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Nothing else to try

Old 12-05-2022, 07:47 AM
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Nothing else to try

So I am posting back here just to get a little bit of advice...

I am 31 at the moment been a binge drinker for the last 10 years or so my current drinking is probably drinking 3 days out off the week around 12 pints of fosters lager on each of them days.

I feel like I have tried so many things for this problem I first seen my GP when I was around 24 who here in the UK sent me to my local addiction centre which did help I tried the group things and I have taken anti cravings meds before such as acamprosate which I am on now and I have tried naltrexone as well which obviously help but don't stop you from going the shop to buy beer.

I have always had my issues but 6 months ago the girl I was with for 12 years just out of the blue dumped me possibly for the way I have been over 12 years and if that weren't enough she got with another guy who turned out to be one of my old housemates so that was a blow and set me back and since then I've just kinda been in a bit of a dazed depression state drinking to numb things even more.

I used to go the gym and box religiously since I was 16 years old I have trained and was a personal trainer up until covid hit and now I work from home for Universal Credit which is extremely boring and stressful not to mention there is a booze shop right next door to me so it's very easy to just go and drink.

I have been seeing another girl for the past few months and she's great but how long until she does what the last one did?

I tried AA for months and worked the steps and that didn't seem to help it was always listening to the same old stories from the same old people I don't think there's anything I haven't tried.

A week ago I got accepted for a new really good job within the NHS as a health coach as mentioned I have been a personal trainer for a very long time and thought it would be a good move it would get me out the house and give me a sense of purpose instead of being stuck on the phone lines all day but now that doesn't look like it's going to happen as I was convicted of assault and criminal damage about 4 years ago. I didn't got to prison or anything just a fine because I had never been in trouble before.

So I'm in a very low place at the moment and was here it ask is there anything else anyone could possibly recommend me to try and I have an appointment with a psychiatrist this week as they may think there is an underlying problem or something.

I get very obsessed about things the longer I go without drinking the more I think and crave it.

Thanks for reading.

Sam
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Old 12-05-2022, 08:13 AM
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Hi Sam, I'm glad you posted. First of all, never give up and always have faith you can do this.

I suggest that you post and read here at SR every day. Make it a routine. And, I suggest that you join the December group. These are other people who have stopped drinking this month and I think you'd find extra support there. Here is the link: https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-one.html (Class Of December 2022 Part One)

Can you call and speak to the people who offered you the NHS health coach job. Perhaps talking over the issue and explaining that it was 4 years ago and that you hadn't been trouble before that or since then.

If you want to keep the new girlfriend you have, the best thing you can do is to stop drinking. Be present and be the best boyfriend you can. If you continue drinking, it's unlikely the relationship will survive in the long term.

I think it's great that you're planning to see a psychiatrist this week. Hopefully it will be helpful for you.

Never give up, Sam.
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Old 12-05-2022, 08:44 AM
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I agree with Anna, never ever give up.

Definitely discuss the charge with new employer if they have an issue with it.
Whether or not you get the job drinking will most definitely not help.
It won't make them change there mind.
It won't get you the woman you deserve.
It won't make you the person you want to be.
It won't make you happy.

It Will however,
make you even more miserable.
Keep you from being the man you want to be which will keep you from meeting the woman you deserve.
Which will make you more miserable which will make you want to drink more. Etc

But I have a feeling you already know all of that.

I was stuck in that alcoholic depressive mode for over 3 decades.
Poor me. Yay me. Meh me.
Whatever the me of the day it was worth a drink because there was nothing else to do. Because I deserved it. Because life sucks. Because life is great. Because I'm happy. Because I am not happy. Because whatever.

When I actually drank because I was an addict.
All that other stuff was just my Addictive Voice telling me what I should do.
Even when I realized I was killing myself and causing the destruction I did not stop.

Until I did

You can too. Today.
Just don't drink today. No Matter What

That is the only way I got through the beginning. My AV told everything it could think of to change my mind. After listening to that fool for 3 decades it was a default.
Except I had the only sensible answer ready for it now.
No. I Don't Drink Anymore. No Matter What

You will go through a bunch of feelings. Physical and mental.
Whatever you do just don't drink because of or in spite of them.
It Will Get Better.

If you really want to quit forever there is only one way.
Do Not Drink. NO Matter What.

That gets you sober and clear headed so you can work on that life you want.
The rest is up to you.
Live the life you want not the one your AV wants.
It's too short to not enjoy it fully.

You're a young man. I wish I came here at your age. So much damage could have been saved but oh well. I am here now and so are you.
I have found no better place to be around folks who understand and support each other.

Stick around man. You are worth it
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Old 12-05-2022, 08:51 AM
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I too am very obsessive. Get something in my head and if I don't catch on its all I will think about.
I used that to my advantage. I got obsessed with not drinking.
I spent days on here reading, posting. Read a couple books. Worked to retrain my mind.
Since you are working at home should be easy enough to log on here and keep a tab open. Get an urge click and read. Or post. Or both. It really does help.

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Old 12-05-2022, 11:00 AM
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Hi Sam. I can't really add much to what Anna & fish said - I wholeheartedly agree.

I drank for nearly as long as you've been alive. I went from social drinking to dependency over the years. I never imagined that I'd be an all day, every day drinker - but that's what happened. So - you're wise to be taking action now. Trying to normalize or manage it is never going to work. I turned my life into a chaotic mess. This never has to happen to you. Glad you are here - keep posting. We care.
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Old 12-05-2022, 11:12 AM
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Thanks fo the replies everyone so when people say check the forums every day etc.. is there anything specific to check or just browse through everything?
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Old 12-05-2022, 12:31 PM
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I check the Newcomers section, the one you posted in, daily. Multiple times a day.

You can either read others stories, posts or create your own.
I spent whole days going through the site when I first quit.
There is so much info and support here wherever you go.

But what really helped me the most besides the support of others who truly understand was knowing I wasn't alone in this struggle.
All the things I thought were unique to my situation have actually been experienced by many many others.
The thoughts in my head surely must be only in my twisted mind.
Nope.
While I hate that others have and are suffering I am grateful to those that share their struggles.
I am not alone. I have others who have made it out to guide me.
I have those still struggling to remind me why I never want to go back.
I have those that have done major sober time and gone back to tell of what is there if I were to think I am OK now and can have just one.

So my suggestion is click a post that catches your eye and read it.
When you are done reading all the ones that catch your eye go back and read the ones you skipped over.
Or do like I did at first and read them ALL.

You never know where you will pick up something you can use. But I guarantee if you stick around here you will find it.



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Old 12-05-2022, 02:36 PM
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Some good suggestions here, Sam.
SR can certainly be a great tool although I think posting (about yourself or trying to help others ) and reading is the right way to use the site.

Its hard work to stay sober in the beginning but no harder than the lengths I'd go to to get more booze.

If AA is not your thing, maybe Google some other meeting based approaches like SMART recovery or LifeRing?

If meetings are not your thing try Rational Recovery - its book based - look for books by Jack Trimpey or Google Rational Recovery or AVRT Addictive Voice Recognition Techniques.

There must be outpatient rehab programmes in the UK as well. I know that's not a pleasant idea, but it is another option.
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Old 12-05-2022, 06:46 PM
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Welcome, Sam. I understand the obsessive thinking - I do it and have other issues too, but the best approach is to get the booze out of your system and stay clean. It can be a little rough at first, some of our crazy thinking and anxiety will seem to get worse for a few weeks, but then things settle down and within a period of weeks or months we gain clarity about things and have the presence of mind to actually begin to work on them. Personal traits, insecurities and anxiety that may have caused us to drink in the first place. We can't figure them out until our drug of choice is removed. As Fish said - just don't drink - for any reason. Give it six months and you'll be amazed.

I also highly suggest the December class - you can participate by supporting the others in the class and they in turn will be there for you. You won't have to repeat your story either, because everyone in the small group will get to know you. My class really helped me in the beginning.
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Old 12-05-2022, 11:43 PM
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Whatever happens stay sober, nothing will work unless you donít take the first drink. I recommend reading the book Alcoholics Anonymous and looking for similarities. That was key in me accepting my alcoholism 🙏
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Old 12-06-2022, 01:27 AM
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Thanks for the advice everyone just a few questions

1. Any tips on what to do with cravings when they come around mine get really really bad and don't normally go away until I drink and it seems the most frustrating thing about drinking and do they actually pass? I have never gone more than 35 days or so without drinking so not even sure if they do go..

2. Does the brain return to normal or does the binging and actually destroy or even mess up some parts of the brain?

Thanks Again
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Old 12-06-2022, 01:44 AM
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I'm not going to lie to you. My cravings were so intense, I would scream. Often I would walk more than 10 miles a day. I wouldn't take any money or form of payment so I couldn't act on impulse. My aim was to exhaust myself. This went on for about a month, after that I still walked everyday but not quite so intensely.

My cravings were still bad. I would post on here moaning and groaning about them. I ate far too many sweets. I did everything and anything but I did not drink.

It is tough, you have to battle yourself which is pretty mind boggling but if you want it enough you can do it.

I'm 4 years sober now. I still have my moments but they are few and far between.

Keep posting, keep asking and keep sober
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Old 12-06-2022, 02:41 AM
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Originally Posted by Kaily View Post
I'm not going to lie to you. My cravings were so intense, I would scream. Often I would walk more than 10 miles a day. I wouldn't take any money or form of payment so I couldn't act on impulse. My aim was to exhaust myself. This went on for about a month, after that I still walked everyday but not quite so intensely.

My cravings were still bad. I would post on here moaning and groaning about them. I ate far too many sweets. I did everything and anything but I did not drink.

It is tough, you have to battle yourself which is pretty mind boggling but if you want it enough you can do it.

I'm 4 years sober now. I still have my moments but they are few and far between.

Keep posting, keep asking and keep sober
Thanks for this as I thought it was just me who had cravings that bad I guess I just give into them as it makes the irritation anxiety go away but we know where that leads...I heard it takes 20 mins for cravings to pass but mine seem to last forever and then when I drink they leave me alone for about a week then creep back around
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Old 12-06-2022, 04:57 AM
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Your default has been to give in to the cravings so they stay until you do.

Stop giving in and your brain will adjust.

Tell the AV you Don't Drink
It does get weaker.

My cravings weren't too bad but when they come I just tell them, I Don't Drink Anymore so you are wasting your time.
They whimper and crawl away.

Something I've heard here before, cravings are just thoughts. Very intrusive and miserable thoughts but still they are just thoughts. We can control our thoughts. We can control our actions.
As long as those thoughts don't become actions we win.

It takes time.
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Old 12-06-2022, 06:09 AM
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Keep trying. You may feel like you've tried everything, but that is seldom the case. It's hard to break the cycle and stay on track in the beginning. You may have tried the right things and failed, but they can still work later on. We seldom get things that are hard to do right on the first try. I fumbled along for a long time trying to get things under control, but eventually things start to work. There is no single key. Alcoholism is a complex problem. People are complex.

I think it's important to commit to total abstinence for the rest of your life. Thoughts of an occasional drink, or one day drinking like a gentleman need to be smashed. That occasional drink resets the addiction cycle, even after years of sobriety.
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Old 12-06-2022, 09:00 AM
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Both Fish and Dri-Guy are absolutely correct. If you make a commitment to permanent sobriety the AV will recede pretty quickly. It is the non-committal wavering we do, the entertaining of the thoughts, that gives the AV it's power.

Do not give the AV a seat at the table. Tell it you will never drink again and watch it squirm! Put the knife to that miserable beast.


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Old 12-06-2022, 09:06 AM
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Thanks for the advice everyone these are some great tips something the groups I have been too have never really explained
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Old 12-06-2022, 09:31 AM
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Sam. You CAN do it.

Visualize it. Visualize the holidays. Visualize the date with new gal. And while you visualize it, see yourself laughing, watching TV, eating dinner, feeling feelings, having craving, ALL without alcohol.

Visualize those things as a binge drinker. The blackouts. The mean things said. The risks taken, those dangerous risks. Will you feel,like 💩 in the morning?

No one,NO ONE, wishes they drank more the next day.

What to do when the hard waves come? Walk, like Kaily said. Sit on your hands. Take a shower. Clean a junk drawer. Sleep. Cry. Eat. ANYTHING. Licorice, chocolate, cookies, chips, a BLT, soup, whatever.

The urges can last 10 minutes. If they do, you are probably inviting those thoughts, those lies, to stay for tea in your head. Let them come, and show them then back door. Buh Bye……..

Its easier when we feel like crud, harder for me at about day 4 through day 90.

I was a daily drinker (self destructer). I drank because I was happy. Because I was baking. Because I remembered my sexual abuser. Because I had been duped by men. Because I felt good, because I was doing the dishes. Because…………..(fill in the blank).

Glad you found us.

welcome, we understand
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Old 12-06-2022, 11:57 AM
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Hi Sam,

Youíre not alone there, it takes time for the vast majority of us. If I can add anything to what has already been said is that for me things only really started to change when I had a good look at who I was vs who I wanted to be.

Not just a good look, an honest look too and a plan to go from one to the other. The closer I got to being who I wanted, the less appealing drinking became, to the point the desire completely disappeared.

You can do this, many of us here can testify to a much, much better life when drinking is out of the picture.



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Old 12-07-2022, 03:44 AM
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Thanks everyone my cravings kick in around Thursday/Friday when I get paid normally when it's been a stressful week in work and I feel agitated because I work from home and there is a shop right next door to me so it's so easier to just think f**ck it and go and buy beer.

I am hoping starting a new job will help with this as I will be out of the house.

The thing is I'm fine socially without drinking I am not a social drinker I just drink alone in my shared house in my bedroom watching endless things on YouTube.

Cheers again for the replies.

Sam
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