffering, but I believe I can make today a new beginning. I think about my family here on SR a lot, but it's so hard to get the courage to post. I feel so overwhelmed by thoughts I could only get about 3 hours of sleep tonight, and I lay here "sick" in bed when I should be at work being productive.

I think that anti-depressants help with the minor things each day (I was on lexapro but because of side effects it was switched to Cymbalta), but when big things happen, I lose control of my mind, thoughts overcome me, and I can't stop them.

The big thing that happened yesterday, was that I proposed to Kate, in Central Park, and she said yes. Why can't I be as happy as her? She is the most amazing person, and I love her very much. Sometimes I don't think I'm happy at all.

I want to stop taking anti-depressants, because I still feel side effects, (I'll be honest and say that the major side effect is sexual.). And I feel they do not help when I really need them to help.

Sorry for yet another ramble.
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Old 10-23-2006, 07:58 AM
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First of all, Congratulations on your engagement! That is wonderful news.

Don't give up on your antidepressants. Keep searching for one that works well for you.

This is a post from Morning Glory regarding the kinds of overwhelming feelings you're talking about. This might help you to know that you do have some control over your thoughts:


http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...anagement.html
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Old 10-23-2006, 12:58 PM
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Dom, Congratulations on your engagement!! And I totally agree with Anna. Please don't give up on antidepressants until you find the one that works for you. This is a chemical imbalance and each person reacts differently to various medication. Sometimes it just takes a little time to get the right one. Please keep the communication lines open with your doctor. I've been in the same place you have with this and truly, if you keep trying and work with your doc, you will find the right match and it will make so much difference in the quality of your life.

It's funny, I haven't been over here since the last time you posted, but for some reason I was "called" here today and there you are. I've been thinking of you and sending lots of positive thoughts for wonderful new beginnings each day for you and Kate. Keep moving forward. Changing yourself takes time and commitment but you are SOOOO worth it!
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Old 10-23-2006, 02:36 PM
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Dom!!!!!!

Congrats!!!! Whens the big day???? Have ya decided yet? Keep in touch!!! I miss ya!!!!

Love Liss
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Old 10-23-2006, 09:24 PM
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Dom,

Wow!! Thats great about your news with Kate. And, ditto what Anna said regarding the anti D's. I don't know what to tell you since I have no experience with them, but keep trying. Also keep sharing what you are going through with us or others. It really helps to get it out and talk.

You are on the right road!
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Old 10-23-2006, 09:52 PM
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Dom

we are very very similar. im 26 and 9 months ago i kicked a 5-year heroin addiction cold turkey over 3 1/2 days in a chair at a public detox. i too had a GF of 5 years (she left me) low self-esteem and struggled MIGHTILY with cutting off my life-long friends (who didnt necessarily use heroin but still smoked weed and drank which would lead me back to heroin).

i had to change my cell # and living situation (moved to a recovery house for 8 months). kicking a 5 year heroin habit was beyond dark scary and morbid especially considering i suffered from survivors guilt for still being alive when 4 good friends of mine had died.

i wish we lived in the same city because i would take you to some amazing meetings...we have so much in common. just remember this, on january 28th 2006 i was half dead with no forms of ID, not a dollar in my pocket, just the clothes on my back, suicidal, and waving the white flag on life completely. as of today i have my own place, work for bank of america, have a bank account, the most amazing friends in the world, my family's trust and respect, and purpose for living.

i was told if you work the steps you will be amazed before you are halfway through. i, my friend, am AMAZED. life is so good know sometimes i feel crying tears of happiness. i am so excited to see how good your life can get with the 12 step program. PM me if you need anything...ill never forget detoxing from heroin but the big book taught me that our dark past is the greatest possesion we have and with it we can avert death and misery for others (pg 124 family afterward).
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Old 10-24-2006, 08:24 PM
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Chicago, thanks very much for your post. I will PM you if I need you, thanks for being there

I'm going to call my Dr. tomorrow about the anti-depressants, I'll let you all know how that goes, I also see my therapist tomorrow (weekly).

Liss, thanks sweetie! We set a date, September 7th, 2008. Gives us plenty of time to save up money, we are each still living with our parents.
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Old 11-02-2006, 02:39 PM
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Stopped taking anti-depressants about a week ago. I actually feel better, side effects were getting the best of me. I do get more emotional now, I've cried like 3 or 4 times in the past week, when usually I never do.

But I feel better, being off of them makes me feel more normal. And being off them gives me more confidence that I can get my sexual relationship back to normal. Hehehe yes anti-depressants turned me into a 70-year old man. Hope everyone is doing well! And chicago, thanks very much for your PM, I just replied to it.
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Old 02-01-2007, 09:17 PM
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Ask your Doc about Lamictal....It's an anti-depressant suppossedly without side effects. I am on day 2 of taking it. I will let you know. Unfortunately it's Jen's time of the month so I gotta wait a week or so.. LOL I will talk to you tomorrow. call me.
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