Thank you everyone for all the advice. I have read all of your replies and am very grateful to have people here who have given me solid advice and not sugar coat it.

I have quit before, more times than I can count. And each time I believed that AV that said I was entitled to have a drink when I wanted to. And I got this under control. And every time I end up in the same boat.

The black out driving and potentially killing someone is my worst nightmare and something I hope I never go thru but I know if I keep on doing this I will end up in a worse nightmare than ever imagined. And nothing I do will ever change that.

I am am a danger to others when I drink because I never know when these black outs will happen. I have zero control over it with the exception of not taking that first drink.

Im so sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.