Also I think the thing that's always held me back from stopping drinking is the unknown I'm a very ambitious person I had my own gym at the age of 26 which got ruined by drinking and I couldn't manage the finances but I think I'm scared of the unknown as well I've never gone more than 30 odd days without drinking .....I guess I just get scared of life.
A funny thing that people used to mention in AA and it was interesting is that we (guys) are all little scared boys inside we can put a front on to the world that's not really us and it makes sense because why would I go through life boxing and having boxing matches and then drink because of my insecurties..
It's one big cycle and something needs to happen for me at least to break it , I guess what I'm trying to say is I just don't like dealing with life but I need to because I'm about to start a job next month that will be life changing for me