Nothing else to try
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,057
Originally Posted by Sampierce55 
Another thing I find very hard to do is letting go off the guilt and everything that I have caused by drinking it seems easier to forget when drinking but when I'm sober it's all there I really need to learn to forgive myself but I find it extremely hard to do so
Boredom is something you will also need to learn to live with. We can't always be doing. Last night could of been a good start on trying to sit with your feelings.
Early days, if you want sobriety enough you will find a way but it won't just happen, It is hard work.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Hi Sam,
To put it simply, you can tell many “stories of why you drank” and they will all sound true, maybe they all are.
But there will ALWAYS be a new story with new circumstances, so in my view trying to address the circumstances in order to fix the drinking problem will at best work temporarily (I spent 10+ years trying it this way…).
in the end, we drink because we drink. And can not drink because we don’t, whatever life throws at us.
So the trick is to stop the drinking first, directly, objectively, regardless of what story made you drink.
Then and only then I think it’s possible to work on the circumstances that are making you sad, depressed , guilty or bored.
To put it simply, you can tell many “stories of why you drank” and they will all sound true, maybe they all are.
But there will ALWAYS be a new story with new circumstances, so in my view trying to address the circumstances in order to fix the drinking problem will at best work temporarily (I spent 10+ years trying it this way…).
in the end, we drink because we drink. And can not drink because we don’t, whatever life throws at us.
So the trick is to stop the drinking first, directly, objectively, regardless of what story made you drink.
Then and only then I think it’s possible to work on the circumstances that are making you sad, depressed , guilty or bored.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 525
Sorry to hear you drank again. I can relate. I spent years relapsing before I discovered that I am the type of alcoholic who can only stay sober by fully committing to the recovery program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Obviously, I don't know whether you are that type. But it's probably worth noting that you might be that type even if every fiber of your being rejects that idea. It's also probably worth noting that the fact that other types of alcoholics can stay sober using all sorts of other methods is irrelevant for the type of alcoholic I'm describing. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat more about any of that.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,330
My Thursday and Friday through Sunday drinking was really DAILY. My weekends went from Thursday to Sunday to Wednesday to Tuesday, if y’a know what I mean.
Very good advice here.
Im not AA either, but they have good stuff in there, I’ve taken a few token items from there and really looked into it. Never a sponsor, and the groups I’m aware of were too cultlike and shaming for me.
Im a potpourri recovery person, a little of everything.
Stay close
Very good advice here.
Im not AA either, but they have good stuff in there, I’ve taken a few token items from there and really looked into it. Never a sponsor, and the groups I’m aware of were too cultlike and shaming for me.
Im a potpourri recovery person, a little of everything.
Stay close
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2020
Posts: 38
Morning guys,
Had a pretty few low days lately due to things happening in work that aren't under my control...
I think because I am quite OCD and obsessive I need to be obsessed with staying sober and like someone mentioned previously something like fully committing to something like AA might be what I need.
I'm a person who works well on structure and always like the idea of AA I like sharing I like meeting people however I think the thing that put me off was it was always the same people talking about the same type of things and it just got repetitive after a while.
Maybe I need to try different meeting etc possibly in a different place..
Sam
Had a pretty few low days lately due to things happening in work that aren't under my control...
I think because I am quite OCD and obsessive I need to be obsessed with staying sober and like someone mentioned previously something like fully committing to something like AA might be what I need.
I'm a person who works well on structure and always like the idea of AA I like sharing I like meeting people however I think the thing that put me off was it was always the same people talking about the same type of things and it just got repetitive after a while.
Maybe I need to try different meeting etc possibly in a different place..
Sam
Yield beautiful changes
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: A home filled with love
Posts: 1,695
Hi, Sam!
I love FishKiller’s recommendation to read the AA Big Book. It’s an eye-opening read and great foundation for understanding the type of spiritual ick that tends to afflict addicts.
I also highly recommend William Porter’s books Alcohol Explained and Alcohol Explained II. They detail some of the science behind the addictive loop in which we can become stuck. Mind blowing.
I, personally, attend a mix of AA meetings (about 4 per week), and find that mixing up Big Book Studies, Step Studies, my Women’s group, and an old-school, oldtimer meeting, I’m able to get a good rotation of people and conversation and information. Maybe you can try different meetings on Zoom, too?
AA is fun for me. I really enjoy my participation, though I understand that not everyone feels that way. I love seeing people overcome what once felt overwhelming. AA shows me that recovery is truly possible and always gives me suggestions for personal growth.
I love FishKiller’s recommendation to read the AA Big Book. It’s an eye-opening read and great foundation for understanding the type of spiritual ick that tends to afflict addicts.
I also highly recommend William Porter’s books Alcohol Explained and Alcohol Explained II. They detail some of the science behind the addictive loop in which we can become stuck. Mind blowing.
I, personally, attend a mix of AA meetings (about 4 per week), and find that mixing up Big Book Studies, Step Studies, my Women’s group, and an old-school, oldtimer meeting, I’m able to get a good rotation of people and conversation and information. Maybe you can try different meetings on Zoom, too?
AA is fun for me. I really enjoy my participation, though I understand that not everyone feels that way. I love seeing people overcome what once felt overwhelming. AA shows me that recovery is truly possible and always gives me suggestions for personal growth.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
Originally Posted by Sampierce55
the thing that put me off was it was always the same people talking about the same type of things and it just got repetitive after a while
“Anything which is troubling you, anything which is irritating you, THAT is your teacher.”--Ajahn Chah
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
Notwithstanding medical/mental health science , and since we are all ‘layman’ wrapping our heads around the experience of addiction , I’m going to take the liberty of taking a very broad ‘meta’ view and as thought experiment suggest that OCD could have a positive sense.
OCD at least one sense , can be described as taking actions based on thinking that ‘becomes’ disintegrated from reality and or severely discrete. Locking a door is a positive action in regards personal safety, repetitive checking of the action is a feature of its own but based on a good principle, yeah? In a way we can say OCD helps keep you safe , to a point.
’Staying sober’ and being obsessive about that action seems like it could be an example of ‘using your powers for good’ and perhaps it is or could be to a point. But in the meta sense it is itself misdirected.
Being sober is the default human condition, staying sober requires literally no action. For me , and anecdotally based on the number of quitters’ stories , when I directed my ‘obsession’ to sticking to my decision to quit , was turning my focus to not putting alcohol into my body. The obsession was to compulsively check my thinking and anytime the idea of future alcohol use ‘popped up’ , I would /do dismiss that notion , obsessively.
Not being a drunk , is infinitely more desirable than the alternative, obsessing over not putting booze in my body results in me being perpetually in default mode.
I adopted this mindset by finding AVRT , great threads here on SR in the Secular recovery section. Identifying and recognizing the desire for alcohol and isolating My thinking from the influences of that desire , making a Big Plan allowed me to end my addiction, and deciding to never drink again and not change my mind is the ‘obsession’ I and millions of others use to guarantee I’ll never be addicted to alcohol again.
I live very comfortably with obsessively denying residual desire for alcohol , I never drink , even if I can sense the ‘want’ to.
OCD at least one sense , can be described as taking actions based on thinking that ‘becomes’ disintegrated from reality and or severely discrete. Locking a door is a positive action in regards personal safety, repetitive checking of the action is a feature of its own but based on a good principle, yeah? In a way we can say OCD helps keep you safe , to a point.
’Staying sober’ and being obsessive about that action seems like it could be an example of ‘using your powers for good’ and perhaps it is or could be to a point. But in the meta sense it is itself misdirected.
Being sober is the default human condition, staying sober requires literally no action. For me , and anecdotally based on the number of quitters’ stories , when I directed my ‘obsession’ to sticking to my decision to quit , was turning my focus to not putting alcohol into my body. The obsession was to compulsively check my thinking and anytime the idea of future alcohol use ‘popped up’ , I would /do dismiss that notion , obsessively.
Not being a drunk , is infinitely more desirable than the alternative, obsessing over not putting booze in my body results in me being perpetually in default mode.
I adopted this mindset by finding AVRT , great threads here on SR in the Secular recovery section. Identifying and recognizing the desire for alcohol and isolating My thinking from the influences of that desire , making a Big Plan allowed me to end my addiction, and deciding to never drink again and not change my mind is the ‘obsession’ I and millions of others use to guarantee I’ll never be addicted to alcohol again.
I live very comfortably with obsessively denying residual desire for alcohol , I never drink , even if I can sense the ‘want’ to.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,406
There is so much smart advice here already- I'm sending on some support to you, too, Sam.
Something that helped me- I can only control my own responses to others/events. I can never control what people do or how situations out of my control may affect me. I already know drinking only makes everything worse- so that's never even an option. Having gratitude about being in control of my own responses and acting in a manner that I can be proud of promotes further sober behavior. Living in control of my own actions and without regrets for my behaviors is at the top of my list when it comes to why I remain solid in my sobriety.
You can find a sober life and stay with it- it is worth every effort to never drink again.
Something that helped me- I can only control my own responses to others/events. I can never control what people do or how situations out of my control may affect me. I already know drinking only makes everything worse- so that's never even an option. Having gratitude about being in control of my own responses and acting in a manner that I can be proud of promotes further sober behavior. Living in control of my own actions and without regrets for my behaviors is at the top of my list when it comes to why I remain solid in my sobriety.
You can find a sober life and stay with it- it is worth every effort to never drink again.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
