Nothing else to try
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Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 527
You write: "I tried AA for months and worked the steps and that didn't seem to help it was always listening to the same old stories from the same old people." I have heard this a lot and whenever I sit down with someone making a statement like this and review the steps in reverse it turns out they are lying to themselves about actually having worked the steps. You can try this yourself. Start with the 12th Step: How many guys have you sponsored and taken through the Steps? Then perhaps jump to the 9th Step: How many amends did you have on your list after completing your 4th and 5th Step? How many of those amends have you made? And so on. I have a high degree of confidence that if your experience of A.A. is that it's "always listening to the same old stories from the same old people" -- then you probably haven't truly worked the Steps. I could obviously be wrong about that -- but that's what my experience strongly suggests. As the Big Book says: "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves." Feel free to PM me if you want to chat more about any of that.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2020
Posts: 38
Originally Posted by novips 
You write: "I tried AA for months and worked the steps and that didn't seem to help it was always listening to the same old stories from the same old people." I have heard this a lot and whenever I sit down with someone making a statement like this and review the steps in reverse it turns out they are lying to themselves about actually having worked the steps. You can try this yourself. Start with the 12th Step: How many guys have you sponsored and taken through the Steps? Then perhaps jump to the 9th Step: How many amends did you have on your list after completing your 4th and 5th Step? How many of those amends have you made? And so on. I have a high degree of confidence that if your experience of A.A. is that it's "always listening to the same old stories from the same old people" -- then you probably haven't truly worked the Steps. I could obviously be wrong about that -- but that's what my experience strongly suggests. As the Big Book says: "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves." Feel free to PM me if you want to chat more about any of that.
I don't need any preaching thank you very much.
Sam
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,594
I took some good stuff from AA but in the end it was not for me. Horses for courses 🐝
Have to find our own path.
The goal, is sobriety, which can come in many wild and wonderful ways. Each with its own spirit.
I'm glad you're sober.
Have to find our own path.
The goal, is sobriety, which can come in many wild and wonderful ways. Each with its own spirit.
I'm glad you're sober.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,161
I don't and have not done AA. I have read the Big Book though.
SR is my group. My program.
I get my support here from folks who have done many different programs and methods.
What I do is listen to Everyone. Even if It doesn't sit well with me at first I try to look at all advice with an open mind.
Try not to be offended by someone posting in your thread. We are posting because we want to help. Because we Care. Sometimes it stings.
Try to look at Everything with an open mind.
I find that the ones that sting a little, or a lot, are usually holding something we don't want to see.
Not saying it is always true but give it a thought.
Keep up the Good Work
Change that Thursday and Friday routine. Crave a drink? Get an ice cream instead.
SR is my group. My program.
I get my support here from folks who have done many different programs and methods.
What I do is listen to Everyone. Even if It doesn't sit well with me at first I try to look at all advice with an open mind.
Try not to be offended by someone posting in your thread. We are posting because we want to help. Because we Care. Sometimes it stings.
Try to look at Everything with an open mind.
I find that the ones that sting a little, or a lot, are usually holding something we don't want to see.
Not saying it is always true but give it a thought.
Keep up the Good Work
Change that Thursday and Friday routine. Crave a drink? Get an ice cream instead.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
Originally Posted by fishkiller
What I do is listen to Everyone. Even if It doesn't sit well with me at first I try to look at all advice with an open mind.
When things don't sit well with me, I go to my drop-back mantra, "What the hell do I know anyway?". It was doing things my way and the way I wanted that got me to the point of being an alcoholic that was circling the drain. I am not my best number one go to source for advice. My history will back me up on that!
If something is causing me a bit of discomfort, that isn't necessarily a bad thing, it could be a harbinger of a good thing...it took a lot of pain before I was willing to open up to the possibility that maybe my way wasn't working and that possibly there could be merit in other people's thoughts and methods.
A little investigation (into other peoples advice) prior to action has never really hurt me, I can't say the same thing about blindly following my own advice to me.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 277
Originally Posted by Sampierce55
and who are you to tell me I am lying to myself? as mentioned I have "tried" AA I have been to many meeting and it weren't for me and just because it works for you and I have seen it work for many people it doesn't for me.
I don't need any preaching thank you very much.
Sam
I don't need any preaching thank you very much.
Sam
Don’t let anyone here and their well meaning advice put you off visiting here and utilising this amazing site as a tool to help you towards sobriety. Take what you find value in and politely walk away from things that don’t. Yes, it’s good to listen to advice from people who have gotten sober but it’s also ok to know what doesn’t work for you. Take care and keep posting.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2020
Posts: 38
Thanks everyone really appreciate the advice so I had my first therapy session and scored extremely high on anxiety and depression and it makes sense that I've been drinking to numb those emotions with beer it's gonna be a long tough road getting myself on track
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
Sam, I was the same. The anxiety and depression were there long before the drinking started. I was definitely drinking to self-medicate. Of course, that's a bad idea. 
It will be a journey to recover, but you have a therapist, you're motivated and we're here for you.
It will be a journey to recover, but you have a therapist, you're motivated and we're here for you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2020
Posts: 38
Yeah the reason I started drinking in the first place was due to social anxiety I remember I was so shy in school and was so anxious I would drink before I went to school and then it just carried on to the point where I would drink at parties later on in life due to feeling anxious and then just make an absolute fool of myself and most parties I have went too I have been arrested at but I stopped going to things like that a long time ago..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2020
Posts: 38
Another thing I find very hard to do is letting go off the guilt and everything that I have caused by drinking it seems easier to forget when drinking but when I'm sober it's all there I really need to learn to forgive myself but I find it extremely hard to do so
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2020
Posts: 38
Also I think the thing that's always held me back from stopping drinking is the unknown I'm a very ambitious person I had my own gym at the age of 26 which got ruined by drinking and I couldn't manage the finances but I think I'm scared of the unknown as well I've never gone more than 30 odd days without drinking .....I guess I just get scared of life.
A funny thing that people used to mention in AA and it was interesting is that we (guys) are all little scared boys inside we can put a front on to the world that's not really us and it makes sense because why would I go through life boxing and having boxing matches and then drink because of my insecurties..
It's one big cycle and something needs to happen for me at least to break it , I guess what I'm trying to say is I just don't like dealing with life but I need to because I'm about to start a job next month that will be life changing for me
A funny thing that people used to mention in AA and it was interesting is that we (guys) are all little scared boys inside we can put a front on to the world that's not really us and it makes sense because why would I go through life boxing and having boxing matches and then drink because of my insecurties..
It's one big cycle and something needs to happen for me at least to break it , I guess what I'm trying to say is I just don't like dealing with life but I need to because I'm about to start a job next month that will be life changing for me
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Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,161
The guilt hit me pretty hard in the beginning.
I was watching a movie with alcoholics and drug addicts in it and I saw myself. That could have been me on the screen. They were not in a good place. Neither had I been.
It all looked so damn foolish to me all of a sudden.
I spent most of my life just being foolish and ignoring everything and everyone I had.
At one time I looked at those characters in the movie and admired them. Look they are cool. They're badass.
Suddenly they were foolish. I was foolish. A fool.
I had taken everything and everyone for granted. There is No Way I can ever make amends for what I have done.
I came here and made a post. I was feeling as low as I could get.
With support I found there is a way.
The way I was shown was to become the man I should have been for all those years.
To never take anyone in my life, or even life itself, for granted.
We cannot change the past but we can steer the future.
We Can become that person. Others will surely benefit from it also as they suffered for the way we were they will benefit from our growth.
It starts with a non negotiable rule to never drink again. No Matter What
I was watching a movie with alcoholics and drug addicts in it and I saw myself. That could have been me on the screen. They were not in a good place. Neither had I been.
It all looked so damn foolish to me all of a sudden.
I spent most of my life just being foolish and ignoring everything and everyone I had.
At one time I looked at those characters in the movie and admired them. Look they are cool. They're badass.
Suddenly they were foolish. I was foolish. A fool.
I had taken everything and everyone for granted. There is No Way I can ever make amends for what I have done.
I came here and made a post. I was feeling as low as I could get.
With support I found there is a way.
The way I was shown was to become the man I should have been for all those years.
To never take anyone in my life, or even life itself, for granted.
We cannot change the past but we can steer the future.
We Can become that person. Others will surely benefit from it also as they suffered for the way we were they will benefit from our growth.
It starts with a non negotiable rule to never drink again. No Matter What
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,161
Living life on life's terms is a tough one.
No matter whether we drink or not we are still living life on life's terms. We have no actual control over most things.
Difference when we drink is we suppress the feelings.
The less we feel the harder it is for us when feelings come.
When sober we feel it All. Just like training for a bout you build muscles the more you repeat an action. You build defensive moves and offensive moves and endurance.
Those things were not second nature the first time you put on gloves. They became so after putting in lots of Work.
So will dealing with life. It will become easier. You will find new ways of dealing with it.
It is a scary leap though I will not lie.
That fear kept me in a bad place for too long. Addiction is fierce. I'm in a crappy place but scared to leave it.
Just Don't Drink Today.
That's all you gotta do right now
No matter whether we drink or not we are still living life on life's terms. We have no actual control over most things.
Difference when we drink is we suppress the feelings.
The less we feel the harder it is for us when feelings come.
When sober we feel it All. Just like training for a bout you build muscles the more you repeat an action. You build defensive moves and offensive moves and endurance.
Those things were not second nature the first time you put on gloves. They became so after putting in lots of Work.
So will dealing with life. It will become easier. You will find new ways of dealing with it.
It is a scary leap though I will not lie.
That fear kept me in a bad place for too long. Addiction is fierce. I'm in a crappy place but scared to leave it.
Just Don't Drink Today.
That's all you gotta do right now
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2020
Posts: 38
Well I'm not gonna lie I have drank today the one thing I've always prided myself in is that I'm honest but I'll do what I've always done is pick myself back up and try again.
The great thing about this forum is that I'm getting advice from people who have been in the same situation as me so I think this forum is definitely going to help me move forward with the therapy I'm getting and it's great you get fast replies as well so I appreciate everyone who has commented on my thread.
I drank today because I finished work at 4pm have nothing planned and by drinking it makes time go faster so come 11pm - 12pm I can just go to sleep and crack on with what I need to do tomorrow.
I know I should have planned something to do after finishing work but I didn't and it grabbed me again.
The great thing about this forum is that I'm getting advice from people who have been in the same situation as me so I think this forum is definitely going to help me move forward with the therapy I'm getting and it's great you get fast replies as well so I appreciate everyone who has commented on my thread.
I drank today because I finished work at 4pm have nothing planned and by drinking it makes time go faster so come 11pm - 12pm I can just go to sleep and crack on with what I need to do tomorrow.
I know I should have planned something to do after finishing work but I didn't and it grabbed me again.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 277
You’ll see people on all stages of the journey here, Sam, from people who are still drinking to people who have 20+ years of sobriety and everything in between. We all want to help each other and anyone who wants and needs help and support to stop drinking.
I’m a similar age to you (33) and I’ve been trying and failing to stop drinking for more than a decade. What’s different this time? Other than a change of mindset (I am so sick of alcohol I actively no longer want to drink anymore) only time will tell if I ultimately succeed. I do believe in myself, though, and I know in my heart I’ll succeed, and I know that you and anyone else can, too. You’re doing well working with a therapist/psych, posting here, getting your feelings down and putting the feelers out. So many people have great suggestions here that you can utilise, and it’s a brilliant thing that you’re even here posting as it shows you’re ready to make a change.
I’m a similar age to you (33) and I’ve been trying and failing to stop drinking for more than a decade. What’s different this time? Other than a change of mindset (I am so sick of alcohol I actively no longer want to drink anymore) only time will tell if I ultimately succeed. I do believe in myself, though, and I know in my heart I’ll succeed, and I know that you and anyone else can, too. You’re doing well working with a therapist/psych, posting here, getting your feelings down and putting the feelers out. So many people have great suggestions here that you can utilise, and it’s a brilliant thing that you’re even here posting as it shows you’re ready to make a change.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,161
I was drinking when I came here too.
If you've never looked into AVRT I recommend having a look.
I don't know a lot about it but the thing I took from it was the ability to recognize and beat my AV. Addictive Voice.
This has been my savior.
To Know the enemy and be able to deny it victory.
It's that voice that tells you need, want, deserve, gotta have, a drink. Even when your rational brain wants nothing to do with alcohol or drugs.
Well I didn't plan for today so might as well drink.
Gotta get some rest so I Need a drink.
I'll quit tomorrow.
I'm not Really That bad.
I just can't handle life.
I am not picking on you so please don't take it that way. Dang near my entire life was spent listening to my AV. My every thought was designed to keep me drinking and I didn't even know it.
Once I realized this it was like a light bulb went on. Life was still there and early sobriety can be rough but everytime the AV speaks to me I see it for what it is.
A killer. Life stealer. Liar
Why would I listen to a liar? A killer? A thief?
You can do it man
Life will never be rainbows and unicorns but it is easier without alcohol. For me anyway.
I think most would agree
If you've never looked into AVRT I recommend having a look.
I don't know a lot about it but the thing I took from it was the ability to recognize and beat my AV. Addictive Voice.
This has been my savior.
To Know the enemy and be able to deny it victory.
It's that voice that tells you need, want, deserve, gotta have, a drink. Even when your rational brain wants nothing to do with alcohol or drugs.
Well I didn't plan for today so might as well drink.
Gotta get some rest so I Need a drink.
I'll quit tomorrow.
I'm not Really That bad.
I just can't handle life.
I am not picking on you so please don't take it that way. Dang near my entire life was spent listening to my AV. My every thought was designed to keep me drinking and I didn't even know it.
Once I realized this it was like a light bulb went on. Life was still there and early sobriety can be rough but everytime the AV speaks to me I see it for what it is.
A killer. Life stealer. Liar
Why would I listen to a liar? A killer? A thief?
You can do it man
Life will never be rainbows and unicorns but it is easier without alcohol. For me anyway.
I think most would agree
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2020
Posts: 38
Originally Posted by fishkiller
I was drinking when I came here too.
If you've never looked into AVRT I recommend having a look.
I don't know a lot about it but the thing I took from it was the ability to recognize and beat my AV. Addictive Voice.
This has been my savior.
To Know the enemy and be able to deny it victory.
It's that voice that tells you need, want, deserve, gotta have, a drink. Even when your rational brain wants nothing to do with alcohol or drugs.
Well I didn't plan for today so might as well drink.
Gotta get some rest so I Need a drink.
I'll quit tomorrow.
I'm not Really That bad.
I just can't handle life.
I am not picking on you so please don't take it that way. Dang near my entire life was spent listening to my AV. My every thought was designed to keep me drinking and I didn't even know it.
Once I realized this it was like a light bulb went on. Life was still there and early sobriety can be rough but everytime the AV speaks to me I see it for what it is.
A killer. Life stealer. Liar
Why would I listen to a liar? A killer? A thief?
You can do it man
Life will never be rainbows and unicorns but it is easier without alcohol. For me anyway.
I think most would agree
If you've never looked into AVRT I recommend having a look.
I don't know a lot about it but the thing I took from it was the ability to recognize and beat my AV. Addictive Voice.
This has been my savior.
To Know the enemy and be able to deny it victory.
It's that voice that tells you need, want, deserve, gotta have, a drink. Even when your rational brain wants nothing to do with alcohol or drugs.
Well I didn't plan for today so might as well drink.
Gotta get some rest so I Need a drink.
I'll quit tomorrow.
I'm not Really That bad.
I just can't handle life.
I am not picking on you so please don't take it that way. Dang near my entire life was spent listening to my AV. My every thought was designed to keep me drinking and I didn't even know it.
Once I realized this it was like a light bulb went on. Life was still there and early sobriety can be rough but everytime the AV speaks to me I see it for what it is.
A killer. Life stealer. Liar
Why would I listen to a liar? A killer? A thief?
You can do it man
Life will never be rainbows and unicorns but it is easier without alcohol. For me anyway.
I think most would agree
I've been on this forum for two days and I've got better advice than any group or meeting I've ever been too so as mentioned previously I appreciate all the comments and advice/tips.
Sam
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Alcohol was my solution until it stopped working.
Alcohol was not the problem to begin with.
Today I am free of alcohol.
If you drank today, seems to me you want to drink more than you want to stay stopped. Ya gotta tip the scale in the opposite direction......
Alcohol was not the problem to begin with.
Today I am free of alcohol.
If you drank today, seems to me you want to drink more than you want to stay stopped. Ya gotta tip the scale in the opposite direction......
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,161
Originally Posted by sugarbear1
Alcohol was my solution until it stopped working.
Alcohol was not the problem to begin with.
Today I am free of alcohol.
If you drank today, seems to me you want to drink more than you want to stay stopped. Ya gotta tip the scale in the opposite direction......
Alcohol was not the problem to begin with.
Today I am free of alcohol.
If you drank today, seems to me you want to drink more than you want to stay stopped. Ya gotta tip the scale in the opposite direction......
I will add though when I came here I was drinking. I wanted nothing more than to stop but yet I was still drinking. Problem was I had no idea how to stop. It is as simple as just don't drink but I had no idea I could do that.
I drank for so long it was all I knew.
I hated it but I was convinced, by my AV, that I Had to drink.
Even though I was drinking I did not want to be. I wanted to be sober more than anything in the world but I was lost.
I needed a guide.
SR instantly became that guide and I haven't drank since the first day I came here.
So I agree we keep drinking because we want to but sometimes even wanting sobriety more than the drink may not be enough.
It wasn't for me. I needed help.
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