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Old 10-31-2018, 09:35 AM   #1 (permalink)
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So tired of feeling guilt and shame...when will I ever learn.


I dont even know what to say but Iím so tired of disappointing myself and everyone I love. This damn addiction is going to be the end of me. Not only do I drink to excess but I black out and keep getting behind the wheel. I Just want this to stop. It feels like a curse on my family. Why donít I ever learn???
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Old 10-31-2018, 09:45 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Because learning about addiction doesn't treat it, the same way learning about cancer doesn't treat that, either. Treating it requires action. Simply wanting it to stop isn't good enough.
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Old 10-31-2018, 09:47 AM   #3 (permalink)
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You will learn eventually, just don't let it be for all the wrong reasons.
Life can be much better sober, make a plan, join AA or other groups for support, post and read on SR.
Do whatever it takes, be open to anything and you can succeed.
You have already taken the first step here, now just keep on moving forward, you can do it, one day at a time.
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Old 10-31-2018, 09:47 AM   #4 (permalink)
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There were three kids of the same family killed by a driver yesterday in the news. The diver didn't stop for the bus signal.

Could you live with something like that? You may have too soon enough.

You have choices right now.......

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Old 10-31-2018, 09:55 AM   #5 (permalink)
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what is it you think you need to learn?

i had to accept and know that my drinking would never be different and be in the moderate category. once i got that, deep down, i could start the turn-around.

after that, there are decisions about what you are willing to do. and then following through.
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Old 10-31-2018, 10:00 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I need to learn that the only way I will never be out of control again is by never drinking again....ever!!!!
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Old 10-31-2018, 10:03 AM   #7 (permalink)
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I have quit numerous times over the years but then I start to believe that lie that I feel like I can control things and bam I am back at the same place. I joined here in 2014 and itís been going on for several years
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Old 10-31-2018, 10:10 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Hello,

Many of us have been on here for years, trying to get sober. What is happening to you is very scary, blacking out and driving. Please find the help you need before you loose everything. It is hard, and sometimes it isn't pretty. But, killing someone during a blackout while driving....not so pretty either. You can do this, maybe write down all of the reason you hate booze, here are a few of mine.

Booze makes me feel awful the next day
I loose friendships because of my behavior
Work and career suffer because of booze
DUI's are inevitable if drinking continues
My life will end in misery if I drink booze

YOU CAN DO THIS!! Personal freedom is waiting for you on the other side of addiction.
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Old 10-31-2018, 10:22 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Thank you wildflower. I can do this!! I know I can!!

And itís one thing to ruin my life but I am not going to wait until I end up with a DUI or worse. Much worse!!!

I keep thinking that If I just abstain then Iíll be fine. But I know there is so much to it than that.

I need to make a plan.
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Old 10-31-2018, 10:35 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Reasons I hate booze

i feel so sick the next day
i donít sleep well when I drink
Alcohol steals my time my money my life.
i hate not being able to remember what happened the night before
i hate how I feel about myself guilt/shame
itís slowly killing me
its destroying my relationship with my loved ones.

It turns me into a mean person

Its taking over my life.


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Old 10-31-2018, 10:48 AM   #11 (permalink)
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I realized I could not live with myself if I hurt somebody driving drunk. I began by not drinking in bars, not drinking in public and making sure I had enough at home. Drinking at home alone is sad, but it was better than driving home from bars. Even if you keep drinking just don't drive. It would be a step in the right direction.
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Old 10-31-2018, 11:01 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Yeah that blackout stuff if crazy. Certainly that was a huge part of my quit. I also started to drive while blackout drunk. I mean, shouldn't driving just plain ole drunk be enough? Nope. I had to take it to a whole new level of insane, irresponsible, childish and just straight up wrong. I have a moral obligation to my fellows to at minimum not be a lethal weapon behind the wheel.

I used to say that I drank at home so I was just endangering myself. And that was true, sort of, for a while. But once the black out driving began, I couldn't stand behind that lame rationalization. I was simply dangerous.

I hope this is it for you. Get help. We all need it!!
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Old 10-31-2018, 11:12 AM   #13 (permalink)
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I keep thinking that If I just abstain then Iíll be fine. But I know there is so much to it than that.

I need to make a plan. [/left]
That's it in a nutshell.

You have already learned more than you ever need to know about how drinking is affecting your life. It's the classic denial of addiction that keeps you drinking.

The key for me was to unconditionally accept that drinking any amount of alcohol is not an option - ever. And I also had to accept that there is no logical reason as to WHY bad things happen when I drink - they just do. And whatever it is that is different about me can never be changed in regards to that.

Once you've done that, you can get started making a plan. It's no different than building a house in concept, really. If you want to build a house would you just show up and start doing it? Most likely you'd have a blueprint, a materials list, the proper tools, people to help you, money to pay for it, etc. AKA - you would plan the whole thing out and then follow the plan. If your plan is just to "not drink" without some kind of framework behind it, then the results will likely be the same, right?
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Old 10-31-2018, 12:25 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Lots of good advice given above ,Hopeforme.

I think you are very close to making that decision to stop for once and for all. You say you have had some sober time, so it shouldnít be as scary as it is for most people who donít have an idea what to expect. And you say you want this to stop. So there you are, no denial, no maybe, - you want this to stop now.

You also most probably remember how your life changed for the better, when you were sober. I cannot comment on the blackouts, because thankfully I never experienced that , just got very sleepy and in bed by 9 . But they sound scary. The driving while intoxicated Ė there was a thread not so long ago about a guy who hit someone while driving drunk. His life is in ruins , emotionally, guilt feelings, legal battles Ö you name it. Go and look it up.

But you are here now, which is a great way to start reaching out and making some changes in your life. We are all here because we are fighting alcohol addiction. You are one of many , but you are unique Ė we all are.

So hang around and post and read like you did when you quit before, And donít drink. If I had to wait until I had a blueprint and a plan I would still be drinking, because I would use it as an excuse. Which is why I just quit one day , started posting and talking to others and heeding their advice. Once I had a clearer head I started with plans and ways to manage . But first of all, I had to say no to the bottle. For now, today, start with that. Donít postpone until you are ďreadyĒ Ė stop drinking today, not tomorrow.

Good luck. Hope you follow through with your desire to stop the madness .
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Old 10-31-2018, 12:55 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Because learning about addiction doesn't treat it, the same way learning about cancer doesn't treat that, either. Treating it requires action. Simply wanting it to stop isn't good enough.
BINGO!!!

Hope, in one of your early posts, back in 2014, you wrote:

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I have yet to go to a face to face AA meeting.
Is that statement still true four years later?
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Old 10-31-2018, 01:02 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Thank you everyone for all the advice. I have read all of your replies and am very grateful to have people here who have given me solid advice and not sugar coat it.

I have quit before, more times than I can count. And each time I believed that AV that said I was entitled to have a drink when I wanted to. And I got this under control. And every time I end up in the same boat.

The black out driving and potentially killing someone is my worst nightmare and something I hope I never go thru but I know if I keep on doing this I will end up in a worse nightmare than ever imagined. And nothing I do will ever change that.

I am am a danger to others when I drink because I never know when these black outs will happen. I have zero control over it with the exception of not taking that first drink.

Im so sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.

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Old 10-31-2018, 01:07 PM   #17 (permalink)
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BINGO!!!

Hope, in one of your early posts, back in 2014, you wrote:



Is that statement still true four years later?
No itís not. I did attend AA for several months But I did not continue and did not value my sobriety like I needed to.


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Old 10-31-2018, 02:57 PM   #18 (permalink)
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No it’s not. I did attend AA for several months But I did not continue and did not value my sobriety like I needed to.


Not trying to be an ass,but....now what? Now what are you going to do besides not drink? You don't "need to make a plan"..YOU NEED to work a plan. Making/saying my plan(s) got me no where..well..they landed my ass in jail with a 2nd DUI after a wreck. You have to commit and do something about anything that's not working for you in your life any longer..It just doesn't go away on their own...it gets worse. I always compare quitting drinking/drugging to breaking up with a toxic person. $hit sucks for a while,but with work the pain/urges/memories fade.

Get to work...if you want to.
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Old 11-01-2018, 12:37 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Lots of good advice given above ,Hopeforme.

I think you are very close to making that decision to stop for once and for all. You say you have had some sober time, so it shouldnít be as scary as it is for most people who donít have an idea what to expect. And you say you want this to stop. So there you are, no denial, no maybe, - you want this to stop now.

You also most probably remember how your life changed for the better, when you were sober. I cannot comment on the blackouts, because thankfully I never experienced that , just got very sleepy and in bed by 9 . But they sound scary. The driving while intoxicated Ė there was a thread not so long ago about a guy who hit someone while driving drunk. His life is in ruins , emotionally, guilt feelings, legal battles Ö you name it. Go and look it up.

But you are here now, which is a great way to start reaching out and making some changes in your life. We are all here because we are fighting alcohol addiction. You are one of many , but you are unique Ė we all are.

So hang around and post and read like you did when you quit before, And donít drink. If I had to wait until I had a blueprint and a plan I would still be drinking, because I would use it as an excuse. Which is why I just quit one day , started posting and talking to others and heeding their advice. Once I had a clearer head I started with plans and ways to manage . But first of all, I had to say no to the bottle. For now, today, start with that. Donít postpone until you are ďreadyĒ Ė stop drinking today, not tomorrow.

Good luck. Hope you follow through with your desire to stop the madness .
Such a good thread and taking this to heart.
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Old 11-01-2018, 04:07 AM   #20 (permalink)
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I need to learn that the only way I will never be out of control again is by never drinking again....ever!!!!
YEP.

I think you know how dangerous your driving is to yourself, and IMO more importantly, to others....and I think you know deep down you need to quit.

We can all share stories of horrible choices, close calls, etc etc - the bottom line is the only way alcoholics avoid bad consequences and more importantly create and become receptive to good ones through our choices is by getting sober.

Today is a great day for a plan not to drink, NO MATTER WHAT. I started with an AA meeting and kept going. Please join us somehow in a commitment to stop your personal insanity.

That shame, regret and self-hatred can go away if you choose to make it.
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