So tired of feeling guilt and shame...when will I ever learn.

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11-01-2018, 08:26 AM

# 21 (permalink)

Hopeforme2014

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Join Date: Mar 2014

Posts: 83

because that hits the nail right on the head.
“ "Don't ever forget your last drink, or chances are you haven't had it yet."
Don’t wait until that day where there is no way to regain your self-respect.

11-01-2018, 08:39 AM

# 22 (permalink)

Hopeforme2014

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Thread Starter

Join Date: Mar 2014

Posts: 83

Today is my day 2.

I had knee replacement in June and for the first four weeks I never drank at all. Then after stopping the pain pills I started using alcohol more and more to mask the pain in my knees. This isn’t what started my drinking but I know this has been my reality my go to lately whenever I get tired of the chronic pain. Or maybe just my excuse!!

Im so afraid of killing innocent people due to my actions and black out episodes behind the wheel.

My husband drinks daily and i am home a lot by myself. I don’t socialize with anyone unless I’m at work. I isolate myself and have depression especially in the winter months.

I dont trust myself. I just dont trust myself.

11-01-2018, 09:04 AM

# 23 (permalink)

fini

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Join Date: May 2012

Location: canada

Posts: 7,242

way to go on day two, Hopeforme.
yeah, chronic pain sucks, and so does depression. drinking doesn't fix either of these, though it may feel that way at the time. in fact, it adds to depression and only masks pain but will leave you with more afterwards.
so it would make sense that in sobriety now you would go get other, real hep with the chronic pain and the depression.

the fear you are experiencing about drinking, driving, blackout, maiming, mangling or killing someone...justified. but don't get stuck there or you are in danger of trying to just find some work-arounds for that instead of tackling the bigger issue.

glad you're here.

11-01-2018, 10:45 AM

# 24 (permalink)

bluedog1997

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Join Date: Oct 2018

Posts: 53

I feel for you hope for me. I can’t seem to quit either. I wish you the best. Your struggles really resonate with me. Thank you for posting

11-01-2018, 11:47 AM

# 25 (permalink)

Guener

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Join Date: Oct 2018

Location: New Mexico

Posts: 1,339

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hopeforme2014

Today is my day 2.

My husband drinks daily and i am home a lot by myself. I don’t socialize with anyone unless I’m at work. I isolate myself and have depression especially in the winter months.

I dont trust myself. I just dont trust myself.

Try to avoid isolating yourself. I did that a lot, and the result for me was to give in to the drink in my head. Going to a meeting is a good way to avoid this and to reinforce your desire to quit, and so is an IOP. If you have seasonal depression, now is the time to consult with a doctor about it. Therapy may help you, with somebody trained to deal with substance abuse disorders. If you cannot trust yourself, being alone is not safe, either.

11-01-2018, 03:03 PM

# 26 (permalink)

Dee74

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Join Date: Apr 2007

Location: Australia

Posts: 211,445

Congrats on day 2 Hopeforme.

Have you thought about joining the new November support thread at all?

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-1-a.html