First post, Need help, Can't sleep
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Dom, Thinking about you my friend and sending lots and lots of positive thoughts!
I think a big part of recovery is strength, commitment, courage and integrity. You are demonstrating all those characteristics - isn't that awesome???
When cravings hit, remember they really only last a matter of minutes, so if you can occupy yourself, tell on yourself, focus on the positive, you can get through it.
But please also remember that if there should be anything negative, pick yourself right back up, tell on yourself - even if it is just here or to a sober friend, and keep moving forward. I am not saying that to discourage you at all; a slip is not a required part of recovery! I just want you to know that you are loved and that love is for you and who you are, and here you do not have to worry about being anyone but yourself. Being you is a really incredible, wonderful person to be!!!
Liss is right - you really do ROCK!!! Lots of love to you and Kelly! -Anne Marie
I think a big part of recovery is strength, commitment, courage and integrity. You are demonstrating all those characteristics - isn't that awesome???
When cravings hit, remember they really only last a matter of minutes, so if you can occupy yourself, tell on yourself, focus on the positive, you can get through it.
But please also remember that if there should be anything negative, pick yourself right back up, tell on yourself - even if it is just here or to a sober friend, and keep moving forward. I am not saying that to discourage you at all; a slip is not a required part of recovery! I just want you to know that you are loved and that love is for you and who you are, and here you do not have to worry about being anyone but yourself. Being you is a really incredible, wonderful person to be!!!
Liss is right - you really do ROCK!!! Lots of love to you and Kelly! -Anne Marie
Inspired
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 143
(tearing) I just logged on since 3am this morning. Your support and comments are exactly what I need.
My GF called me this morning crying (she found this forum and read all my posts, only MY posts). She read some things I tried to keep from her.
During the day my mom called me, crying.
I am staying as strong as possible. I am really feeling the pain I have caused to my loved ones.
I went to my apartment with my GF and moved 95% of my stuff out. She went to get her nails done and I drove to my parents house to move my stuff into my old bedroom. On that drive I felt all the guilt hit me, it was not a craving, I am just feeling all the pain that I have caused. At that time it was overbearing. I started to sweat, I opened the windows, I turned up my stereo (The Beatles), I did whatever I could to get the guilt to go away.
After I moved all my stuff in (just left it all in bags on the floor) I got a text message from my GF. It said that she is still very hurt, and she wants to try to get away for a weekend to repair our relationship. "Don't worry about the money." I took this as negative, I felt my heart sink, my throat closed up.
I called her immediately and she said that she was trying to be positive.
That calmed me down. As I sit in my parents house (they are now home from vacation), it is hard to hear my Dads voice. He still does not know.
I have been only listening to the Beatles because they are his favorite band.
Thank you for the posts today asking how I'm doing, it felt GREAT to log on and read them.
Love,
Dom
My GF called me this morning crying (she found this forum and read all my posts, only MY posts). She read some things I tried to keep from her.
During the day my mom called me, crying.
I am staying as strong as possible. I am really feeling the pain I have caused to my loved ones.
I went to my apartment with my GF and moved 95% of my stuff out. She went to get her nails done and I drove to my parents house to move my stuff into my old bedroom. On that drive I felt all the guilt hit me, it was not a craving, I am just feeling all the pain that I have caused. At that time it was overbearing. I started to sweat, I opened the windows, I turned up my stereo (The Beatles), I did whatever I could to get the guilt to go away.
After I moved all my stuff in (just left it all in bags on the floor) I got a text message from my GF. It said that she is still very hurt, and she wants to try to get away for a weekend to repair our relationship. "Don't worry about the money." I took this as negative, I felt my heart sink, my throat closed up.
I called her immediately and she said that she was trying to be positive.
That calmed me down. As I sit in my parents house (they are now home from vacation), it is hard to hear my Dads voice. He still does not know.I have been only listening to the Beatles because they are his favorite band.
Thank you for the posts today asking how I'm doing, it felt GREAT to log on and read them.
Love,
Dom
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
Yea, the Beatles! 
Dom, your girlfriend probably just wants a little time to try to understand the situation. It's a big issue in someone's life and it's not surprising that she just wants a little time alone. I remember feeling SO strongly that I wanted to control how my husband and kids felt, once I had stopped drinking. I wanted everything to be alright and for them to deeply understand. My first big lesson was that I couldn't control how they felt and what they thought. I had to let go of that and wait and see what happened. Be patient and continue on your journey. That is the very best thing that you can do.
Dom, your girlfriend probably just wants a little time to try to understand the situation. It's a big issue in someone's life and it's not surprising that she just wants a little time alone. I remember feeling SO strongly that I wanted to control how my husband and kids felt, once I had stopped drinking. I wanted everything to be alright and for them to deeply understand. My first big lesson was that I couldn't control how they felt and what they thought. I had to let go of that and wait and see what happened. Be patient and continue on your journey. That is the very best thing that you can do.
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
I understand how you feel. My drinking made me feel guilty also. I was messing with my family's lives as well as my children's. Lord knows, I didn't want to be the drunken mother, daughter, sister, or friend. But, there were still times where I screwed up and the guilt was overwhelming. I don't have to live with guilt any longer. Those days are behind me and I move forward. I know all of this is coming out into view for you, but think of it as cleaning out your skeletons from your closet, as cleansing. You have nothing to hide and can move forward from this moment on. It should be uplifting and invigorating. You are setting yourself free from your past of secrets. Well...that is as soon as you tell your Dad. I think once you get that behind you, things will begin to get easier. Maybe not at first, but with time. Keep up the strength and the desire for sobiety. My best to you...
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
You're doing terrific, Dom. Using drugs or drinking numbs emotion, so sobriety brings thoses emotions back like flood gates opening. Try to acknowledge them, talk/write about them and let them out. You don't have to "do" anything with them, just let them surface. Focus on today and focus on the positive things you are doing now. It takes real stength and commitment to choose to seek recovery; more strength and character than most people your age experience. The steps you are taking will make you a better person in all aspects of your life. Be proud of that!
Perhaps your girlfriend and/or parents might want to try some Alanon or Naranon meetings. They are for loved ones of an addict and helps them understand that this truly is a family disease. I know I would not be functioning with some feeling of peace and serenity right now if it wasn't for Naranon. I hope they will consider it; it's as helpful to them as NA or AA is to the addict. Keep on stepping forward, Dom; you are doing terrific!
Perhaps your girlfriend and/or parents might want to try some Alanon or Naranon meetings. They are for loved ones of an addict and helps them understand that this truly is a family disease. I know I would not be functioning with some feeling of peace and serenity right now if it wasn't for Naranon. I hope they will consider it; it's as helpful to them as NA or AA is to the addict. Keep on stepping forward, Dom; you are doing terrific!
Inspired
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 143
Thank you Anne Marie, I will suggest Alanon or Naranon meetings on Wednesday night with my therapist. My mom is very hurt right now, I can see it in her face. Feeling these emotions will and IS keeping me on the right track.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 81
Dom
Alanon will be a good idea for your parents and gf. It would help them understand addiction is a disease and they will learn how to support you. You are doing so good. I know some days are more difficult than others...........hang in there.
Christie
Alanon will be a good idea for your parents and gf. It would help them understand addiction is a disease and they will learn how to support you. You are doing so good. I know some days are more difficult than others...........hang in there.
Christie
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Sherman Oaks, CA
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by Dom
Posting here has been such a great step. Thank you ALL for taking the time to help me. I feel stronger now, but the real test will be when I get back to my real life.
Liss, sorry but I've never played that online game. But those smilies make me feel like you care about me.
My therapist has also told me (infront of my parents) that I need to stop thinking I'm a bad person.
He knows about other indulgences, like a car. I had to go out and buy my dream car 1,000 miles away when I knew I couldn't afford the insurance. I was in a fog when buying it (smoked 1/2 an ounce on the 49 hour trip to buy it), and recently sold it (luckily). Driving the car was a natural high, it made me happy but it was hurting me financially the whole time.
My therapist know I beat myself up all the time, after thinking about it, he might know about a drug addiction. I'll let you guys know how he reacts when I tell him.
I'll be honest with you guys right now, as I sit here, I feel I can let my friend flush the cocaine, but I WANT to keep the 1 gram of weed and the 1 vicodin (I know it's a small amount but it's so easy to get more).
I really don't drink alcohol, I have a weak stomach and it makes me sick very easily. I'm a skinny guy at 5'11" and 140-150 lbs, so when I don't eat well I really feel it.
Thanks again for all the support, I feel like there are people cheering me on to do the right thing!
Liss, sorry but I've never played that online game. But those smilies make me feel like you care about me.
My therapist has also told me (infront of my parents) that I need to stop thinking I'm a bad person.
He knows about other indulgences, like a car. I had to go out and buy my dream car 1,000 miles away when I knew I couldn't afford the insurance. I was in a fog when buying it (smoked 1/2 an ounce on the 49 hour trip to buy it), and recently sold it (luckily). Driving the car was a natural high, it made me happy but it was hurting me financially the whole time.
My therapist know I beat myself up all the time, after thinking about it, he might know about a drug addiction. I'll let you guys know how he reacts when I tell him.
I'll be honest with you guys right now, as I sit here, I feel I can let my friend flush the cocaine, but I WANT to keep the 1 gram of weed and the 1 vicodin (I know it's a small amount but it's so easy to get more).
I really don't drink alcohol, I have a weak stomach and it makes me sick very easily. I'm a skinny guy at 5'11" and 140-150 lbs, so when I don't eat well I really feel it.
Thanks again for all the support, I feel like there are people cheering me on to do the right thing!
Inspired
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 143
Jansie, thank you for the kind words. I'd like you all know that I feel a million times better now, better than I ever did. My eyes ARE wide open, my thoughts are clear. I see now that my life is on the right path. Being sober is the reason.
Even with some upcoming nervous situations I am ready for them. I have courage. Tomorrow will be my "first" day at work, I am more than ready for it.
Kate bought me some items today from Hallmark that I know will help me to continue and never give up. Each item brought me to tears, a card in my wallet, a heart in my pocket, a "courage" thimble for my bedroom, and a purple butterfly for my car.
I completely moved out of the apartment and gave in my key, I could care less about the rest of the month. My main focus right now is staying on the right path. All because I stopped using drugs.
To everyone reading this thread who uses drugs: I am going through these hard times because I see that life is so much better being clean. I guarantee your life will be better too. Every minute is better!
I love you all for helping me.
Love,
Dom
Even with some upcoming nervous situations I am ready for them. I have courage. Tomorrow will be my "first" day at work, I am more than ready for it.
Kate bought me some items today from Hallmark that I know will help me to continue and never give up. Each item brought me to tears, a card in my wallet, a heart in my pocket, a "courage" thimble for my bedroom, and a purple butterfly for my car.
I completely moved out of the apartment and gave in my key, I could care less about the rest of the month. My main focus right now is staying on the right path. All because I stopped using drugs.
To everyone reading this thread who uses drugs: I am going through these hard times because I see that life is so much better being clean. I guarantee your life will be better too. Every minute is better!
I love you all for helping me.
Love,
Dom
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Originally Posted by ohjansie
Hey Dom!
I'm glad to hear that you're feeling better and your girlfriend is adjusting also! I just wanted to pop by and let you know I'm rooting for you and hope your day at work goes well!!
I'm glad to hear that you're feeling better and your girlfriend is adjusting also! I just wanted to pop by and let you know I'm rooting for you and hope your day at work goes well!!
Ditto for me Dom!! So happy things are moving along well. never give up; it is soooo worth it!! Love, Anne Marie
Inspired
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 143
Thanks for all the support. I am going to keep it up, I know I don't want to fall back. In 30 minutes I'm going to call a friend Bob. We used to smoke together years ago, then he got into heavy drinking, he became an alcoholic.
He drifted away from our small group of pot smokers, mainly to just go home, drink and play video games all night. Eventually he became sober! He goes to AA, he's serious about his job at a local restaurant, and I never realized his struggle until I fell into heavy drugs and wanted to recover.
He got word of my bad times, and he got word of my recovery. He said he will support me 100% and he would like to take me to an NA meeting. I would feel much more comfortable going with him.
I also want to bring along another friend Ken. He is the guy that uses cocaine and smokes pot regularly (picked me up from the airport with a sober friend). I mentioned that to Ken today and he said "Yeah, I'll check it out with you." Ken feels that his drug use is under control because he doesn't use heroin (it makes him very sick). Of course I know he is an addict like me, but I don't want to confront. I hope that someone at the NA meeting will touch him.
So... looks like I am ready to go to a meeting.
Today was a great day at work. Just as an example of my head being clear, today was one of the ONLY days that I remembered each and every tool I need for the days work. Some days I'd have to make multiple trips to my car just to have everything I need. It's obvious I was in a fog.
I am so lucky to have my job, for the past 2 months I have been trusted to be alone, taking care of the mechanical end of a 22-story buildings heating and cooling system. I was so dumb, but I am so happy that my drug use is all over now. Thanks again everyone, you saved my life, my relationship, my job... geez I get dizzy just thinking about that.
He drifted away from our small group of pot smokers, mainly to just go home, drink and play video games all night. Eventually he became sober! He goes to AA, he's serious about his job at a local restaurant, and I never realized his struggle until I fell into heavy drugs and wanted to recover.
He got word of my bad times, and he got word of my recovery. He said he will support me 100% and he would like to take me to an NA meeting. I would feel much more comfortable going with him.
I also want to bring along another friend Ken. He is the guy that uses cocaine and smokes pot regularly (picked me up from the airport with a sober friend). I mentioned that to Ken today and he said "Yeah, I'll check it out with you." Ken feels that his drug use is under control because he doesn't use heroin (it makes him very sick). Of course I know he is an addict like me, but I don't want to confront. I hope that someone at the NA meeting will touch him.
So... looks like I am ready to go to a meeting.
Today was a great day at work. Just as an example of my head being clear, today was one of the ONLY days that I remembered each and every tool I need for the days work. Some days I'd have to make multiple trips to my car just to have everything I need. It's obvious I was in a fog.
I am so lucky to have my job, for the past 2 months I have been trusted to be alone, taking care of the mechanical end of a 22-story buildings heating and cooling system. I was so dumb, but I am so happy that my drug use is all over now.
Thanks again everyone, you saved my life, my relationship, my job... geez I get dizzy just thinking about that.
Inspired
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 143
I have just gotten the most wonderful email from Kate. If anyone would like to read it, just ask and I will post it here. More proof of how you have touched and saved my life.
Also I left Bob a message about the NA meeting and I am anxiously awaiting his call.
If anyone would like to read it, just ask and I will post it here. More proof of how you have touched and saved my life.Also I left Bob a message about the NA meeting and I am anxiously awaiting his call.
Tell Kate Hello!!!!! Stay strong!!!!Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
Originally Posted by Dom
I have just gotten the most wonderful email from Kate. If anyone would like to read it, just ask and I will post it here. More proof of how you have touched and saved my life.
Also I left Bob a message about the NA meeting and I am anxiously awaiting his call.
If anyone would like to read it, just ask and I will post it here. More proof of how you have touched and saved my life.Also I left Bob a message about the NA meeting and I am anxiously awaiting his call.
ing for you.Second -- I wouldn't recommend posting a private email from Kate here unless she is okay with it. Just a thought.
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