Class of November 2019 Part 1
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 421
Originally Posted by StartAnew68 
Tomorrow is going to be a ‘danger day’ for me.
Being self employed and having been hospitalised for a while plus still being too washed out to do anything but box set watch today my income is going to be drastically down this month.
I also lost a lot of work a few weeks ago when my dad has his stroke so money was already tight. As a result there will be bills I won’t be able to pay (a couple were behind anyway).
In the normal scheme of things I would bury my head in the sand (in the form of a bottle of wine or three!). BUT not this time. Have taken some herbal sleeping tablets as a couple of bad nights sleep and tomorrow will face my bills head by calling companies to either explain what’s going on.
Being self employed and having been hospitalised for a while plus still being too washed out to do anything but box set watch today my income is going to be drastically down this month.
I also lost a lot of work a few weeks ago when my dad has his stroke so money was already tight. As a result there will be bills I won’t be able to pay (a couple were behind anyway).
In the normal scheme of things I would bury my head in the sand (in the form of a bottle of wine or three!). BUT not this time. Have taken some herbal sleeping tablets as a couple of bad nights sleep and tomorrow will face my bills head by calling companies to either explain what’s going on.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 421
It's only the first day the clocks went back and I'm already feeling the depression. I despise winter!! I didn't really get out today to get any sunshine as I was doing stuff around the house, and now that it's dark at 5pm I wish I did.
Going to spend the rest of the night preparing for interview tomorrow. Get my clothes ready and maybe google some questions I might be asked. Trying to not "over prepare" or even think about it too much as I don't want to get myself all anxious and worked up.
Not going to drink. That would be a very, very bad idea. Just going to stay tucked up on the couch w/ dog, do some light preparation stuff and pay a few bills, then watch tv till it's time for bed.
Going to spend the rest of the night preparing for interview tomorrow. Get my clothes ready and maybe google some questions I might be asked. Trying to not "over prepare" or even think about it too much as I don't want to get myself all anxious and worked up.
Not going to drink. That would be a very, very bad idea. Just going to stay tucked up on the couch w/ dog, do some light preparation stuff and pay a few bills, then watch tv till it's time for bed.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,541
Just be yourself. Really. 
And daylight saving time annoys me....it messes with so many people.....we are out of it now......and it is light again at 7am.....and not as cold....so embrace it.....join me in the early morning sunshine. 
s
And daylight saving time annoys me....it messes with so many people.....we are out of it now......and it is light again at 7am.....and not as cold....so embrace it.....join me in the early morning sunshine.
s
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,525
Hey all,
Bad news: I drank last night and I felt horrible this morning. Good news: I want nothing more to do with alcohol. I had a talk with my boyfriend this morning and I told him I'm going to try again, and that I'm serious about wanting to stop. He was supportive and said he thought it was a good idea. I told him that after last night, I've realized I can't be around alcohol at all for a while, even in low key situations, and he said that was okay. We'll have to feel out how that looks but basically, I'm going to ask that he not drink around me at all, at least for right now, and I'm going to be turning down invitations to anything where I think people might be drinking, even if it's just dinner or whatever. I'm not always going to have to be that strict but I have to string some days together again and get some success under my belt, and after last night I realized that I cannot be around people who are drinking right now. At all. I am just not strong enough yet.
Hugs to everyone, especially those also struggling... we can do this.
Bad news: I drank last night and I felt horrible this morning. Good news: I want nothing more to do with alcohol. I had a talk with my boyfriend this morning and I told him I'm going to try again, and that I'm serious about wanting to stop. He was supportive and said he thought it was a good idea. I told him that after last night, I've realized I can't be around alcohol at all for a while, even in low key situations, and he said that was okay. We'll have to feel out how that looks but basically, I'm going to ask that he not drink around me at all, at least for right now, and I'm going to be turning down invitations to anything where I think people might be drinking, even if it's just dinner or whatever. I'm not always going to have to be that strict but I have to string some days together again and get some success under my belt, and after last night I realized that I cannot be around people who are drinking right now. At all. I am just not strong enough yet.
Hugs to everyone, especially those also struggling... we can do this.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,525
Originally Posted by Jimuk
Hi all. End of day 1. Feeling anxious and worried about some choices I’ve made.
Hopefully be a brighter day tomorrow.
I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve tried and failed but here goes again.
Hopefully be a brighter day tomorrow.
I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve tried and failed but here goes again.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 42
Finishing day 25.
These past few days have had a few strong cravings. Also starting to feel feelings of boredom. I do ride them out, though, and am eventually met with feelings of gratitude and wellbeing.
What helps is that I'm starting to see tiny results from the work I've put in this past 25 days. Looking a little better in the mirror, getting more and more done in various areas of my life. Things are starting to add up in a good way.
But there are waves of what I can only describe as self-hatred. I have an unconscious feeling that none of this will last (which is something I should work on via visualization techniques). I also sometimes sort of resent who I am while sober, as if there is a part of me that I don't have access to anymore. Obviously whatever benefits that part of me had came with a lot of baggage and consequences, so it is an idealization that I am having and not a realistic remembering. I wonder what lies underneath my conscious thoughts that makes me think I can't be as charming or whatever while sober? I am a very capable person.
I think I just need to keep cementing newer, positive memories and habits so that my self-image doesn't have so many potholes in it.
These past few days have had a few strong cravings. Also starting to feel feelings of boredom. I do ride them out, though, and am eventually met with feelings of gratitude and wellbeing.
What helps is that I'm starting to see tiny results from the work I've put in this past 25 days. Looking a little better in the mirror, getting more and more done in various areas of my life. Things are starting to add up in a good way.
But there are waves of what I can only describe as self-hatred. I have an unconscious feeling that none of this will last (which is something I should work on via visualization techniques). I also sometimes sort of resent who I am while sober, as if there is a part of me that I don't have access to anymore. Obviously whatever benefits that part of me had came with a lot of baggage and consequences, so it is an idealization that I am having and not a realistic remembering. I wonder what lies underneath my conscious thoughts that makes me think I can't be as charming or whatever while sober? I am a very capable person.
I think I just need to keep cementing newer, positive memories and habits so that my self-image doesn't have so many potholes in it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: East Midlands UK
Posts: 502
I love this forum - people saying goodnight as I’m about to say good morning. Thousands of miles apart but we’re all here together.
Nothing to report here. Ready to dash to the living room to get the fire on and kitchen to get the kettle on.
Have a great day all and to those who are struggling, we are behind you all the way XX
Nothing to report here. Ready to dash to the living room to get the fire on and kitchen to get the kettle on.
Have a great day all and to those who are struggling, we are behind you all the way XX
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Norway
Posts: 179
Good morning! Day 5 here, and it's freezing cold. (-10 degrees Celcius)
Was going to change tires today, but I couldn't get the trunk open, it had frosen shut. Struggling with anxiety right now, my job situation isn't the best and I need to do something about it. But what?
Wish you a wonderful day.
Was going to change tires today, but I couldn't get the trunk open, it had frosen shut. Struggling with anxiety right now, my job situation isn't the best and I need to do something about it. But what?
Wish you a wonderful day.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,525
Morning all
I am happy to be waking up to Day 2. I can feel a bit of a cold just starting to come on. I'd like to stay home and rest, but we are closing out data at work for the month of October so I'll have to go in for at least part of the day. Also, I know my body well enough to know it's going to get a lot worse, and soon... better I go in now and get some things done before I start to feel really bad. I can stay home tomorrow or the next day if needed. I'm happy though that this is coming at a time when I'm not super crazed at work, as I have been for the past month or so. Missing a couple days this week won't be a big deal if it does need to happen. Also, on the plus side, being sick will make me not want to drink.
Everyone have a great day
I am happy to be waking up to Day 2. I can feel a bit of a cold just starting to come on. I'd like to stay home and rest, but we are closing out data at work for the month of October so I'll have to go in for at least part of the day. Also, I know my body well enough to know it's going to get a lot worse, and soon... better I go in now and get some things done before I start to feel really bad. I can stay home tomorrow or the next day if needed. I'm happy though that this is coming at a time when I'm not super crazed at work, as I have been for the past month or so. Missing a couple days this week won't be a big deal if it does need to happen. Also, on the plus side, being sick will make me not want to drink.
Everyone have a great day
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 748
I wandered lonely as a gherkin.
Good afternoon everyone.
Today is one of those days where I think, what do I care? Why not just get hammered? What does it matter?
Now I'm not going to drink because I've got this rule you see, and I'm sticking to it but it's on days like this that it starts. I know it wrecks your life but maybe my life is already wrecked or if it's not it should be.
There's no inner battle, I just want to smash it all up. I know how dangerous this drinking is, I take that all into account but so what? This is it, it's a day like today that I decide that that's what I want.
As I say, I'm over it now; I remembered how boring drinking is - and it is isn't it? Now I just don't want to do it, today or ever. But what I want wavers all over the place. Got to be careful when I make these sudden decisions.
Anyway, I'm not doing anything much today or tomorrow but on Wednesday I'm attending a beheading. Not really, only joking - the beheading's on Tuesday.
Don't drink - Life's too short to be crap.
Look after yourselves everyone.
PS: I feel a lot better now.
Good afternoon everyone.
Today is one of those days where I think, what do I care? Why not just get hammered? What does it matter?
Now I'm not going to drink because I've got this rule you see, and I'm sticking to it but it's on days like this that it starts. I know it wrecks your life but maybe my life is already wrecked or if it's not it should be.
There's no inner battle, I just want to smash it all up. I know how dangerous this drinking is, I take that all into account but so what? This is it, it's a day like today that I decide that that's what I want.
As I say, I'm over it now; I remembered how boring drinking is - and it is isn't it? Now I just don't want to do it, today or ever. But what I want wavers all over the place. Got to be careful when I make these sudden decisions.
Anyway, I'm not doing anything much today or tomorrow but on Wednesday I'm attending a beheading. Not really, only joking - the beheading's on Tuesday.
Don't drink - Life's too short to be crap.
Look after yourselves everyone.
PS: I feel a lot better now.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,525
Good for you for posting instead of drinking, taplow. Hugs.
I decided to stay home after all. The longer I was up the worse I felt... and I am tired of not taking care of myself.
I made a strong cup of tea with honey and lemon and I'm parking myself in front of the TV with the cat for the day. Everything else will still be there tomorrow.
I decided to stay home after all.
The longer I was up the worse I felt... and I am tired of not taking care of myself.I made a strong cup of tea with honey and lemon and I'm parking myself in front of the TV with the cat for the day. Everything else will still be there tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,541
Originally Posted by Joe787
Finishing day 25.
These past few days have had a few strong cravings. Also starting to feel feelings of boredom. I do ride them out, though, and am eventually met with feelings of gratitude and wellbeing.
What helps is that I'm starting to see tiny results from the work I've put in this past 25 days. Looking a little better in the mirror, getting more and more done in various areas of my life. Things are starting to add up in a good way.
But there are waves of what I can only describe as self-hatred. I have an unconscious feeling that none of this will last (which is something I should work on via visualization techniques). I also sometimes sort of resent who I am while sober, as if there is a part of me that I don't have access to anymore. Obviously whatever benefits that part of me had came with a lot of baggage and consequences, so it is an idealization that I am having and not a realistic remembering. I wonder what lies underneath my conscious thoughts that makes me think I can't be as charming or whatever while sober? I am a very capable person.
I think I just need to keep cementing newer, positive memories and habits so that my self-image doesn't have so many potholes in it.
These past few days have had a few strong cravings. Also starting to feel feelings of boredom. I do ride them out, though, and am eventually met with feelings of gratitude and wellbeing.
What helps is that I'm starting to see tiny results from the work I've put in this past 25 days. Looking a little better in the mirror, getting more and more done in various areas of my life. Things are starting to add up in a good way.
But there are waves of what I can only describe as self-hatred. I have an unconscious feeling that none of this will last (which is something I should work on via visualization techniques). I also sometimes sort of resent who I am while sober, as if there is a part of me that I don't have access to anymore. Obviously whatever benefits that part of me had came with a lot of baggage and consequences, so it is an idealization that I am having and not a realistic remembering. I wonder what lies underneath my conscious thoughts that makes me think I can't be as charming or whatever while sober? I am a very capable person.
I think I just need to keep cementing newer, positive memories and habits so that my self-image doesn't have so many potholes in it.
.....oh this is boring......
What exactly? Being alive and healthy and capable of getting up and going anywhere I want such as a movie or out for food or a walk or to see a friend or something arty and crafty (I lived in the middle of all of that) or even just go to the dog park and watch the dogs and ducks.
That was my AV. And so is the idea that I could never be as much fun sober.....Errr......I am way more fun. 1000 times more fun. I am actually funny now....I got used to people laughing at me, not with me. This is an awesome change.
So this is my belief....these are thought attacks......sneaky let me get in there and tell you why this will not work thought attacks by a very determined AV.
And love and hello everyone.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,541
Originally Posted by FallingLeaves
Good morning! Day 5 here, and it's freezing cold. (-10 degrees Celcius)
Was going to change tires today, but I couldn't get the trunk open, it had frosen shut. Struggling with anxiety right now, my job situation isn't the best and I need to do something about it. But what?
Wish you a wonderful day.
Was going to change tires today, but I couldn't get the trunk open, it had frosen shut. Struggling with anxiety right now, my job situation isn't the best and I need to do something about it. But what?
Wish you a wonderful day.
I am also really anxious today.....to be perfectly honest, I am still terrified of the cold, and it got cold fast. And it isn't even cold for a lot of Americans....6C, 43F.....but this little Aussie black cat is frozen. I get scared about going out....I have to rug up and then school is radically overheated and then my eczema goes insane.
I am wondering if I can continue my course to be honest. I can't stand the stress of constantly being unwell and I need to consider what that means going forward.
Whoosh.....sorry.....guess I need some help today to sort myself out.
Back to you.....well, you are a wonderful writer, and like me, could be earning a living this way. Maybe?
Just a thought. xx
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,541
Originally Posted by soberbythesea
Morning all
I am happy to be waking up to Day 2. I can feel a bit of a cold just starting to come on. I'd like to stay home and rest, but we are closing out data at work for the month of October so I'll have to go in for at least part of the day. Also, I know my body well enough to know it's going to get a lot worse, and soon... better I go in now and get some things done before I start to feel really bad. I can stay home tomorrow or the next day if needed. I'm happy though that this is coming at a time when I'm not super crazed at work, as I have been for the past month or so. Missing a couple days this week won't be a big deal if it does need to happen. Also, on the plus side, being sick will make me not want to drink.
Everyone have a great day
I am happy to be waking up to Day 2. I can feel a bit of a cold just starting to come on. I'd like to stay home and rest, but we are closing out data at work for the month of October so I'll have to go in for at least part of the day. Also, I know my body well enough to know it's going to get a lot worse, and soon... better I go in now and get some things done before I start to feel really bad. I can stay home tomorrow or the next day if needed. I'm happy though that this is coming at a time when I'm not super crazed at work, as I have been for the past month or so. Missing a couple days this week won't be a big deal if it does need to happen. Also, on the plus side, being sick will make me not want to drink.
Everyone have a great day
Good plan I think.....again.....
xx
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,541
Taplow...... huge smiles.....my favourite Blake poem. London
I wander thro’ each charter’d street,
Near where the charter’d Thames does flow.
And mark in every face I meet
Marks of weakness, marks of woe.
In every cry of every Man,
In every Infants cry of fear,
In every voice: in every ban,
The mind-forg’d manacles I hear
How the Chimney-sweepers cry
Every black’ning Church appalls,
And the hapless Soldiers sigh
Runs in blood down Palace walls
But most thro’ midnight streets I hear
How the youthful Harlots curse
Blasts the new-born Infants tear
And blights with plagues the Marriage hearse
William Blake
s xx
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